FROM THE AUTHOR:

This book will (or at least, try to) answer all your questions about pregnancy in the point of view of a first time father. Before anything else, I would like to say that if you're not the one giving birth, I think you'd never be fully prepared for pregnancy. But at least, this book will make you feel you are.


CHAPTER 1 - Reacting to the "Good News"

I don’t know the reason why but I bet to those of you whose husbands got pregnant, you will probably notice that as the months pass, your husband’s emotions go haywire, mimicking that of the hormone-based emotions that most often afflict women, pregnant or not.

To avoid anything remotely unnecessary, such as arguments (you’ll be giving in mostly 90% of the time because pregnant, remember?) and injuries (flying objects hurt as well, okay), first and foremost, you always have to remember to react appropriately. Remember, appropriately. The simplest interpretation of this would be to try to gauge your partners current emotional state of being (cue “try”, because you never will be able to). Then, for those looking for the easy way out, the thing to do would probably be to mirror your partner’s reaction, at least outwardly. Remember, your partner’s watching, and I mean,watching your reaction.

Work has been tiring for Oh Sehun. He never realized working in the field of science could be such hard work. As the day was about to end, all he wanted was to go home, eat dinner, and spend some time with Luhan.

Luhan, on the other hand, had just learnt that on that particular morning, he was 2 months pregnant, and he couldn’t wait to tell his husband!

Lining up the pregnancy test results, he waited for Sehun to come home. He was getting anxious as the hours pass, not because he thinks Sehun won't be happy with the idea that they'll be having a child soon, but because he's not sure if Sehun was ready.

Luhan is a 100% sure he himself is, but is Sehun? He's in doubt, to be honest.

As Sehun came home from work, he was attacked at the front door by a giant ball of fluff named Luhan. Said ball of fluff promptly attacked him with kisses peppered all over his face. Unable to resist his lover, he placed his arms around Luhan's waist as they continued to lock their lips together.

Things were about to get heated when Luhan gently pulled away to whisper in his ear, "Hey Sehunnie, guess what?"

Sensing the happiness in Luhan’s voice, Sehun let out a small laugh before answering. "What?"

"I'm pregnant."

Sehun’s body stiffened and Luhan started to worry.

Wasn't Sehun happy? The anxiousness from before came back, until it was all Luhan could feel at the moment. He watched the emotions play on his husband's face.

“Are you sure? Did you double-check?”

"Of course I did!" Luhan replied in a strangled voice. "Aren't you happy for me?” His voice softens and Sehun feels like , “For us?"

It was then that Sehun seemed to be shaken from his stupor. Noticing Luhan was near tears, but with exactly no idea why, he slowly approached the latter, arms going around the others' waist before asking, "Hey, what's wrong?"

The question was aimed to calm him down, turns out it had the opposite effect on Luhan. He could almost feel a vein popping at the question.

"Shut up. Don't talk to me, I hate you."

Cue stomping footsteps, the slamming of the door and boisterous bawling.

At a loss, Sehun stood shock-still before slowly reaching for his phone. At times like these, he could always count on one person to tell him what he did wrong but the price to pay was.... he shuddered to think about it.

It took one long- phone call/explanation from Baekhyun (yes, it's the lectures he fear because Baekhyun is such a smart-) and unfortunately, a pep talk (read threats) from Kyungsoo (hey, Kyungsoo punches hard ok) before he had understood what he did wrong.

Endless hugs and wheedling and a couple of strawberry cakes later was what it took to melt Luhan's silent treatment of 3 days.

Honestly, it pays to be more sensitive sometimes.


CHAPTER 2 - Attending the Prenatal Visits

Nowadays, dads often come with their partners to their first prenatal visit. Opposite to those dark ages where dads never come near the obstetricians--- and the labor rooms. Coming with Luhan to his first prenatal visit, however, made me realize I would have preferred to have lived in the dark ages, because the things you will encounter in a simple prenatal visit will make you speechless (think abdominal exam!).

One of the most surprising things about prenatal visits though are the ultrasounds, where you can take a first glimpse of your baby monster (and boy, is it ugly!). Don’t tell Luhan I said that!

"Sehun-ah, look at him!" Luhan pointed out to Sehun as the OB-Gyne performing the ultrasound on him. "He looks so much like you."

Sehun looked at the image and honestly had no idea how the hell can Luhan identify which part of his face could be seen similarly with the baby.

All he could see was a couple of messy lines and one giant lump that was his baby.

He thinks it doesn't look a bit like him but if Luhan does, who is he to argue? Life is so much better with a happy Luhan.

He decided to forgo the comment about the baby being ugly and instead said, "As long as the baby's healthy, I'm happy."

It was one of the best decisions he's ever made.

CHAPTER 3 - The Scary Bits

Aside from the morning sickness, the nausea and vomiting, and the constant need to go to the bathroom (because baby monster, duh!), the scariest bits when your partner is pregnant are the mood swings. These are more often than not due to the insane amount of hormones that go at very high levels during pregnancy.

Sehun was at his wit’s end. He’d never have thought that the thing that’d make him want to tear his hair out would be Luhan’s hot-and-cold moments.

“Sehun-ah! I want some warm milk!”

“Okay babe.”

As soon as Sehun’s finished heating the milk up, he brought it to Luhan who had the covers up til his nose under the covers, only the upper half of his face showing.

“I don’t want warm milk, I want juice.”

Sehun barely stopped himself from sighing as he remembered his stack of paperworks still waiting for him on his table.

Luhan takes priority over everything.

“Okay. What kind?”

Luhan pouted his lips cutely. “Uhm, Tomato?”

Since they don’t stack juices in their fridge, Sehun had to go down to the convenience store on the first floor. He was on his way up when he got a text from Luhan telling him he’s changed his mind and wants pineapple juice instead.

Five minutes later, Luhan wanted Cucumber juice and Sehun couldn’t help but wonder if he did something to upset Luhan since the latter seems to be hellbent in making him take a couple of trips up and down the stairs since their elevator’s broken.

Thank God they live on the 3rd floor.

He decided to buy all kinds of juices that could be found in the store in preparation for when Luhan changes his mind again.

When he entered their apartment, Luhan was waiting for him on the sofa, all cutely wrapped in their blankets.

He placed their “groceries” on the table and sat down beside his husband, giving the other a warm kiss on the cheek.

“What took you so long?” Luhan complained. “I missed you.”

“I got held up downstairs because the elevator broke down,” Sehun explained. “What do you want? I bought all types of juices they had just in case you change your mind and wanted something other than cucumber.”

Luhan’s answer was a tackle/hug before staying on top of Sehun, deeming it the most comfortable spot on the planet (their bed comes a close second).

Sehun was about to doze off when Luhan whispered something in his ear. “I love it that you’re prepared but Sehun-ah.... Can I have some warm milk instead?”


For the mood swings, avoid making your pregnant partner IRRITATED, don’t make him CRY and be careful when answering self-image questions.

Point A: Since your partner isn’t feeling the best physically (you try carrying something inside your body for nine months, see how physically fit you’ll be feeling), everything is irritating. Try not to be part of the “everything” that makes him irritated.

Point B: Your pregnant partner may find all the reasons to cry, whether it be happiness, sadness, excitement, etc. Worse, he’ll be crying for reasons even he doesn’t understand. Which would mean double the frustration for you.

Solution? Get over it.

And for the last one: Pregnancy may give both positive and negative images as to how your partner sees himself. Expect to hear them make negative comments but please, never give affirmative answers. The answer to “Do I look fat?” is NEVER “Yes”. Giving an affirmative answer always warrants a black eye or a large bruise (believe me, I know).

PS.S. Can you imagine Luhan giving me this when he was a month along?

I thought it was his idea of a joke. (I had never been more wrong in my life.)


CHAPTER 4 - Having

I only have four words for you regarding this chapter: BEWARE THE POLICE.

It’s like everything and everyone (even my unborn monster) is conspiring with each other to make my almost nonexistent ual life with Luhan totally disappear. Chanyeol and Jongin (yeah, Luhan’s best friends married mine. Small world, huh?) already told me about it but could you blame me if I didn’t believe them? (Aside from the fact that they’re stupid liars, meh.) Now I almost want to hit them because I feel like they didn’t warn me enough.

Doing the deed especially during the third and last trimester can be both a source of laughs in a good way, and a total mood-breaker in a bad way.

Members of the police include but are not limited to the following: the baby, your husband’s body (not saying it’s not y because Luhan would be y no matter what but come on, it’ll be hard to feel y when you’re big and round and having a hard time moving into a comfortable position), mood swings (because saying it’s only in the first trimester may not be necessarily be true for all), etc.

Incident 1

Luhan was about eight months along, big and totally pregnant and still prone to these constant mood swings.

If they were getting their groove on, Luhan would ask for gentle at first, and wanting to keep his husband happy, Sehun would comply. Halfway through the though, Luhan would complain that he wants Sehun to be a little more rough and aggressive.

Who was Sehun to argue?

Well, lesson learned because what he did should have been to ask Luhan first because after the gentle and glorious finish Luhan scolded him for the possible bruising coupled with the:

“Ya, haven’t you thought that the rough may be bad for the baby?!”
“But you said--”
“Never mind what I said, haven’t you learned not to always follow anything a pregnant person says?”

All Sehun could do was shut up, shake his head, and think of Luhan’s last statement: Don’t always follow what a pregnant person says.

Incident 2

Sehun wanted to thank the heavens because finally, after 2 months of no his husband seemed like he was finally in the mood. He wasn’t a little bit worried because come on, if Luhan himself wanted to have then what could go wrong?

Someone must be praying for his misery though because all the things that could have gone well took a turn for the worse.

The night started with a bubble bath. The water was warm, the air floating with the aroma from scented candles. Sehun and Luhan started to get into the bathtub together (it was perfect for cuddling, Sehun thought) but it seemed like they forgot that Luhan’s pregnant. He was so big Sehun ended up curled into a fetal position at the end of the tub. It was not relaxing at all and Luhan decided to cut the bath short because he thought Sehun looked really uncomfortable.

After wiping each other dry, they proceeded to indulge in some cuddling when their baby started kicking so hard he’s kicking Sehun away from Luhan as well.

They decide to take a break and Sehun gets up to get a glass of water. Luhan tries to stand up to follow when he got caught up in the sheets, falling at the space between the bed and the wall. He tried to stand up.... But he soon discovered he’s stuck.

Who would want to have after that?


CHAPTER 5 - Attending the Childbirth Classes

Before you complain, yes, you are expected to attend childbirth classes. That may be a nightmare for someone who’s not pregnant but the good news is that nowadays, there’s a variety of classes that are welcoming to all parents, both new and young.

And word of advice: Expect to be taught (ahem, scolded) on what role you’ll be playing when the time for birth arrives (except for being the one shouted at by your husband because getting him pregnant was your fault), signs of labor (more like trying their best to make you feel what it’s like to get pregnant. And no, don’t ask.) and when to call your birth attendant (aka how not to act like a headless chicken as soon as your partner says the little monster’s coming out).

AND STOP TRYING TO LEARN HOW TO BREATHE! That’s for your pregnant partner to learn, NOT YOU!


CHAPTER 6 - Nesting

Really, I hope none of you dumb dads reading this would be stupid enough to believe that by ‘nesting’, I meant using twigs and sticks.

Well, that’d be true if your baby’s a bird but it isn’t, is it? So drop those twigs and sticks and get your notebook to take some notes.

Nesting is basically fully preparing yourself and your home for the baby. It’ll help give you a sense of direction amidst the twists and turns that is your partner’s pregnancy. Be fully prepared because as much as they say that this disease only strikes those who’d be giving birth, those who won’t will get hit too because you may feel that this may one of those few times you’ll be able to help your partner and show your love for your baby.

Seven months into the pregnancy, Luhan and Sehun’s parents found out that both of them had maxed out a credit card each after going on a seemingly endless shopping spree. They weren’t worried per se, because they know Luhan and Sehun would be able to pay for it being filthy rich and all but the question is ‘What happened?’

When people asked them how they managed to do it, they both answered the same: “Nesting”.

Turns out Sehun bought a bunch of clothes for the baby for months 1-5, two strollers and two baby carriers, repainted the whole guest room which will be used as the nursery, and basically child-proofed the entire house.

For Luhan on the other hand, this need to make their home the best for the baby almost veered into the irrational when he decided to throw out their curtains and linens and rags and towels because of ‘unseen germs’. Still, throwing out their linens was the only thing Luhan was able to do because Sehun banned him from doing anything else because it may be potentially stressful.

Talk about paranoia.

CHAPTER 7 - Picking the Cast

I tried to name it in the wittiest way possible (Thanks, Baekhyun. Happy?) but this basically means spilling the beans.

Now why does it warrant a chapter? Because sharing the good news is like producing your own variety show that that people you’ll be telling the news to will closely follow.

Some dads may feel like it’ll turn a bit intrusive to privacy (in a way, yes, because family and best friends are like bloodhounds hooked to the pregnancy’s scent) but if you both feel like you can take on their questions, then fine.

One bad thing about this would probably be being on the receiving end of unsolicited advice. I’ve had enough of Chanyeol telling me how to decorate my baby’s room and Jongin giving tips on how to best have .

Solution? Tell them you have everything under control. Or that you’ll be giving them a punch to the gut if they don’t shut their traps.

Another thing, don’t expect to be able to keep this big a news to yourself and your partner alone.

Two weeks after they discovered Luhan was pregnant, Sehun was biting his lower lip, trying to control his anxiety.

The doctor told them that it’ll be more than a month before they’ll be able to make sure that the pregnancy is going well, and both him and Luhan made a promise to each other not to tell a soul until they pass the one month mark.

Which brings us to his current dilemma: he’s already told his parents, some of his co-workers and lastly, his best friends in the whole wide world: ChanDumb and JongNoob. Dumb and Noob because they weren’t able to keep quiet and ended up telling Kyungsoo and Baekhyun about it.

Now he’s worried because what if Luhan got angry?

Upon entry to his living room though he was met with a totally unexpected sight: Luhan surrounded by both their parents, Baekhyun, Kyungsoo and women he recognized as Luhan’s buddies from their shared birthing class.

To say Sehun was shocked was an understatement.

“You told them?!” he freaked out.

Kyungsoo’s raised eyebrow told him enough. “Of course, he told us the next day after he told you, .”

Sehun’s answer to that was a sudden grin that surprised even Luhan.

“Well, I kinda told Chanyeol and Jongin and my boss and my whole office too,” he said sheepishly. “So I guess we’re even?”


CHAPTER 8 - Labor and Delivery 101

Here’s the last chapter, dumb dads.

Personally, I believe that no matter how many birth plans we write or no matter how much information we gather about pregnancy and giving birth, labor is the most surprising part. Even more than the delivery of the baby.

It was probably the first time I’ve seen Luhan in so much pain, I promised myself it will be the last time I’ll be making him experience it. (It had nothing to do with him screaming profanities at me and threatening to cut off my ).

The unique thing about labor is that it’s one of a kind, meaning not all labors are the same. Thing is, they start the same and end the same.

WHEN IT’S TIME, IT’S TIME---- BUT WHEN IS IT?

That is the most commonly asked and most useful question during labor onset. All this confusion over when it starts may have you leaping to your car and taking your partner to the hospital every time his breathing hitches.

My only advice is to ask your doctor for advice so you can save yourself from a lot of embarrassing situations such as being sent home without your baby because it was only false labor and having the staff remember your name and face because of all your “simulations” when you thought your partner was in labor.

Here’s what happened to me when Luhan went into labor though. And the respective lessons I learned from them. Try to guess what best to do during those times, okay?

I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF HELPING YOU. TRY HELPING YOURSELF NOW.


Lesson 1: When in labor, stop asking questions.

“Hang on, okay? Take deep breaths, babe.” Sehun told Luhan, fighting the urge to panic himself ever since Luhan told him he’s been in labor since yesterday morning.

He wanted to shake Luhan by the shoulders and ask why the heck he hasn’t told him earlier but he figured out it won’t do any good so he just kept quiet.

As soon as Luhan was given a room at the hospital, Sehun never left his side. Every fifteen minutes or so he was asking Luhan if he was okay or not.

Luhan appreciated the thought but he was starting to get stressed out from Sehun’s fussing he practically told Chanyeol and Jongin to shove Sehun out the door and let him panic in the hallway.

Half an hour of pacing wasn’t enough to calm Sehun’s nerves though. He wanted to see Luhan, so he went back inside.

After a little coaxing from Luhan to let him stay at his bedside, Sehun remembered all he learned from those pesky birthing classes he attended.

‘Labor is probably the only time in your life when your husband would want you to think for yourself and stop asking questions on what you should do.’

“Hey Lu, I’m here okay? Everything’s gonna be okay. Do you want a backrub? A massage at your back?”

Feeling Sehun’s hand slowly enveloping his, Luhan smiled through the pain. “It’s okay, Sehun-ah. Just... Stay?” His grip on Sehun’s hand tightened as he felt another wave of pain from a contraction.

“Do you want to get an epidural? Want me to call the doctor?” Sehun asked, trying to contain his panic at seeing Luhan in so much pain.

“Just stay?”

“Okay, I’ll be here.”


Lesson 2 and 3: Push! Push! Push! And Never take insults seriously.

“You want me to what?!” Sehun asked the doctor in shock.

Luhan’s doctor, a kind woman name Eunji, laughed once she saw the utter shock on Sehun’s face. “You heard it right, Mr Oh. I want you to push with Luhan.”

“How do I do that? They didn’t teach that in birthing class! And if ever they did, I’m sure it was Luhan who practiced for it,” Sehun said, sweating profusely at the thought that of going anywhere near Luhan at the moment.

His always-smiling doe-eyed husband has transformed from one smiling angel to a demon, screaming one moment that he’ll kill Sehun for making him pregnant and shouting at him to get out of the room the next. After having his hair almost torn out from his skull, Sehun had no plans to go back in again until their little monster was finally out of Luhan’s tummy.

“Fool. She doesn’t literally mean you push okay, because how could you?” Kyungsoo interjected.

“Not unless you want to get hemorrhoids from the useless pushing you’ll be doing,” Baekhyun continued.

Did he already say how much he loves Luhan’s y friends?

Turns out, Eunji’s version of active pushing just means being there to support Luhan, constantly whispering encouragements on his ear and letting him know everything’s going on fine.

Thank God for small mercies.

Lesson 4: It’s a miracle!

SEHUN POV

Birthing was a wonderful thing because I got to see another human being come into this world.

And the best part? It’s MY human being!

Seeing the little monster’s head come out first out of Luhan was enough to make me cry because how could something so big come out of something so small?

But as soon as she’s finally into this world and was held in Luhan’s arms, everything (basically all things contained in this book) was worth it.

Now to all dumb dads out there, pregnancy is 10 times the fun before, but 20 times more the happiness after. So go for it!






(At the end of this book was a scraggly handwriting written by one Luhan to one Sehun.)

Thank you for everything babe <3 I love you!!!

But
MOOD SWINGS
BABY MONSTER
FAT AND ROUND
DEMON
INVISIBLE GERMS
?

Say hello to the couch tonight~^^

Luhan)