Oh Se Hun

“Ok. Arraso Hyung. See you.”

I saw Suho ended his call. I don’t want to ask who was it but I wanted to know who and I wanted Suho to tell him who. Was it too complicated? It wasn’t for me.

I wanted Suho to be closer to him. I know that he and Suho were closed enough to know that Suho doesn’t like to open Air-con at night and he has the weakest body even though he drank all sorts of medicines.

But when I mean ‘closed’ I mean ‘clingy’. I want to stay closed to Suho. When we were sitting on the couch, I hate it when we were sitting like on the opposite edges. Suho looked so lonely. Actually, I am lonely.

After on the mental war of asking or not asking for 4 minutes, I asked finally.

“Suho Hyung, who was it earlier?”

“Eoh? On the phone?”

I furrowed. Suho was hesitant.

“It’s Kyuhyun Hyung. He wanted to grab a meal with me.” I looked at Suho but he wasn’t looking at me. He kept his eyes on TV which he isn’t enjoying obviously. When he enjoyed the show, he has this expression, I couldn’t explain but you know.

“Can I tag along?”

“…”

After 1 min, which it’s like 30 minutes for me,

“How about next time, Se Hun-ah. He… I don’t know how to say… Kyuhyun Hyung sounded like he wanted to meet alone.”

Now I am mad. He can make up excuses if he doesn’t want me to come with him. He can make thousands of lies and excuse but he choose to stay honest and that truthful honesty hurts.

“Fine! I am not free anyway.”

“Se Hun, you don’t even know the time.” Suho called me ‘Sehun’. He didn’t call me ‘Sehunnie’ like he usually did and it means Suho is annoyed. Yes, I am too, much more than him. You made the choices, Kim Joon Myun. You will have to embrace the consequences too.

“Tomorrow or whenever, I don’t have a single second free for you!” As soon as I finished, I stormed into Xiu Min Hyung’s room. Since Xiumin Hyung has the room for himself and the manager Hyung comes back seldom, he can spend tonight there.

The thing that makes him more difficult is … Suho doesn’t come to him that night.

Next morning…

I wake up alone. I disliked it. Every morning, Suho was there whenever I woke up. How late I may be, Suho was there. But not this morning…

I lazily rubbed my eyes and saw the note on the night lamp. It was Suho’s handwriting. I recognized from the first look and took it.

Come to have breakfast when you woke up. I have bubble tea in the refrigerator.

I smiled. This must be Suho’s way of apologizing him. Well, I love it. I love it more when it’s bubble tea included.

When I open the door, I heard Suho’s laughing and it seemed like he’s on the phone. So I continued listening – eavesdropping.

“This Friday? Yeah, count me in. Hyung… the thing is, could I also bring Se Hunnie too? He is alone that night since we’re gonna be in Vietnam and other members are going to a pub and he still doesn’t fit to go to a pub.”

Suho is also bringing me? I jump out of anticipation.

“Ok. We will meet you there.”

It means? I’m not mad with Suho already and I wanted to hug him right now and kissed him. I want to say ‘you’re the best leader’ and things like that to make him smile and cuddled me at night.

“Se Hunnie? What are you doing here?”

I was so lost in thoughts and didn’t know Suho was coming.

“Oh… I… I am gonna brush my teeth and wash up.” I hide my blushed face and practically ran into the bathroom.

What was I doing? Oh Se Hun, are you stupid or something?

I talked myself that this time, I am not the one calling him first and just after hearing Suho wanted to take me out, I give in mentally.

“Come out when you’re done. Let’s have breakfast together.”

I brushed my teeth with the speed I had never done and go out as soon as I’m done.

“Sit down, Hunnie.”

I felt this morning is the prettiest morning ever.

But I restrained myself from talking to Suho Hyung. And it’s hard.

“Are you free on Friday night?” Suho asked. I looked at him and nodded. And saw the disapproval in his eyes. He wanted me to answer verbally which I don’t want to.

“Aren’t you going to ask what it is about?”

I just looked at him and asking with my eyes. Suho sighed.

“Fine. Let’s have dinner together. We will talk then.” Suho finished his breakfast and went out.

This is not what I want. I wanted him to say all sorts of sweet things with his honey smile. He did that with Ryeowook Hyung and Kyung Soo Hyung and why not with me?

I am disappointed. Like he said, we will talk tonight then.

~

I’m so excited. It’s almost 7. Suho Hyung is coming back in any minutes. He saw the bubble tea Suho bought in the refrigerator. There were two of them, one is milk tea and other is chocolate milk. Suho knew exactly what I like.

Time is passing, I changed the television channels every second. What’s keeping you? Suho Hyung.

I tried calling him, but he left his phone at home. I’m hungry.

IT’S 8:30 pm.

Finally, Suho is home. I stopped changing the TV channels. I am angry and hungry. I was expecting a bunch of reasons and excuses but what I get was…

“Se Hun? Why hadn’t you eaten? You should have eaten by yourself.”

As soon as Suho came in, it’s what I get. A blame.

“What? It’s my fault for waiting you till you get home because I wanted to have dinner with you?” I exploded. This is not right.

“It’s not what I mean.”

“Then what? It’s you who said that we should have dinner together and talked.” I bite my inner lips hard. I wanted to cry but I have to hold it in. Does Suho not love me anymore? Does he find me annoying and tiring?

The expression Suho held is an exhausted one.

“I should have called you about tonight. Kyu Hyun Hyung changed his mind and we just had dinner together. That’s why I’m late.”

Suho had dinner with Kyuhyun alone?

“Yes. You should have called me. You should have said sorry first instead of blaming me for ing waited for you.”

“Se Hun-ah, I’m sorry. I am very tired right now.”

“Do whatever you want.” I pushed him who is coming towards me for a hug and went into Xiu Min’s room and locked the room.

“Se Hun. Se Hun. Open the door, please. SE HUN.” Suho is bumping the door.

I refused to answer. Tears flowed out of my eyes and I just want to sleep it off. It’s hurt.

~

Kim Joon Myun

I enjoyed holding concerts because I can be with Se Hun on stage. I precious the small affections like hugs and holding hands and eye-contacts they made to make fans go crazy. It made me go crazy. Se Hun made me go crazy.

But during XOXO or First Snow, Sehun won’t look at me. Se Hun laughed at Lay or Chan Yeol and Baek Hyun but he never looked at my direction. I don’t want to make awkward myself so, I don’t bother Se Hun who won’t bother me back if I do.

Se Hun made clear of his intentions in back stage. He won’t ask for my help dressing up or even if he’s thirsty, he went for manager hyung to get him water bottle. It hurts a little bit but he isn’t sure of how to fix the situation. Because it’s the first time Se Hun ignoring him for real.

Even when he made a comment about Se Hun or relating to Se Hun, he won’t budge a bit. He ignores my existence.

Days passed. Se Hun’s birthday is coming. I thought of giving him special present. I have already done giving a thought about Hunnie’s birthday last year May. This time, money shouldn’t be involved.

“Hyung. What are you thinking? Have you thought about today’s speech? Manager Hyung said we will be nominated again.”

“Of course Jong In-ah. I know, you don’t have to worry about it.” I assured Jong In. Unlike his aura and appearance, he is an extremely sweet boy but sometimes childish and naughty of course.

“You’re off these days. You know that right?”

Jong In placed his hands on my forehead. He is so caring too. Just the timing was…

“What are you doing?” Se Hun walked in the living room.

“Se Hun-ah…”

“No. It’s fine. I am going out with Dong Hae Hyung, want to tag along, Jong In?” Se Hun won’t give a glance to me. I am not worried about him going with Donghae Hyung since Dong Hae hyung has been together with Eun Hyuk for a very long time.

“No. I am staying with Suho hyung. He seemed to catch a cold.”

This is when Se Hun looked at me. Even it’s only a brief second, I caught his eyes. He’s worried about me. As soon as he saw me smiling, he rushed out of the house without saying anything.