If You Had Waited A Little Longer…

Eunhae7

    No one has ever looked at her, no men would like her, the fact that she was ugly and fat.  She didn’t know what the meaning of love was, but she wanted to feel loved, she wanted to love a man who would love her.  And she wanted to experience this feeling called love.  She sat in her room listening to music and watch useless dramas in her room.  Sleeping, Waking up, eating, going to school, hanging out with her friends, coming home, watching those useless dramas and listening to music, eating again, then she would sleep.  That was her routine, her everyday routine.  Not too long ago, guys were all up on her, she would talk to guys left and right, reject guys left and right but every since the day she had moved on from her recent lover, she became lonely and empty.  Useless, lonely, sad, and desperate was what she had felt for almost a year now.  

She wouldn’t tell her friends anything, worrying that they might worry, or afraid that they wouldn’t want to hear it.  They won’t be able to do anything anyway, she thought.  Some days, she would want to cry and cut herself, but she couldn’t get the courage too.  She couldn’t cry, no tears will fall.  She couldn’t help herself, she didn’t know how too.  No one was there for her, no one was willing to listen.  She wanted to die, but she was afraid of dying.  Although, she knows many of her friends and family love her and care about her, she just felt empty and lonely.  No matter what she was doing, once there is silence or once she is left alone, the thoughts and feelings rush through her mind and ruins her day.  She needed help, she needed someone to listen to her, but no one was there.  She felt like she was suffocating in the middle of the road, but no one could see her.  

She decided she should lose weight, not for someone else but for her.  She decided she would wear makeup and dress pretty, not for someone else, but for her.  For once, she wanted to look pretty, she wanted to walk out of the door not feeling insecure, not feeling like people are judging her, not feeling like she didn’t belong there, but feeling like a real woman… A strong, brave, and a beautiful lady.  Don’t I deserve that?  I lived my life, feeling spo worthless and so unhappy.  Don’t I deserve to be happy and to have a happy ending?  She thought to herself as she cries in silence.  Days would pass by, where she wouldn’t know what to do with her life, she would live her days feeling like her didn’t belong in this place, we called our world.  Do I really deserve this hellhole?  It wasn’t the fact that her family is messed up, she knows that every family is messed up, none are perfect.  It wasn’t the fact that her friends don’t listen to her, she knows they will always be there for her, she knows they love her so dearly.  But it was the fact that, she had an empty hole in her heart, which no one can really fill, which brings her pain.  She wants to feel happy, love, and just simply satisfied with her life.  She’s satisfied with all that she has, there was only two things missing.  Feeling loved and being happy.  

She had always told herself, that she needed to wait, one day that one guy will come to her and love her, that one day, her true love will finally say, “ Thanks for waiting, sorry I took so long.”  and actually meant it.  No Games.  No Cheating.  Just full of love.  She knows love will go through hardships, she knows that girls will be picking on her and her true love, but that’s what makes a relationship even more stronger.  She doesn’t blame anyone for her own doings, she believes that because she feels empty and lonely, is because of the bad things she had done.  But she still believes that her punishment didn’t need to be this hard and this much pain.  Maybe karma has finally reached up to her.  I don’t deserve this. Still, she had always thought to herself, no one deserves to feel so lonely and so unhappy.  

She felt like she was a bad person, but at the same time, she was a nice person.  She would give up everything to keep her family and friends safe.  Although, she had a bad temper and she was a bit greedy, she still loved her friends and family more than she loves herself.  She’s smart when it comes to being sociable, she wanted to became a psychiatrist to help people through their problems.  She wanted to be someone who was there for people like no one was there for her.  She didn’t want anyone to go through what she was going through, she wanted to help people. ~Saving Lives~ was her motto.  She was born to be a leader, to help others, that’s what she had thought.  But she couldn’t even help herself.  

She finally found a guy who was perfect in her eyes.  Someone who helps others, who was really smart, knows how to talk in public, someone who wasn’t shy, a manly man, a strong and affectionate man, she found him.  The only thing was…  No, I can’t.  He’s too good for me.  She never once talked to him, she never once even tried to stand next to him.  She was too shy, too nervous, and too insecure.  Although, she liked him.  She couldn’t help but still feel empty and unhappy.  She wanted to talk to him, to get to know him better, to fall in love with him.  Finally at last, she finally got to talk to him with the help of her friends.  They started talking after that and getting to know each other more.  She started to fall for him, although, she knew they were just friends.  Something about him, made her wonder who he really was, he was smart and nice, she has never seen a guy like him before.  After days of talking, she saw him with another girl, talking and laughing.  They obviously like each other, she thought, Am I too ugly?  What is it about me that he doesn’t like?  Out of nowhere…   I quit,  she said, her friends didn’t believe her one bit.  They knew she still liked him no matter what.  That’s what had always happened, she would say she would move on, the next day you know, she’s all about him.  Little did they know, she was actually moving on with her life.

As days go by, she felt even more depressed and lonely.  She went into the restroom to take a shower, saw her broken glass that she use to cut with, she sat in the tub full of water, and wandered off with her music on.  Then she cried, not even herself knew why.  Her heart ached, she just wanted to die, but she wanted to live for her parents who has to see her grow up, graduate and live a successful life that they had always wanted but she couldn’t handle what “God” is putting her though.  She walked towards the broken glass and slit her wrist, thoroughly.  She weeped in pain, she sat down next to the tub and let her blood flow down her wrist into the water.  Her breathing was getting more heavy, her eyelids were getting heavy, closing slowly.  

They reached the hospital and rushed her into the emergency room, she had lost too much blood, almost all of her  blood.  Although, she was still breathing, she was in danger, her life was in danger.  Her sister called all her friends that she had ended up in the hospital by a suicide attempt, slitting her wrist.  Her family and her friends, waited for her for almost 3 hours now, still in the emergency room just hoping that she would wake up healthy.  The doctor and nurses came out of the emergency room, they all rushed to them, asking the doctor what will happen to her.  They frowned and started crying.  

“She only has an hour... For the most.”  The doctor explained her condition, she lost too much blood, she’s weak, nothing can cure her, no blood can be given to her, no blood can be enough for her, and besides, there was no use.  Her friends decided, for her, they would call that man she liked, to see her one last time before she closes her eyes forever.  She was laying there on the hospital bed, pale looking, her lips were dry and her eyes were dull.  Her friends and family walked into the room, with tears in their eyes, tissues in their hands, regretfulness in their mind.  She turned towards them and smiled, tears falling down her eyes, slowly.  They had nothing to say, nothing that had to be said but the words, “I love you so much.”  They hugged her and held her hand tightly.

“I’m sorry,”  her best friend cried, “I was a bad friend to you.”  She turned towards her friend and held her hand while smiling.  She caressed her friend’s hand and held it against her heart.  Suddenly, someone walked in the room, everyone turned to look.  It was him, who walked through the door, with tears and shock in his eyes, feeling sorrow.  He walked slowly towards her, making her cry and smile.  Her friend stepped aside and he held her hand tightly.  She used her other hand, wiping off his tears that fell beneath the bed.  She could almost see the light as she closes her eyes, slowly.  

“I love you, I have always,”  her widened her eyes.  Couldn’t believe the words he had said, he’s lying, she thought.  He shook his head from side to side, “I never had the chance to tell you, every since the day we met, every since the day we started talking, we became so close to each other, I was falling in love with you day by day, but I didn’t know what you were going through, I didn’t know how much you were dealing with, I didn’t know you needed someone.”  She grabbed his face and pulled it close to her, she smiled and kissed him.  He kissed back.

“I’m finally satisfied…  And happy.”  Those words, shot their hearts and made them cry, her hands were shaking, he caressed her cheeks and forced a smile for her.  

“I love you guys so much, thanks for being with me till the end.”  She slowly closed her eyes.  Her hand dropped from his hand, they looked at her then at the clock.  It wasn’t an hour yet, and she left.  11:11 am.

The End