Color splash, heart clash

Description

“I didn’t choose to go against everything I know,” Lu Han spends his whole life running away from everything he needs, embracing everything he should want. That is until Oh Sehun comes barging into his world, splashing his grey walls with the brightest colors.

 

 

Written for round 3 of Selubration
Prompt: Slice of life AU in which Luhan or Sehun has to come to terms with the fact that he might like another guy in a society that isn't necessarily accepting.
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~32,000
Warnings: Internal struggles with homophobia

 

Foreword

 

 

This story wouldn't have made the deadline (or ever see daylight) if it was not for the amazing support and encouragement of my beloved jie. Jie, thank you so much for everything, from the unconditional support to the crazy messages I love to receive from you. We both know how much I struggled with this story. We both know what this story has been through. Jie, I really do love you. Chennie loves you a lot. And although all I can give back is a sincere thank you, a virtual hug and a promise that I will always only be a message away, do know I only wish the best for you. This story is for you. For us. Jie, promise me you'll be kinder to yourself. I will be kinder too, okay? It's a promise.

 

 

 

Hello everyone!

I hope you have all enjoyed this fanwork fest organized by Selubration! If you don't understand what I'm talking about, I urge you to click on the link here and discover all the wonderful, amazing stories the talented writers have created.

Honestly, this is the kind of story I have wanted to write for a very, very long time. It took me years before I could finally put it on paper. The moment I saw the prompt - short and to the point - I knew I had to choose that one. Everything in this story, from the title to the quotes to the dialogues, are important to me. There is actually a Word-document on my computer, created in 2013, titled Color Splash, Heart Clash. It had to be this title. I couldn't go for anything else. And homophobia is something that I wanted to write about for a very long time already. I just felt the need to have written this kind of story.

I deliberately chose high school. Why? Because high school was a time when I thought I knew what I wanted. High school was a time in my life when all I did was study like it was my only purpose in life. I discovered that studying isn't everything there is to life. I discovered that the things people say aren't always true. I discovered that I didn't want a lot of things others said I should want. I didn't need those things. High school is an intense time, really. High school is really something. And I want you to know that it's okay to be scared, it's alright to not know what you want. Who really knows? Most importantly, I want to say that nothing is harder than being honest to yourself. However, let's all try to be more honest with ourselves.

I believe that there's only one thing worse than fear: it's regret. Regret you didn't fight for your passion, your dream. It's not about the result. It might not turn out the way we want it to, but that's alright. What matters is that we tried. What matters is that we did not run away. What matters is that when we are eighty, sitting on a chair while looking out of the window, we don't watch the world with sadness. We don't regret.

I will end it here, but I do hope that we can all try to make this world a better place. It starts with yourself.

Sincerely,
Tinywings

P.S. There will be slight differences with the version posted at Selubration. The reason is because I always go back to my work after some time to reread everything and remove all typos and grammar mistakes. Of course, the story itself stays exactly the same.

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Comments

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celesthr #1
Hello! I am yin, i really love your story, may i translate it into bahasa ? i will insert the credits in cover and description and ill send you the link;)
Monstaxmana #2
Chapter 4: You are the best I love all your stories you are so talented
melilianmenglu #3
The comments are true. This is truly inspiring. I love the bigger picture. Like how, we should be more honest with ourselves, love ourselves and embrace our flaws and quirkiness. Theres just a lot to be learned. But i guess its the method that makes it a little hard for me to rlly 'feel' it. Since you're using homouality as the subject here. Meaning the main topic is not really general. But yeah, i still get what you're trying to convey. And i did teared up whenever you brought up about the status quo. Its upsetting because we really tend to live in the way things are rn without trying to change it to our likings. Rlly disheartening :(
Btw, i loveeee your style of writing. When it gets serious, you would try to elaborate it in great details. CS,HC is a rlly good read. Thank you for sharing with us ♡♡♡
melilianmenglu #4
Chapter 4: Some things are easier said than done tho T-T
folklore #5
Chapter 4: How shall we start being kinder to ourselves? being more selfish? don't listen to hard criticism? let bygones be bygones? these things are hard to do T-T
koala_onigiri #6
This is so much more than just a fanfiction! Love it so much!
Thanks so much for such an inspirational fic!
Toyoto #7
Chapter 4: omg
how do u write so beautiful like that??
u always inspire me and motivate me with ur fics , u always make sure to put lifes in each one of them , u help people in ur own way , by writing that is
i'm grateful , thank you again for writing a beautiful fic
DevilNextToYou #8
Chapter 4: This is so inspiring
You are an amazing writer
orphanaccount #9
Chapter 4: This was more of a life advice my parents ever have given me. Like...they say I should live my dreams, but they don't let me be the person I want to be? I don't understand parents sometimes, amd also society. You should really just do what you want.
This fic, became one of my favorites. Everyone should read it, because it's beautifully written and is so meaningful I have no words. Really, this is the best thing i've read in qiite a while.
I can't be thankful enough for this.
Thank you, really.
-skipper- #10
Chapter 4: This is so well written that even if I wasn't smitten by Hunhan, I would love this story no less. This fic made me really sad when I was reading it at first because it brought back so many memories. What if the person who you can't look in the eyes of was yourself? Who once had so many big dreams for yourself? Worn down by obstacles and disappointment, but in the back of your mind you knew no one failed you as much as you failed yourself. Being kinder to ourselves is actually pretty hard. I do believe stress is a manifestation of our ego, we take ourselves too seriously, that's why we have stress. But if we took ourselves less seriously we start dissociating and cut off emotionally to those around us and detaching ourselves from reality. The way we perceive the world around us is what determines our reality, and yet those who have a realistic outlook are usually paired with greater depression. I really do hope more people reads this fic, it is very touching and really makes you stop and think about whether the things you wanted were things that you actually needed in your life. And for me, the things I actually need in life are actually very simple.
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