“Seriously, we are just colleagues, not friends, If it was not for Super Junior, we will not even be together.” Eunhyuk joked around as usual whenever his relationship with Donghae was questioned. Donghae gulped, smiling along, trying his best to go with the flow, and not allowing the sadness he felt to show. He knew it was for fun but Donghae realized he was especially sensitive recently when it was anything related to Eunhyuk. They were on air in a radio show and he needed to maintain his idol image. They were not random people who could let their emotions to influence them at whim when they were in public. As the show progressed, Donghae kept glancing at Eunhyuk, his best friend of more than 10 years. To him, Eunhyuk was more than a best friend. Irreplaceable. But to Eunhyuk, he was just another friend of his that could be replaced. Didn’t they say that the one to love first always loses?

 

They returned to the dorm while Donghae excused himself to go to his room which he shared with Leeteuk hyung. He stripped and took his shower, allowing the stress and the fatigue to be washed away. His depression was not so easily washed away though. He changed into his pajamas mechanically, his thoughts far away. His realized his behavior was bordering on to clinginess with Eunhyuk and Eunhyuk was a man who was his own man. Sure, he lets himself bullied by the other members, but Hyukkie had a strong mind of his own. Didn’t that streak of his reveal themselves whenever he choreographed their dances and insisted at the upmost perfection? He even stood up against Heechul hyung when he needed to, and that was in no way easy. If he kept behaving this way, being too touchy with Eunhyuk’s jokes, or demanding Eunhyuk to be close only to him, sooner or later, it would no doubt irritate Eunhyuk and may destroy their friendship. But it was just that, as they went deeper in their journey as Super Junior, Donghae relied on Eunhyuk more to the point that he will jump of a cliff if that’s what Eunhyuk wanted. And Eunhyuk would never come to respect a man as weak as that.

 

Donghae sighed, yes he was in love with the monkey boy and it was his business. So what if Eunhyuk didn’t feel the same way? Love can never be forced. Pathetic. Yes, that’s what he was. He switched off the room light and laid in the darkness when the room door opened.

 

“Donghae?? Are you asleep?” Eunhyuk whispered. Donghae opened his mouth before changing his mind. He needed to stop depending on Eunhyuk.  He remained silent with his eyes closed shut.

 

“That’s so unlike him to sleep so early…” He heard Eunhyuk mutter as he closed the door back. Being the crybaby he was, Donghae cried himself to sleep.

 

The next day, he woke up with puffy red eyes. Crap! He cursed himself. They had a TV interview in 3 hours time. He splashed lots of cold water and went hunting for ice cubes. He encountered Ryeowook in the kitchen, making them breakfast. Sungmin, one of the early risers, was having a cup of tea after his morning martial art exercises. They both greeted him, Donghae replied while hurrying to the refrigerator, praying they didn’t notice the state of his face.

 

“Donghae, can you please wake up Hyukkie and the other members? We can’t be late today or our manager is sure to fire us today.” Ryeowook said as he stacked up the huge amount of pancakes.  Donghae complied immediately, eager to leave the closed vicinity before they noticed. He went and woke up the rest of them, leaving Eunhyuk for the last. He always loved seeing Eunhyuk’s face the first thing in the morning. He looked too adorable when he was asleep.

 

“Eunhyuk-yah, wake up! Wakey, wakey! He shook him lightly. It was hard for Donghae to look at Eunhyuk’s face. He needed to remember his resolution to keep his distance. Eunhyuk stretched himself and smiled. After making sure he was wide awake, Donghae informed there was breakfast in front and left, leaving a very confused Eunhyuk.

 

Eunhyuk stared at Donghae’s back as it was very unlike Donghae to leave before hugging him or at certain times, cuddling along side him. What was wrong with that boy? He was one sort since yesterday. Eunhyuk rubbed the back of his neck, pushing his worries away, as it was Donghae they were talking about, he will definitely let him know if something was up. He always told whatever he felt to Eunhyuk by the end of the day. And boy, did he know he was going to be wonderfully proven wrong.

 

By the end of the week, Eunhyuk was ready to explode. And the cause was just one person, and his name was Lee Donghae. That fishy faced guy was driving him nuts, not because he did something but because he was not doing anything. Yes, nothing! Zip! Nada! Oh, he interacted all right, but just polite enough to not raise any suspicions but never too long for any long conversations. They always talked. Well, Donghae always did the talking while Eunhyuk always listened and gave suggestions. There were no more arguments as well. Not a single one! Donghae always instigated the arguments, sometimes their argument could carry on through out the whole day and now, their dorm was too silent. The members were too busy to notice this because they too were tired with their hectic schedules. He consulted Teukie hyung about this, better to approach the leader and Donghae’s roommate but Teukie hyung said maybe it was all the pressure of their schedule. People, even Donghae needed space sometimes. But he promised to talk with Donghae if the matter was not resolved in a few days more. Eunhyuk didn’t think he could wait that long. He stalked to Donghae’s room, wanting to stir some trouble. Seriously, he wanted his old Donghae back. This Donghae, was too polite and detached, and what bothered him the most was, too indifferent. He missed the Donghae that always tagged along him. The Donghae whom insisted on using Eunhyuk’s things even when he had his own. Eunhyuk stepped in to Donghae’s room. He was lying down on his bed and listening to his MP3 player.

 

“Where is Teukie hyung?” Eunhyuk asked innocently when he very well knew hyung left to meet Shinee members just a while ago.

 

“Ahhh…He went out to meet Shinee. I think he said he needed to discuss with them about our upcoming programmes.” Donghae sat straight on his bed, his body tight as a wire. He didn’t expect Eunhyuk to come over. It was difficult but he had somehow managed to stick to his resolution this far. It was just a matter of avoiding being alone with Eunhyuk and to remember that he needed to act like an adult. Nobody wanted to be saddled with a child like guy. Even if he could not have Eunhyuk’s love, he at least aimed for his respect. Leave Hyukie, please don’t make this any more difficult than it already is.

 

Eunhyuk deliberately sat next to Donghae, leaving Leeteuk’s bed alone.

 

“Aishh, that’s too bad. Here I was thinking of bringing him for a dinner.” Eunhyuk threw a side ways glance towards Donghae, observing him. He re-enacted the multiple times they have had arguments over this before. Previous Donghae would have behaved like this:

 

“And what about me?” Donghae would ask, his eyes wide, frowning.

 

“What about you?”

“Are you not going to ask me to follow along too?”

 

“No, why should I?”

 

“Yah, Eunhyukie! Don’t be so cruel. I am your best friend. You need to ask me first!” Donghae would cross his arms.

 

“So you say. I never said you were my best friend. It’s a self proclaimed position from your part.” Eunhyuk hid the glee he felt from riling Donghae up. Donghae leaped on him and started hitting him as Eunhyuk lost his balance. Eunhyuk struggled to hold Donghae before he was beaten to death. Thank goodness for the members as one of them would always come to his rescue.

 

“Okay, okay, I’ll bring you out. I’ll consider it as doing for charity. Go get yourself ready.”

 

Back to present…

 

“Yeah, you just missed him a few minutes ago. Maybe you can still bring him out later. It shouldn’t take long.” Donghae smiled. Eunhyuk felt unreasonable tears forming at the back of his eyes.

 

“That’s all?” He demanded. Donghae looked at him, clearly not comprehending.

 

“Yeah..Did you have anything else in mind?”

 

“You have changed, Donghae.” Eunhyuk stood up from the bed, still expecting Donghae to say something.

 

“It’s better this way, Hyukkie.” Donghae looked down, staring at his lap. He was a grown adult. Remember!

 

“Better for whom?” Eunhyuk wanted to leave, but he couldn’t. He missed his best friend! He couldn’t stand this distance between them. What will it take for him to regain his old Donghae?

 

“Can we not discuss this, Hyukkie? There is nothing much for us to talk anyway.”

 

“Why are you talking this way? You don’t talk to me like you used to, you don’t hug me anymore, you don’t even pick a fight with me. Did I do something wrong?” Tears were already rolling down Eunhyuk’s cheeks. He freaking hated changes!

 

“Please stop crying, Hyukkie. Please.” Donghae begged, as he was on the verge of tears himself.

 

“I can’t! I want you to explain why you are being so cold towards me these days.” Eunhyuk was sobbing loudly and he didn’t care if their conversation was heard by other members.

 

“I am not being cold! I just wanted to give you space, pabo! Why can’t you see that? I always tag along with you like some kid. I always burden you with my problems. And I’m so desperately in love with you that I can’t see straight! Omo! No, delete the last part. I never said that!” Donghae started walking back and forth, twisting his hands. He just had to blurt it out didn’t he?

 

“Wait…Y-You LOVE love me? Like a couple? Like EunHae couple for real?” Eunhyuk’s eyes were big as saucers, his face red all over.

 

Donghae stared at him in silence, too late to take his words back.

 

“Yah, fishy! Answer me!”

 

“Stop calling me fishy! I told you to forget about it. I am crazy alright!” Donghae stomped and started walking again. Eunhyuk had to stop him before he got dizzy with Donghae’s pacing. Eunhyuk’s sadness was slowly being ebbed away with Donghae’s reaction. His Donghae was still there after all.

 

“So this is how you behave when you love someone? No wonder your girl friends didn’t last long.”

 

“That is all you can say? You are a monkey through and through.” He pushed Eunhyuk aside and started his pacing, before he lost control. He didn’t know what he would do. Things were in such a mess now. He tugged his hair hard, wanting to ease the pressure. To reduce the confusion. He didn’t want to lose Eunhyuk, not even as a friend. He needed to make this right back.

 

“Can you stop pacing around? I said stop! Ouch! Don’t whack me..!” Eunhyuk rubbed at his arm, Donghae’s whack stinging.

 

“I don’t mind being Eunhae for real..” Eunhyuk told slowly, heat going straight up to his ears. He too liked Donghae didn’t he? Maybe he could grow to love him in a very boyfriend like manner as well. It was better than not having him in his life at all. That he would certainly not take.

 

Donghae smiled gently and shook his head. “You are too nice for your own good, Hyukkie. This is not what you want. You think you want it but it’s only because I want it that way. It’s no good Hyukkie. I want to stand beside you as your best friend. I am more suited for that. Forget about this alright.” His shoulder slumped in despair.

 

“How can you..” Eunhyuk began but was pushed out by Donghae. The door slam shut gently on his face. He raised his hand to bang the door but accepted that he needed to think it through. They both were not in the right frame of mind for a decent conversation now Needless to say, they both spent a very long sleepless night.

 

“Donghae-shi, raise your chin up a bit. Yes, and stand a bit closer to Eunhyuk-shi. Please don’t be shy. Eunhyuk-shi, maybe you could lean a bit towards Donghae-shi. That’s it! ” The photographer arranged Donghae’s position as they took shots for their photo book. Eunhyuk eyes followed Donghae wherever he went. He was still down. It cheered Eunhyuk a bit as he was upset as well. He noticed Siwon taking his place next to Donghae, and surprise, Donghae laughed out aloud at some joke Siwon made. Eunhyuk frowned. Was it the end of them then? Eunhyuk threw his water bottle in frustration which accidently hit Yesung.

 

“Yah! Look where you are throwing things!” He scolded as he walked past.

 

“Sorry hyung!” Eunhyuk apologized, but his eyes still remained on Donghae.

 

“Can you at least please try not to make it so obvious? It’s nauseating.” Kyuhyun drawled out.

 

“What?” Eunhyuk turned towards the evil magnae.

 

“You are so slow hyung. You are stalking Donghae hyung aren’t you?”

 

“I-I am not stalking. You do not know what you are talking about.” Eunhyuk became flustered. Damn! Nothing escaped Cho Kyuhyun.

 

“Don’t I now? I wished I didn’t but how can I when you are busy ogling Donghae from morning. So, what’s the matter? Spit it out to papa.”

 

“You sound like an old ert.” Eunhyuk said with a disgusted face.

 

“Yeah, yeah..so..what is it?” He persisted, being the nosy person he is.

 

Eunhyuk considered for a moment and told him, as he trusted Kyuhyun. For all his smirks and sarcasms, the boy had a good head and heart. And he was loyal.

 

“And you are here, just watching instead of talking things out with him, why?”

 

“What do you mean talk? Didn’t you hear the part I said he didn’t want to talk to me? That he pushed me out in a not so subtle manner?”

 

“Donghae hyung is naturally a shy person when it comes to matters of the heart. You should have been more assertive, monkey boy. You should have talked to him, should have not left him.”

 

“What was I supposed to talk?” It was easy for this punk to say. What did he know?

 

“Are you standing there and telling me that you do not realize you are in love with Donghae? I think I gave you more credit than you deserved hyung.” Kyuhyun was prepared to stroll off when Eunhyuk stopped him.

 

“Me? In love with Donghae? I sure like him, but not that way. At least not yet.” He was not so sure anymore though. He was never this confused or broken even when his best friend Junsu was selected to be in DBSK and he was a nobody. Donghae’s indifference hurt him more. Was this love?

 

“You are a blind man. That’s what you are. Well, if you don’t hurry, who knows what Siwon would do?” Kyuhyun smoothly slid the bait, mentally apologizing to Siwon for using him this way.

 

“Why? What’s with Siwon? We are best friends.” Eunhyuk denied, no way Siwon could have feelings for Donghae right? RIGHT?

 

“Just like you thought Donghae was to you, before things change. I don’t mind Sihae couple as well.”

 

“What SiHae couple? You, don’t sprout nonsense!” Eunhyuk launched himself towards Donghae, missing the smug contentment from Kyuhyun.

 

“I need to talk to you.” Eunhyuk stood toe to toe with Donghae.

 

“Not now, Hyukkie. Later. We only have an hour more before the break ends. I am tired. I couldn’t sleep last night.”

 

“Too bad. I didn’t sleep either.” Eunhyuk clasped Donghae’s wrist and pulled him along, while the other members watched curiously at their exchange. And then they shrugged it off as that both usually had one thing or another going on with them. They just had to keep an eye on them, making sure they did not go over board.

 

Eunhyuk brought Donghae to their changing room and locked the door.

 

“Hey fishy, listen up. It’s only the both of us, you understand? It has been always that way and it will remain that way. I don’t mind if you want to add Siwon during our concerts but in here, when it’s just you and me, it’s the only both of us.”

 

Donghae kicked Eunhyuk, making him gasp for air.

 

“Why the hell did you do that for?”

 

“Why? Do you think I am a kid for you to drag me like that?” Donghae’s blood pumped hard. He wanted to bowl and cry. He just wanted to be his old self and be loved by Eunhyuk. Not to pretend like he was smart and composed.

 

“Yeah, you are a kid and mine! That’s what I like about you. You have a pure heart and you love me despite the nonsense I do. We shout, we argue and we are always together. How many people do you think we can behave like that with? I am sorry for not seeing this sooner, you know I can be dense at times right?” Eunhyuk went closer to Donghae and held his arms, their position almost intimate. Eunhyuk marveled at how easy it was the transition from best friends to well, lovers sounded so forward, maybe Eunhae?

 

“It’s only because I said I lo-love you that you are saying this way. It would have not occurred to you otherwise.” Donghae said gloomily. It was the truth after all.

 

“No! It would have just taken me a bit longer to realize. I probably would have done something stupid before that though.” Eunhyuk mocked himself. He was sure of his feelings now. Maybe he took Donghae’s presence in life for granted that he missed love for what it really was.

 

“I always behave like a kid. I need to buck up and be stronger. I don’t want to trouble you. And I tend to be very clingy too.” Donghae confessed his gravest sins to Eunhyuk, but Eunhyuk only smiled.

 

“I love it that way. I absolutely hated it when you didn’t be yourself this past week. Promise me you would never detach yourself from me. That you will always be yourself with me.” Eunhyuk stared deeply at Donghae, hoping he realized that he was dead serious this time. That they were not playing games. That it was for real.

 

“Are we Eunhae for real then?”

 

“Definitely.” Eunhyuk answered before placing his lips on Donghae. He was nervous as it was their first kiss, but Donghae only hugged him tighter.

 

“We need to get going. Our break is probably going to end soon.” Eunhyuk mumbled after a while, enjoying the sight of Donghae’s swollen lips.

 

“Yeah, we should.” Donghae had to slap his own cheeks hard as he was still in a dream-like state.

 

Later at the end of the photo shoot, Eunhyuk walked over to Kyuhyun.

 

“How did you get so smart all of a sudden?”

 

“I am always smart hyung.” Kyuhyun said with a one sided smile. It didn’t escape his attention the way Donghae kept blushing or the way Eunhyuk positioned himself between Siwon and Donghae until the end.

 

“Thank you and I’ll kill you if repeat all this to anybody else!” Eunhyuk said gruffly, standing awkwardly.

 

“Noted.”Kyuhyun answered, looking at the person who thought him to feel. That person was currently walking towards them.

 

“You have been weird today Hyukkie.” Sungmin told a piece of his opinion.

 

“You think so?” Eunhyuk asked with a raised eyebrow.

 

“Yes, I think so.”

 

“I think so too.” Eunhyuk replied with a grin before going to Donghae. What’s up with Eunhyuk’s answer, Sungmin wondered before Kyuhyun distracted him.

 

 

3 months later…

 

“How would you describe your friendship with Donghae?” The host asked to Eunhyuk.

 

“Ah…we are colleagues, nothing more, nothing less.” He answered, grinning widely, as he tightened his hold on Donghae’s hand under the table.