When we first met, the early spring birds flew to the windowpane next to me but, I wasn’t looking at them, nor was I looking at the beautiful, blue sky.

Instead, I was staring at those little moles on the side of your neck.

I was counting them and imagining myself connecting the little dots on smooth, white skin.

And you were two meters away from me.

“Is this your eraser?”

That time, it was a lie. I knew it was yours but I pretended to not know and asked.

I spent days just staring at your nape. The moles there…

They were so peculiar to me. Peculiar, yet beautiful.

Sometimes, your soft hair...

I had to constantly stop myself from walking over to you and running my fingers through your soft hair.

Sometimes, your narrow shoulders,

You look so much smaller when you hunch your shoulders or lean down to write.

Sometimes, your small hands.

I want to know how it feels to hold them.

That time, I saw the eraser fall out from the space inside your desk when you pulled out your Biology book, watched your face change into a surprised look when you saw the eraser tumbling out from inside your desk.

I hoped you didn’t find it odd that I, who sat two rows behind you in the column next to yours, was able to catch your eraser for you. I hoped you didn’t see me running to your side immediately.

“Ah, yes, it’s mine. Thanks, Jongin!”

You smiled at me.

You knew my name.

I nodded in response with a smile, although I knew it was crooked. How could I smile properly when you were right next to me?

“We are going to make some changes to the seating arrangement. Since I realized that there are students who can't see well seated in the back. If any of you have a problem with your seat, come and talk me,” said our professor.

It took some struggling, and a lot of begging, but there is nothing I wouldn’t do to be able to sit right next to you.

Joonmyun was smiling so joyfully, happy to be seated next to Jongdae.

Meanwhile, I was sitting there stiffly because you were right next to me.

I could just stretch out my right hand and finally touch your soft hair, or connect the moles on your white, smooth nape.

“Hello, Jongin! I didn’t know you were nearsighted as well.”—is what you said to me as you smiled the brightest.

I smiled, laughing awkwardly afterwards because I didn’t know what to say.

Your smile was blinding me.

I started to wear fake glasses the next day.

When spring was about to end, and it began to feel warm, some of our classmates started to undo the first three buttons on their shirt. I did it as well, and waited for you to do the same. You didn’t, but I was fine with that.

When spring finally ended, I realized,

Ah, we were finally just one meter away from each other.

“Jongin!”

I remembered every single moment of that time.

You were running towards me while I was on my way home, and you had the brightest smile on your face again.

Your bicycle, with its cute little brown basket, was broken.

“You walk home by Gumcho street, right? I passed by you yesterday but, you were talking to someone so I didn’t call you.”

I rubbed my nape with my right hand--a habit I have when I'm feeling shy--as I smiled back at you.

“Yeah, I do. Do you go that way too?”

You nodded, before humming a yes and your soft hair bounced along to the movement.

It was adorable and I had to hold onto the straps of my bagpack tightly to stop myself from pinching your cheeks, or perhaps hugging you.

“Want to walk together?”

I thought my heart would explode.

I was gritting my teeth as we walk together in a comfortable silence. I was too excited and worried that you would hear my heart beating loudly because you were so near.

You were merely fifty centimetres away from me.

It’s strange. But it’s not like I had any complaints about it. If anything, I was the happiest when you first asked if you could join me to where I eat during lunch breaks.

It was a secret I was supposed to keep to myself but still, I invited you to my most favorite place in our school.

It all started from there. But I wasn’t, and still isn’t, completely sure how that one invitation blossomed to another until it had become a habit for us to go straight to the rooftop and share our packed lunch.

But I don’t think you knew that I was the happiest during those moments.

“I brought Ddeokbeokkie and fried chicken for you. You like fried chicken right?”

I nodded my head, a huge grin on my face.

“It’s my favourite,” I said.

But, I wasn’t grinning because of the fried chicken. I was grinning because you were leaning so close to me.

Twenty centimetres.

I kept measuring the distance in my head. We’ve become closer than what I have hoped for.

And before we even noticed…

The sun was scorching hot against my skin but it didn’t matter. I had you trailing after me, carrying the little boxes I allowed you to carry as we climb the stairs to the third floor of the apartment building. I would have complained about the lack of elevator but at that moment, I was just happy that we have more time talking and walking together.

“Jongin-a, I’m sorry I’m being a bother to you. You even have to climb up and down for the boxes,” you said with the soft voice that never fails to mesmerize me.

“It’s okay, it’s okay! I’m very happy that I can help! Besides, it’s my job to help you bring in the boxes.”

Pausing to adjust my hold on the boxes, I strained my neck to look at where you were walking off to, and then realized that you were opening the door for me.

“What kind of person would let his new roommate struggle to carry his stuff on his own?”

If I had not faced you, I wouldn’t have seen the smile on your face, shy but bright as it always is.

“Is this the last box?” I asked as I stood up, hands on my waist. A bead of sweat rolled down my neck and I wiped it off with the sleeve of my shirt.

“One, two, three, four… five,” you counted under your breath like a little child counting the newborn pups of his pet dog.

It was so adorable. I had to draw my eyes away.

“Yes, that’s all of them!”

Your eyes were twinkling.

“Good! Now, let’s rest for a moment before we start unpacking them. I’m tired,” I breathed as I laid down on my back on the wooden floor, arms folded behind my head.

That, also, was a lie. I didn’t need to rest.

I only wanted a way for us to not need to look at each other or talk to each other. I was so happy and excited that I was worried it would make you feel uncomfortable and regret your decision to live with me.

Hearing you pad softly out of the room, I sighed in relief.

But then, you came back and sat next to me, leaning close. Then, a hand holding a small towel popped into my line of vision.

“You’re sweating so much. I feel bad asking you to carry those for me. You didn’t even let me help.”

I didn’t know where to look: at your lips, or at the eyes scanning my face as you gently wiped my forehead and the side of my face with the towel.

I thought my heart stopped beating.

You were just fifteen centimetres away. I could just pull you close and our lips would meet. The thought was suffocating.

I remember how annoyed Luhan looked as we stood in front of the shop. He still looked pretty even when he was pissed off, just like how you kept telling me. I almost got jealous thinking you were complimenting another guy. But that was until you told me of how precious he is to you as a friend, how you grew up together and basically know each other since childhood.

“Remind me again why I was dragged here to furniture shop with you when we’re not even close friends?”

I grinned at him the thousand-watt grin that many have fallen for. But, of course it didn’t work on him.

“But, you’re Kyungsoo’s best friend.”

“Exactly! It’s Kyungsoo I’m friends with! Not you!”

Luhan may have kept complaining but it was him who chose most of the furniture we bought, told me which ones were better, and which ones you would prefer.

And I thought, at that time as I watched him talk about you, that you did choose the world’s best best friend.

“I don’t understand why you suddenly want all this,” he muttered casually as he scanned through a brochure.

And there was only you in my mind as I pondered an answer.

“Well... I’ve been living in a studio until recently... and I don’t really have much furniture... It’s pretty nice, you know, finally having a sofa that I can just laze around on, a table I can eat meals on... It’s good enough.”

Holding out a pair of mugs with owl prints, I found myself smiling at the thought of you. The owls reminded me of us.

“Owning a set of mugs, seeing a pair of toothbrushes by the sink as I wash my face in the morning, setting the table for two on every meal, owning a bed big enough for two to fit on... It all sounds silly, right?”

I can also remember the way Luhan looked at me; he didn’t look annoyed anymore.

He didn’t look pleased either.

I smiled to myself as I wrung your t-shirt. It had Pororo printed on it and it looked so, so small as I held it.

Like how it feels when I hold you in my arms,

How delicate...

“Jongin-ah?”

I turned around and you were standing there wearing the apron I had bought just the other day. I wished to see you more in that apron, in this apartment, while I waited for the food you cooked.

“The food’s ready. Are you done here?”

“Just this last shirt and I’m done.”

I was anticipating it when I saw you look at your shirt, the one that I had in my hands. Your eyes widened before your cheeks began to redden.

Why were you that adorable?

“I-it was a gift from my mom!”

And it’s funny how you struggled to take your shirt away from me, how we collided against the washing machine, and even got soaked with water playing and laughing in the laundry room, yet you still failed to take it away from me after I had hung it up.

If you’re this weak, how will you manage to protect yourself in the future?

“Next time, tell me if you’re going to do the laundry.”

“I will.”

“Let’s go change now, or you’ll get cold.”

“Yessir! Oh, but what kind of food did you prepare?”

“Spicy chicken stew.”

I grinned as we walked side-by-side.

“Stop acting excited, Jongin-ah. You know I always cook dishes with chicken in them for you.”

“Still. I’ll always be excited for any delicious meal you prepare for me. Plus, it compensates for the morning pancakes that you always manage to burn.”

You smiled at me.

But, there was something else.

And I wanted to kiss you at that moment.

But, I couldn’t make myself do so.

Subjects concerning numbers were my general weakness. I think if you weren’t there helping me with my assignments and tutoring me for lessons I didn’t understand, I wouldn’t have passed any of them.

“Jongin-ah, this isn’t the formula you should use for that problem.This is where you went wrong…”

I knew I should be concentrating on everything you tell me, but, sometimes, I find myself closing my eyes and listening to your beautiful voice, or just staring at your hands or at the side of your face.

You were always that mesmerizing to me.

“You’re so good with Mathematics, Kyungsoo-yah. No wonder why you got a scholarship at Harvard.”

The atmosphere suddenly shifting and becoming sullen was too obv