“Why are you still here?”

Sehun went back to his house the next night to take out his thing. He told Suho that he will live with him for the mean time, and without asking and thinking much, Suho said yes to him. Sehun was startled when he saw his desk and cupboards were open. Tao was sitting in the bed, unmoving. There were photos and magazines scattered around him.

“Tell me what are all of these mean?”

“These mean nothing. Get out of here please.” Sehun tried to calm down.

“This is my house.”

“Fine. I’m going to take my things and go then.” Sehun took his suitcase at the top of the cupboards and start to put in his clothes harshly.

“Stop!” Tao shouted when Sehun turned to walk out of the door.

“Get away from me.”

“I said stop!” Tao grabbed Sehun’s wrist forcefully and yanked him to the inside of the house, Tao standing in the doorway.

“What are you doing?” Sehun started to get angry but he tried to calm himself once again. “I’ll call the police if you don’t let me go.” Sehun pull out his phone just to be took away by Tao and slammed to the floor. “Huang Zitao, listen. If this is about the debt, here.” He opened one of the drawers and took out an envelope with money on it, just the same as the one Tao gave him three years ago. “I save it already. Take this and leave me alone.”

“You think I bugged you for this whole time just for this money?”

“What else? I borrowed it from you and I told you I would pay them back. Now I pay it to you, so we are even. Stop bothering me anymore.”

“This is not because of the money Oh Sehun!” Tao shouted and threw away the money.

Tao never called Sehun by his full name, so this time it really shocked Sehun to hear that. He was scared now. He never looked Tao angry like this. He didn’t even think that angry Tao would be this frightening. He bowed down his head, scared to face Tao.

“Tell me” Tao grabbed the photos in the bed. “What these mean? Is this what you’ve been doing for these three years? Collecting the magazines I featured in? Taking my photos from the banner and the advertisement scattered around Korea? Taking the photos of my face from the standees from the brand I endorsed? Tell me!”

“What if I did? What is the matter to you? I live my own life and I do what I want!” Sehun started to tremble.

“Why? Why did you do this? You could.. Find me.” Tao was starting to get softer.

“I could? You sure? You left me remember? You left me with all the hatred you have for me!” Sehun can’t hold his tears anymore. “Would you comeback if I find you? Would you talk to me if I find you? Would you! Look at me if I find you? You saw me as nothing but trash. If I had my camera back then, I’ll make you see how was your look when you looked at me. You looked at me like nothing but a pure disgust. Do you think I can ever come to find you? For days back then, I did believe that I am just a trash!” Sehun cried.

“Then why are you taking all of those photos?” Tao asked in a low voice.

“Because they won’t judge me! No matter what I looked like, no matter what I did, they will still smile at me! They won’t tell me how much of an unworthy trash I am! I can tell them everything without afraid that they will look at me differently! They will never leave me because I can keep them for myself! They will never hurt me!” Sehun was sobbing. “That was the only thing I can do to live my life.” He whispered.

“Sehun..”

“Stop! Don’t come near me. You know everything now. I don’t need your pity. I’ll do fine by myself. Just please. Don’t ever come back to my life. I’m.. Tired.. Too tired.” Sehun made his way towards the door and this time, Tao didn’t stop him.

It was raining outside and Sehun run straight to Suho’s house. Sehun’s pounded the door until Suho opened it. Suho gasped when he saw the drenched Sehun. Not only drenched, Sehun looked wrecked.

“I can’t do this hyung. Make it stop. It hurts too much.”

Suho shushed him and let him in. He hugged the crying boy, not caring that he gotten himself wet too.

“Hyung is here, Sehun ah. Hyung is here.” He kept caressing Sehun’s back and head.

Sehun was fall asleep after crying for almost an hour. Suho changed Sehun’s wet clothes and let him sleep curled up on the couch. He had no heart to wake up the boy. He grabbed a thick blanket from the bedroom and wrapped Sehun up. Even on his sleep, Sehun was whimpering. He didn’t know what happened, but all of it must be about Tao.

Sehun didn’t tell him anything about yesterday though. He only told Suho that Tao bought his house so he want to live in Suho’s house for awhile before he got a new house. Suho told him just to live with him. Suho’s house had one more spare room where Sehun could stay anyway, but he insisted that it will only be temporary and Suho don’t bugged him about it anymore.

Sehun told him that he will go back to take out his clothes, but there was not even a piece of clothes he brought. Only himself and all the tears and the rain. Suho caressed Sehun’s hair. Tried to make him stop whimpering. And that time, Suho was determined to do something.

Sehun woke up the next day with heavy eyes. He sat up and realized that it was Suho’s house he was at and Suho’s couch he was sitting on. Suho came out in his view in minutes with a glass of hot chocolate and marshmallows on it. He handed Sehun the glass and put his palm on Sehun’s forehead. Sehun looked up at him questionably.

“I called sick today.”

“Don’t lie.” Sehun spoke in a horse voice after he sipped the drink.

“You know me the best. Well, I just called Jongdae and told him a got a big problem and he said he’ll take care of the rest. He forced me to say what the problem is though, so I told him everything.”

“I’m sorry for bringing you trouble.” Sehun looked down.

“I’m your hyung and I don’t mind. Finish the chocolate and take a bath. You stink!” Suho ruffled his hair and left him.

He took a bath and wore whatever of his old clothes that store in the cupboard on his bedroom. He only wore these clothes if he sleepover here, which is not often, so there were only some of it. He looked at himself in the mirror and he chuckled. He looked horrible. But he couldn’t care less though. He walked up and saw Suho leaning on the counter and looked troubled.

“Hyung.”

“Oh, you done? I kind of run out of milk. Do you want to go to a grocery date with me?”  Suho tried to smile and brighten up.

“Hyung, you never run out of milk.”

“Well, I do now.”

“Okay.” Sehun knew his hyung was lying, but he didn’t want to argue.

They did the groceries. Suho tried to talk about everything just so Sehun won’t feel gloomy. It didn’t really effective though, but Sehun was grateful for the tries. They went to eat ice cream and Suho tired him at the end of the day from all the walks and talks. He felt asleep soon after he was home.

Sehun was a little bit relieved because he had no photo session to do and he didn’t feel like doing it, so he just stayed at Suho’s house. Suho wasn’t home the next day. Sehun insisted that he was okay and asked Suho to go back to work. He was an adult anyway and he can take care of himself. Suho left him half heartedly and reminded him to eat and rest.

He didn’t do it. He didn’t eat all day, sitting or curling up on his bed and just boring stares to the wall. There were so many things floating on his mind. He can’t even tell what he was thinking or what he was feeling. He just felt, numb. At time like this, he felt lonely. And this day he felt even lonelier. The thought of leaving in misery was floating on his mind only disturbed when Suho came home, talked to him and forced him to eat a little.

Suho knew it, it’s been days, but he never said anything. He tried to smile a lot to Sehun. Talk to him about things the important ones or the unimportant ones. He tried to take Sehun out to walk, but it resulted with him feeling like he was walking with a corpse. He actually didn’t want to know. He wanted to do something, but it failed. He didn’t dare to mention Tao’s name and tried to occupied Sehun with something else, but he failed.

But this was the only thing he could do for Sehun. Even if it’ll take days, or weeks, he would bring back the little brother he once had.

“Let’s watch movie!” Suho walked to the living room one night. “I bought some DVDs yesterday. Here. You choose!”

“Play anything you want, hyung. I’m not really fond of watching movies anyway.” Sehun sat on the couch in front of the TV.

“You right.” Suho was busying himself on choosing the DVD when Sehun speak up.

“Don’t do this anymore, hyung. I’m okay.”

“You are?” He looked at Sehun.

He put down the DVDs on the floor and walked towards the couch. He sat there beside him. Sehun was hugging a pillow and both of them just sat in silence in front of the blank TV. Both of them had things on their minds.

“I will never meet him anymore.” Sehun spoke up at last.

“Really?”

“Things will be back like how it was before again.”

“You and I know so well that things won’t be back like it used to be Sehun.”

“It has to be, hyung. He found out the photos. He knew everything. He will be more disgusted of me right now.” Sehun grabbed the pillow tightly.

“Did you chase him away?”

“No. I give him a way.”

“Why did you do that?”

“He got enough of me, hyung. I couldn’t be with someone like him. He deserved better. And actually.. I’m ashamed of myself. I don’t even dare to look at him in the eyes for too long or stay around him.”

“There is nothing about you to be ashamed of, Sehun.”

“I know myself the best, hyung. Those words won’t make me feel better.”

“But I’m still proud of you because you are the best brother I can ever have.”

“Yeah. And I’m really thankful to have you, hyung. I have only you in this world after all.” Sehun looked at Suho and gave him a little smile.

“You can have more if you want, Sehun. You have to let people in so you can have more.” Suho put his hand on Sehun’s shoulder.

“I don’t need more, hyung. Just you is enough. I passed this phase once. I’ll pass it again. Don’t be too worry about me.”

“But this time is different.”

“What is?”

“I helped you cursed Tao that time because I thought he was a jerk, but now I know he is not like that. I know that he loved you. He loves you.”

“He won’t do that kind of thing three years ago if he ever loved me, hyung.”

“But it was because he didn’t know what happened.”

“Yeah. I will just keep it that way. No reason for him to know though. And I don’t feel like explaining the dirty jobs I did.”

“How if he knows?”

“Nothing will change, hyung. Even if he knows, I actually did all of those things and he will still disgusted by it.”

“I’m sorry Sehun, but he knows all of it.”

“What do you mean? You don’t—How??”

“I told him. The next day after my first encounter with him, I met him in the hospital. He was visiting Jongdae. Jongdae told him something and he came to fine me and it just slipped out of my mouth. I know you are mad right now, I’m sorry for hiding it from you. But I’m not sorry for telling him the truth about you. He has to know.” Sehun stared at Suho.

“Why did you do that, hyung? You always take my side.”

“Perhaps because I saw the sincerity in him. He regrets everything, you know. He wanted to win you back and I gave him the permission to. He told me that when he saw you again for the first time, he wanted to throw everything in the past and just starting new with you. He won’t care about anything from the past anymore. That is how much he loves you. But he saw me. He got mad and afraid to get hurt again, so he wanted to back down. Then he knew it. He talked to Jongdae. He talked to me. I don’t really know him. But I know he loves you. And as far as I know, you still love him. I see no reason for you to chase him away.”

“But he deserves someone better than me, hyung.”

“It’s not you to say what he deserves, little brother. He chooses to win you back, that means he want you. Don’t underestimate your own worth. He won’t chase you back if he didn’t see any worth in you. He won’t chase you back if he doesn’t love you enough. I just want you to not regret your choice, Sehun.”

“But it’s too late, hyung.”

“No, it’s not. Now it’s your turn to show him how much you love him.”

“Do you think he’ll still want me back?”

“I know he still want it. Have more faith on yourself. You are my little brother. The brother I’m proud of the most.”

“You only have one brother, hyung.”

“And that’s why you are my favorite.” Suho ruffled his hair.

“Thank you, hyung.” Sehun smiled for the first time in days, a true, sincere smile.

“Anything for you. No matter what happened, I will always be by your side, so don’t worry.” I did what I can do. It depends on you now. Please don’t make me regret this, Tao.