I hate you... That’s what I keep on saying to my head, my heart, every single cell in my body and even my soul since you left me. However, I know that I still in love with you. No matter how hard I try to convince myself to hate you. This is also what I said when I see you again today, but you don’t answer me at all. I can see a tint of hurt, still you just smile and through your eyes, I know everything. No need words, that’s what you always say when we are together. I know you still love me and you come to the church on my wedding day to say goodbye. Somehow, I also know that you wouldn’t be back anymore. Our meeting today will be the last time we meet. You didn’t turn around when you leave me. I just looking at your back not bother to chase you, because I know, you don’t want me to, until you disappeared from my sight.

“Fany-ah.” Tiffany heard Taeyeon, her wife, called her. Tiffany knew she’s worried. She also knows about Tiffany and Jessica since she’s their friend at the beginning.

Tiffany turned around to see her and her friends looking at her worriedly.

“I’m okay.” Tiffany told all of them. I know that I’m not, not after seeing her for the last time and it’s on my wedding day. “I hate her. Don’t you guys remember? And I love Taeyeon now. I’ve moved on.”

“Do you really hate her? Stop lying to yourself, Fany-ah, because from what I see, you haven’t totally moved on.” Tiffany flinched on Yuri’s statement and she can see Yuri staring at her angrily.

“Yes, I do. You don’t have any right to be angry with me. She’s the one who left me 5 years ago, when I’m lying on the bed fighting my cancer.” Tiffany shouted.

Taeyeon walked beside Tiffany and rub her back, trying to calm her down. “All of you were there and saw what she’s done.”

Tiffany walked to the sofa and sat down. She tried her best not to break in front of her wife and friends, Jessica still is a sensitive topic. They decided not to talk about it since Jessica left Tiffany.

“We know that, unnie.” Seohyun said.

“Stop talking about that.” Taeyeon warned them, Tiffany can sense that Taeyeon’s trying to protect her. She is afraid that Tiffany might get hurt if Tiffany remembers about that.

“I guess we should go home. Taeyeon, please take care of Tiffany okay.” Sunny said, waving the other girls to follow her.

“Let me walk all of you to the door.” Taeyeon offered. They just nodded. Tiffany saw them waved goodbye to her and the latter waved back. Then, they left her alone. She leaned on the sofa and closed her eyes. Her brown orbs and her smile appeared in Tiffany’s head, and Tiffany smiled along. But then, it changed to the day when she left, and Tiffany felt her heart was stabbed like it did at that time. She flinched, it still hurts very much, even until now.

***

“Tell her Tae, she needs to know.” Sunny squeezed Taeyeon’s hand, the others nodded in agreement.

“I will. But can’t all of you see her condition.” Taeyeon whispered, afraid that Tiffany might hear.

“We know. But still, Jessica is our friend too. We should not let Tiffany hates her like that, not after what Jessica has done for her.” Yuri said sadly.

Sadness was seen in everyone’s face. “I just don’t know whether she can accept the truth or not. The hatred makes her stand strong and you must also remember it’s also one of the things that keep her alive. If she knows that she’s alive because of what Sica had done, she’ll kill herself.”

“Unnie...” Seohyun, the maknae of the gang started to feel worried.

“Taeng, just tell her. If she tried to do something stupid, we’ll try to stop her.” SooYoung said.

“Why everything should be this complicated?” Taeng mumbled.

“It got complicated since Sica decided to let herself die, instead of seeing Tiffany’s dying.” Yuri said.

“And we did nothing to stop her.” YoonA said almost inaudible.

“Basically there’s only one choice, Sica or Fany.” Sunny said. “And we can’t have both.”

All of them stayed in silence, before they decided to leave. All of them know what Sunny said is true. Ever since Tiffany was diagnosed with brain cancer, they knew they’ll lose one of their friends and they also know, Jessica who is Tiffany’s girlfriend who loves her more than her own life will try to find a solution to save her. And she found it but in exchange of her life.

Finally, they decided to leave. They walked their own path. Taeyeon looked at her friends walking away and she closed the door. She walked into the living room and saw Tiffany fell asleep. “Our lives change when you made that craziest decision, Sica-yah.” Taeyeon mumbled.

***

Tiffany lying on the bed, sweats were forming on her forehead. She’s dreaming right now.

Tiffany’s dream

She was in the garden full of flower. That‘s the most beautiful scenery that she has ever seen.

“Tiffany.” Tiffany heard someone calling her. It’s the voice from that person that she longed to hear which she would never forget. She turned around to look for that person, but she’s not in sight.

“Jessi. Where are you?” Tiffany shouted.

“Inside your heart.” Tiffany heard the voice, Jessi’s voice, though it’s just merely a whisper but she heard it. The melodious voice that Jessica has will never miss from her ears.

“Do you still hate me?” Jessica asked. Tiffany flinched from the question.

“You do. But you also still love me.” Jessica giggles.

This time Jessica appeared in front of her eyes. She smiled beautifully. Tiffany was mesmerized by her.

“Let’s sit.” Jessica said to the dumbfounded Tiffany.

“Ah~ why am I doing all the talking? Where’s the hyper and talkative Tiffany that I know?” Jessica said cheerfully.

“Can we meet again?” Tiffany asked out of the blue.

“Huh.” Though Jessica sounded confused, but her expression turned serious.

“I mean, will I see you again after today.” Tiffany desperately asked. She just realized how she missed this blonde.

“Tiffany. I want to ask a favour from you.” Jessica seriously said and somehow this scared Tiffany.

Tiffany nodded but her heart got a bad feeling about the thing that Jessica wanted to say.

“Please let me go.” Jessica said with a calm expression.

“I’m letting you go, when I decided to get married with tae-tae.” Tiffany said, though her heart felt a tug.

“Fany. You’re not really letting me go. Please move on. Just keep me as your memory. And please don’t hate me anymore.” Jessica sadly said.

“How could you ask me not to hate you after you hurt me that bad?” Tiffany cried.

“You brought other women in front of me, acted like you love her and told me that you didn’t love me because I barely could get up from my bed. Then you decided to break up and the day after you didn’t appear once until today. What actually do you want?” Tiffany shouted with tears streaming down her cheeks.

“Just your forgiveness. Fany-ah. Nothing more.” Jessica said.

Tiffany could see sadness in Jessica’s eyes but still they showed the love that Tiffany used to see.

“I don’t know, Jessi. I don’t know whether I could forgive you or not, despite I still love you.” Tiffany said.

“I must go now, Fany-ah. But please forgive me.” Just like that Jessica disappeared from Tiffany again.

Tiffany woke up from her dream. She’s heaving heavily. Taeyeon who felt that Tiffany had woken up got into the room to check on her.

“Tiffany, are you okay?” Taeyeon asked in a worried tone.

“I’m okay. It’s just I’m having a nightmare.” Tiffany decided to lie to her wife. She is afraid that Taeyeon might get jealous.

“Are you sure?” Taeyeon said as she wiped the sweats on Tiffany’s forehead.

Tiffany nodded. “Then take a bath. After that come out and have the dinner.”

Taeyeon stood up and walked out of the door, but she stopped when she heard Tiffany’s voice.

“Okay. By the way, is it you that carry me here?” Tiffany asked.

“Of course. Do you think you are sleepwalking and land on the bed?” Taeyeon laughed with her ahjumma style. She found what Tiffany’s said is quite funny.

Tiffany laughed and smiled along. This is why I choose Taeyeon as my wife. She could make me laugh heartily despite of what’s happening around us.

“I just don’t know, that you’re that strong.” Tiffany said still smiling.

“Yah!! Though I’m small, don’t look down on me.” Taeyeon pulled her sleeves up and showed her muscles.

Tiffany laughed again with her eye-smiles which made Taeyeon laughed along with her.

“Okay. I guess it’s enough with the silliness. Go and take a bath.” Taeyeon ordered.

“Fine, umma.” Tiffany teased.

“Yah, I heard that.” Taeyeon shouted from outside the room.

***

“Gosh. You surprised me, Sica-yah.” Yuri jumped out of shocked when she the light, there she was, her best friend.

YoonA who’s behind Yuri also surprised seeing, her unnie and her best friend, is in their apartment.

“YoonYul, please help Fany to forgive me.” Jessica desperately said.

“We are trying our best, but still it depends on Fany herself.” Yuri said.

YoonA and Yuri walked into their apartment. They took a seat on the sofa opposite Jessica.

“Why you must choose this way?” Yuri sadly asked Jessica. “Sometimes, I really don’t understand your way of thinking. See you choose this way and now you’re trapped here.”

“You’ll do it, if YoonA have the same condition as Tiffany. It’s not because I’m suffering that I asked you to help me to ask Fany to forgive me. But it’s for her own. In order for her to be happy, she should let go of me.” Jessica explained.

“I should go now.” Jessica suddenly said.

“Where unnie?” YoonA asked curiously.

“Somewhere.” Jessica said gloomily. Then, she went away.

“We should really help Jessica unnie.” YoonA said with sad semblance. Yuri nodded in reply.

***

Ding~ Dong~

“Wait a minute.” A particular short girl ran towards the door and opened it.

Surprised was written in her face. “Why do both of you come here this early?”

“We just need to talk to Fany, Taeng.” Yuri said short.

Taeyeon knew what they wanted, but she’s afraid that Tiffany is the one who’s not ready.

“Please, unnie.” YoonA said this time.

“But...” Taeyeon was totally in doubt. She really didn’t know what’s the best anymore? She wanted to tell Tiffany the truth, but she is afraid that Tiffany might hate herself and hurt herself after she knows the truth.

“Please.” Yuri begged. “She came yesterday to our apartment and she looked paler than usual.”

“I want the others’ opinion too. I don’t want to make a wrong choice. I’ll go change and we’ll discuss this with them.” Taeyeon replied them.

“Okay. I’ll call them.” Yuri said as she signed Taeyeon to be quick. The latter just nooded.

Yuri looked at YoonA and sighed. “Hope that everything is going to be okay.”

YoonA just nodded and squeezed Yuri hand. Yuri smiled slightly.

“Let’s call the others.” Yuri said as she picked up her phone and dialled the rest of their members.

***

All of them were sitting on the cafe. Their faces were serious.

“Sica came to us, yesterday.” Yuri started to conversation. Their expression changed upon hearing the news.

“What did Sica unnie say?” Seohyun asked worriedly.

“Sica unnie asked us to help her to ask for Fany unnie’s forgiveness.” YoonA answered worriedly.

“How could we help her with that? It depends on Fany.” Hyoyeon sighed. “Not to mention Fany is very stubborn, it’s like the most impossible job to do.”

“How hard it is, we still need to help Sica. She’s one of our friends too.” Sunny said while stirring her drink.

“I can’t agree more, unnie. I feel that something isn’t right when I saw Sica unnie yesterday.” YoonA voiced out what her heart was telling her.

“What do you mean by that?” SooYoung asked in concern, worrying of Jessica as well.

“She looks paler than usual. I don’t understand why but clearly it isn’t a good sign.” YoonA said Jessica’s condition that she and Yuri saw the night before.

“I wonder what happened to her...” Sunny whispered.

“For sure, we need to tell Fany soon.” Yuri said as she looked at Taeyeon. Yuri was the one in the biggest concern, since she was the best of friend with Jessica. No secret between her and Jessica and that included Jessica’s deal with the devil to give her life in change of Tiffany’s. Yuri was furious at first but she also couldn’t stop her best friend. Now, she just wanted the best for her best friend by means saving her from being trapped in this world. As long as Tiffany didn’t let go of Jessica, she would continue to be trapped in this world and couldn’t move on. “I don’t want to see her trapped here, not being able to move on.” Yuri continued.

Others just nodded, bothered with that thought as well. They wanted to tell Tiffany so badly of Jessica’s decision that day. All of them tried to stop Jessica from doing so but no one can.

“We’ll accompany you back, Taeng.” Sunny said, starting the conversation again after a few minutes of silence.

“Yes, unnie. If Tiffany unnie tried to do something like harming herself, all of us are around to stop her.” Seohyun, the maknae said. Taeyeon contemplated a lot for this. She would always worry of Tiffany. It’s hard to make Tiffany to the way she was right now, when she was slowly getting better from her brain cancer back then. Although Tiffany wasn’t fully recovered from her emotional pain that Jessica had caused but at least Tiffany was a lot better now, comparing to the wreck that she saw when Jessica broke up with her. She was really scared that if Tiffany knew about this, the latter would go back to that state – the state that she didn’t want to see Tiffany in once more.

“I know you are worried of her going back to that state, but letting Jessica suffer after what she had done to save Tiffany’s life isn’t right as well. She had all the blames, the pain from Tiffany’s hatred, the sadness in seeing her girlfriend hating her so much until now. At least, telling Tiffany the truth, would give a little bit of justice for what Jessica’s had done for her, although part of it is also Jessica’s fault.” SooYoung continued while stirring the juice that she wasn’t even bothered to drink.

They once again looked at each other, deep inside being concern of everything and then the memories of nine of them chatting happily came to each of their mind. They really missed that situation.

“Okay... let’s go and tell her that and end everything.” Taeyeon said in a bit of distress after she had made her decision.

***

After reaching her house with Tiffany, Taeyeon felt scared, nervous, and worried of what she was going to happen. She just hoped that Tiffany could listen to the whole story calmly. She unlocked the door, and she could feel herself trembling although she got her sisters along with her.

“Fany-ah, we need to talk.” Yuri bravely said, confusing Tiffany who was dusting off the furniture at the moment.

“Okay...” Tiffany said softly, somehow getting a glimpse that what Yuri was going to say was really serious and she could see it from all of their face including her wife’s.

Tiffany walked towards the couch and sat down. She looked at each of them as they took their seat as well. Then Yuri started to explain the entire things that happen. Starting from Jessica making a deal with the devil to save Tiffany’s life in exchange of hers and that Jessica was putting all the acts in front of her with that fake new girlfriend when she was sick in the hospital, breaking up with her just so that she would hate Jessica for doing so since if Tiffany knew the truth, Tiffany wouldn’t let Jessica to do that. Now, Jessica was just a soul wandering around with no place to go, since she was trapped in the world for not being able to move on, because Jessica was still worried of Tiffany and because Tiffany hadn’t forgiven her until now.

Tiffany who was listening didn’t know how to react. She felt devastated, horrible for everything that she had done to Jessica. Not to mention she was scolding Jessica for lots of times on how she was hating Jessica. How come she never seen this coming? She was supposed to know and be suspicious when none of her sisters being upset of Jessica for what she had done to her. They just looked sad and sorry all the time. They always tried to calm her down despite of what Jessica had done. They kept on asking her to forgive the latter. How come she was that stupid and idiot? Without she realized, her tears started to trickle down her cheeks and she could stop it at all. She was sobbing hard. Now, she couldn’t see Jessica any longer and the last thing she told her was she hated her. She was such a horrible person.

Seeing Tiffany like this, they came and hugged her tightly, understanding what she was feeling. It was hard for them too, seeing what Jessica had done in front of them. Jessica was sort of doing suicide while they were just standing there watching as they couldn’t do anything.

“Fany-ah.... you really should stop crying. You know how much I hate to see you cry.” Jessica’s melodious voice could be heard inside of the room as she stood before them looking at each of her friend with a soft smile.

“Jessi....” Tiffany let out a soft whisper as she kept on looking at Jessica, still knowing very clearly that deep down inside, she still loved the latter.

“I’ve got to go really soon and Tiffany... thanks for forgiving me.” Jessica said, trying not to let out any tears as she didn’t want to make things even worse. Jessica knew that without asking or hearing it from Tiffany. She could feel it and see it in her love's eyes.

“What will happen to you?” Tiffany asked as the others started to cry as well, seeing that this would be the last time they saw their best friend.

“I honestly don’t know. For sure, my soul can’t stay any longer here and I just wanted to know that you’ve forgiven me and let me go before I truly disappear from this world.” Jessica said as she took steps closer to them. “I think I’ll be together with the nature.” She whispered softly, didn’t know how to cheer them up.

“For sure, we’ll come to visit you often.” Yuri said as she kept on wiping her cheeks that were stained with her tears.

“I’ll know when you guys come to visit and you guys will know that I’m there. But the most important is.... I’m always in your heart.” Jessica said as her tears also trickled down her cheeks.

All of them rushed to hugs Jessica for one last time with Tiffany be the one in Jessica’s embrace. She wanted to remember Jessica’s scent and warmth for the last time. She desperately hugged Jessica really didn’t want her to go while sobbing as hard as she could. “I’ll always love you, Fany-ah.... now... you should continue your life and be happy with Taeng. I’ll wait for you on the other side and don’t do anything stupid and live your life okay?” Jessica softly said and Tiffany simply nodded as the answer since she barely could say anything.

“For sure... I won’t forget the things that had happened. And you guys are the best sisters that I have ever had.” Jessica continued to say as she knew her time was getting shorter and shorter as she slowly disappeared from them.

“If you guys didn’t live your life happily, I wouldn’t forgive any of you.” Jessica said a bit louder this time as she was almost completely disappear but she gave them a sincere happy smile since she wanted her friends, her sisters to know that she was happy till the last moment.

***

Years had passed. They always went to Jessica’s cemetery every weekend. People might not believe that but they could feel her presence always everytime they did so. It was like Jessica was sitting among them and listening to their stories although they believed that Jessica must have known about that since they could feel her around them even in their daily lives. It was like Jessica was watching and protecting them.

Tiffany continued her life, in a better way. She did a lot of charity work, since Jessica always volunteers whenever she had the chance to, so Tiffany was sort of continuing what Jessica had done. She would continue to love Jessica. For now, she would try to love Taeyeon like how she loves Jessica. Meanwhile, Taeyeon still be a good wife for Tiffany and they even thought of adopting kids. Taeyeon was also getting better at her business and life couldn’t be better for her and Tiffany.

SooYoung and Hyoyeon are getting married although days didn’t pass without the both of them quarrelling.

Meanwhile for Sunny, Seohyun, Yuri and YoonA, their daily life was just as good as the others. Yuri and YoonA couldn’t be more lovely than every while Seohyun continued with her further studies and Sunny watched them and usually be their listening ears despite of her busy schedule of her company that she inherited from her father.

All of them might have continued with their lives but they had never forgotten of their best friend, Jessica, not even once. As like what she had said, she was always around them, deep inside of their heart.