Hongseok had never felt like this before, he can’t leave them. He can’t. When he found out that Chanwoo was one of the official members of iKON, he was glad for his dongsaeng. He smiled as he remembered the tight hug that Chanwoo gave him that day.

 

He knew that this day would come, maybe the netizens are right. He doesn’t belong to iKON, that he’s not a responsible person and he doesn’t have talent. Maybe his dream to become a singer will never come true because he’s not good enough. He’s not as great as the other members. He looked again at the pictures of the official members of iKON and he smiled. The tears in his eyes were threatening to fall at this moment. 

 

“Chanwoo will be an idol now.”,he whispered as he smiled.

 

Of course, he’s proud of his dongsaeng. They had been in a relationship just a few months ago, they know the things that each of them likes and dislikes. They shared a lot of memories such as putting up a lot of disguise to have a date with each other, to watch some shows late at night together and to walk into a park while holding hands. They shared a lot of experiences. Chanwoo had been doing great while Hongseok was lacking. Chanwoo can sense that Hongseok’s stressed but he always assure his dongsaeng that everything’s fine.

 

But now, it isn’t. He know that when IKON will start to gain fame, one wrong move from Chanwoo will cause his own downfall and Hongseok’s wasn’t selfish enough to let the latter do that. He loves Chanwoo too much,  more than how Chanwoo loves him. He’s always there for him anyway but everything has to stop.

 

He can still remember Chanwoo’s gift to him, it was thoughtless to others but for him, everything’s worth it. Everything.

 

---

 

“Hyung, did you liked the gift that I gave you? I know that it was thoughtless but I have been busy on practicing and I almost forgot to buy some but since I waited for you one night because you bought those snacks from very far, I thought that these might be suitable as a gift. I’m sorry hyung, I’m such a failure. I failed on giving you a suitable gift, J failed giving you enough attention and love, I feel like I failed as your boyfriend.”,Chanwoo said while avoiding Hongseok’s stare.

 

But instead of frowning, Hongseok smiled and hugged his boyfriend tightly. Chanwoo, whom was still shocked from how his boyfriend reacted, looked at Hongseok with bewilderment.

 

“W-What are you doing,hyung?”,he asked Hongseok,“You’re supposed to be mad at me!”

 

“That’s not worth it.”,Hongseok said.

 

“W-Why?”

 

“This is worth it,Chanwoo. Don’t even think that it wasn’t. It was a great one. Cheer up for me okay? I’m going to eat the snacks you gave me. But I prefer a Cookie Monster beanie again since Hanbin started on borrowing my precious beanies!”,Hongseok puffed his cheeks as Chanwoo started to chuckle,“You chuckled! Now, you’re fine! Go to sleep,dongsaeng. We’ve got a long day tomorrow. Make sure that you have enough rest and sweet dreams.”

 

“I will. I love you Hongseok hyung.”,Chanwoo stated.

 

He was waiting for an ‘i love you too’ from Hongseok but Hongseok started to went near Jinhyeong and watch a movie in the living room together while eating some snacks that made Chanwoo mad before going to sleep.

 

“Why won’t he say that he loves me too? Does he prefer to talk with Jinhyeong?! Ugh!”,he whispered as he punched his pillow

 

“Yah! Stop saying nonsense,brat and let us sleep!”,Junhoe said as he turn his back on the maknae,“I’m tired~~~”

 

Meanwhile at the living room, Jinhyeong saw how Chanwoo glared at him and that made him uncomfortable. Jinhyeong and Hongseok knew that Chanwoo will be the one who’ll be a new member of iKON and the two already gave up. They knew that no matter how they strive themselves to become better, they’ll never make it. Jinhyeong had been having rumors and Hongseok had been told that he wasn’t a ‘YG-style’ member so he doesn’t belong to the group.

 

“Hyung, do you think that you should’ve said something when Chanwoo said that he loves you? He’s glaring at me like there’s no tomorrow.”,he stated and looked at his hyung.

 

“Why would I?”,Hongseok smirked

 

“H-Hyung..”

 

“I don’t even care about him at all..”,Hongseok murmured as he threw the snacks at the corner,“I’m gonna sleep now.”

 

Jinhyeong looked at his hyung and was currently confused by his hyung’s odd behavior.

 

--

 

He had been planning to make the youngest trainee hate him so that the pain would be lessen when he’ll leave his dongsaeng. He knows that everyone in this world couldn’t get whatever they wanted. He already knew that all of this will happen.

 

And he made the greatest sacrifice for Chanwoo. To make Chanwoo mad at him. It was the last time that they’ll be in the dorm when the van arrived. The other trainees were already packing and Hongseok went to talk to Jinhwan a bit.

 

“Won’t you miss Chanwoo-ah?”,the older asked him.

 

Hongseok was currently looking at the ground and started to smirk while looking at his hyung. Jinhwan, whom was surprised by his dongsaeng’s weird behavior was suddenly taken aback.

 

“Why would I miss someone that I just played around?”,Hongseok stated

 

“W-What?”

 

“He’s just a plaything. Nothing more. I don’t even treasure that brat, tell him that he should enjoy getting the slot that was supposed to be..”,Hongseok smirked again,“..MINE.”

 

He looked at his back and saw Chanwoo whom was already crying and he looked back at Jinhwan whom was trying to process everything in his mind. Hongseok hugged his hyung before whispering....

 

“Hyung, it’s all a lie. I have a plan.. I have to make Chanwoo safe. I’m going to leave him now, please take care of him. Act like you’re angry at me.. this is all a plan. I love him but we can’t be together anymore, he’s gonna debut soon and I don’t want him to be in trouble.”

 

Hongseok just looked at the crying maknae in a cold way and walked away and went to the van. Holding his Cookie Monster pillow, while they’re on the way to their last destination, Jinhyeong,Donghyuk and Junhoe can’t stop looking at Hongseok. Donghyuk wanted to do something to cheer him up, they had been co-trainees in JYPE before and he had been a little rude to him at first so he wanted to do something for his hyung. Junhoe pretended not to care at all but he can sense the sadness from his hyung and he can’t help but to look at him sympathetically.

 

When they arrived, Donghyuk went to Hongseok whom was looking at the ground.

 

“H-Hyung.. are you okay? I.. I wanted to say sorry if I had been rude to y-you and thank you. If you want anything, don’t hesitate to talk to me.”,Donghyuk said

 

Hongseok smiled,“It’s fine. Well, I have a favor.”

 

“What?”,Donghyuk asked.

 

Hongseok took the letter from his bag,“When the right time comes, please give this letter to Chanwoo. And please tell him that I’m really sorry, and that I love him so much. Don’t give it to him already, wait for the right time. Okay? Thank you,Donghyuk.”

 

And that was the last time they saw Yang Hongseok.

 

---

 

Hongseok smiled, it’s been months and he hadn’t been out of the apartment where he lives now. He’s going back to Taiwan tomorrow and he had been skinnier and frail. He had been depressed for a long time, he barely looks at his phone which currently have a lot of calls and texts from the staffs of YGE, the CEO and the members of iKON, even Jinhyeong. Even the sassy member of iKON, Junhoe can’t stop worrying about him. He hadn’t went out of his apartment for months, even his fans were worried at him. 

 

He have his things packed up, he was about to get the frames when he saw the pictures of him and Chanwoo. He looked away as he took it all before putting it in the luggage. But before everything, he’ll end it all.

 

He had been receiving a lot of messages and calls from Chanwoo such as ‘How are you hyung?’, ‘What are you doing?’, ‘I love you,Hongseok hyung’ and ‘I won’t give up on us,hyung. Let’s settle this please.’ iKON’s maknae hadn’t even move on about him. Hongseok wanted to say that he loves him back like before but he can’t. Besides, it was all for Chanwoo’s sake. He knew that he’ll never be happy with his decision. But he’s still gonna let it happen.

 

He texted Hanbin,[Hanbin, I wanted to talk to you. Please go to the park later, 10:00 PM. I’ll be waiting for you, don’t tell anybody about this,okay? I’m trusting you,dongsaeng.]

 

As he sent the message, he immediately texted Chanwoo [Be there at the park 11:00PM later. We need to talk]

 

Chanwoo is his happiness, his last hope and his love. He would do everything to let Chanwoo reach his goals without him as a distraction and an obstacle. He prepared himself for later, he would need a lot of courage and he have to control his emotions. 

 

It was 10 PM when Hongseok saw Hanbin at the park and he waved his hand as Hanbin went near him. The leader had been shocked and looked away when he saw how Hongseok was and a blush in his cheeks was obvious.

 

“Hanbin,how are you?”,Hongseok asked him

 

“I should be the one asking you about that,Hongseok hyung. We haven’t even heard anything about you for months, Sajang-nim just told us that you quit on training for personal reasons. We’ve been worried, that Donghyuk really wanted to find you and especially.. Chanwoo. He had been gloomy and stressed for months, he tried to ask your co-trainees if they know where you were.”,Hanbin said.

 

“It’s better in this way. He shouldn‘t know.”,Hongseok said while smiling.

 

“Hyung! He was so worried about you! He was dying to know if you’re okay or what are you doing. He’s crying every night, worrying and asking us if we know where you were. He had been in a lot of stress. He was blaming himself cause the last sentence that he heard from you was he should enjoy the slot that was supposed to be yours! He was depressed! !”,Hanbin snapped.

 

“I’m doing this for him, I’m hurting him so he could hate me. I’m ignoring him so he could get use to it. I’m doing this so that he could move on. I’m not going back to him anymore, I’m doing this because one wrong move and he could get into trouble and all his hard work would be wasted.. because of me.”,Hongseok said.

 

“For ’s sake! That’s a horrible plan,hyung. Why are you hurting our maknae!?”,he scoffed.

 

“No,Hanbin. He wasn’t OUR maknae, I’m not a part of iKON anymore.”,Hongseok said as he looked at his dongsaeng.

 

“You’re so insensitive! Why are you like that?! No wonder you never knew my feelings for you!”,Hanbin started to push him,“Yes, I was cold and strict to you but I care for you a lot hyung! And you’re making me happy, you’re making my heart beats faster. You... I love you,hyung. But Chanwoo loves you too. So I decided to hide these feelings of mine for him.. and you’re doing this?! you!”

 

“Please take care of Chanwoo, you’re the leader. Take care of him, comfort him, make him feel like he’s special. Please...”,Hongseok pleaded before leaning in front of Hanbin whom was blushing too much,“And as an advance thank you..”

 

Hongseok pulled Hanbin and hugged him tightly before cupping both of his cheeks and kissed him. Hanbin was shocked but started on kissing his hyung back, because he doesn’t even know when is the next time he’ll be kissed by the man he loves. Hongseok tilted his head to deepen the kiss and Hanbin pulled his hyung nearer. Hongseok just smiled at the kiss but at the same time, his heart was breaking. Because he knew that the one he loves was watching him and he saw how Chanwoo’s heart break into pieces. In Chanwoo’s hand was a pair of rings. Hanbin opened his eyes and saw the maknae so immediately pulled away and looked away.

 

“H..Hanbin h-hyung..w..what..”,Chanwoo murmured.

 

“I’m sorry,Chanwoo-ah.”,Hanbin whispered.

 

“W-Why?”,he asked,“Why? Why is it Hongseok hyung? Why is it my boyfriend? Since when did this thing started? Do you meet each other everytime? Why did you kissed him? Why? Why!?”

 

Chanwoo cried as he sat at the ground, Hanbin looked away as Hongseok went near Chanwoo who immediately looked at his hyung, his lover.

 

“H-Hyung,what’s happening?”,Chanwoo hugged Hongseok,“I missed you, you weren’t answering my texts and calls, we hadn’t heard anything about you. I was always looking for you hyung, where have you been? I love you hyung, don’t leave me...please.”

 

Chanwoo kissed his lips but he was surprised when Hongseok pushed him and just looked at him in a cold way.

 

“Let’s end this relationship,Jung Chanwoo.”

 

“Stop j-joking around,hyung. It’s not funny!”,Chanwoo protests,“I..I won’t! I love you hyung! please don’t leave me!”

 

“Are you deaf or just plain stupid? I wanted to end everything! I want you.. out of my life. I want to leave you! Isn’t being a member of iKON enough for you to stop bugging the hell out of me! I’m sick and tired of you, and you want to know something,Chanwoo-ah? I NEVER LOVED YOU, I NEVER DID. OKAY?”

 

Chanwoo felt like his heart broke into pieces and cried before running away. Hongseok looked at Hanbin and patted his head before running after Chanwoo.

 

Chanwoo was clouded with destructive thoughts and he was crying that he didn’t noticed an incoming car in the street. Hongseok quickly ran and pushed the younger away. Chanwoo heard Hanbin’s screams and when he looked at the one who pushed him, he suddenly froze.

 

 

“N-No... h-hyung.. Hongseok hyung...”,he whispered as he looked at his hyung whom were being hit by the vehichle that was supposed to hit him.

 

 

 

 

Hongseok was already gasping for air as blood was splattered everywhere. Chanwoo can’t think straight as he was looking at his dying hyung while Hanbin was shaking Hongseok furiously.

 

 

“D-Don’t! Hongseok! Wait! Just wait! I already called the ambulance! Just effin wait! Don’t you dare close your eyes! Don’t..”,Hanbin screamed at him

 

Chanwoo went near at Hongseok whom was looking at him with sad eyes, he saw that Hongseok mouthed the words ‘I love you, I’m sorry.’ and tried to touch his cheek by his left hand but as Hongseok touched his cheek, his hands fell to the ground and Hongseok closed his eyes.

 

 

 

‘This is my karma for hurting you,Jung Chanwoo. I’m so sorry..’

 

 

 

“Hy..Hyung..”,Chanwoo whispered as he started to cry again.

 

--

 

 

The funeral was indeed gloomy. IKON went to visit their deceased friend and even Jinhyeong skipped classes to visit at the funeral. Hongseok’s mother was crying endlessly and his father was comforting her. Hongseok’s brother stared at nowhere as Hongseok’s coffin was at the front.

 

 

 

Jinhwan was already crying along with Bobby, Hanbin, Jinhyeong and Yunhyeong. Even Junhoe was crying, Donghyuk is frustated while looking at Chanwoo who was expressionless at this moment.

 

 

 

“H-He died because he saved me.. I should’ve been on that coffin instead of him.. I-It’s my fault.”,Chanwoo whispered while staring at his hyung’s coffin.

 

 

 

Truth be told, Hongseok’s mother and brother had been blaming Chanwoo to be the cause of Hongseok’s demise while his father just comforted the latter. Chanwoo had been frustated and depressed too much.

 

 

 

“I can’t take this anymore.”,Donghyuk said and looked at Chanwoo before giving him a letter,“On the last day of Mix and Match, he told me to give this letter to you.”

 

 

 

 

Chanwoo stared at the letter.He went out of the funeral and went back to the dorm early, he was alone there. He opened the letter and smiled in a bitter way as he saw the initials  ‘YHS’ in the envelope.

 

 

 

‘Dear Chanwoo,

You know that I love you,right? I want you to be a successful idol. I want you to enjoy it, I’m really depressed cause I could be a burden for you once you will become an idol. So I made you hate me, please hate me. Please get rid of me in your mind and heart, I Don’t Deserve Your Love. I love you Jung Chanwoo.I’m sorry. Maybe it’s just that we are fated to fall in love with each other but we weren’t destined for each other. I don’t want to be a burden for you, please forget me. It took 60 seconds to fall for you, but I guess this is where our story ends. I would ask you for forgiveness a lot of times until you could forgive me for this stupidity of mine. IF YOU LOVE ME, PLEASE LET ME GO TOO.

 

 

Farewell,Jung Chanwoo. I love you, I’m sorry.

 

-YHS’’

 

 

 

 

“Why do you have to say sorry?”,Chanwoo scoffed and cried.

 

 

He cried until he can’t. He cried as he was saying a lot of stuff, he didn’t expected this. He love Hongseok a lot. He love him so much..

 

 

 

 

“I love you.. I’m sorry.”,Chanwoo stated,“I’m sorry but I can’t stop loving you..”

 

 

 

 

I love you. I’m sorry was the last words that Hongseok said to him and he said it too.. because he can’t grant Hongseok’s wish. He can’t stop loving him...

 

---

 

 

Omg wat in the world did I just wrote and I even posted it now. Happy Birthday hongseok. I’m really a Hongseok stan and I ship him with Chanwoo and B.I /squeals on the ‘destined-to-be-each-other’s-monitos’ couple. Teehee~ Wuvyu Hongseok~ 

 

Comments please. Sankyuu~ ♡ Ppyong!~ #HappYHSday