A/N: I'm not dead. I know, what a surprise. 

Forgetting has always seemed so hard. Everybody made it seem so hard—media, people, even your own imagination makes everything feel heightened. The pain, the happy memories—the loss.

Forgetting may be hard, if you have no worries in your life. Jackson had bills to pay, a new job, a new apartment and a sickly mother to worry about. So it can’t be helped that forgetting was easy.

The feeling of chapped lips against his was a memory so faint, he’d sooner remember the feel of the unyielding ceramic rim of his mug against his cold lips. Winter is cold but it’s colder still without another’s hand interlocked with his. Was his hands smaller than Jackson’s? Were the pads of his finger tips rough against the back of his hand? Jackson can’t remember.

As he waits for the water to boil, looking at how droplets of rain slide down his glass window one after the other, he can’t help but feel a bit cheated. He wanted the tears he’d shed back. Everything had seemed so vivid and everlasting then.

Sitting down at his apartment of almost one year, hearing the kettle whistle, texting Jinyoung as he waits for him to come over for coffee; Jackson wonders where Mark is now. Wonders if maybe, he thinks of Jackson still, or if he can’t remember the taste of Jackson on his tongue anymore, as well.

He gets up to pour the water, the kettle’s whistling makes him remember that Mark used to whistle a lot. It was small but he remembers—he almost expects it to sting a bit but nothing but the sting of touching the kettle’s uncovered handle hurts him.

He looks for band aids. As he’s looking between the power ranger covered ones and the piyo littered ones, he wonders which Mark would pick to put on him. Did he use to kiss his wounds better?

Jackson ends up putting on the plain beige ones.

One spoonful of instant coffee goes into the steaming cup, Jinyoung texts him back, he puts one spoonful of sugar, he replies to the text and puts another spoonful of sugar.

Two spoonfuls of sugar right, Mark?

Two spoonfuls of sugar, his body remembers.

Too sweet, his tongue remembers.

Too bitter, his heart remembers.

Jinyoung texts back;

Wait, who’s Mark?

Jackson’s fingers type faster than he could think and replies;

Someone I don’t need to remember.

Wanna go out to the café instead?