At the age of seven I really started to think about what he meant to me.  Chanyeol had always been there since I could remember.  He laughed with me, played with me and protected me from the mean kids on the playground.  Despite the fact that we were friends, we were complete opposites.  He was always cheerful and friendly to everyone he met.  Then there was me.  I couldn’t even smile easily to my closest friends, not that I had many friends to begin with and I considered Chanyeol to be the most precious one.  From the age of seven I knew that to me, Chanyeol was the light in my life.  

People never stayed seven though.  We were always growing up and as we grew up things changed.  People changed.  Chanyeol changed.

I didn’t know what exactly happened, but the older we became, the less Chanyeol seemed to want to be friends.  Every time I saw him, he smiled less and frowned more.  He grew quieter, only speaking to me when I asked him questions and I knew he wasn’t happy.  Maybe it was because I held him back.  Maybe he just didn’t like my company anymore.  Maybe he realized that he was turning into me.  Cold.  Withdrawn.  Hateful.

By the time we were fourteen, Chanyeol and I just weren’t friends anymore.  That was the year we entered high school.  That was the year I spent alone everywhere I went.  I never spoke anymore; not to teachers, not to the other kids, not to my parents, not even to the doctors that tried to get me to talk again.  The only person I wanted to talk to was Chanyeol and he didn’t want around me anymore. 

When I was sixteen that changed too.  I’d been walking home from school that day.  It was dark and the rain was pouring down.  I had been soaked; my clothes had clung to my skin.  My hair was drenched and I was sure I looked like I’d been taking a shower in the rain.  I also didn’t know I was being followed.  The mugger had been following me for three blocks before he’d attacked me.  At least that’s what Hayoung told me.  When Hayoung and her brother, Baekhyun, saved me that afternoon, I had been scared out of my mind.  I had screamed, cried and cursed at them. 

Baekhyun thought I was a bit of a freak after that but Hayoung didn’t.  Hayoung didn’t care about my outburst.  I knew she must have seen how hurt I was then.  She saw how I needed someone and she gave me herself. 

And just like that, I had a new friend.  

Hayoung wasn’t like Chanyeol.  She had some of his traits.  She was friendly and cheerful but she wasn’t perfect the way Chanyeol was.  Hayoung could be angry and she wasn’t good at school.  She liked boys way too much and relied on her looks for a future career.  Hayoung wanted to model and act.

With Hayoung I was able to be myself.  I could talk again, laugh again, and give pieces of myself to other people.  Everyone had a different piece of me that I chose to give them.   Hayoung had almost all of my pieces and other friends had even less pieces but they were happy with the ones they had, grateful even.  With my voice being heard again, came people who were more than willing to listen.  My popularity skyrocketed.  I went from being a mute freak to one of the school’s most well liked girls.  I liked to give credit to Hayoung for that but she would always assure me that people really liked me for who I was.  Hayoung didn’t know who had all the pieces to my puzzle, the person that knew who I was more than I knew myself.  

Hayoung brought me an ice coffee in mornings and I was eternally grateful for it.  The caffeine got me through the day.  I sipped on it as Hayoung locked my car and slipped my keys into my back.  She linked our arms together and we walked through the parking lot.  

“So tomorrow’s your birthday,” Hayoung said.  “What’s the plan?”

I pretended to think about it but I already knew what I was going to say.  “A night in with the girls?  We can watch cheesy movies and order pizza.”

I smiled at her in a way that said that I wasn’t going to be open to anything else.  Even as a popular girl, I was a little different from the other girls.  I didn’t really go around talking to boys and I certainly wasn’t involved in any after school activities.  I wasn’t overly chatty but I talked to people now and I made sure I was nice to everyone.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Hayoung rolled her eyes.  “Minah wanted to go to that club tonight and she was waiting for your birthday as an occasion to go.”

I bit my bottom lip.  “Well Minah is going to have to be happy with being disappointed.”

Hayoung furrowed her brows.  “Wait, how can you be happy and disappointed at the same time?”

I thought about for a bit and tried to remember an occasion when I was happy and disappointed at the same time.  “It’s like when your favorite group releases a new song and it’s amazing but the music video makes no sense.  You’re happy for a new song but disappointed with the way it’s presented.”

I realized we’d gone off topic the way I wanted us to.  I had no desire to talk about my birthday any further.  I hated my birthday.  Chanyeol had abandoned me on my fourteenth birthday.  I remembered his text message telling me to wait in the park so he could bring me his present.  He’d promised he’d come but he never came.  I waited for six hours before going home, clinging onto the hope that he’d come.

“I just think that a girl’s night might not be enough though.  Baekhyun and the boys wants to celebrate your birthday too,” Hayoung sighed, pulling the door open to the school.  We walked through the doors and walked towards our first class.

I snorted. “I get the guys might but you’re saying Baekhyun wants to come?  You’re aware he hates me, right?”

Hayoung shook her head.  “Baekhyun doesn’t hate you.  If he hated you why would he have saved your life?”

“Because any decent human being would do that for another human being?” I said back, with the tone of finality.

We entered our classroom and sat down in our seats, which happened to be right next to each other.  Once teachers noticed I was able to talk more easily with Hayoung around, they kept finding ways to stick us together.  We couldn’t avoid each other if we tried.  It wasn’t all that bad.  If we ever fought, we’d be forced to reconcile immediately.

“But can we please celebrate at the club tomorrow?  It’s not like your parents care where you go,” Hayoung begged.

To anyone else, the request might have sounded insensitive and disregardful but I was used to it.  Hayoung was constantly trying to bring me out of my shell.  Without her, I wouldn’t be able to do half the things I did now.  And she was also right that my parents wouldn’t care if I went.  I had to make safe decisions on my own and I going to a safe teen club wasn’t going to hurt.  There would be no alcohol and there were always a few police officers in the club to make sure no fights broke out.

“I’ll think about it,” I told her.  She nodded excitedly and then went straight to changing the topic of conversation.  Apparently the gossip was juicy that morning.

“So I heard Riann tell Minah that Gaeun hooked up Park Chanyeol at Homecoming,” Hayoung said, sounding disgusted at the notion of anyone hooking up with Chanyeol.  She and I were probably the last few girls in our grade that hadn’t slept with Chanyeol. 

I feigned disinterest.  “She better have remembered to use a this time.”

The last time Gaeun had hooked up with someone she had a pregnancy scare.  It had been the second time she’d had with her boyfriend and nobody had ever told her about safe and using protection.  Since then, she’d been paranoid about condoms but she’d also lowered her standards when it came to choosing partners.

“You know she did,” Hayoung said with an eye roll.  “Anyway, Riann was saying that they hooked up under the bleachers during halftime.  It totally goes with Baekhyun said because Chanyeol went missing then and the coach was super pissed.”

I fought back a laugh.  Even though I didn’t want to talk about Chanyeol, I couldn’t deny it would have been amusing to piss off the football coach.  

“How scandalous,” I gasped.

“This is quality reality show material,” Hayoung laughed.

I agreed with her.  Our high school was filled with needless drama.  I was just glad Hayoung broke the stereotype for being a nasty cheerleader.  Minah, Riann, and Gaeun weren’t that bad either.  They were just as top tier in social status.  I smiled at them when they walked into the class and sat down in their seats.  The three of them were gorgeous and heads literally turned as they walked by, even the teachers did so.

“Hey, how was your weekend?” Gaeun asked me, a frown on her face.

“Fine.  I stayed in.  Just did homework and watched movies.  How was Homecoming?” I asked.

“We should talk later.” Gaeun said, pursing her lips.  She was upset about something but I couldn’t tell what.  I hoped she was okay but it was clear she wasn’t.

I nodded and payed attention to the teacher who had just walked in and began preparing for the lesson.  Everyone was quiet now but my mind was roaring with conflict.

Gaeun cornered me outside the lunchroom later that day.  She looked half angry, half worried for me.  I didn't understand what was going on and in that second, I was the one worrying.  Gaeun and I were close but we never fought and I was worried that this would be our first fight as friends.  

"What's going on with you and Park Chanyeol?" she asked.

I swallowed hard, panic rising up to my throat.  How was I supposed to answer something like that?  For the past three years there had been nothing, not even a single word or glance had passed between us.  The problem was, something needed to happen to us.  Chanyeol and I had left things unfinished.  That day he stood me up on my fourteenth birthday had ended things but I never got the chance to confront him with my issues with him.  Why had he stood me up?  Why did he start avoiding me completely after that day?  Why couldn't he come to me and tell me why he stood me up and why he hated me now?  

I didn't care what the reason was.  I didn't care if our relationship was irreparable at this point.  I didn't care if we couldn't be friends ever again.  I just wanted a reason why everything had fallen apart.  I deserved that much so I could move on.

"There's nothing between me and Park Chanyeol.  I don't even know him," I told her, reasoning to myself that it was true to an extent.

"Don't lie to me," Gaeun said, her voice cracking.  "Because when I was screwing him on Homecoming night, he was screaming your name."

My mouth fell open.  A tremor of shock tingled up my spine.  I didn't know what to say or what to do.  This was the type of thing that rendered people speechless.  But of course, my next train of thought was that it had to be a mistake.  There was no way he could be doing that sort of thing.  He didn't like me and I was sure he must have been doing it on purpose to send me a message.  He wanted to hurt me by hurting my friends.

"I really liked him, you know.  He was always nice to me.  He told me I was pretty and that I was worth something," Gaeun said, sniffling.  "I didn't know he might be doing it to get close to you.  Are you sure there's nothing going on between you guys?"

I pulled her into a hug.  I didn't know what I could do to make her feel better.  I didn't know how to take away her hurt.  I felt responsible for Chanyeol's actions.  He'd hurt my friend because of me.  Whatever his intentions were, whatever he was scheming needed to be put to a stop.  I would put it to a stop if it was the last thing I did.

"He's a jerk," I said, rubbing Gaeun's back as she cried into my shirt.  "He's such a ing jerk and I'm sorry."

The club was packed when we walked through the doors the next night.  The moon was full, the air was warm and it was my seventeenth birthday.  My parents had left me a card and money on the kitchen table that morning.  It wasn't the worst birthday present I'd ever gotten so I'd accepted it.  I was glad they'd even rememebered, considering they had forgotten my sixteenth birthday.  Most girls had over the top sweet sixteens.  I had a night of karoake and soju with Hayoung and the girls.  It was for that reason Hayoung was so insistent that my seventeenth birthday be fun.

I felt the heat of an arm circle around my neck and pull me down.  I gasped for breath from the shock and scowled.  Swatting at the arm did nothing and neither did my feeble attempts to punch the solid abs that belonged to the same person that was giving me a chokehold.

"Kim Jongin, you fart.  Get the off me," I yelled.

I could hear his manical laugh ridicule me.  "Not a chance babe.  Baekhyun said birthday punches were fair game tonight."

"Yeah, well, Baekhyun hates me so of course he'd say that," I grumbled, pinching Jongin's waist once more.  This time he released me even though none of pinch attacks affected him.

"Baekhyun doesn't hate you.  He just doesn't like you," Jongin corrected.  "He likes cute and innocent girls; ones he feels like he can protect.  What do expect from a short fry like him?"

I rolled my eyes, knowing full well the reason Baekhyun didn't like me wasn't for my personality.  It was because Hayoung had put herself in danger for me three years ago.  Baekhyun might have fought off the mugger, but it had been Hayoung to draw attention away from me.  I d