Final
Blinded
"Let's break up," the words came out too smoothly from his pink plump lips.
"What?" I stared at his dark brown orbs slowly trailing to his perfect sculpted lips, still trying to process what he just said. After three years, the words that I dreaded and never wanted to hear finally decided to make it's appearance. What I thought was a date in a park suddenly turned into the most horrible and worst day of my life.
"I dont think we are meant to be..." He continued, his eyes are locked at mine. His eyes are filled with pity, something that I don't need. I tried so hard to hold onto my tears. Showing him that I'm weak in this situation would be the last thing that i have ever wanted to happen. It's just a breakup. Yeah.
"What about the promises you've made? The kisses that you said I can't escape from the rest of my life? The nights that we spent naming our future children? That day you said you love me eternally?" I wanted to shout at his face. I would be lying if I said im okay. But the words was stucked in my throat.
"sehun-ah" I started only to be cut off by him.
"I hope we can still be friends, Haerin-ah," he gave me a peck on my forehead and walked away after muttering a soft 'sorry'. And that was when I burst, all they tears and emotions that i've been trying so hard to hide finally erupted. Kneeling on the pathway with my hands covering my face, I wailed and bawled, crying my life away. People were staring as they passed me. But i didn't care. I couldn't care. I may seem pathetic but I was left by someone I love so much, someone who i set my mind on marrying, someone whose face that i've been staring at in class for the past three year, someone whose hands i've been holding on everytime I was at the deepest pit. How could I not be affected. It took me long enough before i finally calm down. I took out my phone and called someone that i know would make me feel better, my bestfriend.
"Can I come over?" I bite my lips when tears were threatening to fall.
....................
It was rare for me to come over his house after we entered highschool eventhough we are bestfriends. I find it weird to come to his house since he is a guy and I'm a girl. Or maybe it's just me. I pressed the bell of his apartment again.
"Oh haerin ah, come in!" chirped Mrs Jung as she opened the door, "it's been a while since I see you."
I forced a smile as I stepped into the small but cozy apartment, keeping my eyes on the floor. I don't want her to know that I've been crying for a good few hours or else she would start bombarding me with questions especially when I was still in my school uniform.
The house has always been the same. Brown couch beside the window that overlooked town, a small tv that held childhood memories of us watching it and the kitchen that never, never failed to produced sweet smell of homecooked korean dish. Usually, I would smile reminiscing the memories that we had in this house but now, I could not smile.
"Have a seat first, I'm going to make dinner. Jaewon would come out in a while," she rubbed my back and gave me a sweet smile.
"Jaewon ah!" Mrs Jung hollered as she entered the kitchen , "haerin is here!"
I don't want to sit, i just want to see him and vent it all out and hear him say everything will be alright, like he always do. I heaved a sigh. As if its a cue, he came out from his room, his hair sticks in all direction and he was struggling to open his eyes. Normally, I would always nag at him to quit being a sloth and do his schoolwork instead of sleeping so that he wouldn't have to copy my homework at school the next morning but today, I let it be.
"Haerin ah what happened? I thought you have a date? Why you suddenly come-" he stopped when he realised my lips were trembling. I kept my eyes on the ground. For some reasons, I was ashamed.
"Yah haerin ah.." He sounded worried. He took hold of my wrist and dragged me to his room.
"Don't lock the door Jaewon ah!" Mrs Jung managed notice which made Jaewon rolled his eyes and answered a fairly loud 'obviously' before sitting on his bed, staring at me, waiting for me to spill it out.
"We broke up" I muttered softly, avoiding his gaze. I looked around the room. I can count the number times I went into his room after we grew up and entered high school with both of my hands. It was not as big as mine but it gives me comfort, strangely. I noticed he was quiet, as usual. He would always listen to me until I finished talking.
"He told me we are not meant to be," I turned to him who was staring at the ground before turning back and walked to his desk. I don't blame him. He wouldn't know what was going through my boyfriend's mind. Ex boyfriend, i mean, eventhough Sehun is one of his good friend.
"He said that hopefully we will still be friends," my voice was almost a whisper as I trailed my hands across the things that was scattered on his desk. It was messy. Books, stationaries and sweet wrappers were scattered messily on his desk. Jaewon is far from neat.
"But i don't want to see his face again, it hurts," I continued but my hand stop on a pink box. Curious, I slowly opened it. My heart stopped, eyebrows knitted and my hands trembled as my fingers grazed the floral sticky notes and the solid pink papers. I took out the small pororo sticker sheets as my gaze turned to him who was playing with the hem of his joggers.
"Jaewon ah.." He eyes slowly trailed to me and then to the stickers that I was holding. He froze with his mouth slightly ajar, probably shocked. Without thinking much, I threw the stickers at him before stomping out with my tears rolling. The cold wind gushed into my face as i ran outside. It was already nighttime and the moon shone brightly but for me everything in my vision was dark. Today was probably the worst day of my 18 years of life.
"Haerin ah!" My arm was grabbed and I was turned around forcefully to face him.
"Why?" I almost shouted. I felt betrayed, like I was fooled, by my own bestfriend. All those pink letters of compliments about myself that I found in my locker everyday, all those lunchboxes and snacks with the floral sticky notes saying that I shouldn't be skipping meals and eat properly, all those presents I received with a pororo sticker on its wrapper, was from him, my bestfriends of 10 freaking years.
"This is all from you?" I held the necklace that was hung on my neck that I considered my lucky charm, the necklace that I thought was from another person, "why you didnt tell me?"
"Why?" My hoarse voice came out as a whisper as I hit his chest hard causing him to backward but he just stood there, letting me.
"So what?" He finally voiced out softly, "you were in love him". I slowly looked at him. His gaze were on the floor. He looked distant. He looked sad. He looked hurt. Just like me.
"It was always Sehun," he continued, obviously trying to hold his tears, "he was the one in your dreams, he was the one that you always talked about, he was the one you love".
"Because i thought it was him all along!" I shouted. "I thought it was him that cared for me, i thought it was him who packed me lunch for a whole year, I thought it was him that wrote me letter praising me for ing four years, I thought it was him that loved me so ing much!"
"I thought it was him that I fell in love with," I chocked. It was a mistake, a big misunderstanding or maybe it's just me being ignorant. My tears were already falling endlessly. I was angry. Angry at Jaewon for keeping it a secret. Angry at me because the one that I fell for, the one that I was supposedly to be in love with was not Sehun. It was my best friend. Sehun was someone I loved but Jaewon was someone that has always been my side saying that I'm probably his first and last girl friend, Sehun was someone who I wanted to marry but Jaewon was someone that I needed in my life, Sehun was someone whose hands I've been holding when I'm down but Jaewon was someone that pat me in the head and said everything will be alright when I cried on his shoulder. I was too blind too realised it and when he said that all the presents and letters were from Sehun, I was even more blind to realised Sehun will never do that. Sehun has always been busy with football to even go to a convenience store to buy painkillers when I was sick. Jaewon was the one that skipped his maths remedial class and took me to the clinic. It was always him. I was the blind one.
The more I thought about everything, the more my tears were falling. Jaewon stood there, his eyes on the floor, biting his lower lips. He was calm but tears were rolling endlessly down his cheeks. I was angry, I was annoyed, I felt betrayed but the next thing i know, I kissed him. He was shocked but I don't want to let go of him, not now, never. I won't let go of him anymore. It was when he kissed me back that I realized all of the pain, the heartbreak and the anger was gone in a flash and my heart fluttered, my heart raced, the one that even Sehun can't make me feel. I was wrong all along. I fell in love with my secret admirer three years ago without knowing who he was, assuming it was Sehun and now then i found out it was him all along. Jung Jaewon, my bestfriend. It's true when people say to look around the people that are close to you rather than hunting around to find someone perfect because the one you love is closer than you think.
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