Two months had passed but still he waited for the brown-eyed boy. He lingered there like that person lingered in his memory. Everyday on that same street corner he waited for the boy that he so cowardly pushed away. He hoped that they could meet by coincidence so he could apologize and they return to when they were happy.

    Jongin’s mind wandered back to the day that started this endless waiting.  Kyungsoo smelled of coffee and wet pavement. He smiled brightly at Jongin, but was only given a slight nod in return. The two stood with their fingers intertwined waiting for the signal to change as they did everyday. Today, however, was different. The air was heavy with tension. Jongin’s expression continued to grow more somber.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Kyungsoo finally speaks up.

“Oh, it’s nothing. I’m just...um tired. Yeah really tired. Late night last night.” He attempts to force a smile but fails miserably.

“No really what-”

“Soo, I’m sorry. I can’t do this anymore.”

“Do what?” His voice his shaking.

“This, us. I just...you are holding me back. I can’t keep letting you drag me down.” Lies.

“What are you saying? We went through all that with your family just for you to do exactly what they want?”

“I can’t help that they were right. I should be with someone on my level. Not a part-timer at a coffee shop. Come on, we both knew this wouldn’t work out. We are too different.” The words tasted like in his mouth.

“What bull! What happened to the Kim Jongin who sounded like the male lead in a comic? ‘It’s fine because we love each other. I will win my parents over.’ Where is he?” His tears were starting to fall, but were lost in the convenient rain that seems to fall in love stories.

“He was just your delusion. He never really existed. That Jongin was who you wanted me to be and who I pretended to be so I could have you. You never loved me and I never loved you.”

“Never loved you? Okay, you believe that.” Kyungsoo turned and crossed the street. Jongin stood there getting drenched already regretting his decision.

    That day, on which both their hearts shattered, it was pouring. The rain helped. It made it easier, they told themselves, to let go of something that they didn’t need. They pretended it was okay. Their tears were just the rain.

Kyungsoo let his fingertips graze the envelope that had been sitting on the desk for two months. What secrets could be hidden in here? An apology? A confession? Or nothing at all? He’s too afraid to open it. Afraid that after that it will be the end. Everything will become a part of the past. It will become a love story with no future.

However, he can’t keep lying to himself that everything will be okay. He can’t keep wishing that Jongin will come back. That would not be healthy. But he can’t just let him go, can he? Yes, he can. He has to. Kyungsoo must do it, he must let him go. He has to read this letter.

Soo carefully open the envelope so it can easily be resealed later. His hands are shaking as he pulls the letter out. He sits down and begin to read.

“I’m sorry.

I could say all that bull like “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” But we both know that isn’t the truth. We know that I did it to cause you pain. Why, however, is something only I know. To be fair though I should share it with you. You probably are still hoping it was all a nightmare and that I will come back, but you can’t live like that.

    The truth is, I loved you. I honestly did. With all my heart, I loved your sarcasm, your laugh and the way your eyes changed when you talked about food. Every time you walked into the room I felt alive as if I was dead when you were gone. I missed you every second you were gone. I loved you so much.

But one day I started missing you when you were beside me. You felt different, unfamiliar. Something had changed. I thought it was you. I have come to realize now that it was me. It was me wanting every part of you even the ones I promised to leave alone. I became too greedy. I was afraid of pushing you too far, of digging into your wounds.  It’s my fault because I did dig into those wounds and you started putting up your windows. I could feel you slipping away. Those nights when you would lay in bed and you wouldn’t face me is when I started missing you.

It was at this time, I decided to leave. Originally, I had planned to have one last good day and then calmly leave. But that day I couldn’t take it. I knew if I didn’t let it end at that street corner I wouldn’t let you go. I told you I never l