Most people spend their lives searching for its meaning. Some people search for a purpose and some wonder if there is more to it than what they already know. But for Krystal, the question that plagues her is how. How does one feel alive? What is it that makes life worth living? Because to her, life had been unextraordinarily underwhelming for the most part except for one thing so she had not quite found something that made her feel like she was alive. It was ironic really. The thing that was keeping her alive was also keeping from feeling alive.

Krystal was barely an adult and yet she had had a hard life. Abandoned at birth by her unknown parents, she was placed in an orphanage with little regards for her wellbeing. At the age of five, she was placed in the foster care system but it was no better. The problem was that all of Krystal’s guardians found her to be odd, very odd. None of them knew what it was but there had always been a strange aura surrounding her and it made them uncomfortable. So she was passed from one family to another. Every time she felt like she was remotely settling in, she was torn away and forced to start again.

When she finally settled into a family, they hardly cared about her at all nor their other two foster children. Her guardians were not exactly abusive but they were definitely negligent. It was a wonder why they wanted foster kids in the first place. But Krystal bore it because she was tired of having to move again. And in a way, she could do as she pleased because her guardians cared so little, that is as long as they did not find out. She and her foster siblings all preferred to keep to themselves so she was, in fact, alone. However, by then she really did prefer to be alone. It was just easier to keep her secret hidden that way.

She knew exactly what it was that people found her to be so odd. The truth is that she herself was terrified when she first found out but she soon accepted it. Krystal was not like any other child. A lot of people think that of themselves too but Krystal was actually different. She was not quite sure if she was even human but she would rather not question it. Her oddity had actually been quite defining to her life as she knew it. The fact that she was invincible made her fearless or rather numb. Actually, everything in her life had accumulated and made her somewhat dead on the inside.

She was pretty young when she first found out and it horrified her. There was no way of understanding it and there was no one to explain it. She kept it to herself and told no one. The few days following it, she was so scared she would hide in her room just crying. When she managed to get a grip on it, she thought maybe it was just a miracle and forgot about it, until the next time it happened again. This time she was slightly older but it was still as horrifying to know that your body could heal faster than any normal person. However, she was now intrigued as well. She wondered if there was a limit to her “ability” and decided to test it, cautiously and in secret.

Slowly, she pushed her boundaries - contusions, abrasions, lacerations, avulsions, fractures. It was both thrilling and terrifying in the beginning, not knowing what would happen, if it was just a fluke, if there was in fact a limit. One mistake and it could all be over but that was the risk she was willing to take anyway because she did not really have anything to care about. In fact, it became a sort of addiction, to feel the rush of adrenaline course through her apathetic body. But even that did not last for very long. Like any addiction, her body soon became desensitized. Even what was once a rush became just… familiar, bearable, numb. Eventually, Krystal realized that what some people would consider a gift was actually more like a curse, needless to say why. Indifferent was all she was, she hardly felt anything anymore.

Her experiments did however yielded one good thing, her best friend Byul-yi or as Krystal calls her Moon. They always joked that together they made Moon Krystal which sounded like something out of a Harry Potter story. But more importantly, Moon was the only person who truly knew about Krystal’s strangeness. Their encounter was purely by chance and as any first encounters go, it was certainly a memorable one. Moon had stumbled upon Krystal during one of her experiments and rushed to her aid when she thought the unthinkable had happened. But when she got close enough, Krystal’s wounds were already healing although there was a large amount of blood, obvious that the latter had indeed suffered severe injuries and yet, Krystal did not look it. Fortunately for Krystal, Moon was less interested in an explanation and more concerned about her.

It was certainly a defining moment for Krystal. She never really trusted anyone before, which was understandable considering her life up to that point. She never had anyone she could depend on let alone anyone who would bat an eye if she was hurt, so she was untrusting and hesitant. Moon on the other hand was the opposite of Krystal. She was outgoing, cheerful and empathetic. She decided not to question what had really happened when they first met. Instead she offered to take Krystal to the hospital. Krystal refused, of course, but Moon was rather persistent and could not be shaken off. So instead Krystal proved that she was perfectly fine.

Moon was curious but she could tell that prying would be unsuccessful. Instead she slowly gained Krystal’s trust. She did not push nor prod, she only kept Krystal company. And like everything else, Krystal became accustomed to Moon’s presence, her one and only friend. Eventually, Krystal told Moon her secret but by then, Moon really did not care much about it. She had grown fond of Krystal the way she was and nothing would change her affection towards her friend.

The only problem was, as Moon’s attachment towards Krystal grew, so did her worry for Krystal. Despite Moon’s constant nagging, Krystal went about with reckless abandon. Since she had no reason to worry, she could just do whatever she wanted which a lot of the time had lead her into life threatening situations. And even though Krystal kept reminding Moon that she would be fine, it did not put her friend at ease. The fact was that not even Krystal understood what her ability was nor where it came from. She did not know if it was temporary or permanent. She did not know if there were side effects. But Krystal was not interested in answering those questions because they made no difference to her, but they did to Moon especially when Moon had a secret of her own which she had been keeping from Krystal.

And so they grew up together, Moon, the only person Krystal would ever turn to for anything but she was also fiercely loyal to Moon. But the moment Krystal turned eighteen, she gladly left the foster system. She had the good sense of saving up the moment she could work because she was determined to get out, out of the hellhole she was in. Moon had offered to move out with Krystal so that they could share the cost but Krystal would not let her. She knew that Moon was her parents’ only child and unlike Krystal’s foster parents, they were kind and caring so she wanted her friend to stay with them. They even treated Krystal like a daughter the many times Moon convinced her to go over for dinner but Krystal never really wanted to because she felt embarrassed.

Even though she really had no interest in anything, there was one thing Krystal was certain about; she did not want to be stuck in a mediocre life. So in order to put herself through college, she worked multiple jobs and she worked hard. For someone who felt so uninspired, she was certainly driven. If she wanted something, no one could convince her otherwise, not even Moon. After three years of being in college, Krystal was about to turn twenty-one whilst Moon, who was a year older, was about to graduate. For most, these were milestones in anyone’s life but for these two, they were not even aware of what was really installed for them.

Chapter poster by Syl