The voices in his head kept chanting ‘Kill him, kill him’, but he knew very well that it was wrong.  Even though his conscious was saying no, his mind and body were completely hypnotized by the guilty pleasure that was slowly destroying him, killing him inside.  He knew it like no other.  The damage it would bring would leave another scar, another scar that he would in the end, hate.  In the end, there was no one he could blame; he brought it upon himself anyways.  But the feeling of having a knife piercing through flesh repeatedly and having the person under him begging for mercy, completely powerless, so vulnerable, was something that thrilled him.  It excited him. 

     But that pleasure could only last for so long.  The pleasure he loved was a sin, and in the end, sinners get punished.

The voices within his head would not stop screaming.  No matter how much he hated, at that moment, he loved it.  The feeling he felt was, to him, irreplaceable.  Having a persons life in his hands was bliss for him.  The feeling of superiority and the power, he craved for them.  His mind was too clouded with the pleasure that he didn’t bat an eyelash for the begging man on his knees in front of him.  The man that was begging for his life at someone he didn’t even know.

The man pleaded and cried for mercy, he was afraid of dying, it was obvious.  But Kai had just emitted a mocking laugh, while stabbing his victim to death. 

That was it, the feeling he longed for.  The feeling of the victim’s body falling limply to the ground, unmoving.  He got up from his position with a smile of satisfaction while gazing at his art piece in front of him.  It was a crime scene.  Blood, blood and regret, he could see it in the man’s soulless eyes.  Kneeling back down beside the corpse, Kai leaned in and whispered, “You know what’s scarier than dying? Living in darkness.”  And with that, he got up, laughing.  But after a few steps, the smile was completely replaced with a look of disgust and fear.

In a blink of an eye, Jongin had fallen to his knees, stained hands in front of him, trembling.  He realized he had done it again.  Like a strike of lightning, the images of the poor man had couded his mind, the screams had blocked his ears, and the smell of blood clogged his nostrils.

He ran.  He wanted to run away from reality but he knew it was impossible.  Because he had tried so many times.  What he had just done was like a routine, repeating again and again.  He couldn’t stop no matter how much he wanted to, because it was an intoxicating addiction.

He had stopped at the nearest fountain, scratching his skin to clean off the blood.  By then, the water had turned red and was mixed with his tears, but Jongin didn’t care.  He rubbed and scratched, ripping off his skin during the process, but the scent still lingered.  And that made him hysterical.

He screamed his lungs out, he couldn’t take it.  He had done it again, he let him out again.  He was disappointed in himself and he just disappoints himself again and again.  He wanted to die, but he couldn’t and it was all because of him.  Jongin was scared and he always has been.

Jongin thought that he could never change, that he would have to kill and just wait for himself to rot and die.  He had to kill, but it was only for his own selfish needs.  He knew that and that’s why he hated himself for it.  He hated that he was weak.  He killed countless of innocent souls for satisfaction.  The satisfaction of hurting people so that he could hurt himself.  Jongin couldn’t bring himself to hurt himself but Kai found a way to.

And Jongin had let Kai take over.  The feeling of letting go was too addicting.

 Even if he was killing himself silently after that.