They slept closer than usual that night. Near at the morning, in hope that he wouldn’t have to let Joonmyeon go, Kris turned to face joonmyeon. Dragged him closer to his chest, letting Joonmyeon curled up inside his arm.

Kris was halfway finishing his dinner when he realized that Tao hadn’t move a spoon at all. “Do you have something to tell me?” he asked.

Tao shook his head. “Then why you don’t eat your food?”

“I.. can I use chopstick?”

Kris had unconsciously removed all the chopsticks from the house. Telling and got Tao used to forks and spoon instead. He had one set that he couldn’t remove, though. Buried inside the back of the kitchen cabinet.

“You can’t eat soup with chopsticks, Tao.”

“I’ll use it to eat the rice.”

“You can eat the rice with the spoon.”

“I want chopsticks.”

Kris sighed and put his spoon. He went to Tao, kneeling to reach the same height. He put his hand on Tao’s knee.

“What happened?”

Tao looked at the ground. refused to meet his father's eyes. Kris gathered his son into his arm, hand caressing his hair slowly. He knew exactly why this happened.

he pursed his lips into a thin line. as if on cue, his son started to sob.

“Mamaa.. spooooooon..." tao whined cutely, trying to win his mother's heart.

Joonmyeon didnt even blink. kris sighed and decided to step in. they've been doing this for half an hour and.. how could joonmyeon resist that cute pout?

"let him use the spoon, Joonmyeon."

"no." he said stubbornly. hand busy placing his son's finger over the chopstick. "he uses spoon and forks all of his life. he needs to learn how to use chopstick. especially right now when we are in your hometown where people used chopsticks."

kris didnt say anything after. he knew Joonmyeon did this all the time at home. blame Joonmyeon and his obsession over persevering cultures.

he watched his small family wrestling adorably upon a set of chopsticks. somehow this view warmed his heart. he didnt mind watching this all day instead sitting behind te table and examining patients.

"Tao, stop. baby youre going to get hurt.." Joonmyeon screeched as Tao did his final act with a mocking grin; inserting the chopsticks into his nose.

tao leeched to kris inside the blanket. clinging to him desperately. he can only pulled him closer and patting his back.

"Those guys at school.." Tao began between sobs, almost inaudibly. "They told me mama left because he hated me, because i always disobey what mama said."

Hence, the chopstick at dinner. Kris thought.

"Mama never hates you, baby. Not even once. Even when you disobey what he said he always love you."

"Then why did he leave us? Why did he leave me? Did he left because he hates you Papa?"

Did he hate me? Kris thought for awhile. Sometimes it invaded his mind whether Joonmyeon used to hate him or not even for awhile back then. He was never a warm husband, selfishly working all day long even on weekends and holidays to avoid his family. While joonmyeon was a complete opposite, he was loving, a personification of sunshine in the morning. Joonmyeon was made of patience, but after five years, was there a time when he couldn't do it anymore and loathed Kris even only inside his head?

He only settled with whispering "i love your Mama with all my life, Tao."

A week of their summerhouse holiday had passed and a promise had made its way from Kris's lips.

"When we comeback home, we wont return to our old lives." He whispered in between kisses showered to Joonmyeon's hair on their bed at night, Joonmyeon's back was pressed to his chest and Tao slept contently in Joonmyeon's arms. Kris was grateful for his long limbs that he could fit both of them in his embrace.

"When we return home, i'll be a proper husband i never was." He inhaled Joonmyeon's scent. This holiday brought him a realization that Joonmyeon smelled just like him, joonmyeon thought like him, joonmyeon completed him. Maybe, just maybe, they had been one all this time, only for Kris to defy it.

"I'll tell you I love you everyday." And this is a right time for him to embrace that truth.

"I love you so much Joonmyeon. You are my life."

If only Joonmyeon was awake to hear him, then it will be perfect.

If only.

The crash outside his house made him jumped out of his bed, Tao safe inside his arm. Tao whimpered but didnt wake up. He went to the window and peeked out. A part of his fence was crushed. A mover's truck that undoubtedly created the chaos was parked near it.

He was debating whether to leave his son or brought him outside when the bell rung. He tucked tao on his bed and reached for the front door.

He was greeted with a man with dimpled shy smile.

The smile was.. warming.

"Hi im sorry but the movers truck that supposed to move my stuff didnt do his work perfectly and took your fence as a victim..."

The next morning had Kris woke up disgruntedly. The house's antique phone was ringing mercilessly. Afraid of waking his family up, he immediately ran for then phone.

"Hello?" He grunted.

"Kris, its me Chanyeol." Of course it was him. Who else knew where to reach him. "Look, i'm sorry man but there had been an emergency..."

Kris half tuned out what Chanyeol said next. Joonmyeon had woken up and looked at Kris from the door with his lips pouted, already knew what the call was about.

When the call was ended, Kris offered his hand. There was a brief surprise in Joonmyeon's eyes before he reached for it. Kris pulled Joonmyeon to his lap and enveloped him in a hug. He buried his face in Joonmyeon's neck. Dreading what he had to do next.

"Hospital?" Joonmyeon asked when it seemed like kris wouldnt move anytime soon from his place.

Kris gave a grunt as a response. Silently wondering why did hhe choose to become a doctor.

Joonmyeon giggled and turned his head to kiss Kris's hair. "I'll pack then, you go back to sleep, sleepyhead."

"I'm going alone." Said Kris. "You and Tao stay here. After the surgery done, i'll fly back here. I dont want to finish our holiday early."

The summerhouse was heaven. Being there was like in different reality where work didnt exist and the things that matters were joonmyeon and tao only.

"Its okay, really. We can go back here next summer and I rather we all be together.." Joonmyeon said quietly. "Or lets go to your hospital together then we go back here together."

It was too much haste. Joonmyeon know, but he couldnt help to say it. "You two will be tired. I'll be back before you know it." Kris put their forehead together, took a deep breath  and whispered. "I love you" Joonmyeon's eyes widened, he looked at his husband in disbelief. Kris only chuckled and pressed their lips together. Joonmyeon kissed back eagerly silently pleading  him for more. If only there was time, Kris would give it all to him.

From Chanyeol, Kris found out more about his newly moved neighbor. He already knew his name was Yixing, but that Yixing was the new doctor to their hospital? He never imagined it. "Three doctors in the neighborhood?" Kris asked in disbelief. "Well, I might have informed him about the vacant house beside yours.." Chanyeol sing song 'i thought you'll need some push but look at you. Day one and you managed to score a dinner date with him." Chanyeol continued. "its not a date. He broke my fence and forced me to dinner as an apology and Is there something you dont tell me, Chanyeol?" Kris asked in annoyance. Chanyeol shrugged. "Yixing was a good old friend. He is nice and he likes kids too." When Kris didnt respond, Chanyeol put his hand on Kris's shoulder

"Maybe its time for you to look further than Joonmyeon."

Kris shouldve guessed.

  The surgery was successful despite the intense nervousness from all around the room, after all, this is the president's wife they were operating.  As he made his way to his room, he heard small talks about minor earthwquake. Right, he felt the ground shook a little but he thought it was caused by his nervousness and tiredness.

"We got the minor one. The earthquake happened quite far from here." He heard one of the nurse said before closing his door.

Today he wore his best smile when he reached home. At first he thought Tao would sulk. He never recovered fast from his tantrum but then he heard Tao laughed before started talking animatedly from the front door.

He was shocked to find Tao wasnt alone. More shocked when he saw who it was.

"Hello." Yixing greeted him with his dimpled smile again. Kris took several steps back. His smile was warming, welcoming, but somehow felt not right.

"Papa!papa!" Tao ambushed him with hug. He clinged cutely to his father's leg. "Yixing played with me." He heard Tao said. Yixing got up. "He sat on your front porch crying when I fixed your fence."

Oh, Kris didnt notice his fence already fixed.

"So i thought i should do something. Turns out Tao here is a future martial arts master who will have a panda conservation and succesfully managed to eat with his chopstick." He ruffled Tao's hair. Tao smiled in return. Kris frowned with jealousy, since when Tao told that to anyone else except him?

Yixing made his way to the door. "I'll see you at dinner."

"Will we have dinner in uncle Yixing's house, Papa?" Tao asked happily after Yixing left. "Yeah, I guess so." Kris answered. "Do you like Yixing, Tao?''

Tao nodded. "He is funny and nice."

Kris wondered when was the last time Tao easily open up to someone.

"He smelled nice, like Mama."

Kris realized Tao never did.

He turned his laptop on, planning on immediately booked the tickets back to where his summerhouse located.

Back to his son. Back to Joonmyeon.

While waiting for his laptop to boot, he absentmindedly took his phone. Three messages, one from his parents, another from Joonmyeon's and one from joonmyeon.

Why did his and joobmyeon's parents texted him?

Whatever it is, it could wait. He could wait.

But he couldnt wait for Joonmyeon's message.

He opened that first.

Please tellour son that I love him so much. Please love him too.

And i love you.

Please be happy.

His heart immediately racing.

Did Joonmyeon finally had enough of him?

Did he leave him?

He quickly typed back, questioning what happened, but he deleted it. Was he overthinking it?

I will always love our son. And i will always love you.

he settled with that.

Sent.

He went back to his laptop and booked his flight. Only to have it unavailable.

The flight you requested is currently unavailable.

He called the number on the websife.

"I'm sorry sir but the airport for your flight is heavily damaged because of the earthquake.."

Joonmyeon.

He remembered that day. It was blurry, but he remembered reading the news of the powerful earthquake that hit the city where his summerhouse is located.

He remembered crying silently in despair when he couldnt reach Joonmyeon's phone or the number shown on the tv for those who are looking for their family.

At night, he was ready to go using a plane that sent medicine, courtesy of the president's wife.

When he was arrived, there was nothing. His summerhouse was crumbled into pieces. No single thing was able to salvage.

No Tao. No Joonmyeon.

The day after he stayed, hoping that somehow he'll find his family. He helped too. His doctor instinct was screaming when he saw helpless victims and minimum medical aids.

Day seven, he came back home. Drained with fading hope and fruitless search. He promised he'd go back.

When a call change everything.

They found Tao, alive with cuts and bruises here and there, clutching a still intact but dead phone and a pair of chopstick inside Joonmyeon's embrace. Joonmyeon was protecting their son, using his body as a shield from a collapsed building. They were in the airport's waiting room, catching the plane to go to where kris were.

Tao got home with Joonmyeon's ashes. Kris was beyond mad when he found out that his husband was cremated without his consent.

When they managed to turn the phone on, he found that his message was read. Somehow he was grateful that Joonmyeon died knowing that Kris loves him, that he will continue to love and raise their son. That a part of his last will was fufilled.

Please be happy.

He still tried to be happy.

his mind wandered to the warmth he always seeking, the dimpled smile, yixing.

If yixing was able to make him happy, would Joonmyeon forgive him?

Please be happy.

"Papa are you ready?" Tao asked from the door. Kris rushedly put Joonmyeon's phone back to his desk drawer.

Tao already wore his jacket.

Was he ready?

Please be happy

He closed the drawer and walked toward his son.

whatever the future holds, i will embrace it with this hand.