There are many ways you could describe EXO’s Kai. He’s flirtatious, charismatic, heart stopping, his smooth speaking could stop anyone dead in their tracks, his subtle smirk could make grown women cry, his sensual movements led many girls to believe they were pregnant. Kai is y, the definition of y. But, when he’s not on stage, he’s not Kai, but Jongin. And Jongin was … much different, to say the least. Especially when he laid face down into a leather couch, groaning as a tasteless action film played on the flat screen TV behind him.

Movie night at the EXO dorm always ended up horribly. Whether it was Junmyeon weeping through every single Disney movie, or Jongdae cracking up during the scariest parts of a horror movie, or Chanyeol showing Baekhyun his best Iron Man impression and throwing over the entire couch in the process, (which, by the way, still had people on it), everything always went wrong. This week was no exception.

From the moment the movie had been , Jongin had buried his head into crook of the couch’s arm, begun grumbling, and had not stopped since. The rest of the EXO members used the most effect method for dealing with the problem, the one they used with all of their issues. They ignored him until he stopped, with the occasional thrown pillow and ‘Jongin, shut the hell up!’

But, an hour, 34 minutes and two headaches later, they realized that Jongin wasn’t going to stop anytime soon.

“I’m probably going to regret asking this …” Sehun sighed out, rubbing at his temples. “But, Jongin, what’s wrong with you now?”

Jongin finally lifted his head up wearily, and mumbled a response. “I’m having trouble with my love life.”

The room instantly went silent at Jongin’s statement, everyone’s heads slowly turning over to Jongin. There was a long pause, then, everyone burst into hysterical laughter. Jongin could literally see Jongdae rolling around on the floor as he cackled manically.

“What are you laughing at?” Jongin asked with red cheeks, “I’m really not joking!”

“Y-Your love life?” Baekhyun repeated through his snickering. “Jongin, you don’t have a love life.”

In all honesty, Baekhyun wasn’t completely lying. Jongin’s steamy persona on stage was nothing like how he was in real life; he had spent more times making a fool of himself around his crushes than actually talking to them. The last time he tried to talk to a pretty girl, he had accidently slammed the door in her face at the mall and broken her nose (he cried about it for a week, and made the other EXO members swear never to speak of it again.) The closest he had ever gotten to anyone was his dogs, and dogs weren't cut out to be love companions, no matter how good they were at snuggling. Jongin’s love life was non-existent; he would never admit that out loud though.

“You shouldn’t be speaking!” Jongin snapped back at him. “What love life do you have?”

Baekhyun faked a gasp, “Me? What love life do I have? Why, I’m only dating one of Korea’s biggest superstars, Tae … Taey-y …” He quickly looked down on the smudged writing on his palm, squinting as he tried to read it. “T-Taehyung!”

“Baekhyun, that’s a member of BTS,” Junmyeon pointed out.

“Right, right, what I really meant was … T-Tae- Taeyang!” Baekhyun shouted with pride.

“Taeyang’s from Bigbang, you idiot,” said Kyungsoo.

“Uh … Taeil?” Baekhyun tried again, rubbing at the back of his head in confusion, “Taekwoon? Taedong?”

“I think you mean Taeyeon, Baek.” Chanyeol told him.

“The love of my life, Taeyeon!” Baekhyun announced proudly. “I totally knew that. Who are you dating?”

"Well ..." Jongin let his sentence trail off. He and Taemin had been secretly dating peacefully, and he wasn't quite sure if he was ready let the world know he was dating his best friend. 

“I bet ten thousand won it’s one of the new girl rookies,” Sehun says.

“Fifteen thousand won its Chanyeol’s sister,” Yixing added.

“Twenty thousand won it’s a guy whose name starts with T and ends with aemin,” Jongdae playfully said in a singsongy tone.

 “Yeah, right. Anyways …” Kyungsoo interrupted, “Jongin, what’s wrong with your ‘love life’ that we could help you with? Do you really think anyone in this room could help you with love? Look at these people.”

Jongin’s eyes quickly scanned the room to see Yixing half asleep, Jongdae and Sehun still dying of laughter, Minseok trying to hit Chanyeol over the head with his popcorn bowl, Baekhyun hiding behind him, and Junmyeon actually watching the movie. Kyungsoo had a point, but Jongin was desperate.

“B-but I need to know how to get someone to kiss me,” Jongin explained.

The room fell silent again, “How to get someone to … kiss you?” Kyungsoo said in disbelief. “Jongin, in what situation during a relationship would you need to know how to get someone to kiss you?”

“Well, it’s because I-I’ve …I’ve maybe never even had a kiss before?” he said nervously.

Kyungsoo was the first one to laugh this time before everyone else was practically convulsing on the floor.

“Why do I still live here? I hate all of you. You guys are the worst. I’m going to move in with Yifan in China,” Jongin pouted as he stood up, picking up the last pieces of his confidence that had just been shattered. 

“N-No, wait, I’m sorry …” Kyungsoo wiped the tears out of his eyes, and struggled not to burst into laughter again. “Jongin, if you’ve never had a kiss, and you want one from someone you’re dating, you could- I don’t know, just ask?”

“But that’s not how it works! You can’t just ask hyung!” Jongin cried out exasperatedly.

“Jongin, don’t worry,” Baekhyun walked over to him and slyly slung an arm around his shoulder. “You have one of Korea’s certified playboys as your hyung. I’ve totally got this.” Baekhyun said, oblivious to the eye rolling coming from everyone else in the room.

“Really?” Jongin asked hopefully. He should have known from the devilish look in his eyes that Baekhyun was planning something.

“Yeah, of course! You see, all you have to do, is ...”

Jongin patiently sat at a small table outside of a newly opened café. It was warm and inviting outside, a gentle breeze blowing against the trees. The café was filled with life, sappy couples arguing over what drinks to share, bratty children screaming at their parents for more candy, hard workers shoving croissants down their throats before their breaks were over; truly, a beautiful day.

Not that Jongin cared; he was too caught up with nervously texting Baekhyun.

Kim Jong Kai: R u sure this will work?

Baek Baek: Of course! ;)

Baek Baek: Oh, and don’t forget my sugar free non-fat extra foam mint chocolate Frappuccino :)

Baek Baek: Extra-large with an inch of skim milk.

Baek Baek: And a pinch of vanilla sprinkles.

Baek Baek: And two gluten free double chocolate fudge Oreo muffins. <3

Kim Jong Kai: KK, I get it                                      

He was so caught up; in fact, he didn’t even notice his date plop his belongings down and seat himself in the chair across from him.  

“Yah, now that we’re dating I don’t even get a hello? Geez, what a transformation,” Taemin said with a teasingly with a cute expression on his face. Jongin jerked forward at his voice, fumbling with his phone in his hands before shoving it back into his pocket.

“W-What the heck? When did you come in?” Jongin stuttered, cheeks already darkening in embarrassment, “Sorry, I didn’t see you.”

Jongin assumed Taemin was coming from the gym. He was wearing a baggy blue muscle tee with clingy black sweats and a matching black mouth mask. He had dropped his duffel bag on the floor beside his seat. It was so casual, even so, he looked stunning, (but really, when didn’t he look good?)

“Nah, its fine. But … why did you decide to come here? I’m hungry, and there’s a KFC literally right across from this place,” Taemin asked him, scanning through the limited list of sweet items off the menu that could probably give him diabetes. 

Jongin’s mouth watered at the sound of KFC. KFC meant chicken; delicious, deep fried, crispy tender love.

But, Baekhyun had insisted that the café would only suffice if he wanted a kiss, so he bore through it. Even if the overly priced drinks with names he couldn’t pronounce and sugar coated pastries made him want to cry.

“I don’t know, I just wanted to try it out, someone suggested it,” Jongin lied with a shrug.

Eventually, Taemin ordered a slice of banana cream pie with plain, black coffee, while Jongin ordered nothing but a creamy Frappuccino drizzled with caramel, one he would probably regret drinking later.

Taemin guzzled down his dessert and coffee in the span of 2 minutes, and went on to ramble about how his entire day in full detail, from what he had for breakfast that morning (leftover stale pizza he found at the back of the fridge) to how he made fun of Jinki for slipping up the stairs (again) and getting hit over the head for it.

Jongin listened in on most of it, but he was more focused on the instructions that Baekhyun had left him to get his kiss. He brought his half full cup up to his lips, taking a small sip from the foamy candied drink, and leaving a thin layer of whipped cream along his upper lip.

Taemin immediately noticed, “Ah, Jongin, you have something on your lip.”

Jongin pretended to be innocent by tilting his head to the side, “What? I do? Where?”

“Wait, here, let me get it,” Taemin said.

Jongin felt his heart race, his breathing slow down. ‘This is it; I’m finally going to get kissed.’ As Taemin leaned in slowly, his eyes fluttered closed in anticipation, he almost felt the urge to sigh out in relief.

But, he never got a kiss, but instead, a wad of napkins shoved into his face.

“You’re such a child, Jongin, how can you be so messy?” Taemin said with a tinge of annoyance in his tone.

“B-But … but …” Jongin sputtered out.

“Ah, anyways, what was I saying? Oh, yeah, and then when I went to the store afterwards, Jonghyun and I …” Taemin continued on with his speaking, completely oblivious to Jongin’s heartbroken expression.

The date ended a little while afterwards when Taemin got an angry call from Minho complaining about him being late for dance practise, and promised to meet up with him later. Jongin took this as the perfect opportunity to angrily text Baekhyun about his kiss-less date as he waited for his ride; balancing Baekhyun’s demanded sweets in his other hand.

Kim Jong Kai: IT DIDN’T WORK

Kim Jong Kai: YOU LIAR

Baek Baek: … Oh.

Baek Baek: Did you get my drink?

When Jongin got back to the dorms, he dumped the drink down the front of Baekhyun’s shirt and threw the bag of muffins at his head.

“… Sigh,” Jongin groaned as he sat at the kitchen table with his cheek squished onto its smooth surface. It was dinner time, but he was hardly interested with Kyungsoo’s leftovers, and had spent all of his money on stupid creamy drinks (which he now had to wash out of Baekhyun’s shirt, courtesy of whiny Baekhyun himself.)

He looked up at his hyungs who were sitting at the table beside him with his lips tugged into a pout. Jongdae had his nose shoved deep into a thick paperback book titled ‘A Farewell Kiss’, and Minseok was hard at work devouring a bowl of ramen at a hundred miles per hour; both were also busy ignoring him. Jongin sighed again.

“Let me guess, Baekhyun’s crappy idea didn’t work after all?” Jongdae asked without taking his eyes off of his book. “I told you not to get advice from him. He doesn’t know a single thing about romance.”

Jongin muttered something between a ‘Sure, whatever’ and ‘I’m never going to be kissed thanks these dumb hyungs.’

“Now, if you want real love advice,” Jongdae cleared his throat and finally set down his book, “I know someone who can actually help you.”

Jongin perked up, “Really? Who is it?”

“Me, of course!” Jongdae said triumphantly. “I am the love master, a modern day cupid almost!”

Jongin blinked before slumping back down into his defeated position. “Oh. I see. I’m really never going to get kissed, then.”

“W-What kind of reaction is that?! I know what I’m talking about!” Jongdae stuttered, offended.

“Jongdae, the fanfictions you read online isn’t ‘modern day’ romance,” Minseok murmured through his noodles. “And neither are these cheesy romance novels,” He said as he pointed to the book on the table. 

“What?! Romance novels are works of art, poetry! Do you have any respect at all for good literature? The tale of two star-crossed lovers being heartbrokenly separated and then being united again, only by fate, is-“

“Yeah, yeah,” Minseok waved him off, “Go back to reading your ‘adult’ novels.”

 “T-That’s not what I’m reading either, you ert!” Jongdae stuttered again with blushed cheeks. He hid the book underneath the table once Jongin tried looking over his shoulder to read it.

“Hey, look, sorry to interrupt your lovers spat, but I actually have an issue. I need to be kissed, or I’m going to grow old and start to hoard so many puppies in my house that I’ll be buried underneath them and they’ll suffocate me,” Jongin said, but with a smile on his face (honestly, this didn’t sound like such a horrible death to him.)

“If you need to be kissed, ask Sehun. He’ll definitely kiss you,” Minseok gave him an encouraging pat on the back.

“No, kissed by the person I’m dating,” Jongin sighed out.

“Use the trip kiss!” Jongdae declared.

Minseok and Jongin scrunched their faces in confusion, “The what?”

“You know, topple over on your date, smash your faces into each other’s, you kiss. That always seems to work, right?” Jongdae said cheerily. 

“No, it will not work. This is real life Jongdae, not an anime,” Minseok complained.

Jongin buried his face into his palms, “Then what do I do? I can’t just walk up to somebody and kiss them … right?”

Minseok shrugged, continuing to obnoxiously slurp up his half empty bowl of noodles. He looked down at his bowl of noodles, then back up at Jongin, and a lightbulb went off in his head. “Ah, wait! You can do the spaghetti kiss thingy! I saw it when SHINee was on SNL!”

Jongdae rolled his eyes, “Minseok, that’s never going to wo-“

“That’s a great idea! Thanks Minseok!” Jongin smiled happily, already texting Taemin on his phone. Jongdae frowned.

Kim Jong Kai: come over

Taeminnie <3: Why? I’m lazy and I don’t want to get up.

Kim Jong Kai: there’s ramen

Taeminnie <3: I’ll be over in 5 ~~~

True to his word, Taemin was by the dorm in record time at the mention of free food, with a smile plastered onto his face.

“Jongin, I’m so hungry you don’t even know. No one in our dorm has bought food for the past week, and I think the pizza in the fridge was getting moldy …” Taemin babbled on as Jongin took him by the hand and led him to the kitchen where a huge pot of ramen sat on the stovetop. Jongin dished some out in a bowl for them, and searched the cupboard drawers for utensils.

“Taemin, we can share a bo- eh?” Jongin swiveled back around to see Taemin standing with an empty bowl.

“Ah, you didn’t need to find chopsticks, I brought my own!” Taemin smiled, snapping his chopsticks together for effect. “I can have more, right?”

“It’s not- I-I …” Jongin sputtered.

“I’ll take that as a yes!” Taemin said, and scooped out another bowl of ramen to slurp down. And another one. And another. And then, there was nothing left. Not a drop, not even a little seasoning.

“Ah, that was so good,” Taemin said satisfied as he patted his stomach, “I’ll be off now! See you tomorrow Jongin!”

Jongin stood with his mouth agape as he watched Taemin waltz out of the kitchen, trying to process what had just happened. He looked down at the ramen pot which was had been completely emptied in the span of ten minutes. “W-What …”

Minseok and Jongdae tumbled into the kitchen a little while later.

“Ah, did your girlfriend come over?” Minseok asked.

"Boyfriend," Jongdae corrected, "Did you guys finally make out?"

Jongin had one of his hands buried into his face again, and the other pointing up at the empty pot still sitting on the stove. “I’m never going to be kissed, never.”

Minseok let out a mangled cry as saw his empty pot, slumping to his knees and hunching over, “My ramen … my beautiful ramen …” He the sides of the pot, letting out a choked sob, “It was so young … So fresh … So delicious …”

Jongdae rolled his eyes, going back to his book. “And you guys call me the loser.”

Jongin spent another week with his lips.

The embarrassment was eating him alive, and Sehun making kissy noises at him every time he passed by was not helping his cause any better. How could he have not had his first kiss? Why was getting a first kiss so hard? Why couldn’t Taemin just kiss him already? Was why he questioning his own motives?

Yes, life was hard for Jongin.

So, for compensation, he decided it would be best to guzzle down as many sweets as he could while weeping and watching dramas Jongdae had let him borrow. Even during dance practise.

“Uh, Jongin, don’t you think that’s a little bit too much?” Yixing asked him with a nervous smile.

Jongin looked up at him with his entire mouth stuffed to the brim with pocky sticks and sniffled, “No it’s not! It’s just a snack!” He said muffled through his sweets, rolling back over on the spot he was laying down on.

“Our manager is going to kill us if he found out we haven’t been practising, you know …” Yixing pointed out, sitting down on the floor beside him, “You haven’t done anything but watch dramas on your phone.”

“I have not!” Jongin yelled in denial, turning down the volume on his phone so he couldn’t hear the theme song to a drama playing in the background.

“Is this because of the whole ‘never kissed’ thing? I’m sure some of the members haven’t been kissed yet … “Yixing said hopefully. “I mean, you don’t even really have to be kissed, right? It’s just a kiss.”

“No, hyung, you don’t understand. I need to be kissed!” Jongin cried out, suddenly sitting up and grabbing hold of his shoulders. “Without being kissed, I’m not even a man! Everyone will leave me and I’ll die alone with my dogs.”

“ … I could kiss you,” Yixing half whispered.

Jongin blinked. "What?"

"What? I was saying, you could always use the pocky kiss, right? I mean, it worked with me and Sehun." He said as he pointed to the seemingly never ending supply of snack boxes Jongin had managed to shove into his gym bag.

"But ..." Jongin wanted to complain, but he couldn't. He was desperate for a kiss, willing to try anything. "I guess I could try that ..." 

As if his prayers were heard, Taemin walked by the dance practise room, headphones tight around his ears and eyes set in concentration. Jongin rocketed up, grabbing a stick of pocky with him, and flung the door open.

“Taemin!” Jongin called out cheerfully.

Taemin blinked twice before taking off his headphones and smiling up at him. “Oh, hey Jongin!”

“Do you want some pocky?” Jongin asked, waiting like an eager puppy for his answer.

“Sure!” Taemin responded happily.

Jongin shoved the end of the pocky stick into his mouth, letting his eyes flutter close. He has no way out; he has to kiss me now!

But, like the last failed attempt, the kiss never came. Taemin snapped the end of the stick off, and popped it into his mouth with a pleasing crunch.

“Well, I’m going to get going. Thanks for the pocky, I’ll talk to you after I practise,” Taemin said casually before turning on his heels and continuing to walk down the halls with music blaring in his ears, ignoring Jongin’s crestfallen expression, again.

Jongin dragged himself back into the practise room, Yixing standing above him with a concerned frown.

“What happened? Did you see someone outside? Did you get a kiss?” Yixing asked.

“I need more candy,” Jongin grumbled as he shoved the last of the pocky into his mouth.

An entire week later and Jongin was still kiss-less.

He had decided he needed to take things to the next level, no more stuffing his face while he cried, no more mistakes. He had a new burning desire, one that would only be fulfilled with a kiss. No matter what, he would get kissed, even if he had to take things to drastic measures. Like asking Chanyeol.

Jongin pounded loudly on the door to Chanyeol’s room. “Chanyeol, Chanyeol open up, I need to talk with you.” No response. 

“Chanyeol, open up! I need to talk! Like, right now!” Jongin yelled, slamming the door with his hands.

Jongin could hear muffled whines and low shuffling noises before Chanyeol finally opened a cracked open a sliver of his door and popped his head out cautiously.

“Jongin, what’s up?” Chanyeol murmured. He looked groggy and agitated, but Jongin didn’t care enough to make a comment about his sloppy dishevelled hair and the shirt he had put on backwards.

“Chanyeol, how do you get someone to kiss you?” Jongin asked quickly, obvious that he was in a hurry.

Chanyeol blinked a couple times, clueless, before responding, “There’s a carnival that just came into town. You can ride the Ferris wheel. Every couple kisses on the Ferris wheel, right?”

“Okay, thanks Yeol! This is one of the first good ideas you’ve ever had,” Jongin told him with a smile.

“Ah, it’s really no big deal. “ Chanyeol returned the smile, patting Jongin on the shoulder. “Wait a second …”

Jongin squinted his eyes as he looked past Chanyeol. “Why is Baekhyun lying on your bed li-“

“Alright, nice talk, have fun with your date!” Chanyeol laughed nervously before slamming the door in his face. 

The carnival was (surprisingly) a nice idea. It was packed with happy families and other couples, and made it easy to get lost in the crowds. Really, Jongin had meant to go on the Ferris wheel as they first got there, but the line was long and Taemin had been complaining about his empty stomach, so they wandered.

Wandering had led them to eight different food stands, all of which Taemin bought something out of, five different rides, eleven sideshow performances and three new jumbo sized dog plush toys Jongin had made Taemin win for him. Everything was perfect.

Everything was perfect, until they went onto the Ferris wheel.

Jongin, so busy in fantasizing what his first kiss would feel like, he forgot to take into account the fact that Taemin had eaten over twenty different snacks and foods in the span of a couples hours, and was still busy shoving cotton candy into his face.

By the time they had gotten onto the Ferris wheel, Taemin’s face was getting sickeningly pale, and he had one hand covered over his mouth.

“Uh … Taemin, are you feeling okay?” Jongin asked, nudging his side gently. A bad move on his part.

“I think … I think I’m going to be sick …” Taemin murmured through his hands.

Jongin cursed himself for having slow reflexes. Before he could react to anything, Taemin hunched over and heaved out thirty dollars’ worth of junk food onto his lap.

He knew he shouldn’t have listened to Chanyeol.

The door to the dorm slammed opened late at night, and all of the member’s turned from where they were sitting to see Jongin trudging in the house, almost completely covered in vomit. Jongin ignored their weird looks, heading straight up the stairs.

Baekhyun didn’t even bother trying covering up his snickered laughter. “So, Jongin, how’d your date go?”

“If you say another word, I’m going to strangle you with your sweater sleeves,” Jongin growled out as he stomped up the stairs and retired for the night.  

Jongin burst through Junmyeon’s room door with a frown the day after his barf fest carnival date, “Junmyeon! I need your advice! How do you get someone to kiss you?”

Junmyeon sat on a chair by the window in the corner of his room, sipping on his camomile tea (like the true mother he was) with an unamused look on his face. “Don’t you think you’re a little bit too young to be thinking about these things?”

“What? I’m not a child anymore! I’m 22!” Jongin told him with a pout.

Junmyeon nodded slightly, taking a small sip from his drink. “Ah, yes. But it seems like just yesterday you were an innocent teenager …”

 “Junmyeon, seriously! I need to know how! It’s a matter between life and death!” Jongin sighed out.

 “What’s so good about kissing someone anyways?” Junmyeon stood up. “I mean, when you kiss someone, do you know what they’ll do? They’ll run off to China in the middle of the night. And after that, they’ll start a promising acting career where they make out with pretty actresses, and leave you with ten bratty out-of-control children asking where their dad went …”

 “Junmyeon …”

 “And while their out clubbing all night with other celebrities, you’re stuck in a practise room every day of every week preparing for your next album release and won’t get any sleep due to the pressure of your company …”

 “Junmyeon, your face is turning red …”

“Seven years, Jongin! I trained seven years to get ditched by a Chinese giant! Why couldn’t I have debuted with SHINee? Was that too much to ask? I mean, I could buy SM if I wanted, but no, I decided to be a good person!”

“Junmyeon, you broke your cup …”

Junmyeon looked down to see his teacup shattered into millions of pieces on his lap. “Oh, I guess I did.”

“Yeah … I’m going to go ask Sehun, bye! “ Jongin scrambled out of Junmyeon’s room, making a mental note to himself to sign him up for divorce counseling.

Jongin burst through Sehun’s room door after running out of Junmyeon’s. “Sehun, I need your advice! “ He was hoping he wouldn’t have to stoop as low as asking Sehun for help, but everyone else had proven to be horrible advice givers.

Sehun lay of his bed, scrolling absentmindedly through Tumblr on his phone, “With what? Your sad love life? Ask someone else, I’m busy.”

“I have asked everyone else! No one in this entire dorm has good advice! Please, just tell me how to get someone to kiss you!” Jongin cried out, roughly grabbing Sehun by the collar and shaking him around.

“Jongin, when you look as good as I do, you don’t need to know how to get people to kiss you,” Sehun said proudly. “Why would you want someone to kiss you anyways? I mean, what’s so good about kissing someone anyways? Do you know what will happen when you kiss someone?”

Jongin face palmed. “Sehun, not you too …”

“When you kiss someone, they’ll leave in the middle of the night and run off with your father, leaving you alone with stupid older hyungs who don’t know the difference between good quality bubble tea and cheap ones!”

“Sehun …”

“And they’ll forget about you, and have an affair with Matt Damon in his new movie, and post up a bunch of cute selfies on Instagram you can’t like because your company told you that you couldn’t …”

“Sehun, are you crying?”

“I’m not crying!” Sehun screeched with teary eyes, throwing a pillow at Jongin’s head in frustration. “I don’t have advice! Get out! Leave!” He stood up to shove Jongin out of his room and slammed the door behind him. Jongin could hear Sehun wailing ‘Hyung, why’d you leave me here with these idiots!’ behind his closed door.

Jongin sighed, shaking his head sadly, “Everybody in this dorm needs help …”

After Jongin finally realized that Kyungsoo was not at all lying when he said everyone in his dorm was useless when it came to love advice, he scrolled through the contacts on his phone, searching for someone who could help him. He stopped at a certain number, and pressed call, waiting for the person to pick up.

“Hello? Who this?”

“Kris hyung, I need your advice!” Jongin told him frantically. “How do you get someone to kiss you?”

“Oh, Jongin, hey. You need my help on how to get someone to kiss you … why?” Yifan responded back casually.

“I’ve never been kissed, and-“Jongin was cut off by the sounds of Yifan laughing into the receiver. “You know what; I’m going to go call someone else.”

“No, no, I’m sorry, I just,” Yifan calmed himself down before speaking again. “I can help, just listen. You see, the issue here is that you’re too much like Jongin, and not enough like Kai.”

There was a long pause before Jongin replied.  “What the heck is that supposed to mean?”

“You’re acting too soft and shy! You have to act like you are on stage! There are girls around the world who would give their souls to breathe in your presence, so be aggressive!”

Jongin sputtered. “A-Aggressive?”

“Yeah! If you need to kiss someone, just walk up to them, slam them against a wall, and kiss them! It’s that simple!”

Jongin’s face was turning all different shades of red by this time. “S-Slam them? Against a wall?”

“Exactly! How do you think I got Junmyeon to kiss me? You’ll get this person to kiss you in no time! Just remember, you Wu Yi can do it! And- Hey! Did you hang up on me? Jongin? Jongin!"

Jongin sulked as he sat curled up on the couch calling yet another person. “Hyung, help me!”

“With what? Oh god, is Junmyeon having another one of his ‘moments’? Okay, we hid the red wine underneath the cabinet with all of the old Kris merchandise, so if you give him a bottle, I’m sure-“

“No, not that Luhan! Well, actually, yes, but that’s not why I’m calling. How do you get someone to kiss you?” Jongin asked.

“Kiss? Are you and Kyungsoo finally dating? Congratulations!” Luhan spoke up happily.

“No, I’m not dating Kyungsoo! Just tell me how to get someone to kiss you!” Jongin sighed out, exasperated.

“Hmm … how to get someone to kiss you, eh? I mean, I have some ideas, but I don’t know if your PG rated mind can handle them … They work though! Just ask Minseok. Or Yixing. Or Yifan. Or …”

Jongin sighed out, “You know what, never mind. I don’t need your erted ideas. I’ll talk to you later.”

Luhan didn’t bother in denying anything, “Okay! Bye! Good luck with Kyungsoo!”

“Bye. Oh, and Luhan, for the love of god please call Sehun. I think he’s been crying over his bubble tea for the past thirty minutes straight. He really needs help.”

“How do you get someone to kiss you?” Jongin asked over the phone, annoyed.

“Wow. Thanks for saying hi.” Tao replied, equally annoyed. “What’s got your in a twist, geez?”

“Hi, I had a bad two weeks. Never been kissed, laugh at me, whatever. Now, how do you get someone to kiss you?” Jongin grumbled.

“Ah, no kisses, eh? Well, just go drinking. Drink a whole lot, get drunk, and kissing will just come naturally,” Tao told him as Jongin listened attentively.

“Okay, drinking, getting drunk, and kissing. I got it. Thanks Tao.”

“No problem. But I hope you know you’re paying for this call, its long distance.”

Jongin groggily opened his eyes the next morning with no memory of what happened yesterday night and a splitting headache. Kyungsoo sat by his bed stand, cradling a warm bowl of soup in his lap and giving him a disappointed look.

“Kyungsoo,” Jongin croaked, “Do I even want to know what happened yesterday?”

Kyungsoo shook his head, scooping up some of the soup into the spoon, “You didn’t get a kiss yesterday, that’s for sure. What you did manage to do though was almost break Sehun’s nose, snap a table in half, collapse on Taemin and throw up on Baekhyun twice during the ride home. Oh, and you paid for everyone’s drinks.”

“Hyung, I’m such an idiot, I’m never drinking again,” Jongin wailed.

“It’s okay, I know you’re an idiot,” Kyungsoo hummed, lifting up the spoon to his mouth, “Now open up. Your soup is getting cold.”

Jinki was bored. It was late at night, and he was up scrolling through TV channels trying to find something interesting to watch while he waited for Taemin to come back with the Chinese food they he had ordered him to buy for the both of them (he was the hyung, after all.) He heard a knock on the door and slid into his slippers before shuffling over to answer it.

“Ah, Jongin? What are you here at this time?” Jinki looked over at a miserable looking Jongin impatiently standing on the dorm steps. “Taemin’s not here if you’re looking for him, he went out.”

“No, I’m not here to talk to Taemin. Can I come in for a moment?” Jongin asked, and Jinki happily welcomed him inside.

Kibum walked out of the washroom in his fluffy pink bathrobe to see a distressed Jongin sitting on the couch beside Jinki. “Isn’t there a curfew or something? Junmyeon’s gonna kill you if he finds you out this late.”

“Nah, it’s cool. I gave some of the emergency wine,” Jongin waved the issue off. 

“You have emergency wine?” Minho seemingly popped out of nowhere with Jonghyun trailing behind him. 

“Yeah, long story. But I need to ask you guys a question …” Jongin asked nervously, cheeks already starting to heat up, “Uhm … How would you possibly get someone to kiss you?” 

The dorm felt silent.

“I-I’m sorry, what?”  Jinki finally asked. “Why would you need to know that?”

“I’ve … never been kissed before,” Jongin said meekly.

Just like the first time he had admitted it, all of the SHINee members were soon on the floor in tears, dying from laughter, except for Jinki, who was trying his best to be a mature leader by trying to keep his chuckles in.

Jongin sighed. “I know, I know. Laugh all you want, but I really need an answer.”

Jonghyun shuffled over to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. “You need to know how to kiss someone, eh? Well, do I have ideas for you …” Jonghyun said as he gave him a suggestive eyebrow shimmy.

“Don’t blemish his innocent mind, you freak,” Kibum said, kicking Jonghyun out of the way, “Jongin; if you want someone to kiss you, you have to be extravagant! Romantic! Passionate!”

“Oh god, here we go now …” Minho mumbled, rolling his eyes.

“You have to take them outside in the pouring rain, on a starry night underneath faint light, you have to caress their cheek and whisper sweet words into their ear, and then when the time is right,” Kibum dipped Jongin down to emphasize his point, “You bring  them down and kiss them.”

Jongin blinked in surprise, “I-I don’t think I can do that …”

“Nonsense! Jongin, if you really want someone to kiss you, you just have to show them how talented you are, like showing them your abs!” Minho approved his own sentence with a thumbs up.

“No, that’s stupid. Jongin, a couple subtle touches will …” Jonghyun started off.

“No! You have to be extravagant!” Kibum yelled.

“My idea was best! Abs always win!” Minho lifted up his shirt, displaying his chocolate abs for Jongin.

The three started meaninglessly bickering over which idea was best, and Jinki sighed, pulling Jongin to the side to talk with him privately. “Please, don’t listen to them. Jongin, if you really want a kiss, you should just go for it. I mean, you never know until you try, right?”

Jongin’s bottom lip quivered in frustration. “You guys give out even worse advice than my hyungs!” He yelled, rushing out of the dorm.

Jinki sighed, rubbing at his temples. He was too old for this.

Movie night at the EXO dorm always turned out horribly. Every week it would start off promising, but just progress downhill at an alarming rate. With Jongin lying face down on the floor making whining noises, members could already feel his headache start to grow. This was going to be another horrible movie night.

“Uh, Jongin …” Yixing cautiously stooped down and poked his side, “You’ve been like that for the past two hours. Are you feeling sick? Do you need some help? What’s wrong?”

“I’m never going to be kissed, Yixing,” he groaned, unmoving, “I’ve tried absolutely everything! I did the stupidest things I could, and I’ve never been kissed, and I’m never ever going to be kissed! I’m going to move to the countryside with my dogs so I can have a peaceful death as a lonely old hermit.”

“I think Jongin’s broken!” Yixing called out to the other members. They grumbled a response, and Sehun shouted ‘good!’  

Jongin sighed, “I’m going to go eat away my feelings again. Is there any more ice cream, Xing?” He rolled over and expected to see Yixing standing over top of him, but instead, it was Taemin, looking down at him with big eyes and holding a bowl of popcorn.

“Never … been kissed?” Taemin repeated, a smirk growing on his lips.

Jongin’s done a lot of embarrassing things in his life, forgetting to put his pants on in the morning, accidentally sleeping through all of his day plans, being tricked by Chanyeol into thinking the chicken he was eating was really poodle puppy meat (and crying about it for hours), but, the worst thing he could have ever imagined to happen to him was admitting that he was never kissed, to Taemin out of all people.

“T-Taemin! What are you doing here?” Jongin’s already growing blush was spreading down his neck.

“We were bored, so Xing invited us all over for a movie night,” Taemin said, pointing over to Yixing. Jongin whipped his head over at Yixing to glare at him, but Yixing only smiled and waved cheerfully.

He only then noticed how packed the dorm was beginning to become. The couch was piled with people, especially with Jonghyun and Junmyeon both snuggled up to Minho’s sides, Jinki and Kyungsoo were busy in the kitchen making snacks and chatting about recipes to exchange, Kibum and Baekhyun had already started arguing over eyeliner and who had cuter bandmates (with Chanyeol keeping an arm slung around Baekhyun’s waist), and everyone else was barely paying attention as Minseok started to set up the movie.

“So, what was this about superstar Kim Jongin never being kissed before?” Taemin teasingly asked him, only making Jongin’s flush turn darker.

“I-I wasn’t- I- I have to go do something!” Jongin blubbered before standing up abruptly and trying to swivel his way around Taemin. Of course, he didn’t see Jongdae hiding a sly smile behind his book as he stuck out his foot in front of him.

Then, the chaos started.

Jongin toppled over into Taemin, which made Chanyeol laugh, hitting Baekhyun on the back, which then made Baekhyun spill his drink all over Kibum. Kibum then screamed and staggered back into Minseok, who dropped his popcorn bowl, scaring Jinki and making him spill Kyungsoo’s homemade caramel sauce all over the floor, which Sehun slipped on not paying attention to his surroundings (since Luhan had finally called him.) Sehun’s drink flew over to the TV’s socket, and with a spark, flash and a pop, the TV turned off. Along with all of the electricity in the dorm.

Another thing happened. As Jongin and Taemin fell, their lips smashed into each other’s. But not in the gentle, sweet, loving way Jongin had wanted, in a painful, clumsy way that would probably leave bruises. But, this had been the moment he was waiting for, right? If he ignored the pain well enough, it almost felt like a real kiss, so who was he to complain? 

Jongdae looked up from his book as the lights flickered off to see the dorm a mess, and sheepishly let out a smile. “That’s the price for love, I guess.”

Kyungsoo sighed, “I’ll call the manager this time.”

After their manager had returned and screamed at them for being idiots for a consecutive hour, they decided it would be best to reschedule movie night to another time.

On top of bruising his lip, Jongin had smashed it so hard it left a cut and swelling, and Taemin had volunteered to help patch it up.  

“Stop squirming around! You’re making this hard for me!” Taemin yelled at him, using one hand to keep his face steady and the other to apply pressure to his lip.

Jongin mumbled a ‘sorry’, keeping his head down with a flushed face. He never thought he’d ever be so embarrassed in his life. Accidentally admitting he was never kissed and busting his lip was not part of his plan to romance. He really just wanted to bury himself in the darkest spot of his room and rot there for the rest of eternity, but Taemin wouldn’t let him.

“There, the bleeding stopped!” Taemin said victoriously, pulling up Jongin’s face to admire his handiwork. “I am a professional doctor, I should get paid for this!” He pouted when he didn’t get a response from Jongin. “Are you really that embarrassed? You’ve done way more embarrassing things. Remember that one time you showed up at the mall in-“

“D-Don’t remind me of anything!” Jongin shouted out, making Taemin laugh. Jongin found it hard to be so miserable when Taemin looked so happy, and his laughter tugged the ends of his mouth up into a small smile.

“There, I was wondering when you’d smile,” Taemin said, gently grazing a finger across the bruised area of his lip. They were close, Taemin had one of his hands lingering around his waist, Jongin could feel his blush travelling out to his ears, and it stayed still for a while, until Taemin finally tilted his head to the side and closed the gap between them.

Taemin’s lips were warm and soft, they slid over to overlap his perfectly, and it drew him closer, his tense body finally relaxing against his. It was a short kiss, but nonetheless heavenly.

Taemin was the one to pull away, their lips making a pleasant smacking sound as they pulled apart, and he chuckled looking at Jongin’s shy smile.  

“You know, if you wanted a kiss, all you had to do was ask,” Taemin teased.

They both heard a whispering coming from outside their doors, and looked at each other in confusion.

Taemin stood up and tiptoed over to the door, suddenly flinging it open. The rest of the members stumbled forward and fell on top of each other in a huge clustered dog pile.

“We totally weren’t listening in …” Jonghyun mumbled from the very bottom, squished underneath Chanyeol. 

Jongdae laughed victoriously. “Ha! I knew he was dating Taemin! You guys owe me twenty thousand won!” 

Kyungsoo scoffed, standing up and brushing himself off. “I told you all you had to do was ask, you idiot.”

---

a/n:

I'm finally finished! I'm sorry, this took a lot longer than I thought it would ...

This is my first time writing a romcom! I've literally NEVER written anything fluffy before! I'm not good at writing any comedy (or romance TBH) so I apologize if it wasn't as funny as you thought it would be... 

HUGE THANK YOU to everyone who subscribed before I had finished, it means a lot! I am humbled! (〃ω〃)♡

I'm sorry for any mistakes, I'll try my best to re-edit it when I have a chance! I struggled with the kiss scene ... "orz 

I hope you enjoyed it, espicially HappyPistachio! ♡  (I threw in a pun for you try to find it LOL.)

Thank you for reading!