He wandered into a field of dandelions like a lone lost soul
under the ebony black sky that smudged like coal
a lone flower stood out in the mess of white
When a sudden gush of wind blew in the night
a cloud of downy dandelions blinded his sight
but a lone figure stood out in the color of white

[3rd Grade] They met in 3rd grade, when they were both at the dainty age of 8. He could still remember the way she walked into class, quiet and solemn, with her beautiful brown hair tied up in a high ponytail, sashaying behind her back. But her face was void of any expression. No nervous smiles, no chirpy smiles, no reluctant smiles. She was like a living, breathing and talking doll with a voice so monotonous, it was a tell-tale sign of her utmost boredom and lack of excitement. It was weird for the little Jongin to see someone like her. Wasn't school supposed to be fun and exciting? You get to color winnie-the-pooh pictures, run around the flower park, sit in rubber swings and play with friends. Little Jongin was confused and curious.

Her cold and aloof demeanor repelled other kids from nearing her. But little Jongin wanted to be different. Childish and attention seeking, he wanted her attention. Her full and utmost attention.

But he regretted his actions. His immature and insensitive actions. The moment his orange juice was spilled on her pearl white dress, she glared stoically at him with her beautiful brown eyes. He swore he could see tears accumulating in her eyes and it struck an arrow to his chest. Why does it hurt so badly? The way she turned around and ran off took the little Jongin by surprise as he stood rooted to the ground, unsure of what to do next.

This wasn't what he wanted.

He wandered into a field of dandelions like a lone lost soul
a weird and addictive action that took its toll
but strangely today, there's no wind on track
His eyes caught the vision of a pearl white dress
Stranded among the mess of the dandelions' chests
and strangely today, everything went black

[7th grade] They were now best friends. She didn't know how they even became best friends. Maybe it was because of his continuous and never ending companion during her lonely days. The way he would wait for her at the gates in the morning, just so that he was the first person to say hello to her. The way he would walk her to her classes, talking about any random thing he could think of. The way he would wait for her class to end, just so that he could walk home with her although his house was at the opposite end of the road. To her, Jongin is someone heavily important to her. He is a best friend who would always be there for her, just as she would always be there for him. It became an unspoken truth.

So, she told him a secret that she kept within her world.

"I fell in love with a senior." She whispered into his ear, a grin ghosting over her sweet pink lips. Her heart raced in excitement as she mentally waited for her best friend to start encouraging her and teasing her. That was what supposed to happen between best friends right?

But weirdly, he felt angry for no reason. He didn't know why. Wasn't he supposed to feel happy for his best friend? But what is this uproar of... anger and agitation? There was an unsettling course of emotions in his body and he couldn't seem to put his finger on the reason for it. All he knew was that he didn't want her to be with that silly senior of hers.

"Hana, I don't think you two are suitable for each other." He said with his voice unusually soft and hesitant. But it silenced her anyway. They were engulfed in a moment of silence. She tried to register his words. He tried to give her time to understand his words. But she couldn't.

She questioned him, voice laced with disbelief as she stared right into his soulful eyes. Her eyebrows furrowed together as she tried to swallow away the lump in .

He advised her to give up dreaming. She didn't listen and he was desperate. Desperate for her to listen to his words. But she didn't want to. So for the first time in ever, he raised her voice at her, demanding for her to wake up.

The silence was deafening as they glared at each other. Her glossy chestnut brown eyes glared at him, filled with anger as her palm shot out and delivered a stinging slap across his face. Disappointment was what she felt.  Anger was what he felt.

Maybe it was because he was afraid that he would lose a good friend.

When she and her crush got together, he tried his very best to give her his well wishes. He really tried. But he failed. She no longer walked home with him. He was no longer the first person to greet her in the morning. They no longer talked and he was no longer on her speed dial. They drifted apart as friends and it was an arrow through his heart as he watched her with her lover.

This wasn't what he wanted.

She wandered into a field of dandelions like a lone lost soul
like Cinderella escaping for a breather stroll
under the ebony black sky with a simple glass of wine
She caught her fated prince in a fleeting glance
and they escaped the world with a quixotic dance
but when the clock chimed, she wished time could rewind

[12th grade] She broke up with her senior. And he was more than happy to get her back to his side. Was this how he was supposed to feel? To feel joy over her failed relationship? He questioned it, again and again, guilt chewing him slowly and painfully.

"I'm just happy that she broke up with him because they were not meant for each other. When she meets the right one, I will let her go." He told himself. And he made himself believe it.

That year, there was a graduation prom and neither of them had a date so they agreed to go with each other. Hana could still remember how dashing he looked as he waited outside of her door. His gelled up hair and his fitting tuxedo. A Greek God, she relished in her memories. Each mischievous and cheeky smile that he flashed seemed to take away her breath literally. She couldn't help but to stare at his brown orbs that seemed to sparkle ever so beautifully under the dim light. She remembered the way he escorted her into the ballroom, their arms interlinked, and everyone had their eyes on them.

'The perfect couple' people called them but they denied it fervently.

 'We are just friends' they would reply dismissingly.

The words felt so right yet so wrong but she didn't know why. They had the time of their lives as they chatted all night, eating their favorite snacks and just goofing around. But good things always seem to end earlier. He left early because he felt sick so she was left alone in the hall. She had never felt so alone in a place full of people before. 

That night, she danced the final dance with a guy who wasn't him. It felt so wrong. Each step, each twirl, each hold. It felt so weirdly wrong. That night, she went home with her heart feeling unknowingly heavy as tears pricked her eyes. She didn't even understand why.

This wasn't what she wanted.

She wandered into a field of dandelions like a lone lost soul
with her lips touching a dandelion that she just stole
 watching them drift nearer to the sky in slight envy
Her eyes caught the vague sight of a familiar face
but he walked further and further without leaving a trace
and when he disappeared, everything became empty

[Freshmen year] Hana questioned herself once again. Is he really just a friend? Is Kim Jongin really just a friend to her? Each mischievous, boyish, cheeky and cheesy smile that appeared on his lips seemed to have this heart wrenching effect on her poor heart. Each casual touch from brushing their fingers or hands against each other to him slinging his arm over her shoulders playfully seemed to have this heart stopping effect on her poor heart too. Was he really just a friend? She really didn't know. She could only pity her poor heart.

She watched from the sidelines as girls shamelessly flirted with this famous Greek God, their fingers trailing along the contours of his arm not-so-subtly as they pressed their bodies closer to his. A hot burning sensation flared up in her body as the lump in thickens up. What is this feeling? Jealousy? Anger? Disappointment? Her eyes narrowed down on the Greek God as he playfully bantered with the females, seemingly oblivious about her presence as she continued waiting for him outside his class. Her hands clenched into tight fists, forming little angry crescents on her palm as she controlled the uproar of emotions in her tiny figure. When has the tide changed and she was now the one waiting for him?

"Just turn around and turn a blind eye to it." She whispered to herself. Huffing indignantly, she tore her eyes off the swarm of girls and turned her back towards them. She stared hard at the gates that stood a few metres away from her.

"Ignore and walk off." She instructed herself. But she hesitated. Is she really leaving him?

"Maybe he has decided to open up his social circle. Stop being such a selfish friend and give him some space." She thought as she took her first step away from him.

"Maybe he no longer needs you as a friend. You are easily replaceable anyway." She guessed as she took her second step away.

"Maybe you are just not important to him anymore." Her inner voice spoke with such confidence that her heart wavered. With that thought, she ran off.

This wasn't what she wanted.

She wandered into a field of dandelions like a lone lost soul
with dreamlike dandelions cascading like surreal snow
and amongst the heaven stood a pair of pearl white doves
A familiar figure reached out and pulled her slender hand
to bring her into his sturdy world with a promise band
and all that he pleaded for was a simple chance to love

[Year 2] They changed and they were both aware of it. Consciously, she started distancing herself from him. Maybe it was fear; the fear of experiencing the pain of losing someone dear to her. It was a self-protection mechanism that her body took; detaching her own self from the relationship before she gets the back lash.

She had a newly formed routine; when the school bell rang, she would stuff her items into her backpack hastily before she make her way out of school with her hurried steps. She didn't want to see him anymore. Each sight was like a constant reminder that he no longer needed her. Each sight was like salt to her wound. She didn't like it one bit. It pained her.

"Hana." It was the same velvety voice that she yearned to hear. But her feet didn't stop walking away and neither did she turn back, until he caught her lean wrist to stop her. It was the same gentle touch that she yearned to feel. But she didn't want to relish in it.

"What's wrong, Hana?" He asked. Without looking at him, she could already visualize him in her head. His knotted eyebrows, his scrunched up nose and his pursed lips as he demanded an answer. It was the same chiseled face that she yearned to see.

"Nothing is wrong, Kai." She replied tersely, shrugging her wrist gently to get rid of his hold.

"Don't lie to me." She froze. She knew him well enough to know that he was annoyed.

"Something is obviously wrong if you keep avoiding me like a plague. Come on Hana, I know you better than you think. And when did you start calling me Kai too?" He scoffed, clearly not amused.

"Go to your friends, Jongin." She refuted, refusing meet his eyes.

"You are the only friend I want, ." He whispered almost inaudibly as he pulled her into his caged arms. He didn't know why he did that. He certainly didn't know why she was avoiding him so fervently. But he does know something. He knows that he didn't want to lose her.  And he knew she was slipping between his fingers. It scared him. But somewhere along these lines, he knew he wanted her more than just a friend. He knew.

"Hana?" He called out, his low and husky voice sending impalpable tremors down her spine.

"Hmm?" She hummed breathlessly as her hands clutched onto his shirt tightly, as though she was afraid that he would leave her again. Or would he?

"Or... maybe more than just a friend?" He proposed rather hesitantly as he buried his face in her hair. The same scent of lemongrass shampoo that he yearned to smell. He wasn't sure why he said that. Heck, he didn't even know where he got that sudden gush of confidence from. But he was sure of something. He wanted her. He just simply wanted her. He wanted her to love him as much as he loved her. Call him selfish but he wants her for himself. And only himself.

"W-what?" She stuttered, her voice muffled against his chest. A smile ghosted over her lips as she listened to the fanatic heart beat that echoed in his chest. His breath hitched as he braced himself mentally before his mouth opened again.

"Is it bad that I am willing to sacrifice our friendship for a relationship?"

They stood in silence, hands clutching onto each other desperately, one out of pure bliss and another out of pure worry.

"To be honest, no."

Maybe, after all, this was what they wanted.

He wandered into a field of dandelions like a lone lost soul
in the downy dandelion clouds that had no control
he picked a dandelion and placed it over his heart
He whispered under his breath as he wished upon a star
for God to be with him in everything he had so far
and that nothing will ever tear them apart

[Year 3] He picked up a white dandelion from the field and brought it to his plump lips gently. With a soft blow, he watched as the white puffball dispersed into scattered white birds that floated in the mid-air. The gentle breeze carried the little birds further and further while some cascaded down, falling onto the ebony black hair that was draped over the lush green grass.

"Ah, a dandelion princess." He chuckled as placed more stalks of dandelions into her hair.

"Hey, stop it." She huffed with a faint smile on her lips, her eyes still closed as she lay down on the comfortable green field. It was relaxing in every single way possible. The warm sunrays, the hushed chirpings of the birds, the gentle soft breezes, the faint sweet scent of flowers and his comforting presence. She heard a series of ruffling before she felt the soft ground beside her dipped.

"Do you know that dandelions remind me of you?" He asked as he twirled a pink dandelion between his fingers, his eyes fixated on the flower that carried her favorite color.

"Why?" Her eyes fluttered open as she turned her head to watch the flower curiously.

"Well, first of all, they are pretty." He chuckled, tucking the flower behind her ear as she rolled her eyes with a slight smile on her lips.

"Sweet talker." She refuted with a smile on her lips. Just the way he liked it.

"And you love it. Secondly, these puffballs. So tiny and fluffy yet so impactful. With a soft blow, they disperse and flutter away like imaginary white doves. Slow, gentle and subtle. Just like how you entered my life in your lovely pearl white dress in 3rd grade." He whispered as he wrapped his hand over hers, gently lacing their fingers together.

She feigned a surprised gasp as she stared at him. "You remember how we met? I'm amazed by your memory." She laughed teasingly.

"Of course I do." He retorted with a tinge of feigned anger while poking her sides playfully. She laughed heartily, her melodious voice filling in the space of the empty dandelion field, just like how she filled in the empty spot in his heart. He chuckled softly before pulling her nearer to him.

"I'm close enough to you already, Kim Jongin." She huffed as she allowed him to pull her nearer, crushing a few flowers in the midst of it.

"Close is not close enough if I can't hear your heartbeat." He mumbled almost incoherently. She blushed in a pretty shade of carnation pink that he loved so dearly.

"And lastly, dandelions mean new beginnings. Just like how we created a new beginning. For you, for me and for us." He wrapped his arms around her as he placed a chaste kiss on her forehead that she relished in.

"New beginnings huh?" She mumbled against his lips. Her sparkling brown orbs staring right into his. He could see himself swimming in her eyes, out of pure bliss and happiness. She had no idea how many times he have thanked God for giving this gift to him. A gift that filled in the lonely empty spot in his heart. A gift that brought her favorite pastel colors into his world that was painted monochrome.

"I like that." She replied herself as she closed her eyes, his favorite smile still lingering on her pink lips.

"I like that too." He seconded as he leaned in to place his smiling lips on hers.

This was exactly what they wanted.

He wandered into a field of dandelions like a lone lost soul
a solitary and lonely figure that stood sole
as gentle breezes triumph past the dandelions
His eyes caught the vision of a hazy silhouette
but she disappeared in the foggy smoke of a cigarette
and all that remained were the lying dandelions

[After graduation] Have you heard of a cliché quote: "All good things must come to an end"? She didn't believe in it. And neither did he. But they guess, they do now. Even in paradise, the sun sets. Even in Wonderland, the darkness takes over.

"We can work this out. I swear to God. Hana, we can and will work this out." Jongin begged as he desperately caught the wrists of the said girl. He was beyond desperate but he didn't care. He was not going to lose her like that. Never.

"It's 3 years, Kim Jongin. 3 freaking years. I can't do this. Not when we are going to be at the separate ends of the world at every single second of 3 years." Her voice cracked as she swallowed back a sob that was threatening to escape from . She harshly wringed his grip away just to free her hands to wipe away the grief-filled tears that escaped her eyes. Her tears that felt weirdly warm against her unusually cold skin.

"We can! We can skype, video call, phone call and every single possible. I swear Hana, it's just 3 years. We can maintain this relationship as long as we are willing to try. I don't care about the time zones. I will call you every single day after my day at university." He begged, not caring about the stray desperate tears that escaped his eyes. There was no flaw in his solution, he thought.

"I'm scared, Kim Jongin." She confessed with her head hanging low as she willed for her black hair to cover up her tear-stricken face. Her hands were clenched into tight fists, digging small crescents into her palm that inflicted pain in her. It was a constant reminder that it was reality. She was beyond scared, afraid and frightened. It wasn't that she didn't trust him. It wasn't the lack of trust in him. It was the lack of trust in time. Time is an ever-changing factor that she feared. People change with time. Everything seemed so uncertain now, as though there is a veil masking over her eyes. She feared the power of time.

"I am too..." He whispered as he pulled her into a bone-crushing hug that was a sign of his desperateness and fear. Inhaling his familiar cologne, she finally let out the sob that was stuck in . Each sob expressed her grief, sorrow and fear. Nothing has ever seemed so unstable and obscure before.

"Please don't cry..." He hushed her gently as his fingers ran through her black hair continuously, a form of comfort that both of them relished in.

"It's 3 years, Kim Jongin. 3 years of constant loneliness. 3 years of constant worry. 3 years of... not having you with me. I am scared." She whispered with her voice croaky and shaky. Her hands gripped onto his shirt fabric tightly, resulting in creases that no one cared. She was too afraid to care about anything else.

"I know, I know..." He mumbled against her hair that smelled like lemongrasses. Will this be the last time he can indulge and relish in her touch, her scent, her voice and her sight? His heart palpitated against such thoughts as fear bubbled up in his system.

"I'm sorry for being so selfish, Hana. I'm sorry that I am the reason for this." He choked on a sob that he failed to swallow back. Her hair was damp from his tears but no one cared.

"Don't apologize, please..." She begged. It wasn't his fault, she knew. She knew there was nothing wrong with pursuing his dreams. She would be the selfish one if she was to hold him back. And she was not going to do that.

"We will work this out. I promise you I will try my hardest. I am not giving you up, I swear to God. Promise me, you are not giving me up too. Please..." He begged as he tightened his arms around her. He didn't want her to leave his embrace. Never.

"I promise." She assured despite her shaky voice. "I won't give you up." She placed a chaste kiss on his lips that were already wet with his tears. The kiss that they shared was filled with so much desperateness, fear and sadness that it pained them so badly. The taste of their salty tears that were filled with so much emotions of grief and worry that it crushed them. Will this be the last time they can indulge in the taste of love? 

3 years of physical separation.

This was nothing like what they wanted.

She wandered into a field of dandelions like a lone lost soul
with a heart that was broken beyond a whole
cutting through the masses of dandelions with a knife
She watched as her dreamlike world fall apart
just for things to fall in place for a new start
because this was just a milestone of her life

[5 years later] She stared at the carnation pink silk stashes that hung across the arch loosely. Her eyes darted towards the rows of chairs that were covered with a layer of pearl white cloth and a rose pink satin ribbon that wounded the chair before ending off with a ribbon that hung loosely at the back of the chair. In her pearl white silk dress that ended in ruffles around her thighs, she walked towards the reception table with her silver stilettos that raised her 4 inches off the ground.

And there he was, donned in an Armani suit that made him look ridiculously handsome and suave, just like before. But on a closer look, she could see the fine lines around his face, showing just how much he had matured over the years.

"Hey." She greeted, still seemingly bashful under his gaze. She couldn't stop her heart from palpitating. But was this excitement or... pain? Her heart wretched painfully as she saw the familiar cheeky grin on his face. His hair was now in a soft shade of brown, no longer the usual black hair that she was used to seeing. It was a bittersweet sight to see. To see how much he have grown and matured into a fine man that he is now.

"Hana." He whispered almost inaudibly as he pulled her into a hug. The way their bodies fitted almost perfectly, just like before, he thought as he wrapped his arms around her petite waist. It was like déjà vu. The beautiful doll that stood in front of him made his heart race. He smiled at the sight of the same bashful smile that ghosted over her lips. Her hair still smelt like the same old lemongrass smell that he remembered so dearly. She has grown taller. Or was it the heels? He didn't know. All he cared about was the fact that she is here. She was finally here.

Her eyes watered slightly when she inhaled in the familiar cologne scent but she held the tears in. She knew this wasn't the time to cry. She removed her shaky hands from her back and raised them up gently. With a dandelion puffball held between her fingers, she reached out to his chest pocket and gently tucked the stalk of the puffball beside his corsage, giving it a gentle yet weak pat before leaning back. She still had the same forced smile on her lips as she concealed the painful wrenching in her chest. She exhaled a sharp breath as she gazed into the familiar brown sparkling orbs that once meant the world to her.

"Congratulations on your marriage, Kim Jongin."

At this moment, they didn't know if this was what they really wanted.

Just like dandelions, she entered his life subtly with the gentle breeze that carried her along. It was beautiful. He will never forget that moment when he first set his eyes on her. He will never forget the moment when they became friends and then best friends and then lovers. Sweet like honey, fluffy like cotton candy and delicious like his favorite oreo cheesecakes. Her scent, her sight, her taste, her touch and her voice. He loved them so dearly, so so dearly. Their forced separation was like hell for him. Living hell, he would describe it. He had never cried so much in his entire life before. He felt like he was drowning in a world of his tears. Suffocating. Excruciating. Stabbing.

100 messages a day became 50 messages a day. 50 calls a day became 10 calls a day. 10 video-calls a day became 1 video-call a day. 1 goodnight a day became a goodbye that lasted forever.

She knew from the start that time changes people. It changes their appearance, their thoughts, their feelings, their personalities and just... everything. But for him, she was willing to believe in naivety. She was willing to hold on to the relationship that was hanging on the thin string held up high above the ground. She waited. She never let him go. She relished in the memories they have created together. But time was still a factor that stood in the way. It was a natural factor that she couldn't win against. She wasn't God. All she could do was to pray. Pray that everything will be alright. Pray that everything would not change. Pray that their love... would still be the same.

3 years of physical separation became 4 years of physical separation. 4 years of spiritual separation became 5 years of spiritual separation. 5 years of disconnection became... forever.

At the times he needed her, she wasn't there. At the times she needed him, he wasn't there. It was safe to say that both of them tried. They tried to go against the odds of their love. But time wasn't a factor they could win against. Time flowed like rushing water and they couldn't do anything to stop it. It separated them. All they could do was to build up a dam. A dam to contain the memories they once had because at the end of the day, they can at least still live in the perfect memories that they have constructed together. The once taut string slackened. They have cried too much and pained too much. So they have decided to let go of the string they once bet their lives upon.

The sun continues shining. The rain continues pouring. The wind continues blowing. But the dandelions still withered.

This wasn't what they wanted. But it happened anyway.