In the early hours of the morning he waited for something, anything that would bring back the normalcy in his life. He waited for the sound of the running faucet as the boys got ready for a schedule, the sound of eggs frying on the pan as Kyungsoo attempted to make food for the 12 of them, the sound of objects hitting doors as some of the members refused to be woken and others trying to flee from the wrath of flying pillows but it never came. His own rhythmic breathing was the only sound he heard and never would he have thought that the sound of life could be so suffocating.

He looked at the clock on his bedside table only to see that the time was 6:33 AM.

 

"Okay, waking up this early is getting ridiculous..."

 

He smiled a little thinking of one more thing he'd have to thank the members for in the future, his wrecked sleeping schedule. But his smile didn't last and the bed suddenly didn't feel so warm anymore. He rolled out of bed only to be meet with a cold greeting from winter as the air left goosebumps along his arms. He groaned in annoyance before pulling a sweatshirt and some sweatpants out of a drawer and slipping them on. Yifan chuckled to himself as he caught his reflection in the mirror thinking how shocked the fans would be if they could see him right now. They're nice sweatpants and all but it's still a long stretch from his usual runway ready airport fashion. Shaking the thought from his head, he headed downstairs to the front room only to be met with more silence.

 

"You'll get used to it eventually," he said in his mind in an attempt to reassure himself.

 

"Stop lying to yourself," was the thought that came after.

 

   Wow, I guess his brain knew him better than he thought. He opened the fridge hoping there would magically be some food in there this morning even though there wasnt any food in there last night or the night before. Another sigh filled the room as he realized that sadly, he would have to make a trip to the store today. He dragged himself upstairs to change into some more public appropriate clothes before grabbing his coat, keys and heading out. As expected the drive was just as quiet as his home so in attempt to busy his mind he the radio only to be met with the chorus lines of the Chinese version of Overdose blasting through the speakers. He felt a pang in his heart but at the same time he couldn't bring himself to change the station so he sat there at the stop light and just listened. He closed his eyes, rested his head against the seat and let the familiar voices wash over him.

 

   For once, Kris allowed himself to feel, to be hurt, and to remember all the memories he shared with the boys. From the months they spent in the practice room dancing the same choreography over and over again to the times when the rest of EXO stood together on the sand bundled in jackets waiting for the first sunrise of 2014 and greeting the rays of light with their wishes for the New Year. If only things had happened differently but they didn't and he was helpless to change the damage he created.

 

   His face felt warm and for a moment he was there with them standing on the beach and letting the sunlight thaw him. Even if it was for a second, he believed that he really was there next to them. He felt their love and he knew that he would remember those times forever. He knew that no matter what people thought, whether he truly cared about them or cared about being a leader, he had loved them like his own family and he still did. The sound of cars honking brought him out of his thoughts and back into the real world. The world where the song had come to an end and the warmth he felt wasn't from the car heater or from the sun but from the tears that had challenged each other to a race and used his face as the track while he had been stuck in another time.