You know how people finish school and then BAM they know where they’re going, what they’re doing and how to get what they want? Yeah you know those people, and if you don’t then news flash bucko you are one of those people. Yeah, well you guys make me look bad. Very bad. So y’all need to stop.

Here I am fresh out of university (not really I just picked up and left because everything was suffocating and I was about to lose my mind) and I’m driving in my pick up to god knows where with nothing but the wind for company and my voice as entertainment and oh no are those storm clouds? Great. Just great.

But there’s always a bright and fresh new day after a storm right? So I feed myself that and continue my way.

I see my cell flashing. I felt guilty the first time, for like half a second but then it washed away. The caller ID blares in my face; MOM. I kind of want to answer just to not have to do it again but I don’t want to be lectured so I just chuck my phone in the back seat.

Where am I going?

Its late afternoon and the clouds are getting darker. The sky looks like the sea and it’s oddly very calming. It feels like Zeus and Poseidon are battling. I wish I could go to Olympus though sadly neither my parents are gods so I’m no demigod. The thought makes me sad, as though I actually really and truly considered it but then I laugh because I’m being ridiculous.

My stomach rumbles and I suddenly feel crazy hungry. I drive on and on, hoping that life could be like the fan fictions for once and somehow, magically, a drive in pops up and I can get myself a big greasy sandwich or something but nope nothing shows up, so I settle for the squashed Nature Valley bar I stashed in my backpack this morning.

After miles of driving to the depths of nowhere I see nothing and I haven’t seen anyone for the past two hours. Great. It’s just me and my truck. I look up and smile. Hey at least Zeus and Poseidon are still at it, going strong actually I think to myself as a big raindrop sloppily hits the window and then the pitter patter sound invades my ears as they pelt at my roof. I can’t see. Not in this storm. I pull into the side of the road.

Am I being stupid?  Should I just go back home? No. I quickly think to myself as I turn on the heat full blast and try my best to snuggle into my jacket. Definitely not going back. I silently thank Zeus and Poseidon for using this storm to drown my thoughts out. Damn that thunder is loud. Or wait, I think that could be my stomach but I’ll deal with that in the morning.

I dream of rainbows and gold. Bread and butter. I dream of syrup and waffles and suddenly I’m not dreaming but very much awake. The air smells like grass and that fresh scent you get after a storm. The sky is cool, but I think it’s just Zeus glaring at Poseidon. Sometimes, I amuse myself.

My stomach rumbles and this time there’s no nature valley bar to suffice so I start driving again. My body refusing to cooperate but I needed to find food. Fast. Maybe I didn’t think this through. I keep one hand on the wheel and dig the other in my jeans pocket. I find money. Probably enough to keep me going for a few days but I need to find an ATM machine and then I loudly chuckle to myself because I can’t find a diner muchless an ATM machine and my insides abruptly clench. I stop the pick up.

I feel so raw inside, like I could rebel all I want but soon I’ll be retracing my steps and I’ll end up in my parent’s house again. I’ll just go back to the university and the life I’m running from and this will all be for nothing. Was the storm really a new beginning or just an eye opener?

Maybe Zeus and Poseidon are laughing at me now. Everything feels hopeless and I just want to scream but no. I’m hungry and my head hurts. Food first. Screaming later. I banish the thoughts to the back of my mind and lock them in a box. My little Pandora box. I toss the keys to the depths of my mind. I’ll just call it Tartarus since I’ve been linking everything to Greek mythology anyway.

There’s a static in the air and it’s hot. Oh so hot but my chest swells, maybe in frustration, maybe in happiness. Most likely frustration but I fool myself by thinking both and I sing. I sing loud and without a care and I wear my voice out. I sing until tears cloud my vision and then I sing out of joy because is that a diner I see coming up? I bounce in my seat. The smell of breakfast food takes over and all bad thoughts go away. Where they went I could care less. Maybe Tartarus.

I stumble into the little piece of heaven and I order everything I possibly could but then I remember I’m on a tight budget so I cut down a bit. Eggs and pancakes and orange juice and a sausage with cheese and egg sandwich. Buttery bread and honey glazed pancakes (I like food ok). I stop munching on my breakfast as the sharp smell of coffee wafts towards me. There is an intake of breath and I greedily order some.

I close my eyes as the hot, bitter but sort of sweet liquid cascades down my throat and suddenly I can breathe. The knot I didn’t realise I had vanished from my stomach and I wanted to somersault (though I don’t because I can’t).

Someone slides into the seat in front of me. He eyes me up and down and then nods at my food in a way that says “yep I totally support you and that food. OTP right there.” I immediately feel protective of my food and a surge of dislike towards the stranger but it all goes away as his breakfast comes. He ordered twice as much I and the dislike turns into respect.

We both eat, savouring every bite without saying a word to each other. Breakfast with a kind stranger…well weird stranger but kind works too. I guess…

I’m almost half way through my food when he moans a bit too loudly and I look up startled and a tad creeped out. He utters his first words to me, “these blueberry muffins are the reason the earth still rotates.” My shoulders slacken and I laugh. He smiles with his mouth full but his dimples indent and wow. “Here” he shoves a muffin towards me. “Take one.”

Maybe I shouldn’t take food from a stranger but I shouldn’t even be here in the first place so I take the muffin and as I bite in my eyes roll back and I feel the need to bow down and praise the baker. He or she deserves a medal. My seatmate nods in approval at my reaction and we resume eating, with him giving me pieces of his breakfast that he deems good and notices I don’t have. I accept them all.

We both order more coffee and he leans back in his seat and closes his eyes. I sip from my cup of heaven and then ask, “where are you headed? Pretty sure you’re not from around here.” He opens an eye and raises his brow and I quickly explain my statement “we’re in the middle of nowhere and I doubt you’re a nomad.”

He smirks and fires the question and statements right back at me. We have a silent staring contest but he loses by looking out the window. He sighs and then looks up at me. He folds his lips a bit and the dimples appear again. “I’m going…wherever.”

“You’re drifting?”

“If that’s what it is then yeah. I’m drifting. Now your turn.”

“It’s weird. My breakfast partner is just like me. Drifting sounds better than running away” I say and the way he looks at me as I say those words causes the air around me to become a hand and I can’t breathe. I’m having a mini breakdown when he smiles again and the hand unclenches from around my throat and then I just don’t remember why I needed to see him smile.

 Maybe it’s because I need someone else to tell me I’m not crazy. That I’m unsure of what I’m doing but I will find my own way. “Yeah drifting does sound better” and I think of sending my Pandora box tumbling into my version of Tartarus. We exit the little diner and make our way to our respective vehicles. He stops first and I double take.

Hs car or jeep seems to have risen out of hell and back. He sheepishly rubs the back of his neck as I stand there gaping. “Does this thing even work?”

“Yeah..well she’s old and I have nothing else to take me and..” he stoops down with his back against his jeep and buries his face in his hands. I barely hear what he mutters but I realise we have the same fears. “Am I in over my head? Should I go back?”

It’s awkward. How do I comfort someone with the same fears as I? I put my hand on his back and stoop with him. We end up sitting on the ground. “You know, I believe that on this road we’re gonna question ourselves a lot. We don’t know anything. We don’t know where to go and what to do but we left our lives for a reason. I think that when times like this come around we should remember our reason for leaving and how we felt at the time you know?”

He looks at me and gives me a blank stare. Did I make it worse? I’m not sure but then he nods and looks at the sky. He looks at me again and he sort of leans into my shoulder a bit, like he needs human contact. I let him. A wild thought invades my mind and all of a sudden I find myself craving to ask him.

“Hey…I know we just met and oh god this is terrifying but I was thinking, your jeep is going to give out on you soon and please just hear me out, I was wondering if…you know since we’re both going to nowhere to find our somewhere…I was thinking we could go….together.” I close my eyes tightly waiting for his answer. I open them to find a hand outstretched towards me. I look up and he is standing, smiling a smile that could outshine the sun and I know his answer without having to hear it. We collect his belongings from his jeep and dump them together with mine and he takes the passenger seat and then we drive.

“I’m Hongbin by the way” he says staring straight ahead.

“Hyuk” I answer and then I feel a leap of joy. Hongbin makes me glad I left. Maybe, just maybe with him by my side we could make it. Find ourselves. Become the people that our old lives buried. I look at Hongbin from the sides of my eyes and catch him looking at me and then we laugh. We laugh with hope to a better future. It is loud. It is magical even.

The sound is beautiful and perhaps Zeus agreed for the sky is no longer glaring, it is gentle and soft and maybe Poseidon is lightly chuckling and shaking hands with Zeus.

…And away we drift.