"Yoongi! Yoongi please wake up!" I cried out. I can still remember every detail of that day. Every sound, word, movement of the breeze.

"Why did you do this? Min Yoongi come on!" tears rolled over my cheeks uncontrollably, the intense wind blowing my hair into my face.

I was a mess. This was a mess. There he was, laying on the cold, hard ground, scarred, bleeding .. I bend over to check his breathing and his pulse.

Nothing. He's not breathing ... He's. Not. Breathing. I said in myself.

The worst and darkest scenarios crawled into my mind. Did he really commit suicide? Because of a worthless piece of ? Because of me?

All I could do is cry, laying my head on his chest, holding his hand firmly.

Wishing he'd wake up, saying "Hey brat, stop being a whiny kid."

Wishing for his gummy smile to appear again, to hear his adorable, dorky laughter.

Wishing he'd hold me in his arms once again. I regretted everything I've done at that moment.

I regretted so much I left him, knowing what kind of person he was.

Knowing in what state he was. Now he was laying underneath me, dead.

But I had to think about myself too. I never had an easy life, and I even got to the point wanting commit suicide, along with him.

I can't believe I agreed to that, but his words , his voice made everything sound so peaceful and natural.

"Let's end this Jinyong. Let's end this together." He caressed my head, holding me tightly against his own body.

"Let's leave together, I want you by my side." I fell so hard for this boy. I was blinded, my sense of  responsibility was gone. I couldn't think sober.

All that was, was him. I felt so lonely, dead, and now I finally found someone who really knew and understood my feelings.

He made me smile and laugh like crazy, he made me feel things I've never felt before. I was always so cold, and distant towards other people.

I never was affectionate. But with him, it was different. I could be myself, he could be himself. I felt somehow safe and protected.

He was mentally ill, he wasn't an easy person. At one point he was sweet, carrying meanwhile the other days, when he got his attacks, he'd want to end everything again.

Kill himself, kill me.

Yes, I must admit I was scared, but I never showed it.

I wanted him to change, I changed, he changed me. I wanted to live, with him , be happy. Just the two of us.

I started to think differently and make a change, a change in our way of thinking. In his way of thinking. I tried, so hard, for so long.

But I got tired, he brought me down as much as he made me happy. I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted to be happy , healthy. With him by my side.

But not like this. For a while, I managed to get him stable. I thought it was finally working out, he became happier, we bought a small apartment where we lived together.

We took care of each other. But then it happened, god didn't want me to have it my way. This time I failed. My depression came back, I was anxious. Scared. I ran away, just like that.

I walked out the door and hid. For three months. Without contacting with Yoongi for once.

Somehow, my mental state made me literally forget everything and everyone from before.

Even him.  The one I loved to death. Min Yoongi. My Yoongi. After I left him, my life blossomed. I was extremely happy, I was doing well. My health wasn't causing any problems, and I found new, great and supportive friends.

Somehow there always was that feeling that bothered me all the way along. That little empty spot.

A few weeks flew by as I got a call. I couldn't believe at first who called me. "Look, It doesn't matter how I found you, what matters is that Yoongi's dead because of you!" She yelled through the phone.

Suddenly, in a flash every single memory came back to me. I started to remember who the voice belonged to, who Yoongi was, and what happened.

All this time, I forgot it, I forgot him. I still don't know how I managed to, but I did. His sister was never fond of me. But .. she made me think for a while.

"He's what? Who ... what the are you even bullting?!" I raised my voice at every following word.

"He ing committed suicide! Because YOU left him! ALONE, when HE needed YOU!"

 No. This can't be.

"W-where is he? ..."' My voice weakened.  "I don't ing know!? He called me just before he did it! Telling me that I have to let you know he loved you to death, that he was sorry, for everything he's done. For making you leave, all that kinda bull! BUT IT'S YOUR FAULT! IF YOU HAVEN'T LEFT HIM , THIS WOULD NEVER HAPPEN!"

My eyes got teary, I felt that weird kind of pain right in my chest. I couldn't believe her words, she just wanted me to off his brother right?

... No, then she wouldn't call me. I ran away, leaving him. . In the meantime I haven't notice she hung up on me.

I sat down the couch and thought carefully.

Where could he be.. maybe it's not too late. Maybe he's still alive?

 Suddenly I just stood up, grabbing my phone and car keys. I rode to our shared apartment, I managed to remember where we hid the spare key, and got into the house. Running and yelling around, looking for any sign of life. Nothing.

I walked around, checking the rooms carefully for any details. I walked into our bedroom, as it looked like.

Pictures and albums of us two were spread all over the bed, some landed on the floor. I felt the panic building up.

I sat on the edge of the bed looking at the pictures. Everything came back, all the memories, stories and most important my feelings.

One picture caught my attention, it was us two, me and Yoongi, laying somewhere. It looked like a cliff, surrounded by beautiful flowers and a few sakura trees. I tried my best to remember where it was. But it just didn't want to pop up.

I decided to go in town, and ask around.

Someone must know this place.

Half an hour later, I finally managed to get to the place.

I yelled my lungs out. "Yoongi! Yoongi!" Nothing. I ran as hard as I could , spotting something in the distance. Could it be ... him?

As I arrived, I covered my mouth with my hands. Tears uncontrollably rolling down my cheeks. I fell on my knees, in front of him.

Now we go back to the beginning.

He was dead.

But now, I'll never forget the beautiful memories we made together. Despite the person he was, who I was.

To be continued.