‘Sail, sail, sail…Gotta go, go~’

Yixing was on a journey and so was she.

You would see this through till the end; he had told himself when he had begun. He wanted to prove to all the skeptics around him who were desperately trying to convince him that it didn’t exist. He was a realist but unusually held an aversion towards pessimism. People called him weird. In a mundane world, he was rather mystical; rare.

This is the last ride and then no more; she had told herself when she had begun. She had lost every bit of faith on this, much to the concern of the others around her. She was sure that this one last attempt would determine how her future was going to be. This was the last straw and she was going to take it as serious as possible and then, no more.

They were looking for a treasure deemed to be inexistent. There have been many people who had claimed that they had indeed found it and displayed it with immense pride and glamour. The glamour though, had always been a flaw and soon the lie had fallen apart. These examples were always remembered and considered as grounds to believe that the treasure was nothing but a ruse, a tale, a poor man’s dream.

He wasn’t ready to be swayed by the grand showcasing and chose to go about and find it in his own way. He had a theory that he was sure of for a fact. He was sure that people had discovered the treasure but those weren’t the people who displayed it for the world to see. He firmly believed that those people kept it to themselves rather than put it out in the public for display. He believed that they would rather cherish it personally. So he was positive that he would find it because he had always held the trust.

She was rather desperate and one step away from giving up. Her story was one for experience, a tale filled with failed attempts, or rather missed attempts. She had always trusted people would lead her to it, people whose trust she had worked hard to gain. Fate had it that they always found the treasure on their own, leaving her behind but thanking her for her help. They cannot share the treasure as well, unless they find it together. That was the curse of it, something that haunted her.

So when they crossed paths during their journey, he was excited while she was on guard. He offered for them to travel together towards a common goal, just helping them along the way and find a way where both of them would get the treasure or so he had claimed. Ever single experience she had till then was screaming at her while contemplating about her reply to him. He would end up finding it and she would be left alone; she declared it to herself as a fact. She had already decided that if a situation like this was going to happen, then she would say no. She was going to say no. She should say no.

She was unable to eventually. His raw charm and personality had caught onto her senses and refused to let go. Before she could realize, they were journeying together. She wasn’t necessarily glad about it.

He was, on the other hand, ecstatic, way too sure of the success that was not far away from their reach. She could see his spirit and the passion he had for the hunt. It amused her or rather she had a twisted sense of admiration for him. In a greedy world, he was too pure to exist. It amazed her how he continues to survive without much pain hurting him.

So she takes a step back and lets him lead them both. They travelled to many places, disregarding a proper map and deciding to trust their instincts. She went along with him, despite having nothing much to do and she didn’t understand why she was doing what she was doing. In the short time together, she had taken a liking to him. His actions so sincere and transparent, spoke to her in volumes. That is why; she didn’t have the heart to leave him. When the disappointment would strike, something that wasn’t far away either at the speed he was moving, she wanted to be there to help him through it. She was not cruel enough to let him be alone in this ruthless journey.

The disappointment came quicker than anticipated, a merciless dead end after three months of exploring. She wasn’t ready to face or deal with his disappointed self and wondered what she would say or do to get him back on track. She should be somewhat of an expert in this partnership but something about him, made it difficult for her to take the upper hand. Surprising her though, he had sprung back on his feet with the same undeterred spirit with which he seems to run at all times. A ray of positivity, she thought, was the way to describe him. He was assuring her that everything would be okay, something she thought she would be saying to him. When he told her that they’ll take their time before the next try, she saw right through him. His voice clearly showed that he wasn’t as strong as he showcased himself to be.

They met their next dead end four months later. She had warned him this time around, not wanting a repeat of the previous failure. She had told him to wait it out until he was sure. His eager heart had got the best of him, assuring himself and her that this was it and that he was going to pursue it. Finding him drunk and disappointed next to her wasn’t the result she had hoped for. The positivity he radiated everyday almost got her back on her feet, trusting that this treasure was real and not worth giving up on. Then she sees him about to pass out after downing the last bottle of whiskey and pulls him right on time to lean him on her shoulder and wonders as he gingerly lands there. Was any of this worth the pain after such elaborate efforts?

He had told her to try now, after clearly being hurt from his previous expedition, citing that he had not been giving her enough chances and rather keeping her in the shadows. He was surprised though, to see her hesitate, to see her struggle to find solid ground before getting her brain to work. He didn’t expect her to think twice and he had always assumed that she would take this head on, without fear of a possible disappointment. He knows her now, after all this time, he understands her spirit better than many people. So, when he sees that flame flicker before actually starting made him worry about her. It was clearly visible to him, through her guise. While he was doing this to prove to others, there she was trying hard to make it somehow so she could prove it to herself that it was all worth it. She wanted to prove it to herself that she was not grasping onto thin air but something absolute.

Her steps were calculated. Her approach was defensive. Her analysis was thorough and only when she was satisfied with her options, she made the first move. It fascinated him, showed him clearly how much experience she had and how they were all not really successful for her to be this calculative over the first step towards it. A slight wave of sadness hits him, thinking about the people who had failed her and how she had still agreed to do this with him, help him through this. He almost wishes that he had been around to protect her from those who failed her and then decides that he would be there, here after.

Better late than never, he decides and works on helping her, backing up her efforts a 100%. He pushes her gently towards a point where she would be reminded of the actual magic that surrounded the treasure and how it was all worth it. Soon he noticed that it was working as well. She was noticeably brighter, as she moves forward with force, taking this for its good and basking in the success of the efforts. He sees her happy and he decides it is time to let her be. If she was going towards the treasure, he was going to let her take it all for herself. For a change, he wanted her to be the winner and he would be the person who helped her. To see her moving forward towards that, he was relieved. He decides to not pull her around everywhere but rather keep in touch if at all he needed her and started on an alternate path to realize his own aim. They were going good.

She was engrossed in her own efforts, rushing towards the treasure and she doesn’t notice the distance gradually building itself in between them. She sees his efforts to get her spirit up and decides that she owes it to him and to herself that she continues to try, discarding the fear and anxiety that had formed itself as a wall between her true intentions and her doubts. She notices that he has begun trying again, simultaneously if not together and she is glad that he hasn’t given up either. They were going to make it, now she trusted this, a positive feeling embracing her.

They were moving forward towards the treasure, despite the storm and the obstacles trying to stop them.

Things were going really well.

Or it rather did.

He found himself drinking away his sorrows after a third failure, something he took proper effort to pursue with all the experience he had gathered. He was sure this was it, waited long, pursued it carefully and had almost confirmed it that this was it. It hit him like a thunderstorm, to have found that this treasure was a fake and he had come apart in seconds. It was a mirage that had fooled his hunger for the quest and now he found himself feeling like a fool.

In his drunken state, he suddenly thinks about her and her absence from that moment. She hadn’t been in touch with him for a while and all the times she was there for him when he broke apart came rushing to him. The conversations had reduced and he wasn’t aware of what was really happening with her at the moment. He knew for a fact that she was no longer an anxious mess but a proper hunter pursuing the treasure. There is no real reason for her to have no found it yet and when he was trying to look for one, a thought took over him.

What if she already did?

He gives her a week, after much consideration. After all that they went through, he feels like he owes it to her, a benefit of doubt. It was mostly due to the trust he had developed and he firmly believed that their relationship was over the point of deceiving each other. If she did find it, she would definitely share the clues with him. She would help him get there and he was sure of it.

Or so he thought.

He finds himself sprinting towards her, heart rate on a whole new high, rage b within. He is drunk again, no one can blame him too he thinks. He is still not over the failure and he declares to himself that he needs it. It was also why he was running now, because he needs answers. He couldn’t stop thinking about her all the while and soon his thoughts fueled the rage within. He was angry, beyond compare and he wasn’t sure that he was capable of this until right then. Memories flood him all at once again and his heart aches further.

He wants to condemn himself for trusting people so blindly, despite being hurt over and over again. He wants to punish himself for being naïve enough to put others over his own self without any expectations, without considering a possibility where they could stab him in the back. He wants to go and hide somewhere and never come out because he had failed so bad that he wasn’t sure he could trust anything or anyone, anymore. All those people were right and he was wrong. That treasure doesn’t exist and no one would find it.

However she had found it. There was no other reason for her to hide from him, he thinks. She had been closer than him; he knew that for a fact. She had been having better progress, his head keeps reiterating the facts and it was hurting him more. It was wrecking him, his knees threatening to give up in the midst of running. The sorrow was over powering the effect of alcohol and he was spiraling down into deeper doubt and simultaneous disagreement towards it. It wasn’t until all of a sudden did his head decide to think otherwise, a way that agreed with his heart.

 

Images from when they first formed the alliance forms with clarity that scares him. The way she had smiled, they way she had been anxious, the way she had easily become a trusty alliance, the way she was looking after him as he finalizes the plan, how she wishes him well when he tries to pursue one plan, the way she smiled at his success, the way she stayed by and lent her shoulder when he fell. She was more than just a companion to him and he knew that she considered him more as well. So betrayal was not the right way to be thinking right now, his heart screams, unusually clear even in his drunken stupor. Nothing would stop her from helping him if she had succeeded.

Unless…

His legs pick up speed as realization hits him hard. He had been too blind, hurting over his loss that he had totally not considered otherwise. All he could feel was the buzzing in his head, a faint echo repeating the same three words that he hoped would be her reality.

Please be okay!

When he does make it, he doesn’t knock. He pulls the key out from its hiding place, out of pure habit and throws the door open. He expected something bad but he is welcomed with something worse. His eyes adjust to the darkness engulfing the entire place as he moves towards, trying to be cautious all the while, not wanting to startle her. However, he is the one who is startled.

‘He is such a cheat!’ she mumbles over her tears; voice barely a whisper, not startled by his presence. He was still not sure how to react to the situation in front of him.

Curled up into herself on her side, she lay on the bed crying hard by the second. She seemed defeated, completely discarded and it ached to see her that way. The lights were still off but the moonlight that escaped through the cracks of the closed windows was helping enough. He didn’t need more clarity for this situation. He’d rather be in the dark than to see her broken.

‘I caught him the act, guilty and dirty as he really is. He was kissing another girl right before our date. Our date, Yixing! He was sending her off before I could show up. He was keeping his options open apparently. Great, isn’t it? Here I thought that I was his girlfriend but to him I was just an option. I am just another option...how wonderful?’

His vision blurs as tears starts to pool at the brim of his eyes. Maybe because he went through something similar to this recently or maybe it was so hard to see her like this, his heart was aching and he felt helpless at the moment. He wanted to make it stop. He wanted her to be okay.

‘It doesn’t exist.’ She chokes out. ‘There is no way that it exists. It’s all a blatant lie. All of them are liars! All this time I was blind to the obvious. There was a reason why people kept telling that it wasn’t true and this is it. It doesn’t exist… I know now. It doesn’t exist!’

So it is not real?

His brain was failing him, thoughts random and incomplete as he leans onto the dresser behind him for support. It took him a moment to realize what he was looking for. He was trying to find those moments when he was genuinely happy. It was during those moments that he actually believed true love to exist. It was the purest form of emotion he had felt and he knows that he felt that a lot during this journey that they embarked together. His brain suffers but finally provides him what he was looking for and his eyes go wide when he does find out what they were.

He sees her, them, together in every single one of those moments. He was recalling how they would case the cafeteria for people that they could potentially date but end up talking about random stuff that only the two of them found interesting. The times they would go shopping and help each other pick out a new style, something that would impress their dates and eventually pick out a style that she loved on him and vice versa. The times they would meet out for a midnight snack after one of his dates, popsicles in their hands, as she would listen to him rant how amazing the girl was and how great a time he had with a smile that would never fade. Every time he would challenge her to a drinking game and how he would spiral down due to his low tolerance and she would do a victory dance in the cutest way possible. The times she would come over and make him dinner because he had his finals and how he would order take out if he would go over there and help each other study. That one time when she planned this elaborate surprise for his birthday and invited his parents over at her own expense because he couldn’t go visit them due to his extra shifts at his part time job and how he had cried like a baby in her arms when thanking her, it all came back to him.

He realized slowly that in the time that he had known her, there was no one else invested on him with such sincerity as her and he couldn’t think of anyone else as well. He realizes how he was blind to this till now; the amount of debt he had to repay for her unconditional kindness and love for him and all he did was just stay there and ask her help over and over again. Every bit of happy memory he had was with her, his good friend.

His good friend…

His good girl friend…

His girl friend…

His girl…

The clues fell into position in a second and his vision was clear. The answer had always been in front of him. Only he was too ignorant to see it. Now he sees it but the important question now was this.

Does she see it too?

Maybe he should her.

‘You don’t see it, do you?’ he asks slowly as he slips out of his shoes.

‘See what?’ she asks lifelessly, eyes still closed shut.

‘The truth of the situation here…’ he drags as he climbs onto the bed next to her.

The shift in the bed gets her startled as her eyes open almost immediately to only be facing him unbelievably close to her. He is there, looking at her with glassy eyes, curling into himself just like her, so they could meet at the same level. She could feel the shiver down her spine. Maybe because she was vulnerable or maybe she wasn’t expecting this, her heart was pounding against her chest with such intensity that she wasn’t breathing easy.

‘W-what is it?’ she stutters as she feels his warm breath on her skin.

‘True love exists…’ he coos, a tone that makes her go crazy on the inside. ‘…And I am looking at right now, through your eyes.’

Words fail her as she tries to make sense of what he had just said as her pounding only grows louder.  She soon smells the liquor and her heart slumps, realizing how this couldn’t really be all that true.

‘You’re drunk, Yixing.’ She sniffles as she allows that to settle. ‘Please don’t let words that you don’t mean slip out of your mouth.’

‘No…’ he argues almost immediately. ‘I am perfectly clear about this. That is why I want to show you. It is right there. It is right there inside you.’

She blinks clueless, not really sure how to react. She was supposed to understand something but some part of her was refusing to, like she was scared to accept it. He doesn’t break eye contact with her as he continues.

‘You don’t know it yet but you are in love with me. There is no other reason why you did and still do all the things for me. You were there for me from the get go, even now, listening to me with utmost concentration. No one would do that for me. I was stupid too; so stupid that I didn’t realize that I was in love with you too. Every time, something happy happened, I thought of you. Every time something sad happened, I thought of you. I was waiting for the moment that I would get to share it with you. Even now, when another girl broke it off with me, saying that ‘I am not her type’ after eating off of me for six months, all I did was think about you. We were both blind that we kept searching for something that we already had. It had to take three dumb girls and one cheating boyfriend for the two of us to see this.’ He laughs at the last sentence and looks at her with hopeful eyes, wondering if he made his point across to her.

And right then she stops fighting. She had always liked him, since the first moment they met. The only reason that she agreed to help him find his true love was because she could spend time with him. His smile and that cute dimple that forms every time he does had caught onto her and never let her go. She didn’t mind being the friend in the equation, she was simply glad that he liked her enough to hang out with her. She was thankful, for every minute that he would spend with her because she firmly believed that no guy like him would ever even look at someone like her. Then again, it was him. He was always special. That is why she always did the things she did for him. She loved him so much that she wanted him to happy; even if it meant that he would never be hers. To see him lie next to her now and hear him all the things that he did say, she wasn’t sure if she was dreaming or not.

‘Why are you not saying anything?’ he asks as he fights the tears that threaten to fall. ‘I feel like I am losing a battle here and I don’t want to lose you.’

She tries to contain her smile; he was always dramatic when he is drunk. That leads her to think, what if he was just coping? What if he was simply trying to fill the void he’s feeling with the closest viable option that is she? Darkness looms again as all the possibilities follow and she croaks out a question.

‘Why is it me?’ she asks, barely a whisper, praying for an answer that would convince her to let her defenses fall soon.

He smiles, his dimple showing up on cue as he whispers slowly in reply. ‘Because it has always been you.’

There is something in the way he says those words, her insides twist in satisfaction and she feels the happiness that she felt that she had lost a long time ago had returned to her. She wasn’t sure if he would forget all of this in the morning when he was sober but she was sure that she would remember it and she was not going to let this moment go away.

‘Kiss me…’ she says, eyes closed as if she was praying that he wouldn’t disappear somehow.

He doesn’t and she collapses on the inside when his plump lips finally meet hers without a second’s hesitation. It was warm and desperate at the same time, his lips moving slowly over hers as he melts into the kiss, pulling her closer by the second. She follows his pull and falls deeper, ignoring her tears that were not stopping for some reason. She declared it to be happiness because there was nothing else left to conclude about the feeling that was rapidly growing inside of her. It was happening, a moment she thought she would only dream of and she would remember it forever, and even if this was the only time this was going to happen.

Yixing was on a journey and so was she.

They were out to find true love, something people thought existed only in movies as they were tales crafted by people who always wanted to acquire it in real life. They wanted to prove the others wrong and they wanted to prove it to themselves too. They faced too many failures, their hearts broken one too many times but all through that they had each other. She never left and he had held on to her even when he didn’t realize it. They were now there, the treasure was always between them and they found it together. She was still worried, if it would vanish, if he would vanish. It happened too fast for her to actually believe its existence. However when she wakes up that morning and finds herself, safely tucked away in his hold as he lies there looking down to face her, eyes wide in fascination, lips parted in exhaustion but the grip on her still tight from last night, she knew now for sure.

The treasure was real after all… and it was going last a lifetime.