The streets are dark when Krystal peeks through the curtains of the practice room, with only the sparse amounts of streetlamps illuminating patches of the sidewalk. Behind her, the rest of her group members are sprawled all over the floor in a chain of limbs and bodies. Sulli, face first on the ground, with Victoria using her back as a pillow. And then Luna is using Victoria’s calf as her headrest. Finally, Amber is resting her legs against the swell of Luna’s hip, her hat forgotten beside her.

“Whose turn is it to run to the store tonight?” Sulli asks, turning her head to rest her cheek against the cool floor. “I went last time with Luna unnie, that much I remember.”

“Amber’s, I think.” Victoria says with a yawn. “And Soojung, you’re going with her to protect her, right?”

“Yeah, Soojung. It’s so dark outside. I’m so scared!” Amber snickers and stands up with a grunt. “Let me just go grab the black plastic bags and I’ll be with you in a sec.” She says in English, and Krystal nods. She collects the weekly money they collect from one another for their snacks. She tucks the coin purse into her pocket and sneaks out through the back door just in time for Amber to appear, wearing her snapback and a hoodie zipped up halfway.

“Ready?” Krystal asks. A breeze whistles by and she flinches.

“Cold?” Amber asks. When Krystal nods and rubs her bare arms—she’s only wearing a loose shirt at best, and even then it is damp and cold with sweat. The older girl smiles a little and peels off her hoodie and holds it up for Krystal to slip her arms into the sleeves. “Can’t have princess getting sick now,” Amber whispers. “Pull the hood up too.”

The jacket, warm from Amber’s perpetually-heated body, with the spicy scent of her cologne, makes Krystal shiver not with the cold, but with the flock of butterflies swarming in her stomach. She pulls the hood up and locks eyes with Amber. “Thanks, Am.”

“No problem,” she grins, giving Krystal a thumbs up. “Ready, ddooddungie? Let’s run!”

Breaking into a fit of giggles, Krystal runs. The rush of the cold wind stings her cheeks, and with how fast she is going, the hood of Amber’s jacket flies off her head. With Amber running by her side, stifling a laugh that only makes Krystal laugh louder, she doesn’t feel tired when they reach the peak of the hill where the convenience store stands. Illuminated by flickering white lights, it is their group’s salvation against the rigorous dieting the company forced upon them as preparation to becoming an idol. In the small parking lot, there is a motorcycle, a bike chained to a post, and a pair of guys smoking cigarettes.

Amber opens the door for Krystal and they step into the store. The walls are cluttered with snacks, and at first, Krystal admires the bright packages, wanting to get one of everything. But Amber grabs a shopping basket and takes Krystal by the hand to pick up the drinks first.

They both pick up two tall cans of Arizona iced tea, while they find juice for Luna and Sulli, and canned coffee for Victoria. Then they move to the aisle of the snacks. They grab potato chips, cookies, and a variety of other snacks that would make their supervisors bleed through their eyes when they see the junk food they are planning on eagerly funnelling into their bodies.

Amber lifts up the basket on to the counter and Krystal pulls out the group purse to pay. “Oh man, I didn’t know they have pocky!” Amber grabs a box and tosses it last minute to the pile.

“We don’t have enough cash. We calculated how much everything is before, remember?”

“Oh, right,” for a moment, Amber looks dejected, but she instantly lights up. “Nevermind. I have money.” She looks to the cashier, telling him that the pocky would be separated. Her Korean is getting better, Krystal muses, as she takes the black bag full of contraband snacks and steps outside to feel the night air.

Only to flinch, because the guys smoking from earlier still haven’t stopped. The stench of the cigarette smoke clings to Krystal’s nostrils. She buries her face into the fabric of Amber’s hoodie and inhales deeply.

“Hey, what’s up?” A man a head taller than her approaches. He has a ghost of a moustache on his upper lip and a scar on his forehead. He smells of cigarettes and terror, one that Krystal tastes, like bile rising up . “You’re too beautiful to be alone here at night. Let me accompany you.”

Krystal squirms and tightens her grip on the plastic bags, imagining herself hitting him upside the head. “N-no, sorry. I’m waiting for someone.”

“Yeah? I don’t see anyone else around, so why don’t you just come with me?”

Krystal’s head is spinning. She’s shaking. She knows this man is stronger than her, and she is just a girl he can have his way with. Her vision blurs. Her heart pumps loud and clear in her rib cage. Her stomach twists and churns. It is impossible to breathe. His face is getting closer now. The sticky stench of his breath hits her cheek. She feels like vomiting. She doesn’t know what to do—

The comfort of an arm familiar to her like a warm pillow, curls around the back of her neck and guides her away from the suffocating presence of the man. “Step away from my girlfriend,” Amber snarls in icy, spine-chilling Korean. Her teeth, sharp and white, flash as she shoots the taller man a challenging glare. To Krystal, she offers a reassuring smile, her eyes dancing with the lights that the convenience store emits. “Sorry I took so long, princess. The cashier had to open up a new roll of five won coins for change.”

Krystal’s heart continues its staccato beat, but no longer out of fear. She curls her arm around Amber’s waist and smiles. “That’s fine. But now you have to share your pocky with me.”

“Of course I’m gonna.” Amber grins and brushes her lips against the curve of Krystal’s cheek. The younger girl’s heart is definitely thundering, a chorus of drum beats that express the thrill of being this close to Amber, even if it’s just pretend.

Amber’s lips curl against her cheek but she pulls back, looks at the man still standing there. She looks at him like he’s trash. “You’re still here? Get lost already!”

The man mumbles a scathing apology and disappears, riding his bike away from the store. However, a part of Krystal wishes that he’s not really gone, if only to have Amber’s arm around her for longer. As soon as he disappeared off the distance, down the bike path of the street, Amber pulls away and rubs the back of her neck. “You okay? He didn’t touch you or anything, right?” She asks, reverting back to speaking in English.

“He didn’t touch me,” Krystal says, her voice shaky. “Thanks for doing that, for getting rid of him.”

“No worries. I do it all the time for my friends back home when some dude bothers them.” Amber pries the plastic bag from Krystal’s cold fingers, not realizing that the girl is staring at her, eyes glazed with hurt. “Ready to go?”

Krystal in a breath and releases the bag for Amber to hold. “Fine, yeah. Let’s go.”

“Krys…” Amber’s voice trembles a little and Krystal only notices now that she is shivering from the cold. She s the hoodie and shoves it into Amber’s arms. “Hey, you didn’t have to take it off. Did I do something wrong to make you mad?”

“No,” the younger girl snaps. “Come on, let’s go before the supervisors check up on the others to find us gone.”

“Krystal, come on.” Amber holds on to her wrist and forces her to face her. “One second we’re pretending to be dating and now you’re acting like I have the plague or something.” She laughs at her own joke. “Did I make you uncomfortable by pretending to be your boyfriend?” Amber’s brow is furrowed and Krystal has half the mind to pull her into a reassuring hug like she always does. But the other half of her just wants to push her away for making her feel special for that brief moment, only to learn that no, she’s a far stretch from being relevant for someone like Amber who is friends with everyone. “If I did, I’m sorry.”

“It’s not that,” Krystal mumbles. She stares at the ground. Her body shivers from the cold, and Amber drapes her hoodie over her shoulders, ever the chivalrous one. “I was just thinking. If you’re going to pretend to be my boyfriend, at least pretend until we get back to the building. Not as soon as the guy is gone, you’re back to being just my friend, Am.”

The older girl is silent for a moment before laughing softly. “If it means that much to you, princess, then I’ll be your boyfriend for the walk back. That cool?” She drapes her arm around Krystal again and rubs her shoulder.

It’s not enough, but for now, Krystal nods. Her assent is bittersweet. This is just pretending for Amber. A game not to be taken seriously, which explains the ease with which they walk down the path together, sharing Amber’s chocolate pocky which she feeds Krystal. They fit together too easily to be just friends, and Krystal knows it. The reality remains what it is—reality. She and Amber? This is as far as they are going to get. This affection stings and every breath Krystal takes aches. The world will only know them as two affectionate friends, and nothing more.

Krystal swallows the bites of pocky Amber feeds her and dislodges herself from the older girl’s arms when the SM Building is in sight.

“Thanks again, Am, for saving me.” Krystal says, soft like the night sky spattered with stars.

“You don’t have to thank me. That’s what servants do, right, princess?” Amber smiles. She gives Krystal’s shoulder a faint squeeze. She opens the door for Krystal, and she steps into the practice room. The creak of the metal door pierces through the silence, but she hears it nonetheless. The faint hope in Amber’s tone.

“Maybe someday, we won’t have to pretend.”