Although Takuya and Jaejoon had very little scenes, each time they had screen time, they were too intimate for Shin's liking. At times, Shin had to stop himself from leaving for his room. He didnt have a choice but to bear with it. After all, he couldnt let Takuya find out about his feelings. He couldnt and didnt want to face the cold rejection yet. He wasnt prepared for it.

Shin had mentioned in an interview that the only person he was interested in and wanted to date was Elsa, the character from the movie Frozen. It wasnt a lie though, because Elsa was really pretty and had an amazing personality but abit sadly, she was animated and fictional. The members would often push Shin further, asking for a real person and obviously, he couldnt say Takuya. So he stayed firm with "no one".

Shin noticed how Takuya was very into EXID (who wouldnt be though) these days which did not make him feel better at all. And to make things even harder, Takuya had went on a on-screen date with Hyosung. Shin knew it was just for broadcast but no matter how much he told himself that, it didnt comfort him. Years and months of enduring, Shin didnt know much more he could take.

And that was his final straw, the episode where Jaejoon had leaned very dangerously close to Takuya and it looked like they were about to kiss. Although he knew they werent actually going to, but he lost it. He lost his mind and self-control. He got up from the couch and walked into his room without saying a word. He felt gazes on him but right now, he wanted and needed to be alone.

After closing the door (had to refrain himself from slamming it), he dived onto his bed and screamed into his pillows. Having feelings was stupid. His crush for Takuya was stupid. His mind was stupid. His heart was stupid. He just felt stupid and pathetic.

The other members were probably teasing Takuya for being able to pull off such a scene so well. And he would get shy and embarrassed. And then maybe one day, Takuya would catch feelings for Jaejoon and they'll date and then Shin would have to watch from the sidelines and pretend he's happy for him and maybe he'll even jump off a cliff.

Frustrated, he threw his cellphone across the room but only to pick it up again moments later because he felt bad for it. Sometimes he thought his phone deserved a better owner. He went back to his bed and lay down on it, staring at the ceiling, feeling sorry for himself.

Shortly after, his roommate, Yongseok, came in. Shin shut his eyes to made it seem like he was sleeping. He really didnt feel like speaking to anyone. "Hyung?" he heard Yongseok called out but he showed no reaction. "Hyung, I know you're awake."

Sighing in defeat, he opened his eyes. "What?" He watched Yongseok put on his jacket and reach out his hand to him. "Come on, let's go for a walk." Shin took a glance at the clock which showed 11.48pm. "Yongseok, in case you havent notice, its almost midnight."

Yongseok raised an eyebrow, "That doesnt mean you cant go for a stroll. Any time is perfect for a walk."

Shin thought about it for a while. He really didnt want to go through the living room after walking off just like that. Questions were sure to come. But as much as he didnt want to, he really needed a walk to wind up. "Fine" he said as he let the maknae pulled him to his feet.

They managed to get out of the apartment without much difficulties, since the other members were already in their respective rooms. They walked in comfortable silence until they reached their destination. Shin didnt recognize the place but Yongseok seemed familiar with it. "Do you come here often?" Shin asked, as Yongseok sat on the ground, leaning againts the tree. He nodded, "Yeah, i'm here most of the time when i'm out at night."

Shin couldnt believe how beautiful the sight was. From the hill they were currently on, the city lights were so pretty and the ocean at the further end blended in so well. "Its beautiful."

"Isnt it? It helps me think and clear my mind at the same time." The sound of the wind blowing could be heard as they sat in another silence, lost in their own thoughts.

"I know, hyung." Yongseok said, breaking the silence. Before Shin could respond, the younger continued. "I know you like Takuya hyung."

A wave of panic washed over the older male as he struggled to find the words to say. Deny was what he wanted to do but no words left his lips and so, he just sat there, feeling dumbfounded. For almost 2 years, Shin thought that his secret was locked away safely. He hadnt been doing anything obvious, and the members knew Shin was originally a touchy person. He hasnt mentioned his secret to anyone either. But yet the maknae beside him knew. For how long? Shin decided he didnt want to know.

"How did you find out?" He asked. Yongseok shrugged his shoulders, "I dont know, I just did. You werent obvious or anything but I just had this feeling that you like him. I could have been wrong but the way you walked off earlier and your brief silence confirmed it." Shin looked down to his fingers and began fiddling them as he mumbled a soft, "oh."

He didnt know what to say. Yongseok lightly chuckled, "but its understandable, i guess. If i were you, i would have done the same thing too." Hearing this, Shin smiled but not daring to lift his gaze. There was another pause of silence before Yongseok spoke up again. "I'm sorry. I know i shouldnt have brought it up. You were probably keeping that secret safe as if your life depended on it for so long and you thought no one would even find out but then suddenly out of the blue, i told you i knew. Things were probably hard for you and i guess bringing it up obviously doesnt make anything better, but i want you to know that you dont have to go through it alone. If you want, we can go through it together. Since basically, we're on the same boat."

Shin took a while to let the words sank in. He was glad that someone actually understood how he felt and--

Wait, did he say they're in the same boat? Then does that mean the younger likes Takuya too?

Lifting his eyes to meet Yongseok's, he asked, "are you saying you like Takuya too?"

Please say no, please say no he thought.

Yongseok pressed his lips together before bursting into laughter. As he tried to calm down, he burst into another round of laughter which caused the older to glare at him. "Yongseok, quit laughing. I'm serious."

"Okay okay, huuuuu." He inhaled and exhaled slowly before he responded. "No, of course not, hyung. By same boat, i meant same situation. Not person. You should have seen the look on your face, it was so funny."

Shin punched the younger's shoulder, and was about to retort when he realized something. "Woaaah, okay hold up. Before you say anything else, you better tell me who's this person of yours first", Shin demanded.

Yongseok seemed abit surprised as he asked, "you dont know?" Shin shook his head as a respond which made the younger smirk. "That's a surprise. I think i've made it quite clear and obvious. I don't know whether the hyungs are just pretending to be oblivious or actually complete idiots."

Shin took a moment to think it through. Who was the person Yongseok always hung out with, always around with, always played with. Who was this person?

And it hit him like a truck.

"Oh my god, is it Seyoung hyung?" Shin asked with widened eyes. He wasnt expecting that at all. Yongseok gave a sad smile as he looked away. "That wasnt hard to figure out, was it?"

"Wow, that-- I didnt see that coming at all. I mean we always thought because you were the maknae, you just wanted the hyungs to give you more love or something."

"It was supposed to be that way at first. But as time passes, Seyoung hyung treated me the best among the others. I'm not saying the rest of you were bad but somehow Seyoung hyung made me felt special." Shin watched as the maknae blinked the tears away. "But I guess it's only natural for him. Since he was a new member, he probably didnt want us to neglect him and feel left out. After all, he's also the eldest, it's his responsibility to take care of us."

Shin wanted to comfort the younger so bad but he couldnt even comfort himself, what more someone else? And what Yongseok was most probably true. It was just his responsibility. He could only sigh and pulled Yongseok into a hug.

They both walked back into the house as quietly as possible, not wanting to wake the other members up. They both changed into their pyjamas and minutes later, Shin walked out of the bathroom to find Yongseok already fast asleep. He smiled at the sight before switching off the light and left the room.

He went to the kitchen for a glass of milk and along the way, he accidentally slipped on something wet and dropped his phone that he was grasping in his hands. "", he cursed under his breath as he bend down to grab it. He was hoping no one heard him because it was almost 3am and he didnt want a particular someone waking up.

Shin tried to do everything as quiet as possible. As he turned around to go back to his room with a glass in hand, he was so startled that he almost dropped it when he saw Takuya standing at the doorway. Shin could feel his heartbreat increasing and his legs were suddenly weak. 2 years, and Takuya still had this effect on him. He was wearing his pyjamas but no bed head. Was he not sleeping?

"Where did you go?" Takuya asked, and Shin shrugged his shoulders, deciding to play stupid. "Go where? I didnt go anywhere." He said before taking a sip of his milk. He made an attempt to walk past the younger but he was pulled back to his previous position.

"You werent in your room when I went over."

"I was in the bathroom."

"With the lights off? Gee, I never knew you prefered doing your business in the dark."

"Shut up." Shin said which caused the other to raise an eyebrow. "Fine, I was out with Yongseok, okay? And why are you even awake when you normally sleep like a log?"

"Who said i was sleeping?"

"You werent?"

Takuya awkwardly scratched his neck and shifted his gaze to the floor. "Uh, no. I was sorta-- um waiting for you." He said very slow and softly. Shin had to remind himself that friends wait up for each other and it wasnt a big deal. "Oh" was all he said before taking another sip of his milk.

There was a short pause before Shin spoke up. "Well, i'm here now so what is it?" Instead of replying, Takuya turned around as he walked back to his room. Just before he turned the knob, he simply said, "You should get some sleep. We have a busy schedule tomorrow." Shin watched as Takuya walked into his room and closed the door. He quickly finished his milk and went back to his room.

As he laid down on his bed, he wondered why Takuya had went over to his room when he was out with Yongseok. Why was he waiting up for him? Why he walked away instead of answering him? He sighed sadly. Shin knew he should be used to this feeling. He knew he shouldnt feel this way anymore. He knew Takuya only saw him as a friend. He knew he could never get Takuya to like him. He knew Takuya wasnt aware that he was giving him false hopes. He knew, but it still hurt. Shin knew his feelings for the younger werent going away any time soon and that was bad because he simply couldnt afford to let himself receive any more hopes, disappointments and pain.

And that's when he decided. Shin had been avoiding Takuya and made no more attempt to talk to him or be around him. He wouldnt even look at the younger. Takuya would still try to talk to him but he would always shut him out or shrug him off. Shin and Yongseok started being around together more and more often instead of Shin with Takuya and Yongseok with Seyoung. At times, Shin could feel Takuya staring at him and although he felt bad for neglecting and pushing him away, he didnt have a choice. He had to be selfish and protect his feelings now.

However, unlike him and Takuya, things between Seyoung and Yongseok have been better and after some time, Shin decided to leave them both alone because he didnt want to feel like a thirdwheel. He was happy for the maknae. He really was. At least things were going well for Yongseok.

Week after week, for almost 4 months, Shin had completely ignored Takuya. It was only during broadcasts or schedules that he would speak to him but after that, everything was back to how it was. Shin ignoring and avoiding Takuya.

Then one day during lunch, Sangmin and Casper dragged him out of the cafeteria and pushed him into the janitor's closet before locking the door. "Alright, what's up with you?" Casper asked as Sangmin crossed his arms.

"What are you talking about?" Shin asked, which caused Casper to frown. "Dont pretend you dont know, Shin. Why are you avoiding Takuya?"

"Who said I was avoiding him?"

"Hyung, it's so obvious that you are. You both used to be together alot. You both did everything together. You both used to be so attached to each other. Now you wont even speak to him, look at him. You do nothing with him anymore." Sangmin said which made Shin smirk. "I dont know, i guess happens to people." He knew he shouldnt have said that, but he had to protect himself now so might as well be a cold-hearted bastard, right?

"What is that suppose to mean? Do you even know how much all of this is affecting him?" Casper asked, to which made Sangmin ask, "Why are you doing this, hyung?"

"I'm just protecting myself." Shin said.

"From what?"

"Takuya." Shin could tell his respond made both of them confused. Obviously they would be because they had no idea Shin was crushing on the younger. But he knew if he didnt make them understand, the questions were going to keep coming. Just before they could say anything, Shin spoke up. "Let me ask you this. What do people in dramas do when they start to like or catch feelings for someone? What do they do to protect themselves from getting hurt?"

Casper and Sangmin thought about it, and seconds later, Sangmin responded. "They avoid them."

Shin nodded, "Exactly." He could tell they were still confused until the look of shock and realization filled their faces. Neither of them said anything so he continued, "I know I havent been the nicest person to him and he's probably very confused because he has no idea what he did wrong or what went wrong. But for now, I need my own space and time without him. I have to take care and protect my heart, which was something I should have done a long time ago. Just give me time and i promise, i'll make things alright again." Shin walked past Casper and Sangmin who were still shocked and left the closet. He was thankful he didnt have any schedules the next day, as he let his feet led him away from the building. He could be alone and away from everything for as long as he wanted.

Another week went by, and as much as he didnt want to admit it, Shin missed Takuya. He missed playing around with him, laughing at jokes that werent even funny, hugging him, cuddling with him, playfully flirting with him. He missed everything. But somehow, he managed to be okay for the past few months and he was doing better than he expected. Yongseok and Seyoung became official few days ago and Shin couldnt be happier for the maknae. Yongseok deserved the happiness and of course, Seyoung himself. More surprisingly, the members were accepting it really easily, as if they expected it. He was glad, at least the members werent againts gay or . And for a moment, Shin thought maybe he was alright.

However, it didnt last. Shin was spending his afternoon cleaning up his room and came across a box under his bed. Not remembering what were the contents of the box, he opened it which he immediately wished he didnt. It was a birthday gift he received from Takuya a year ago. The small box was filled with pictures of them and a bracelet. Takuya had bought a pair of them, one for Shin and another for himself. Beneath the pictures, there was a little note which read;

Through ups and downs, brightest and darkest, i couldnt thank you enough for being there. What could i've done without you? Memories that i will always remember and cherish. I bought you a friendship bracelet to mark our friendship. You're very important to me Shin Wonho.

And everything was starting to fall apart again. He kept finding things that either Takuya had gave him or pieces of memories started playing in his mind when he sees something that reminded him of the younger. It was then he realized, that he was already so in love with Takuya, no matter how much he tried to get over him, it was no use. The more he tried, the more he fell for him. Quickly finishing up, he put on his jacket and ran out of the apartment, completely ignoring the other members concern for him.

Tears began filling his eyes and he hated himself then. He had promised himself not to cry over Takuya anymore and here he was, on an isolated hill, crying his heart out. He tried to calm down a few times but the tears wouldnt stop coming and his heart was hurting so much. The memories flooded his mind and he cried harder when he realize it was all gone now. And it was his fault for shutting Takuya out.

After what seemed like hours, he finally stopped and sat there feeling numb. The tears would fill his eyes from time to time but they werent flooding his face anymore. He took out his cellphone and opened the front camera. God, he looked awful. His eyes were so swollen and red, his cheeks were puffy and tear stains could be clearly seen, his nose was running and abit pink-ish and his hair was a mess. Shin was and looked like a wreck. He glanced at the time which showed 2.36am. He had been out for almost 3 hours. He sighed heavily and ran his fingers through his hair because he knew he had to get back soon. He stood up and dragged his feet back home.

Shin was relieved that no one was in the living room as the room was dark. He assumed everyone else was in Casper and Sangmin's room as various of laughter came from their room. Shin decided to bring the carton of milk to his room so he didnt have to come out again later so he quietly walked towards the kitchen but stopped on his tracks when he saw Takuya standing at the doorway, just like he did few months ago. Takuya was staring straight at him and Shin could feel the tears threatening to fall again. He turned around and quickly walked towards his room.

No no no dont cry, wait until you get into your room, he told himself.

But Takuya had caught Shin's wrist before he could even grab the door knob. He swallowed the lump in his throat, "Let go", he said, trying to sound normal but it came out airy from all the crying earlier.

But Takuya didnt let go. "I said let go." He said again, but softer this time. Instead of letting go, the younger's grip only tightened. "Hyung--" he said but the older immediately cut him off. "Dont", he began and a tear rolled down his cheek, as he turned around to face the younger. He couldnt hold it anymore. "Dont do this to me Takuya." He continued and another tear rolled down. Takuya stared into the older's eyes and his heart broke. The cheerful and playful Shin, the lovable and adorable hyung he knew wasnt here. It felt like a completely different person. His eyes were so empty, like he had cried all his emotions and soul out and even worse, he was still crying.

As much as he hated seeing his hyung cry, he needed answers. Ignored for months, he didnt even know what he did wrong. He wanted an explanation. "Do what, hyung? I havent been doing anything to you." He mumbled softly, still gripping on Shin's wrist. He knew if he let go, the older would escape again.

He waited and waited but nothing. Shin stood there, tears kept falling and Takuya wanted to do nothing more than to stop them. "Shin" he began, dropping the formalities as he continued. "Why are you crying? What's wrong?" He waited again but no words left his mouth. Shin shifted his gaze to the floor and sobbed quietly. He hated it when people saw him cry. It made him feel weak and that was the last thing he wanted to be.

Takuya's patience was slowly running out. Shin wasnt talking or answering him. Damn, he wasnt even looking at him. This time, he let go of the older's wrist and grabbed him by his shoulders. "If you wont tell me what's wrong, then can you at least tell me what I did wrong? What have i done? Why wont you talk to me? Why were you ignoring and avoiding me, Shin? You've been shutting me out and it makes me feel like . It's like i'm suddenly nothing to you. It feels as if our friendship was down the drain. We were supposed to be best friends forever, remember?"

Takuya waited and waited. He was so desperate for answers but the older stayed quiet. He waited for almost 5 minutes and nothing. Shin wasnt saying anything and it didnt look like he was going to. Takuya sighed as he let go of Shin's shoulders. His lips formed a sad smile. "So this is the end, huh? Just like this, you're giving up without telling me what's going on. But you know what, that's okayu. As long as you're happy. As long this makes you happy, Shin."

Takuya backed away from the said boy and slowly made his way towards his room. Just about after 7 steps (yes he counted), he heard a voice. "That's the problem." Takuya stopped walking and stood in place, not bothering to turn around. "What is?"

"I dont want to be just best friends with you. I had to ignore you to protect myself but it was hard for me too. I missed talking to you, making lame jokes and laughing at them with you, being embraced by you. I missed everything about you so bad but i had to force myself away from you. I was going to be greedy if i didnt. that, i was greedy. I wanted you all by myself. I wanted you to want me. I wanted to be the person you loved. I wanted to be everything you wanted. I wanted it to be me so bad. But no, i'm not and never will be. And it hurts because you keep doing which give me more false hopes. I thought that maybe if i ignored you, the feelings would fade away somehow. But its been months and perhaps even years, and no matter how hard i tried, i could never get over you. At the end of the day, it was still you and it hurts, Takuya. The fact that i am so in love with you, hurts so bad." Shin confessed and unwillingly began to cry uncontrollably.

Takuya was shocked, he had not expected that at all. He turned around to see the older had fell on his knees, crying. The room was silent, and only choked sobs could be heard. His heart clenched at the sight. He approached Shin and pulled him to his feet and hugged him. Shin tensed up before attempting to push him away. Still struggling, he begged Takuya, voice lowering in defeat. "Please, stop doing this to me. Stop being so damn nice to me. I cant do this anymore. Just leave me, just go. I probably disgust you now and--" He was cut off when the younger crashed their lips together.

And it felt like the world stopped.

Shin froze, as he tried to process what was going on. Trying to take in the situation. Oh god, Takuya was kissing him. Like, actually kissing him. And he was too shock to even kiss back. Takuya pulled back, staring into the older's eyes and this time, he stared back. Why did Takuya kissed him? Was he messing with him? Was he dreaming?

Yeah, it's definitely a dream he thought.

"I knew you liked me but i never knew you loved me this much and-- i'm sorry, Shin. If only i knew this earlier, i wouldnt have hurt you like i did. I wouldnt have did anything that gave you false hopes. I never wanted to hurt you, ever. And it makes me feel so awful to know that i'm the reason you fell apart. Became a wreck. A ed up mess. I'm so sorry." Takuya said as he shifted his gaze away from the older, feeling ashamed. He sighed heavily. Shin continued staring at the younger with widened eyes. (well not as wide since his swollen eyes wouldnt allow him).

A silent pause filled the room and after a whole minute, Takuya continued as he lifted his gaze to meet Shin's once again. "But i'm surprised, yknow. You never figured it out. Figured me out, actually. You were my other half, Shin. Despite the language barrier, you were there for me from the very beginning. After i met you, my life was full of excitement, laughter and happiness. You became my source of happiness, my happy pills, yknow? You became such an important part of my life. You played a very important role and without you, everything just felt plain and boring. When you cut me off, there was nothing to look forward to anymore. I mean, its not like we do anything new or stuffs or any of the sort but i still felt happy because talking to you was something i looked forward to. I looked forward to doing things with you, Shin. To see a new day with you. Being with you. Anything, as long there was you. I guess the only reason i never told you i had a crush on you was because i was afraid. I was afraid of the feelings you gave me. I have never felt like this, especially towards a guy. You just, make me feel things i never actually wanted to feel, i guess. I really really like you, Shin. A lot more than i should have. A lot more than you could ever imagine."

Eyes still wide, Shin blinked a few times before slapping himself for real. His mind was dizzy and his legs were giving out. He was so speechless, he just stared at the younger. "Please tell me this is real. Please let this be real." He said, staring into Takuya's eyes.

The other smiled and muttered, "This is as real as you want it to be." He cupped Shin's face and leaned in to press their lips together. And this time, he kissed back.

His insides were jelly, his heart was beating really fast and at this point, Shin's legs were going to give out. Tilting his head, Takuya deepened the kiss and Shin could feel Takuya's hands were now on his chest as he slowly pushed the older againts the door.

They went on, already lost in their own world and only breaking apart when they heard the sound of the door opening.

Seyoung walked out of the room with the members behind him, not noticing the both of them as he talked, "I wonder if Shin's back yet? And where did Takuya go-- oh." He was cut short when he finally realized the both of them there. All the members were staring at them, with stunned looks on their faces and vice versa.

Why was Shin againts the door and Takuya standing so close to him?

And then it sank in.

Seyoung jaw dropped before he spoke up. "Oh my god. Guys i think we just interrupted their make out session."

"Well, that took you both long enough. The tension was killing the rest of us." They heard Casper said, to which the other members nodded at.

Yongseok gave Shin a wink before pushing everyone back into their room. "Okay hyungs, lets leave them to continue what they were doing."

Takuya chuckled as Shin hid his face in embarrassment againts his chest. Once the other members left, Takuya gave the older a kiss on the forehead. "I love you."

"I love you too."

okay so it took me about a whole week to finish this. i hope you all like this tho, it's been awhile since i actually wrote something. now, dont misunderstand alright. i really think takuya and jaejoon are adorable together but takushin just, i cannot handle the feels. they always do things that make them seem so real :')  i might write another takushin fanfic soon because apparently, this world needs more takushin hehehe. thank you!