It was a rather cold day. I was shivering, sitting in the uncomfortable hospital chair. The smell of sickness penetrated my nose and a scrunched up my nose in disgust. I couldn’t believe that I had to spend time here to meet a stupid therapist. It’s not that I don’t know that I’m ed up, now I have to hear it from a professional. It’s hard not to go nuts when all of the world is looking at you, expecting from you sine you’re 16.

Yes, unfortunately I signed a contract with the Devil aka SM Entertainment when I was 16 and am now on of the biggest idols in South Korea, Lee Taemin. Are you surprised to see me in a hospital? I gave fake smiles to every curious face that looked in my direction, silently wondering how SM’s going to brush this under the rug. On my way here, I had decided that if I go down then they go down together with me.

-Lee Taemin? - A voice of a cute nurse called out my name. While passing her I winked. Needless to say that she blushed. Look at me, trying to kill myself one day, flirting with women the next. Truly amazing what I have accomplished during my limited lifetime of 23 years. Plus I’ve acquired my amazing sense of humour along with depression.

The room which I entered was even sadder than the waiting room. It had tried to look cheerful but failed as the yellow walls looked like old piss, not like sunshine on a warm day. The doctor was waiting for me patiently with arms crossed and a small polite smile on his lips. I guess, he was coached to always look content just like me. Not that that changed anything. He was paid for trying to get my head straight and SM was being paid for me being alive. So they tried to do everything to keep me breathing and I was making it harder than they’d expected.

                -Hello, Lee Taemin-ssi! I have been expecting you. - Ah, speaking formally. Guess I should follow the example.

                -Good afternoon, Doctor Kang! You have some pretty cute nurses here. - My lips spread wickedly as I eyed the same nurse from the half-closed window.

The good doctor cleared his throat as he awkwardly got up from his chair to close the curtains. I chuckled. II hadn’t been able to make anyone uncomfortable for some time. Or maybe I was just stalling to try to run away from my problems, well knowing that they’re going to catch up quick.

                -So, how have you been, since we last talked? - Inconspicuous.

                -Except for feeling like and then trying to kill myself, pretty well, I’d say. –

Doctor Kang smiled, a sad and pitiful smile, I wanted to smack it off his face. But that would mean putting in much more effort than I actually have strength for.

                -Do you know why are you having these thoughts and feelings? What prompted you to such actions? – I laughed. The answer was easy.

                -Because I want to die. Nothing more and nothing less.-

Was the idea of taking your own life that difficult? -I’ve had enough, and I’m tired. - I continued, spilling my thoughts out in the open. – A permanent break is what I need. -  

Doctor Kang was scribbling like mad on his white piece of paper. Turning it black with my words. Just like my life, ruining everything I touch.

                -Did you talk with anyone else about how you were feeling? A family member or someone from your group maybe?-

Am I really that stupid to ruin my mother’s life with worry or to talk with anyone from SHINee? Onew is a ing drunkard who is never sober, Minho a , who s everyone with a heartbeat and let’s not even talk about Key or Jonghyun, the lowest of the low, druggies. It isn’t a day when they don’t get shoot up in the dorm rooms, or smoke crack on the roof. Such a happy-go-lucky and supportive environment, isn’t it?

All I said though was much shorter. –Nah. – I have my own to deal with and have no reason to sell out any of the other s I share my income with.  

I saw Doctor shooting glances to my wrists during all of the session and had made a bet with myself whether or not he’ll muster up the courage and ask about it. I wasn’t thinking he will but I guess, he had run out of filler questions.

                -Do you want to talk about it? - He asked, while not meeting my gaze. I wondered if he was like this to all his patients or was I special case. Was he secretly a fan of SHINee? The thought of it made me giggle. I could just imagine him, rocking out in his car during his way home to Lucifer or maybe Everybody and trying to convince his daughter to go see a concert because it would be too awkward to go and see it alone.

                -Do I want to talk about it? Talk about what? Me trying to cut my veins as deep as possible, hoping to pass out from the pain, or the fact that this is not the first time? Or maybe you’re talking about me throwing up everything I eat in hopes that I get so skinny that I disappear from this world? Or how about that time that I got that high that I tried to jump off the roof of KBS and it was only “lucky” that my manager found me before I could do it? There are lots of ‘its’ to talk about.- I blew up, my voice getting quieter as I spoke while the words were fighting to get out, almost chocking me.

But this er. Stupid Doctor Kang was calmly nodding his head as he listened to me. – Good, you’re making progress. Soon maybe we will be able to find the reason for your irrational and abnormal behaviour. - Was what he said after some more scribbling. I felt an aneurysm coming. I just ing spilled my heart out and he was acting like I was talking about last week’s brunch.

I jumped out of my chair and stormed out from the ugly room as quickly as possible, not sparing even one look to the nurse sitting in the reception. But Doctor Kang needed to have the last word.

- See you in the next week's session, Lee Taemin-ssi!-

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Thank you for reading! Hope you enjoyed my take on the life of the one and the only Lee Taemin (though I hope that neither he or anyne else has to deal with these problems).

Written with the inspration of living as a sad and depressed teenager.

Also don't own any of the characters except from the cute nurse or the lovely Dr Kang