Yuri looked at her wristwatch and sighed. It was already ten p.m., and she had just arrived back from her schedule. Closing her eyes, she inhaled and exhaled deeply through her nose, calming the thunderous feeling she had in her chest.

 

Her heart had been very restless today.

 

She opened the door and stepped into the dorm, a dim light came from the living room. Closing the door behind her, she walked off to the source of light. Her ears could hear her own heartbeat, thumping against her ribcage, but—

 

It was 'only' Tiffany.

 

Faking a cough, Yuri watched Tiffany's attention turned to her. She saw those eyes widened a bit, and then they stared at her with sympathy.

 

“Hi, Yul.”

 

Yuri walked towards the couch where the pink lover was sitting at. She plopped herself beside the latter, a sigh escaped her lips as the couch greeted her tired body.

 

“Hi, Manager Hwang.”

 

She felt Tiffany's gaze on her, studying her movements.

 

"Where are the others?" she asked, trying to fill in the silence.

 

"Sleeping, I guess," answered Tiffany. "So..."

 

Yuri glanced at the girl beside her, waiting for the upcoming words. Tiffany looked around, her fingers fidgeting on her lap.

 

“So… how’re you feeling?”

 

“Physically tired,” replied Yuri honestly, “…mentally drained.”

 

Tiffany looked at her. “Someone who’s dating shouldn’t be mentally drained,” she said. “It’s a sign of an unhealthy relationship.”

 

Yuri cocked an eyebrow at her. “What part of ‘fake dating news’ do you think sounds healthy?”

 

Tiffany blinked, and then she let out a chuckle. “Good point.”

 

“I…” Yuri trailed off, rubbing her face with her hands. “I still… feel restless, though.”

 

“I was restless too,” said Tiffany, nodding in agreement. “And I know why I was. Just like you do.”

 

There were so many unspoken words behind Tiffany's words, and both parties understood too much what those unspoken words meant. Yuri inhaled deeply and looked at the pink lover manager, who stared back at her with a smile.

 

“Okay,” said Yuri, “where’s Yoona?”

 

 

.:;l|o|I;:.

 

 

 Accompanied by the moonlight, sitting on the big swing in the dorm's backyard was the deer everyone had been worrying on. Im Yoona. Her feet lightly kicked against the ground, half-heartedly attempting to move the swing. Her eyes wandered around, never fixed into something for a long time.

 

She didn't bring any scripts with her, unlike the times when she needed a silence environment to read over and practice her lines for her drama.

 

She didn't bring a bag of chips or snacks with her, unlike the times when she felt like stargazing from the quiet backyard.

 

She didn't bring Yuri with her, either, unlike the times when she just wanted to find a moment of happiness and found it as her head leaned onto the other girl's shoulder, just silently being there for each other, witnessed by the stars.

 

Today, Im Yoona only brought mp3 player and her heart.

 

The poor thing had been , playing songs which lyrics entered Yoona's right ear only to exit through her left, unprocessed.

 

And it was better that way. If her brain processed those lyrics, Yoona knew she would be reduced into a sobbing ball. After all, her playlist was filled with way too cheerful songs, which lyrics basically painting sadness and broken hearts all over the place.

 

Gosh, even with her heart aching, her brain still managed to be sarcastic.

 

Closing her eyes, Yoona leaned to the swing and sighed.

 

Take me where I've never been,
Help me on my feet again
Show me that good things come to those who wait

 

She felt a pair of hands came up from behind, covering her eyes, and she tried to restrain herself from freaking out.

 

"Guess who?" a soft voice asked.

 

"The dating girl?" answered Yoona with a fake cheerfulness, sending to her own heart a flash of pain that made her grimace.

 

The hands uncovered her eyes, slowly retreating back. But before she could think of anything, a hand came up again, this time with a palm-sized Rilakkuma plushie on its hold.

 

"Hi!" the plushie said brightly to her, bouncing in the air cheerily, and she felt a smile unconsciously graced her lips.

 

"Hi, Kkuma."

 

The plushie shook its head vigorously. "No, no, no. It's not Kkuma. It's Yul."

 

Yoona's smile faltered, her heart silently thanking God that the older girl was standing behind her. She composed herself as quick as she could and swallowed,

 

"Okay... Yul."

 

The plushie nodded exaggeratedly four times in a satisfied manner. It then made a move, as if it was looking to the empty space beside her.

 

"Is this spot vacant?"

 

Yoona eyed the empty space beside her and felt a lump in . At the stretched silence, the plushie looked down so much that its chin touched its stomach. It almost looked like it was curling into a ball.

 

Looking so sad.

 

"Yes," answered Yoona finally, her nails digging her palm painfully. "You... can sit there if you want."

 

Tell me I'm not on my own,
Tell me I won't be alone
Tell me what I'm feelin' isn't some mistake

 

She looked away, her gaze fixed to the tree near her as she felt the swing dipped to her side. She felt a poke in her shoulder, and she huffed without turning around,

 

"I'm sorry, Kkuma—I mean Yul. I... just want to observe that tree today."

 

Yes, because that tree is exactly your ultimate reason to isolate yourself in this lonely deserted backyard, her brain sarcastically said. You're awfully lame, Im.

 

"Oh, okay..." she heard Yuri—the plushie, Yoona, it's the plushie—answered. "But... can Yul tell you a story? Nobody wants to hear Yul's story... and Yul is sad."

 

'cause if anyone can make me fall in love,
You can

 

"Sure," she replied, desperately trying to look like she was interested in those wooden, stiff curves of the tree.

 

"Hmm," the plushie hummed. "Where should Yul start? Yul has been an idiot lately. An idiot when it comes to tactic. An idiot when it comes to love."

 

You know, I don't think it's a good idea to pretend that the voice is the plushie's... her brain commented.

 

Yoona felt the edge of her eyes twitched. "No, you are not."

 

"Yul is," the plushie replied with a sad tone. "Yul loves someone. And Yul has hurt that someone."

 

Giving up on searching any sign of attractiveness of the soulless tree, Yoona sighed, keeping her body from turning around. It was getting harder.

 

"How does Yul know that her someone is hurting?" she asked softly.

 

Save me from myself, you can
And it's you and no one else

 

"Yul can see it in her someone's eyes," Yuri—no, the plushie, answered. "Her someone is hurting."

 

Yoona kicked her feet against the ground lightly, making the swing to shake slightly.

 

"Does..." Yoona swallowed, "does Yul know why her someone is hurting?"

 

Silence fell, and Yoona wondered if the older girl—no, the plushie, had fallen asleep. After all, the plushie sounded so tired and she knew that the plushie's schedule was so very much packed.

 

Yoona blinked, the last sentence somehow didn't make any sense to her mind.

 

What schedule did a plushie possibly have? All day?

 

"Yul has a guess," a soft answer finally came, breaking Yoona's weird thoughts. "Yul... has been there before."

 

If I could wish upon tomorrow,
Tonight would never end

 

"Then," said Yoona, looking at the bushes near the unattractive tree, "Yul should've known that maybe her someone only needs some alone time, right?"

 

"Yul doesn't think so," Yuri—the plushie, Yoona, the plushie—answered. "She thinks it's a bad idea."

 

Yoona blinked, surprised at the unexpected answer. She was expecting the... plushie... to agree with her, or change the topic, or even say sorry.

 

"Why?" she asked, closing her eyes. "Yul... Didn't Yul have some alone time when she went through this?"

 

If you asked me, I would follow
But for now, I'll just pretend

 

She was taken aback as the plushie suddenly was in front of her face, the tanned hand holding it hovered over her shoulder when she opened her eyes.

 

The fingers on the plushie's head pushed forward, making the mini Rilakkuma to nod.

 

"Yes," she heard Yuri—the plushie, her brain insisted to her—said. "Yul has gone through it."

 

She watched as the plushie inched closer to her. The plushie slowly pressed against her chest, as if it was trying to hug her, and she was vaguely aware of the tanned hand pressing on her shoulder, sending some tingling feelings.

 

"And because Yul has been there, she knew how miserable it feels," the plushie said. "...Yul doesn't want her someone to experience that."

 

'cause if anyone can make me fall in love,
You can.

 

Yoona swallowed, her body slowly turning around before her heart could twist her decision around. The plushie, understanding her gesture, slowly retreated back to its holder's side.

 

Yoona turned, not until she faced the older girl, but enough for her to lean her back against the swing comfortably, her eyes fixed firmly to the ground. She saw the slippers the other girl wore, and she couldn't help but to smile—she had been the one who brought it for her.

 

"I think..." Yoona swallowed thickly, "I think your someone will appreciate your gesture. It's... sweet."

 

Yoona watched the plushie shyly inched closer to her hand, which was resting on her thigh. Smiling, she let her fingers move and slowly poked the mini Rilakkuma.

 

She heard a soft chuckle beside her, and before she could stop herself, her eyes flickered to the source of voice.

Baby, when you look at me
Tell me, what do you see?
Are these the eyes of someone you could love?

 

The first thing she noticed was how tired Yuri looked.

 

The second thing she noticed was how restless the older girl's body spoke.

 

The third thing she noticed were those eyes and Yuri's soft smile, for her, which always let her knew that Yuri felt grateful to have her here.

 

Gulping, Yoona quickly ducked her head, moving her gaze back to the ground again.

 

"Was... was it really painful, Yul?"

 

She poked the plushie timidly, and she heard a soft defeated sigh from her side. Guilt greeted her as she chewed on her lower lip, eyes wandering around the ground. I'm sorry, unnie. I'm not strong enough to look at you yet...

 

"It was... hard," Yuri—the plushie the plushie the plushie, Yoona's mind chanted—admitted. "Those lonely nights... it was almost unbearable. It definitely isn't something Yul wants to turn back the time to."

 

'Cause everything that brought me here,
Well, now it all seems so clear
Baby, you're the one that I've been dreamin' of

 

"Yul thinks... it's impossible for Yul to be here, enduring all that and make it through alive... if it's not for her someone."

 

Yoona swallowed, her fingers fiddling around in her lap.

 

"Does... does Yul love her someone that much?"

 

The plushie chuckled softly—oh, Yoona, you're getting better at this, her brain applauded in a bored tone.

 

'cause if anyone can make me fall in love,
You can.

 

"Yul wishes she could show her someone just how much," the plushie said. "Yul wishes her someone wouldn't doubt her love."

 

Yoona frowned, looking at the bush near the unattractive tree.

 

"I'm sorry," said Yoona, "...is this someone a guy?"

 

Save me from myself, you can
And it's you and no one else

 

She saw the plushie moved slowly to look at her in a what the hell dude manner.

 

"You think?" the plushie replied.

 

"Yah, I'm asking you," said Yoona firmly. "Asking back isn't allowed."

 

If I could wish upon tomorrow,
Tonight would never end.

 

The plushie tilted its head slowly to the left.

 

"Oh, don't give me that look," scolded Yoona firmly, frowning at the plushie. Great, now you even analyze a plushie's body language, her brain praised her a mental roll of eyes. "And answer my question too, Yul."

 

A soft chuckle answered her scolds, and her frown went deeper.

 

If you asked me, I would follow
But for now, I'll just pretend

 

"Although sometimes her someone can be more thick-headed than any guy in this world, combined, Yul's someone is a girl," the plushie answered softly. A pause, and then the plushie sighed.

 

"Oh God... that makes Yul feel ten times worse. Hurting the girl she loves... Yul is a bad person, isn't she?"

 

"How could Yul think that she's a bad person?" whispered Yoona, eyeing the hand wrapped around the plushie. "Yul doesn't do anything wrong."

 

"Making her girl feeling sad is wrong enough," the plushie said. "Yul wants to hear her someone's voice... yet it looks like seeing Yul hurts that someone bad enough."

 

Yoona heard the sadness in the plushie's tone, and she felt her eyes got misty. Her brain commented offhandedly that it was the perfect time to cover her ears with her hands, and the plushie just had to say the next line.

 

"Yul misses seeing her doe eyes..."

 

"Misses calling her Yoong..."

 

"But it's hurting her someone, and she doesn't know how to make the pain stop."

'cause if anyone can make me fall in love...

 

Yoona swallowed thickly as her head snapped to look at the older girl, her fingers somehow had wrapped around the tanned hand which held the plushie.

 

"I hate you," said Yoona, a tear made its way down her cheek. "I hate you and your effect on me."

 

Only you can take me sailin' in your deepest eyes

 

Yuri looked back at her, those exhausted brown orbs stared through her doe eyes.

 

"Is that for Yul plushie, or is that for me?"

 

Told you insisting to converse with a plushie will stab you in the back soon, her brain commented.

 

She ignored her brain's remark, mentally imagining herself sticking out her tongue at the arrogant thing. Using her free hand, the deer wiped her tear, her voice shook as she replied shortly,

 

"You're a prat."

 

Bring me to my knees and make me cry.

 

"I take it it was for me, then," said Yuri slowly, watching another tear strolled down her cheek. "I... can I touch you now?" she asked softly, gazing to their hands on the plushie.

 

Yoona chuckled weakly as her gaze too was rested on their touched hands. "You can, I guess."

 

She felt rather than saw Yuri hesitantly extended her free hand, lightly touched her cheek, gently wiped her tears. She in a breath at the gesture, hitched halfway from the lump in .

 

And no one's ever done this,

 

"I'm sorry," whispered Yuri softly, gently tucking several strands behind Yoona's ear. "I'm very sorry..."

 

"Don't be," said Yoona weakly, leaning into the older girl's touch. Their hands on the plushie somehow had shifted to intertwine together, leaving the plushie alone. "I'm just... being a, quote, insecure whiny emo girl, unquote."

 

"Is that Jessica's words?"

 

Yoona let out a chuckle, "No... it's Taeyeon unnie's."

 

"Pfft, she wasn't any different when Tiff's news came out..."

 

Everything was just a lie

 

"I know it's silly, but..." Yoona looked at their intertwined fingers and shrugged tiredly, "You looked so happy in the picture with him, and the feelings just... appeared."

 

Yuri squeezed their hands gently, and to Yoona's surprise, slowly leaning in to rest her head on the deer's shoulder.

 

"Silly... I wish you knew that I'm at my happiest when I'm with you."

 

The younger swallowed as she felt her tummy filled with rainbows and butterflies. "I... I think you're thinking out loud just now..."

 

She felt the older girl shifted closer to her, her side feeling so warm that she thought her insides were starting to turn into a sickeningly pinky goo.

 

"I don't. I need to say it because you're as dense as a brick."

 

And I know, yes I know...

 

Yoona felt something rested in her lap, and she looked down to find the Rilakkuma plushie stared at her.

 

"I bought this with him after that photo took place. We happened to pass by a toy store when we came back from... the scripted meeting," explained Yuri slowly, automatically rolling her eyes at the word 'scripted'. She poked the plushie once, "It reminded me of you. And it's affordable. I mean, seeing your face flashed in some big boards across the street reminded me of you very much, but it's not affordable and..."

 

Yoona chuckled. "Yul, you're babbling."

 

Yuri sighed. "It's so easy to be reminded of you," she said, smiling to herself as she felt Yoona's head rested against hers. "Not that I'm complaining. Only that sometimes it hurts because you're not here with me."

 

"Yul, I think I need time..."

 

"And I will be right here," said Yuri softly, "with you. You can ignore me, yell at me, be emo at me. But allow me to be here."

 

Yoona swallowed.

 

This is where it all begins,

 

"I don't have any options, do I?"

 

Yuri pulled out from the younger's shoulder. "I won't allow you to drown yourself in insecurity, Yoong," she said, her eyes narrowing. "Not when I can remind you that you don't have a valid reason to feel insecure."

So tell me it'll never end

 

"He is a guy," Yoona stated, a frown ghosted her lips. "I'm a girl."

 

Yuri nodded several times. "And you hold my heart," she said, jabbing her finger to Yoona's chest. "We have given our heart to each other, remember."

 

"But," Yoona sputtered, "he is a guy..."

 

"Now you know how insecure I am about Seunggi," said Yuri, smiling in amusement. "Unfortunately, I'm not the type to accept back something I have given to someone."

 

Yoona opened , and closed it back again, and opened it again...

 

Until the deer finally ruffled her hair in frustration and stared at the amused Yuri, her doe eyes tired, three words escaped her lips before she could stop herself,

 

"I love you."

 

I can't fool myself,
It's you and no one else

 

Yuri smiled, finding the spontaneous blurt warmed her heart.

 

"Is that for the plushie, or is that for me?"

 

Told you pretending to talk to the plushie is a bad idea, boss, her brain announced.

 

"Shut up," Yoona said. "Just hug me, please."

 

Grinning, Yuri spread her arms, and Yoona gladly leaned in to her embrace, feeling the older girl's arms wrapped around her, feeling her own arms s around Yuri's waist.

 

"Love you too, Yoong."

 

If I could wish upon tomorrow,
Tonight would never end

 

"I don't know that it hurts this much," whispered Yoona, closing her eyes as she let her aching heart melted to the embrace.

 

"I wish you didn't have to know," whispered Yuri, rocking them gently back and forth. "But I guess Uncle Lee was right... the current CEO is too unkind for my wish to be true."

 

Yoona chuckled softly at Yuri's choice of word. Seohyun had warned them not to call the man evil, saying that poor devils didn't deserve to be insulted like that. Of course the maknae blurted that diamond when they were drunk together, but somehow they managed to remember that particular bit.

 

If you asked me, I would follow
But for now, I'll just pretend

 

"Thank you, Yul," whispered Yoona, snuggled to the crook of the older girl's neck. "For not letting me succumb into my angsty self."

 

She felt Yuri tightening her embrace, and whispered huskily to her ear,

 

"And I thank you, Yoong, for letting me to be here with you."

 

Cause if anyone can make me fall in love,

 

They stayed like that for a while, until Yuri released her embrace, yawning widely in the process. Yoona chuckled, a part of her squealing at how cute the older girl was, and another part of her felt grateful that the older girl preferred lightening her up over sleeping.

 

"Come on, Yul unnie, let's go to our room. You're too tired to keep awake."

 

Yuri blinked slowly and yawned again. "Oh, bother... alright. But I have a request, Yoong."

 

"What is it?" asked Yoona, her hand already searched for the other's and their fingers interlocked naturally.

 

Letting Yoona to pull her to stand, Yuri hummed. "Be my big spoon today."

 

You can

 

Yoona felt her face heating up. "Why the sudden..."

 

"I want to be hugged tonight," said Yuri, smiling brilliantly at the blushing deer, "by someone who holds my heart."

 

"O—okay," stuttered Yoona. "I think—I can do that, yeah, sure."

 

Show me that good things come to those who wait

 

Turning off the mp3 player, Yoona pocketed it and picked the Rilakkuma plushie with her free hand. They walked, hand in hand towards the dorm, the legendary plushie was happily held in Yoona's left hand. Her right hand intertwined with Yuri's, the latter smiling amusedly at how sweaty the deer's palm was.

 

Really, Yoona was beyond cute.

 

Her favorite person never failed to make her falling in love with her, be it for Yoona's obvious love to her, for her dorkiness (talking and scolding a plushie? Really, Yoong?), or for how nervous Yoona could be at the mere thought of being the big spoon this time around.

 

How could she fall in love with another person, when her heart refused to let Yoona go from her mind even for a bit?

 

They stopped in front of her room, Yoona shyly glanced at her, and she smiled in amusement at the obvious red in the younger's cheeks. "We're only going to sleep, Yoong," she said, pinching the deer's cheek.

 

"I know!" yelped Yoona, blushing. "I just... I think I have had my time. It's over."

 

Yuri's smile turned into a grin. "That fast?"

 

"Well, you're here!" said Yoona, avoiding the older girl's eyes. "I can't be angsty with you being here. That's impossible. But I... I'm afraid I'll be back being a sad ball the moment you leave my side."

 

"I never let the other members big-spoon me," said Yuri gently, cupping the younger's cheeks to turn her head towards her. "I don't even let Hyukjoon oppa to big-spoon me when I cried from watching Lion King."

 

"But I want you to do that, Yoong. Do you know why?"

 

Yoona shook her head, her ears acutely aware of her heart crazy thumps against her chest.

 

"It's because my heart tells me that it's okay for me to count on you," whispered Yuri softly, her eyes held those sincerity Yoona couldn't count. "It's because my heart tells me that it's okay to fall as long as it's you."

 

Yoona held her breath, her heart vaguely aware that her sarcastic brain didn't even come up with a witty remark this time.

 

"Do you think my heart lies to me?"

 

And Yoona found herself leaning in to crash their lips together, answering Yuri's question with her tongue, pouring her answer to her action as Yuri parted her lips, allowing Yoong-tongue to explore the older girl's mouth. Her heart buzzed with warmth, excitement, anticipation, and her angsty side pushed far to the back of her mind.

 

They parted as the lack of oxygen clawing their lungs, both had an identical grin on their face. Yoona rested her forehead against Yuri's, the other chuckled breathily as she released her hands from Yoona's hair.

 

"Let's sleep, unnie," whispered Yoona softly. "The big spoon in me wants to have you in my arms."

 

Chuckling, Yuri opened the door. They stepped into the room, both didn't really remember who pushed the door close, just that they had each other as the door moved to close. They disappeared to their own world, where the only things relevant were their love for each other, the rest could go to the black hole.

 

They had given their heart to each other.

 

And that was the only thing that really mattered.

 

THE END