1.

Hi, I'm Desku.

Or, well, you might know me as Tablo. That old couch can be very persistent about my name, and the month I have for the old couch to call me Desku has expired yesterday. But it's not important. It's not like anyone else actively converse with me.

Actually, Yuri does.

Or did.

Kind of.

You see, as a table Yuri always goes to whenever she's on her self-mission to spy on the Yoona gal, I've always heard her muttering to herself, and at some point, she starts talking to me. The first day I noticed her, she wasn't paying attention to anything but her works. Until she looked up. She looked up and paused for longer than she should, her gaze fixed on the occupant of the old couch across us. She only left after the couch girl left, her steps lighter than when she came in.

Then she started to visit again.

Her gaze would flicker regularly, taking glances at the couch' occupant when the other girl was present too. Yuri would tilt her head, a small smile starting to grace her features, as if she's regaining strength from observing the other girl alone. Maybe she really was. "Don't you think she's beautiful?" She said, tapping the edge of my top, and it's the first time she's saying anything to me. "The girl over there. The one wearing a blue sweater? I wish I could go and talk to her. It's just... I have this urge to. I don't know why."

But Yuri didn't go and talk to the blue sweater stranger. Instead, she softly smiled to herself again, and went back to her works.

It took Yuri a month to utter the girl's name; Yoona.

"I like it," Yuri mumbled, and when I peeked, her cheeks were strangely red. "I like saying it, her name. It makes my shoulders feel lighter. Does that even make sense? You're right, it doesn't." For the rest of the day, I caught her muttering that name, Im Yoona, several times, and I wished I had been able to give her a mirror just so she would notice how tiny little hearts filled her eyes everytime it happened.

It took Yuri two months to consider that maybe, she liked Yoona.

It was when a guy started to frequently visit Yoona-couch (or so Yuri called it), and looking at them interacting made it hard for Yuri to smile. "It's impossible, isn't it? I'm just fooling myself, aren't I? This has to be a joke. There's no way I..." Yuri has paused, her fingers curling and uncurling in stacked anxiety. ". This is going somewhere I didn't expect."

Then Yuri started forcing her eyes to stay longer on her works. Ignoring the itch to glance, the tip of her ballpoint pressing against the papers a tad bit harder everytime she surrendered to the curiosity, took a glance, and felt a sting of hurt again.

It wasn't easy to see her like that. I wished I could speak, then, if only to offer a word or two of reassurances. At some point, she looked at every guy that passed by us, probably trying to force herself to feel something for the male species. I could smell frustration and resignation from her by the end of her 'experiment', because "The only one I'm fooling is myself. This is stupid. I'm stupid."

It took Yuri two weeks to discover that the guy was Key, Yoona's best friend, who had an interest in another girl, Jung something-something.

This good news was delivered by a lanky boy who apparently had to help Yuri doing a project, for which Yuri dragged him along to hang out around me. Yuri only responded with a short hum, though the light in her eyes returned back, the tip of her ballpoint no longer threatening to accidentally rip the papers apart. Minho, that's what the guy's name was, had asked then, if she knew Yoona.

"Not exactly," Yuri answered, pausing over her writings to glance at the said girl's direction. "But I like seeing her around." I had a feeling it's deeper than that, but no one asked for my opinion so I just kept watching from the sidelines.

It took Yuri another month to entertain the thought that, maybe, she's falling.

"Minho, you insensitive, meddling, Slytherin git—" Yuri's eyes were misty with frustrations as she closed her laptop, and Minho, who regularly visited us every once a week, blinked in confusion at the sudden insults.

"But what did I ever do, noona? I only showed you a silly article, like... the title is 'ten weird ways to tell that you're falling for someone'... really?"

Oh but really. It was interesting to see Yuri trying her best to whisper-yell to Minho, explaining that that's exactly what's wrong, because now I have to wonder why she's all I could think of when I read the list. Minho was confused. I was thrilled. Yoona was meters away from us, oblivious, but maybe that was for the best.

"Noona, you're falling," Minho pointed out, his voice just a little above whisper. "You're... falling for a girl?"

"How did you know?" Yuri sarcastically shot back, her fingers rubbing her temples in distress. "I'm not even sure. I just thought about her sometimes, thinking little scenarios of how we'd first interact. Just pausing from works every now and then, looking up to catch a sight of her, and my thoughts would wonder, planning silly things, like... coming up and greeting her with a hairtie in my hand, she'd like the blue ones, and then offering to tie her hair... just to see how soft it is under my fingers..."

A deep sigh and one deadpan look from Minho later,

"." Yuri laughed weakly, her fingers rapping her closed laptop. "This is so much bigger than I thought it's going to be."

"So you are," Minho said.

"Are you going to keep a 10-meters distance from me for now on, or call an exorcism team just in case I'm possessed by a sinner spirit?"

"What good would that do to anything or anyone?" Minho muttered, his expression souring slightly at Yuri's words. "There's no sin in falling. You're falling for someone. This someone just happens to be a girl." I didn't know what view Yuri's family had, or if that was what bothered her, but she relaxed hearing Minho's words. Maybe she really needed to hear that from someone close, and I was glad the Minho guy was there.

It took Yuri a month to stop feeling grateful towards Minho and start feeling annoyed instead.

"I support you with her," Minho said for the umpteenth time, dramatically spreading his arms wide and inevitably drawing Yoona's attention from the old couch. Yuri quickly pulled him to sit and plopped a black plastic bag on his head, before turning to her works, several times glancing to Yoona to make sure she wasn't looking anymore. When Yoona had finally looked elsewhere, Yuri sighed and pulled back the black plastic bag only to see Minho grinning at her. "Did you prepare the plastic bag just for me?"

"Shut up," Yuri groaned, folding the bag neatly and storing it back to her pencil case. "Can't you just do that? Shut up? One day you're going to make Yoona notice us and..."

"...you two can finally talk to each other and my OTP sails!" Minho finished her words, doing a superhero pose. Yuri stared at him, unimpressed, and ten seconds later Minho sat in silence with the black plastic bag over his head again.

It took Yuri a wild Friday and a persistent shipper to finally have a reason to meet Yoona.

Yes, it's about the fishing competition thingy. I didn't witness how Minho managed to land the deal, I was napping, but old couch relayed it to me when I woke up. I had to admit, I was impressed, not only because Minho actively supported his OTP, but also because I knew Yuri would bring Hell upon him for agreeing to things on her behalf without her consent.

Three days later, Minho waltzed around me with the Key guy in tow, very much alive, and judging from the glow in his eyes, his OTP did sail. They settled on the old couch, who I should really give a name to call as, and old couch relayed their conversation to me. Old couch's information was always too much, like I didn't need to know what Minho's bottom smelled like (I already knew, duh), but other than butts, the details were appreciated. The important thing to note was, by the end of the conversation, Minho has successfully converted Key, and I personally thought old couch was converted, too.

It took old couch a day to confirm my suspicion.

It was chaotic, no lie. When Yuri and Minho stopped by me, Minho was listing off reasons of why Yuri should be ballsy for once and greet Yoona. Said girl was communicating with old couch, and I just had to inform old couch of the conversation going on around me. Old couch told me to tackle Yuri, and I told myself that if I couldn't Minho would do it for me.

You know what? He actually did.

It led to Yuri being dragged by Minho's shameless and unapologetic arse to Yoona, them finally talking with Yuri being an awkward squirrel trying to stop Minho from contributing unnecessary inputs to the conversation, and Minho dropping to the ground and rolling away overwhelmed with FEELS. Old couch gravely told me that there're too much rainbows and unicorns when Yoona and Yuri were talking, but I recognized a hint of exasperated fondness, like old couch was secretly spazzing too.

And then days after, until today, old couch keeps complaining that Yuri hasn't taken Yoona's invitation to sit next to her, so I stare at old couch long and unimpressed until old couch sighs and admits with a grumble that yes.

Old couch hearts them too.

Hah, I know it, their story warms up old couch' ancient heart like no one else.

(Because, honestly, same.)

 

 

 

2.

Yuri runs her fingers through her hair, nervous. These past several days, she hasn't immediately taken Yoona's invitation to sit next to her. Instead, she patiently waited until Yoona looked at her direction, and waved. Yoona waved back. Sometimes, Yoona shifted as she did so. Probably anticipating Yuri to come over and finally sit next to her, but Yuri's willing to dance around longer. She merely smiled, then set up the table again, preparing to delve into her works.

Yuri looked up from her writings sometimes, glancing at Yoona who would be concentrating at the book in her hold, lips pursing lightly and her forehead crinkling in deep thought. Then there would be warmth settling in the bottom of her stomach, and Yuri mentally laughed at herself, because really, with her like this, wouldn't she melt if she ever sat next to the beautiful girl?

And today, today Yuri is going to find out if she'd really melt.

She arrives first, with a book she hugs tightly to her chest. The Yoona-couch is still empty, as does the table she's usually hanging out at. Yuri tilts her head, wondering if Fate will joke with her and make it so that Yoona doesn't visit the library today, but she walks anyway. She walks by the table, tracing its edge with a finger as a form of greeting. It's silly, because it's not like the wooden being will answer, but Yuri has felt like she finds a friend in the silent table, and she will treat it as one.

"She's not here yet," she murmurs to herself when she arrives in front of the Yoona-couch. She looks around once, before settling on the couch awkwardly. It feels like intruding. The couch has been Yoona's territory, maybe even Yoona's little bubble of safe Heaven. Yuri wonders if Yoona occasionally talks to the couch. And if she does, what does the couch say to her? Maybe right now the couch is sniffing Yuri's smell? Yuri purses her lips, wondering if her smell would go well with Yoona's...

Okay no that sounds way too strange.

"Oh!"

Yuri blinks, broken out of her reverie. She looks up, her eyes widening slightly as Yoona comes into her view. The latter blinks back, once, twice, thrice, then she takes several tentative steps, stopping right before Yuri and the old couch.

"You're here, Yuri-sshi." She sounds disbelieving.

Yuri smiles, her left hand up and waving a little. "I'm here. Hi."

Yoona eyes the empty space next to Yuri, and Yuri shifts around to make it bigger, beckoning her to sit.

"I thought you won't actually come and sit here," Yoona says, settling on the vacant space, "like ever."

"Why?" Yuri asks. Yoona sighs, as though Yuri's being annoyingly oblivious, and Yuri has a distinct feeling that the spring in the couch is loosening suddenly, ready to catapult her off.

"Because it's been a while since my offer, and you keep choosing to sit by the desk," Yoona replies.

"Oh," Yuri scratches her neck. I'm afraid I'd disturb your time. I'm scared you'd find me intruding. I have a fear that you wouldn't enjoy my company, and I better off never come too close to your safe space.

How should she say all these without sounding like a paranoid squirrel?

"I accepted your invitation though," Yuri finally says, opting for a more general answer.

"I thought you were just being polite," Yoona shrugs. Yuri turns to see those eyes that quickly avoid hers, and she's surprised to find a flicker of sadness in them. Yoona smiles slightly, fingers fiddling with the edge of her shirt. "I guess I'm just a little bit sad about it."

"Why?" Yuri asks again, feeling a little bit dumb for repeatedly saying the same question.

"Because I want to know more about you?" Yoona murmurs. The tip of her ear that's cutely peeking between her dark locks turns a shade of red, and Yuri feels a smile tugging on the edge of her own lips.

"I'm sorry," Yuri softly replies, genuinely apologetic. Sorry for making you sad. There's a light pang somewhere in her heart—because those eyes should never hold sadness like that. She swallows the guilt in , "I needed to sit by the desk because the connection is faster over there. I needed it to finish my project." Not a lie, not really. She just doesn't tell her that seeing her is actually her first priority, even from afar.

"It's okay," Yoona nods, taking a careful, brief glance at her. "Is it done now?"

"It is," Yuri beams at her, amused that instead of her avoiding Yoona's gaze, what's happening right now is actually the other way around. She turns her attention back to her own lap, reminded of the book she has brought. "Oh, and also... I heard from Minho who heard from Key that you want to do fishing for real."

"I do," Yoona confesses. "But I'm not sure I'll be—"

"So I came up with this," Yuri holds the brown book with its worn-out cover, cutting off Yoona's answer gently. Yoona looks at her, then to the book, her expression givng away confusion, so Yuri starts to explain. "It's my old blocknote. I scribbled things related to fishing on it the first years my dad got me to like fishing. I thought... maybe... you'd want to have a read..."

"Oh my God," Yoona gasps. "Did it hurt?"

Yuri blinks.

"...hurt?" Yuri repeats, unsure of what Yoona meant.

"When you fell from Heaven," Yoona promptly replies.

Yuri laughs, surprised of the unexpected reply. "You know, the angel that fell from Heaven is the Devil."

Yoona's mouth forms an o, "You're right..." Her expression is so innocent that Yuri's fingers itch to pinch her cheeks. Instead, Yuri refocuses to her book again, smiles to herself, and turns to the girl.

"Anyway, here." Yuri puts the book in Yoona's lap. Their fingers brush against each other's, and Yuri's heart is dying at the tingles she receives. She coughs, hoping her cheeks aren't turning red, "I hope you'd enjoy it. My writings are a mess sometimes."

"Thank you," Yoona sincerely says, tracing the cover lightly with the tip of her fingers. "What should I do in return?"

"Nothing," Yuri smiles.

"But you've done so much," Yoona pouts, pausing from tracing circles on the book. "Please?" Yuri shifts her gaze elsewhere, because the sight of a pouting Yoona does wonders to her heartbeat. She pretends to be in a deep thought, although she already knows what she wants.

"What about dropping the honorifics?" Yuri suggests, looking at her again. "You want to know me more. Same with me. Let's do the first step."

"What's the first step?" Yoona wonders.

"Kiss," Yuri deadpans. Then a beat later, she laughs. "No, the first step is like what I suggested, dropping the—"

Her next words die in when Yoona leans in and kisses her right cheek. A little below her eyes, a shy away from her nose, and Yuri's brain blanks out. The fleeting touch of Yoona's lips against her skin lingers for three seconds before the younger pulls back and shyly smiles.

From a distance, there's a sound of something dropping to the ground.

A little voice in the back of Yuri's still-working-subconscious bets it's Minho, spying on them quietly and combusting because of the kiss. But Yuri's main consciousness is still swimming away to the cloud nine, her heart pitter-pattering like a light rain, and Yoona's still smiling at her, murmuring something that suspiciously sounds like 'Yuri unnie'.

Wouldn't Kwon Yuri melt if she ever sat next to the sweet, beautiful Im Yoona?

Yes.

Yes, she would.

(Hell, she is in the middle of melting now.)

 

 

 

3.

Getting to know someone, going from awkward greetings to finding out each other's favorite things, starting from only memorizing face and then voice, to slowly recognizing how the other's drag their feet against the ground... it's a fascinating feeling.

Sometimes you don't feel like knowing more, and so the relationship stops growing after it reaches a stage both of you feel comfortable with. There's no new thing to try or new feelings to explore upon, and both of you draw the line, knowing the place you're standing on.

Then sometimes, even though rare, you feel like you want to keep going.

When you've opened the first layer, you wonder about the second. When you've seen their smile, you entertain the thought of their laughter. When they've called you a supporting hand they won't ever let go, you start wanting to be their pillar of strength that will always be there even when they're not looking.

When you meet such a person that can evoke such desire in you, it can be exhilarating...

But it can also scare you less.

"Hi."

Yoona blinks, thrown off of her train of thoughts. The opened book in her hands has been on page 247 for minutes, as its reader has her mind drifting off somewhere else. Yoona shakes her head and looks up, taking in the sight of the girl before her.

"Hi, Yuri unnie."

A shift. The couch dipping and a weight settling. Thigh pressed against thigh, a smile meeting a tired smile, not necessarily in that order.

"You look tired today," Yoona says, observing Yuri's smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes. She absently marks the page she's on and closes her book, setting it aside.

"Mmh," Yuri hums, leaning back. She lets out a groan as though her joints are screaming at her for her every little movements. "Well, I don't really sleep last night..."

"That's too bad," Yoona comments, worried. There's a book she has read about the bad effects staying up at nights has on human's body, but Yoona stops herself from citing it out loud when she looks over the older girl, whose eyes start to flutter close. Yoona realizes, then, that Yuri doesn't even bring books or her laptop with her.

"Unnie," Yoona softly calls, leaning back to the couch and shifting a little to stare at Yuri's peaceful face. "Do you come here just to see me?"

"It's okay..." Yuri whispers. "Next class isn't for another five hours... maybe..."

Yoona nods, although Yuri won't see her. She feels a little guilty, because Yuri could've gone somewhere else more comfy to sleep, but she feels warmth, too. Warmth Yoona can't easily ignore as her hand reaches up to gently sweep strands of hair covering Yuri's forehead, tucking it gently behind her ear.

"Take a nap, unnie. I will wake you up later."

Yoona watches as a smile works its way across Yuri's face, this time into her closed eyes. Yuri makes a soft, agreeing voice, "Give me three hours..."

"Three hours," Yoona softly repeats. Her hand hovers closely near Yuri's face, and Yoona really, really wants to graze her fingers against Yuri's cheeks, but Yuri opens , and Yoona's hand stills. Yuri opens , seemingly to reply, but no words ever come from her parted lips, only her tongue sneaking out to peek at Yoona's waiting gaze.

Yoona stares, blinking, and it's not until Yuri's fifth faint snore that she finally understands.

Yuri has a sleeping habit, and she's witnessing it right now.

Smiling broadly to herself, Yoona pulls out the blocknote Yuri gave her. There are some empty pages nearing the end, and since Yuri refused to take the book back, Yoona is determined to fill the last pages with little Yuri facts she manages to gather day by day. She adds one today, when she's in deep slumber, she sticks her tongue out, adding with tiny letters in a bracket about how cute it is.

Yoona taps her chin with the end of her pen, glancing towards the sleeping girl who radiates tiredness more than anything. She frowns slightly, feeling sorry. It's rare for her to see Yuri being anything other than cheerful, focused, cheeky, or thoughtful.

It's rare for her to see Yuri with her energy depleting like this.

She doesn't like seeing an exhausted Yuri, but she likes to observe her sleeping like this, noticing the rise and the fall of her chest, pausing at the peeking tongue and smiling at the innocence Yuri's sleeping expression gives off. The tapping of her pen stops, and Yoona returns to the old notebook again. I don't like seeing her exhausted and lacking sleep, she writes sincerely. Her smile doesn't reach her eyes, and she rarely laughs.

But she's cute, even when she doesn't have the energy to do cute things like this. I like it.

A thought fleetingly slips into her mind, and Yoona's eyes widen. The scratching of her pen against the paper pauses as she carefully reads the words she has written again. She knows, scientifically, that time doesn't stop, but it sure as Hell feel like it when a recognition washes over her, yanking her down into a little conclusion.

She's drawn to every little details about Yuri.

Said girl mumbles a string of incoherent noises, shifting around, crashing Yoona's thoughts—not only by her noises, but also by leaning her head on the younger's shoulder. Yuri snuggles up, her lips hovering dangerously close to Yoona's collarbone, and Yoona freezes.

Sometimes, you get to know a person who fits just right. Every corner you bring up, they seem to click with you without a fight. The moment you stumble into difference in opinions, they handle it in the way that doesn't hurt you.

Every moment with them leaves you wanting to know more, and at one point, when you hold their hand,

you start to wonder if they will also let you hold their heart.

When you meet such a person that can evoke such feelings in you, it can be exhilarating,

but it can also scare you less.

(And right now, Yoona realizes, she is the latter.)

 

 

 

4.

Desku—no... I mean Tablo, I think Tablo's gone mental. He starts saying things, like oh I think Yoona feels the same, or haven't you seen the look in Yoona's eyes whenever Yuri is around? or some conspiracy that Yoona and Yuri actually have feelings for each other but they're not acknowledging it. It's silly. I know that Yuri has had some deep feelings about Yoona, but the other way around? Hah. Even though their smells goes well with each other, I don't buy it, and that's why I'm totally not a shipper.

Tablo keeps insisting that it's because I always napped when their moments happen (see, even his vocabularies has started to resemble Minho's). So I feel compelled to keep my... metaphorical... eyes and ears open for today, especially because Yoona has been lying around me since morning, and Yuri has just walked into our view.

I brace myself as Yuri arrives in front of us, because going by Tablo's words, Yuri would probably start the day by going on one knee and proposing to Yoona to have babies with her. Yes, it's that dramatic.

"Sleep."

Yoona blinks.

I blink.

Tablo groans from across the room.

Sleep, is the first thing Yuri said to Yoona today. That's right, not even a hi.

Very romantic.

"Huh?" Yoona answers, befuddled. I echo the one word question, because I'm befuddled too. The request comes so sudden, and Yoona doesn't even look sleepy. If what Tablo meant by 'the look in Yoona's eyes whenever Yuri is around' was a constant befuddled look, then I have to have a word or two with him later because that's not what falling in love supposed to look like.

Yuri settles on me, shifting closer to Yoona until they can sense warmth from each other's side. I pointedly ignore Tablo's frantic gestures at their sitting arrangement as the conversation starts again.

"Well, it's to repay that one time I fell asleep," Yuri explains, her cheeks blushing slightly. "Now it's your turn."

Sleep? What sleep?

Yoona laughs softly. "I don't think it works that way, unnie."

What? What doesn't work that way? I blink, failing to follow this conversation. Maybe Tablo is right, a lot has happened when I took my naps. Though I shouldn't let that young desk now about my admittance so soon.

There's an exasperated sigh slipping from Yuri's parted lips. "Yoona, I insist—"

"Besides, you're cute," Yoona teases. "So it's okay."

Yuri pauses. My jaw drops.

Did Im Yoona flirt just now?

"I bet you're cuter when you're sleeping," Yuri retorts, recovering from her brief fluster. She's actually faster than me; I'm still stunned.

"It's not a competition, but even if it is, you're the winner in my heart." Yoona winks.

Okay, erm. Holy Heavens. It's official, Im Yoona is a flirt now. Yuri groans at the line, complaining about how nothing in her life ever works, and Yoona laughs lightly, patting the distraught girl's shoulder.

Me? Why, I'm still gaping in disbelief.

"If it helps, unnie, I will sleep if I'm sleepy, so don't worry."

"What can I do to make you sleepy now?" Yuri asks, turning to pout at the younger girl. Yoona pauses at the pout, her gaze lingers for a beat before she closes her eyes and pretends to think.

"Hmmm, you can always do a story-telling."

Yuri tilts her head. "Will Pinocchio suffice?"

Yoona opens her eyes, a pleased smile on her lips. "I want a story with you as the main character—"

"You can just tell me that you want to hear my childhood story," Yuri replies, staring at the younger with narrowed eyes.

"You got me," Yoona claps, grinning. She tugs on Yuri's shirt, "Tell me, tell me, tell me."

"When I said I want to make you sleepy," Yuri theatrically sighs, her fingers coming down to wrap against Yoona's and stop them from tugging on her shirt, "I didn't mean on my expense."

"Why?" Yoona innocently blinks. "Were you a walking embarrassment when you're a child?"

"A snowball of embarrassment rolling around from the top of the hill with maximum speed," Yuri corrects in a deadpanning manner. Then one brow arches, feigning a second thought, "But if you promise me you'd sleep..."

Yoona nods vigorously, her books forgotten in the corner. I stare at their intertwined fingers, none of them letting go. Yoona's gaze flickers down for a beat, and when she looks back up, her smile is broadened as though Christmas has come early.

"Lull me to sleep with your Oscar-winning story-telling skills, unnie!"

Yuri sighs a long, exaggerated, I-know-I-will-regret-this-later kind of sigh. She pats her shoulder, and Yoona immediately inches closer to her, snaking her arm around Yuri's tanned one, and resting her head on the older girl's shoulder. None comments about how they seem to fit perfectly like pieces of puzzle in their right place, but I can see it. I don't even need Tablo's haughty 'look at your expression' to know that along with the ticking clock, my metaphorical heart skips a beat.

Yuri clears ,

"Okay, here we go. Once upon a time, there's a girl who disliked her brother's plushie because he paid attention to it more than he to her..."

I only half-listen to the story, because my mind is in frenzy. Does Yoona like Yuri? If she doesn't, then I have to grab a dictionary and re-evaluate what the word 'like' really means. Am I shipper? Well judging from my non-existent heart turning mushy at the moment happening on me, then...

Hell yes.

(I blame everything on that Minho guy.)

 

 

 

5.

"THE SHIP IS SAILING," Minho yell-whispers as he drags Key towards old couch.

"What ship," Key mutters.

"The one you lowkey ship like crazy," Minho says, pulling him to sit on the old couch too. The momentum causes old couch to creak, but I know old couch will forgive them as a fellow shipper. Same ship is the new ohana, and ohana means family. Ah, that's right, it's me again, Desku, or Tablo, fine, at your service. I don't see Yoona nor Yuri today, but the shippers are there, and I'm ready to gossip.

I grin as old couch generously relays the conversations between the two lads to me.

"Oh, yeah," Key half-heartedly answers, eyes scanning his surrounding. "Where are they, anyway? Why are we here, instead? This is supposed to be, what did you usually call it, ah, Yoonyul's love field."

"Because their love grows here," Minho nods vigorously. "To answer your first question, their classes ended early so right now they're going to Yoona's house."

Key an eyebrow. "Already?"

"I knoooooow!" Minho spazzes. "They progress so nicely, my shipper heart is happy!"

"You drag me just to spazz about them?" Key says quietly, not wanting to warrant any unwanted attention from outsiders.

"Of course not," Minho quickly says. "I want us to make a plan. To make them official. We should."

"No," Key flat out denies, glaring at Minho. "They need to come to it on their own, Minho. Stop."

I nod. It's not like they're as frustrating as k-dramas lead who act oblivious until it's near the final episodes. Hell, going by the way they act around each other, they have to realize each other's feeling soon, right?

Right?

"But hyung," Minho whines. "I've thought about this very carefully. Look, I'll even drag Onew hyung to this operation. I'll go with the codename Pole, you with Diva, and Onew hyung with chicken—"

"Minho," Key whines back. "For the love of God, don't do this. You could just mess things up and make things awkward from them, when they're finally have no awkwardness around them. Let. Them. Be."

Minho falters. "But..."

"Let them figure things out on their own," Key continues in a softer tone. "Okay? Give them time. Look, you said Yuri noona has always liked Yoona. Then give it time. I know it's exciting to play cupid, but don't, unless it's very prudent for you to do so. Things can go very bad. You could break a very beautiful bond, and turn a very sweet thing sour."

Minho nods with a defeated expression. "Okay... but, hyung."

"Hm?"

"You seem so experienced... did you...?"

Key smiles slightly. "I've ever witnessed one, yes. It's not really good."

Minho swallows. "Oh."

"Now, tell me if you have seen any moments I didn't know of."

Minho proceeds to animatedly tell Key the stories he knows. Old couch and I have known that sometimes Minho spies, or eavesdrops on the girls just to see the progress they have made. Of course, his cover is blown sometimes, when he drops to the ground, fails to contain his squeal, or accidentally chokes on his own breath every time he's overwhelmed with feels.

But out of the two, Key seems more thoughtful about the girls' relationship, and I wonder what his story is. Though, really, digging out people's story is old couch' hobby, not mine. I'm invested in Yuri's story because she treats me like a friend, and I treat her as one, too.

Things can go very bad. You could break a very beautiful bond, and turn a very sweet thing sour.

I don't want things to go bad between them.

Because just by seeing them, witnessing how smiling for them is easier when one is with the other, I know that what they have is something so precious. It makes me want to be a human for a day, if only to have a chance in experiencing those feelings too.

The old couch is looking at me now, arching a metaphorical brow and asking me yah are you brooding?

I smile slightly, signaling old couch to go back eavesdropping to Minho's stories. I'm not brooding. I'm just feeling a little sensitive, like there's a storm going ahead and right now we're experiencing the deafening calm.

(I really, really wish I hadn't jinxed it on us.)

 

 

 

6.

The higher you put your hopes, the harder you fall...

Yuri wishes she had remembered this everytime she looks into Yoona's eyes.

Before she drowns in the songs composed of what ifs and the quickening pace of her heartbeats.

Before she's in too deep.

"A guy?" she weakly asks, once in a silent Tuesday, a space presents between their seats. Maybe she should've seen it coming, when Yoona shifted a little away from her after she arrived, carrying a careful air within her gestures, unlike usual. But...

"A son of my father's friend," Yoona softly elaborates, avoiding her eyes. There's a small smile, one Yuri can't return. "I've had a crush on him during junior high school, and he contacted me... last week, asking if we can try to make this work."

"That's... nice," Yuri exhales, her nails digging deep into her palms as she tightens her fists. Something is turning cold inside her, and she absently registers that maybe it's her heart numbing itself. "How is he?"

Yoona slowly turns to look at her, and a part of Yuri wants to laugh because... does the younger seriously think Yuri won't ask? But another part of her, the one hurting, is yelling at her because... why...?

Why do I set myself up to feel hurt?

Yoona has started to tell her about the guy Yuri-Don't-Want-To-Name-At-All, and along with the ache pulsating inside her, Yuri maintains an artificial smile on her lips, trying to focus on Yoona's voice, a voice she has hauled as her #1 favorite.

But for today, just for today,

she wants to hate it. Wants to cover her ears and block Yoona's words from registering into her mind. Because Yoona's softly describing him, her lovely tone pausing in little moments as she recalls old memories with the guy, and Yuri wants to throw herself against a wall. Repeatedly.

Anything to make the pain stops.

"...and, Yuri unnie?"

Yuri blinks, feeling out of breath. She barely holds herself together, but it's Yoona. When Yoona calls, she answers.

"Yes?"

Yuri's still looking down, her gaze fixating on her fingers tightly clasped together on her lap, but she's still able to see Yoona from the corner of her eye. She's still able to see Yoona's smile. And she's still able to see a hand coming near her to fix several strands of her hair that fall out of place.

Her heart jumps, and Yuri backs away. It's all happening so fast, and when she turns to take a look on Yoona, a pair of timid eyes stare back at her with confusion, wonder, sadness, and a pleading look all swirled into one. Yuri mentally curses herself, but what she wants to say comes out jumbled and out of order.

"Yoona," she starts, "sorry, I - you - a little bit - you startled - sudden -" and Yuri gives up explaining; it's not working. She takes Yoona's hanging hand instead, bringing it down and squeezing it gently in her hold, hoping it's enough to convey that she's sorry. For flinching. For being like this. For everything. For wishing that she could bring Yoona's hand to her lips and kiss it softly in the midst of uttered apologies.

Yoona smiles, but there's a hint of sadness in it, and Yuri wants to ask, but she's afraid she's the cause.

So instead she slowly murmurs,

"What do you want to ask just now?"

Yoona's eyes travels downwards, settling at the sight of their hands. Yuri's holding a breath, but Yoona doesn't pull away.

"How do you know... that it's not a crush anymore?"

Now her breath is caught in , and Yuri wonders if this is her fate, to die choking from her own breath because God wants her to play a tragedy in a library. Boy, she hasn't even graduated college.

"Crush?" Yuri repeats, biting on her bottom lip.

"Yes," Yoona whispers, "how do you know... that you're in love with him?"

How would I know? Yuri mentally screams, exasperated, but also tired of the situation she's in. I'm falling for you. A girl. A her. So how am I supposed to answer your question??

"I don't know," Yuri whispers back, trying her best not to sound broken or worse, crumbling in pieces. She tries to recall the content of the silly article Minho showed her a long time ago, looking for a reference. A sound answer. Anything. "Maybe... maybe when I keep thinking of them whenever I heard a song. Even if it's—"

"A nursery song?" Yoona offers.

"—even if it's a nursery song, yeah." Yoona chuckles a little at that, and Yuri smiles. She gazes at the bright face in front of her, and she can hear her mind singing, butterfly, butterfly, come fly, fly. Yellow butterfly, white butterfly—Yuri remembers that Friday when Yoona wore a yellow bra underneath her white top, the top a tad bit too transparent and Yoona has just discovered it when Key pointed it out. Yuri remembers that Friday, because it's the day Yuri came home without the leather jacket she has just recently started to wear.

, Yuri thinks as Yoona's chuckle dies down, replaced with a curious gaze. I really could think of her even when it's nursery rhymes.

"And then," Yuri continues before Yoona can ask anything about her silence, "I start developing the same interests as theirs."

Yoona purses her lips thoughtfully, and Yuri adds silently in her mind, like how I start to adore rilakkuma because of you.

"And then," Yuri starts again, before her mind can add so many things to the 'things Kwon Yuri finds interesting after she has met Im Yoona' list, "with them by my side, mundane activities become fun."

Like sitting around in a library, piles of works or just a book in her hold. Or just spending the spare time she has in-between classes to talk to Yoona, or watch the younger drifting into sleep when she's way too tired to stay awake.

Yeah. You're just listing reasons of why you're possibly in love with her.

Yuri blinks, and she's surprised to find that her eyes are misty. She swallows, what was that? Did her mind just suggest... . She lets go of Yoona's hand, causing the younger to snap out of her own thoughts, and Yuri shakily draws up a smile for Yoona to see.

"Unnie?"

"I'm okay," Yuri hurriedly says, desperately trying to remember if she has brought anything with her today. Book? No. Laptop? No, everything's in the library locker. "Yoona, I'm so sorry, but I just remembered that I have to do something at home in half an hour..."

Yuri watches as the light in Yoona's eyes dims down, a slow nod the only reply to her explanation. Yuri stands up, her fingers aching to once again take Yoona's hands in hers, if only to... what? Her mind berates her, you're only deepening your wound.

"I will... see you around?" Yoona softly asks, her eyes searching Yuri's for reassurance.

Can I say yes? The hurting part of her resonances, aloud but unheard. Her hand rises up towards the crown of Yoona's head, and she catches herself just inches away from ruffling the younger's hair. Her hand trembles slightly, yet something tugs on her hand and then dark, long locks between her fingers. A pair of doe eyes look up at her, sadness mirrored on Yoona's eyes as she moves Yuri's hand to pat her head.

“You seem to have a trouble reaching my head,” Yoona weakly jokes, “so I helped.”

Yuri smiles, even as something inside her breaks. She steps away, Yoona's hold on her loosening up until their hands fall almost at the same time, away from each other's, empty now more than ever. She smiles when she whispers her goodbye. She’s still smiling when she turns away, taking aching steps, her pace slowly quickening the further she is from Yoona's sight. And then, after she retrieves her bag from the locker, she runs.

She lets her smile turn into an expression of contorted pain, a sob choked out from as she stumbles against a small rock on the side of the road. She runs, even when she's supposed to stop and wait for the bus, Kwon Yuri runs.

She's in love.

She's falling in love with her.

She's in love with her even when her heart is crushed like this.

But is it time to let go already?

When she reaches home, her brother is asking questions and her mother worries endlessly at her red eyes, but Yuri shuts the world out, locks her room up and turns the lamp off.

(If only feelings were that easy to turn off, too.)

 

 

 

7.

Books are Yoona's safe space.

Outside of her books is the world full of people expecting things from her, and although Yoona genuinely tries to meet those endless wishes, sometimes she's tired and doesn't want to be looked at as Im Yoona for a while. She only wants to be looked at as a tired person seeking comfort and a place to vent her stresses on, and only books are willing to give her the luxury.

Well books, Key, and Yuri.

Usually, books and Key don't negate each other, ever. Key never disturbs her books-reading, and books never prevent her from hanging out with Key.

But Yuri...

Yuri hasn't been around for days, after that day when they talked about crush and love. And although Yoona finds a new book she hasn't ever read, she can barely concentrate because every rustle causes her to look up, wishing it's the older girl's shadow lurking in the corner of her eyes. The moment she manages to finish a page, her phone rings and Yoona will quickly opens it, wishing it's a reply from her. It never is, and Yoona has forgotten everything the latest page said whenever she returns back to the book.

Yuri makes her feel like she's thrown off-balance, and Yoona doesn't know how to deal with it.

A week.

By a week, she seeks out Minho, feeling worried and stressed at the lack of news.

Does she not matter? Why does Yuri suddenly disappear like this?

Doesn't she know I'd worry about her endlessly?

Minho stares at her when she finally manages to catch him in the canteen.

"Yuri noona?" He asks, puzzled. "She's sick. You didn't know?"

No, I did not. Yoona feels a mixture of frustration and disappointment swirling inside that she can't help but curse in front of the guy.

"Oh, I know that she's sick from her brother," Minho quickly supplies, as though he knows why Yoona's ticked off. "Yuri noona hasn't replied to my messages either."

"Okay." Yoona worries her bottom lip, "Do you... what is her sickness?"

"Ah, exhaustion, I think." Minho scratches his neck. "I don't think it's a good idea to visit her." Yoona looks at him, surprised that he knows what she's thinking about. Minho gives her a lopsided smile. "Yuri noona doesn't like showing her weakness to people. Please break down that high wall of hers later."

Yoona nods weakly, not making promises. Minho studies her briefly, but when he's about to ask something, Key comes by and drags him off to somewhere only they know, the latter shouting 'sayonara~!' to Yoona in passing.

Two days.

Yoona finally sees the older girl again two days after her encounter with Minho. With grey scarf wrapped around her neck up to her nose, Yuri steps into her view bringing a laptop and an arm full of books. Yoona unconsciously holds her breath in, waiting for Yuri to look her way and notice her presence, but that moment never comes.

Yuri stops by the table she hasn't visited for long, and pulls a chair to sit, her belongings cluttering onto the table. She sets up everything slowly. Sometimes her eyes are closed shut when she coughs or sneezes, and when everything's finally in order, she opens her laptop and turns it on.

Yoona doesn't know what to make.

Of the situation, of the distance between them,

or of the ache inside her.

Before she knows it, she has left her book on the couch, and her feet is bringing her towards Yuri. Her footsteps ring clearly in the rather quiet room, but Yuri doesn't look up from her keyboard.

"Unnie."

It comes out shaky, more anxious-sounding than she has imagined, and Yoona still can't pinpoint the meaning of her quickening heartbeat.

"Hi, Yoona," Yuri answers, her voice a little bit muffled by the scarf. She pauses typing and looks up, peering at the younger girl with clear eyes. Maybe beneath that scarf, Yuri is smiling. A smile that isn't wide enough for Yoona to notice. "How have you been?"

"How have you been?" Yoona asks back, stepping closer. She stops by the edge of the table, an arm length away from Yuri's shoulder. "Minho said you're sick." And I was worried. I still am. You wouldn't imagine how bad.

"Only for three days," Yuri mumbles. "It's not that bad." She averts her gaze elsewhere, "I still cough sometimes, so I didn't go to sit with you on the couch..."

"You were gone for ten days," Yoona numbly says. And twenty hours, forty five minutes, nineteen seconds. Not that anyone's counting. "What did you mean three days—"

"The other days I still went to college," Yuri murmurs, resuming to type several words into the blank document she has opened. "I just didn't visit the library. I was busy, and things keep popping up, so..."

"Is it that hard to answer one of my text messages?" Yoona hoarsely asks. There's a burning feeling squirming at the bottom of her stomach, ugly and suffocating, but she can't do anything to squash it away.

"Never received any," Yuri says, her fingers pausing again. Her gaze shifts from the monitor, slowly looking at Yoona. "I'm really sorry, Yoona. My phone's broken. I haven't been able to buy a new one."

The burn catches up in , and Yoona feels her nose grows warmer, as though something's going to spill out the moment she speaks. Her eyes are slowly pooling with tears, and she can see Yuri's widened eyes beyond it.

"I—" Yoona swallows the lump in , her voice breaking,"—what should I do if you're avoiding me like this, unnie?"

Yuri stands up instantly, her calm facade for once cracking in front of Yoona's tears. Yoona hastily wipes the warm streaks running down her cheeks, but more comes, deeming her effort useless, and she starts to sob instead.

She has missed her.

She misses her so much. She has been worried, she has felt angry, and she has felt frustrated for not being able to reach her. Yet now that Yuri's in front of her, the only thing Yoona can see is the pained look that's clear in Yuri's eyes as she reaches out to pat Yoona's cheeks gently, wiping her tears away. The only thing she can see is the raw hurt in Yuri's brown orbs as the older girl uses her scarf to dry Yoona's cheeks, her fingers tenderly tucking strands of hair behind her ear.

Did I hurt you, unnie?

Yuri coughs again, quickly covering with her scarf and turning away from Yoona. Yoona's sobs have reduced to hiccups, and she tries to recall their last conversation, before Yuri disappeared for days. Yuri has stopped coughing, and she turns back to Yoona again, tired, but a slight smile on her lips. A sad smile that doesn't reach her eyes, but a smile nonetheless.

Have I hurt you, unnie?

"I'm sorry, Yoona." Yuri is looking into her eyes, her head, and Yoona glimpses feelings much more than a mere sorry in her sad gaze. "I'm sorry... please don't cry."

Yoona closes her eyes, willing the hiccups to go away, then opens them again, trying to sound firm, "I was going to... tell you to never come into my life if you're just going to disappear—*hic!*"

Oh, hiccups, forreal.

But Yuri doesn't laugh at her hiccups. Her smile merely widens slightly, her head doing a slow nod.

"I will keep that in mind."

Her eyes are still sad.

Unnie...

Why don't you say anything about your heart?

Yoona hiccups again, this time blinking blankly at Yuri's amused smile.

"Unnie, don't take enjoyment out of *hic!* other person's misery," she starts in dismay.

"Of course," Yuri replies easily, her smile broadening when Yoona hiccups again. "I heard sipping ice-cold water can help you stop hiccups."

"You are not getting any ice-cold water," Yoona pointedly says. Then hiccups.

"It's obviously for you, my lady," Yuri rolls her eyes, grabbing Yoona's shoulders, turning Yoona around and pushes her to walk. "Come on, let's get your hiccups treated. I'll pay."

Yoona obeys, discovering that even though the older girl's supposedly sick, Yuri's still strong. She hiccups indignantly when Yuri keeps pushing her from the back, so Yuri relents and starts walking next to her instead. Sometimes, their fingers brushes against each other's, but on the fifth time, Yuri puts her hands inside her pockets, humming a low tune to herself.

Yoona hiccups again, and this time, her hiccup strangely sounds sad.

At least Yuri's here, with her, physically and not just a metaphorical mini-Yuri running inside her mind from time to time. But Yoona feels like something has changed, something she has to approach carefully. Something Yoona knows she has been avoiding for apparently no effect, if her little fluster at Yuri's 'my lady' is anything to go by.

"Please break down that high wall of hers later."

Yoona sighs forlornly. She wishes she could.

Yuri comes back with a cup of ice-cold water and a steaming hot chocolate, smiling at her and gesturing at the ice cubes floating on the water. Yoona glares, but takes a sip anyway. She downs everything in one go, and of course, she ends up coughing like mad a beat later.

"What is this, alcohol?" Yuri rolls her eyes, patting Yoona's back with a little bit force.

"Because I've successfully drunk it in one go, you have to grant me a wish," Yoona beams brightly, her hiccups cured like magic.

"What!" Yuri flails, feeling discriminated against. "There's no deal about that!"

Yeah but there's no deal about Yuri making Yoona think of her, either.

There's no deal about Yoona getting attached to the older girl, either.

Yet she thinks of her anyway.

She's attached anyway.

(She falls anyway.)

 

 

 

8.

I. Am. Frustrated.

Days after The Conversation (that Tablo relayed to me weakly), I have this urge to catapult Yuri with a faulty spring on my cushion everytime she visits our corner again. Tablo always talks me out of it, but I still hold a grudge because she made Yoona cry. I’m sorry for being a biased couch, but that kid’s gotten a soft spot in my anatomically-a-myth heart. I don’t want to see her sad, and even after The Conversation, Yuri keeps a distance between them that makes Yoona pause and smile sadly at times.

What k-drama is this? I demand a happy ending!!!

I’m going to die from heartache just by witnessing their interactions now. Not that I’m ever deemed as a living being. But seeing the ever-present empty space between their thighs when they sit together makes me twitch. Or when Yoona’s asleep and Yuri moves as if she’s about to fix the younger’s hair, only to stop an inch away, and refrain from doing it altogether. Sometimes Yoona’s not really asleep, and she’s aware of the situation, because whenever Yuri turns back to her book, Yoona will shift to look away.

It breaks my non-existent heart Goddammit they’re driving me crazy.

“—why should I bring my phone?”

Oh speaking about the devils. They are walking side by side, hands brushing each other’s every two steps. Both are holding their phone, and I squint because as far as I know, they have never brought a phone along; they mostly leave it in the library’s lockers.

“Yeah. Thank you for bringing your phone,” Yoona softly says, settling on me and turning to face Yuri. Yuri follows, sitting a little away from the younger, and I groan once again, wanting to shake Yuri’s side to make her scoot closer.

“It’s no big deal,” Yuri replies, “but you know it’s not my phone, not really. It’s my brother’s second phone that I borrow.”

“You haven’t bought a new one?”

“Haven’t had time to buy it,” Yuri shrugs. She unlocks the phone in her hand, her gaze flickering to Yoona’s hesitant expression, and Yuri smiles to herself. “I still use my last phone number, so you can message me and I’m able to reply now.”

Yoona nods slowly, unlocking her own. “I… asked you to bring a phone because I want to play a game.”

“Candy rush?” Yuri asks, not looking up from her phone. “Subway surfer? Pou? Disney Tsum-Tsum? I have to download it first, so…”

“It’s Truth or Dare, actually,” Yoona quietly replies, carefully studying Yuri’s reaction. The latter only raises her eyebrows. Yoona lets out a breath she doesn’t know she was holding, “Key found a ToD application. The screen will show a bottle we can spin by swiping it counter-clockwise or clockwise, and then when it’s pointing at you, you will be asked to choose Truth or Dare.”

“If I choose truth?” Yuri asks, watching as Yoona opens the application in her phone.

“Then your opponent will ask you a question you’re required to give a truthful answer to,” Yoona explains. “If you choose dare, a dare will be generated by the application, and you will have to do it. I need you to bring your phone because there might be dares that require you to use your phone.”

I have to admit, I didn’t know a truth or dare game before, and so I have Tablo explaining it to me, as well as listening to Yoona’s explanation. I think I get the gist of it now. Kind of. But hey, the dares, is there a dare to kiss?

I swear there’s a blush in Yoona’s cheeks as she unnecessarily adds, “Key said the dares aren’t too forward, so I’m sure it will be okay for us to do…”

“Okay,” Yuri replies, propping an elbow on me and resting her head on her palm. “Let’s do it.”

You know what, a dare to hold hands for a minute doesn’t sound bad, actually, and still PG-rated, very much. Judging from the way they’ve been avoiding each other’s hand lately, they will need that.

“Older person first,” Yoona says, smiling slightly.

“Mocking age, now?” Yuri pretends to huff, but she touches the screen of Yoona’s phone anyway. She spins the bottle, clockwise, letting it go halfway and watching it rotates. Ten seconds and some blinks later, they squint at the screen, waiting for the result with baited breath.

“It stops thirty degree closer to you,” Yuri announces.

Yoona’s eyes narrowed, a grumble of ‘it’s not supposed to be like this’ slipping from her lips, but when she looks up Yuri is smiling in amusement at her, and she relents.

“Fine.” Yoona sighs, confirming to the application that there’s a chosen one. Two options pop up; truth, or dare. I cross my mythical fingers. Please be dare. Please be dare.

“Truth,” Yoona mutters, tapping on the first option.

Aww.

“Well,” Yuri says, slowly her chin. “What’s there to ask…”

Yoona gulps, no doubt thinking of questions Yuri would possibly ask her. Yuri closes her eyes briefly, as though considering, and when she opens her eyes, so does .

“If you can choose between traveling five years into the future, or going back in time to your past five years ago,” Yuri slowly says, “which one would you choose?”

Yoona blink.

I blink.

Yuri chuckles at the dumbfounded expression Yoona has.

No but seriously, where does this girl get her question from? So random…“I will choose to go back in time,” Yoona quietly replies. I blink again, but meters from us, Tablo is nodding sagely as if he knows the reason behind it. Maybe he does. Yoona tilts her head, and she smiles. “I want to go back… because I have so many regrets. I want to fix them. I want to change several things I wish I hadn’t done before."

Yuri stares at her with a smile, one Yoona returns as she adds,

“But among everything, I will make sure I’m still going to meet you again.”

Yuri slowly nods, her gaze shifting away from Yoona’s sincere eyes, and I feel like I’m going to combust. Where’s Key and Minho when you need them? I need friends to fuss together with, and—

“Your turn to spin it,” Yuri mutters.

“Okay.” Yoona spins it counter-clockwise, and watches with fingers clasped on her lap. If the world is just, then the bottle should stop in front of Yuri—

“It’s forty five degrees closer to you,” Yuri announces with a hint of laughter in her voice.

“Now that’s just not fair!” Yoona says, apprehensive. “I just… I have…”

Yuri grins at her. “Well, if you don’t want to, I will go this time, then.”

Yoona huffs, her face showing that she thinks the world conspired against her to push her into this situation, but alas. “Dare.”

“Oh?” Yuri arches an eyebrow, surprised.

Yoona taps on the second option. It doesn’t take long for the application to show the dare, and Yuri reads it out loud, Yoona going rigid on her seat as she listens.

“Call the last person who makes your heart flutter,” Yuri reads. “And say hello.”

Yuri looks up from the screen with a smile I’m sure she doesn’t really feel. Yoona swallows, reaching for her phone and closes the application to go to contacts. Yuri looks elsewhere, and I ignore Tablo’s rants about how this game is bad news and we’re about to witness another episode of angst—someone please shut him up—

A phone vibrates.

I blink, relaying the sensation I feel to Tablo, who freezes and looks at the girls in disbelief. Yoona’s eyes are glued on her phone’s screen, and Yuri is staring at her own phone, her eyes widening.

The numbers in her phone screen isn’t saved as anyone, considering it’s her brother’s phone initially, but Yuri has memorized them.

Yoona brings her phone to her ear, her gaze shifting to look at Yuri.

Yuri still hasn’t taken the call.

“Why?” Yuri quietly asks. Yoona doesn’t reply, just looking at her with a plea in her eyes for the other to just answer the call. But Yuri doesn’t budge. “I know this is just a game, Yoona, but you shouldn’t—“

Yoona takes Yuri’s phone, taps the ‘answer’ button, and slowly presses it against Yuri’s left ear. She bites her bottom lip as Yuri looks up to look back at her, questions and wounds flickering before them.

“Hello,” Yoona whispers. Slowly, but clear.

Her voice reaches Yuri twice—from the short distance they have, and from Yuri’s phone Yoona’s still holding. Yuri closes her eyes, her hand reaching up to wrap around Yoona’s near her ear, and she brings them down, her thumb pressing the red icon to end the call.

Yoona hasn’t pulled her own phone away, her gaze resting on their fingers around Yuri’s phone, and Yuri’s lips start to part open, about to speak.

“You did make me flutter,” Yoona quietly says, beating Yuri from saying anything first. The younger girl takes a deep breath, “When I saw you this morning. You were laughing with Minho, walking towards your class, and then you noticed me. Your laughter slowed down, and then it formed into a smile that’s slow and sincere—“

They haven’t moved their hands. Haven’t flinched away from each other, and Yoona keeps her gaze on their hands, feeling warm.

“—it made a little something inside me fluttered.”

Yuri is the first to unclasp her hold, moving away from Yoona’s hand, gathering herself back to her shell again.

“I see.” If Yuri notices Yoona’s crestfallen face, she doesn’t show it at all. “I guess excitement of seeing a friend can make you flutter too.” Yuri is nodding to herself, and Yoona prays that the edge of desperation she has isn’t visible to anyone.

I can’t believe Tablo is still forbidding me from catapulting Yuri to the outer space.

“Well, it’s your turn to spin again, I suppose,” Yuri smiles a false smile, gesturing to the phone Yoona still has pressed against her ear.

Yoona numbly nods, opening the application again. She stares at the bottle, swallowing once. She spins it with a flick of her finger, with a little too much force.

The bottle stops spinning right in front of Yuri, and said girl hums.

“Truth,” she says, tapping on the first option. She looks up at Yoona, waiting for a question—

“What did I do that has hurt you, unnie?” Yoona quietly asks, a little too fast, a little too serious for a game of truth or dare.

Yuri shakes her head, “You haven’t—“

“Don’t lie to me,” Yoona cuts her off, her gaze trained on her phone. “I saw it, unnie. I saw the pain in your eyes. I saw the hesitance in your movements.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Yuri murmurs, her eyes practically boring holes on the spot of the couch she’s staring at.

“Yeah? What about the way you avoided me for eleven days—“

“It’s ten days,” Yuri snaps. “Ten days, twenty hours, forty five minutes. Not that I was counting—and I was sick during three days of it.”

Yoona looks at her, half disbelieving, and half frustrated at the direction their conversation is going. “Unnie, please.” Her voice cracks, and oh how she hates herself for it. “Please, tell me what I’ve done so I can stop hurting you.”

Yuri shakes her head. “No—“

“Stop avoiding everything!” Yoona starts to yell, tired of dancing around the looming elephant in the room, tired of seeing Yuri saying everything is okay while showing clearly that it’s not. Tablo and I flinch, surprised, while Yuri stares at her in shock. But Yoona isn’t finished,

“I’m tired, unnie. I’m tired seeing you flinch away everytime I scoot near. I’m tired of holding myself back from holding your hand or tucking a strand of hair behind your ear because you’ll just move away and smile a smile that doesn’t even reach your eyes! I would be okay if you’re still smiling and laughing happily despite all this, but there’s always a hint of sadness in your eyes whenever we have to tiptoe the line and pretend to be something we don’t—“

“Then what?” Yuri yells back. “You’re right, I'm not happy avoiding you. I’m punishing myself. I’m punishing myself and my heart is breaking everytime I’m with you, but what do you want me to do??”

“To stop punishing yourself,” Yoona’s voice softens, her lips quivering. “What is it that you’re punishing yourself for? Tell me, unnie. I’m sure we can find a way to—“

“No,” Yuri shakes her head, and Yoona freezes as she notices a tear rolling down the older girl’s cheek. “No, Yoona. I’m—how am I supposed to tell you that I like you?” Even more tears, a laugh that sounds false, and Yuri cries. “I like you, Yoona. And I shouldn’t.”

“What are you—“

“I was trying,” Yuri continues, stopping Yoona from saying anything, “I am trying. To let you go. To make this feeling lose its romance. I want you to be happy and I want myself to be able to be happy for you even though your happiness is being with someone else,” she grips the phone in her hand, willing the pain thundering inside her chest to go away.

“But I can’t. Even after ten days, twenty hours, and forty five minutes of not seeing you, it’s still you that holds my heart captive. It still breaks me to imagine you with someone, laughing and leaving the world behind. I don’t know what to do to hide my heart in front of you. I’m afraid. I’m scared that if I touch you longer than a brush of our hands, I won’t be able to stop my feelings from spilling out.”

Yuri’s whole body is trembling, and Yoona finally stops being stunned. She shifts closer, setting their phones aside, gently taking Yuri’s hands in hers and pulling her slowly into a hug. She closes her eyes when Yuri doesn't fight her, a relieved breath slipping past her parted lips. She feels Yuri’s head rested against her shoulder, and Yoona rubs circles on her back, hoping that it’s at least comforting.

At some point, Yuri tries to pull away, but Yoona doesn’t budge.

She’s afraid that if she lets her go this time, Yuri won’t ever come back.

Yoona’s shoulder feels like a bucket of water has been dumped over it, but the cries that breaks Yoona’s heart have been reduced into sobs. And Yoona wants to smile. She wants to smile along with a relieved feeling she has. But it’s overpowered by tears that come trickling from her heart, pouring silently from her own closed eyes.

“I like you too.”

She whispers it softly, her voice cracking again, and she feels Yuri tensing in her embrace.

“I like you too so please, don’t try to change your feelings of me.”

Her mind flies to the day they talked, before the avoiding started. How she has told Yuri about a guy, a guy she deliberately agreed to go on a date with because she’s confused. She’s confused of the constant butterflies sommersaulting inside her every time she and Yuri exchanged glances, smiling or laughing in synch. She’s confused of the whole zoo causing ruckus in her stomach whenever Yuri leaned in too close that Yoona could feel her warm breath sweeping across her cheek.

She’s confused of the breath that’s knocked out of her lungs when Yuri looked up from her book at times, glancing at her and ruffling her hair gently for no reason at all, before returning back to the tale she’s reading.

Yuri weakly hits Yoona’s back, trying to release herself, but Yoona rests her head on Yuri’s shoulder.

“Don’t joke about this, Yoona,” Yuri hoarsely pleads, and Yoona shakes her head to Yuri’s shoulder.

“I’m not joking.”

“Then what about the guy?” Yuri asks, her tone broken, and Yoona’s gut clenched.

The guy. Her attempt to find normalcy. Her attempt at refuting her heart, insisting that she wasn’t falling for Yuri.

“I called it off.”

Yeah, more like she forgot about the date because Yuri hadn’t replied to her thirty sixth message, and she’s too worried to even notice what day it was.

“You what?” Yuri whispers, puzzled, surprised. “Was the guy ugly?”

Yoona laughs, and she braces herself to pull away from Yuri’s shoulder, the latter mirroring her action. They stare at each other for a while, puffy eyes and tear-streaked cheeks, and Yoona smiles.

“Because I realized that you’re all I could think of.” Yuri tries to look away, so Yoona gently cups her cheeks with her palms, searching for those eyes she’s come to love. “Unnie…”

Yuri gives in, looking back at her, and Yoona tells her in her most serious tone,

“I’m serious when I said that I like you.”

But before Yuri can say anything, Yoona’s phone beeps, warning them that it’s been ten minutes since the last spin and if they don’t spin it again the game will be over. They turn to stare at the screen, dumbfounded. I have this sudden urge to catapult Yoona’s phone to the outer space. Tablo, for once, agrees.

“I don’t know this app can do that,” Yuri mutters, releasing herself from Yoona’s hold and patting her own cheeks. Yoona glares at her phone, and Yuri draws up a genuine amused smile at that.

“I hate my phone,” Yoona decides. “I will break it into two.” She’s sure she’s strong enough to do that by hands. Maybe.

“After I do my turn, you can,” Yuri interjects, taking the endangered phone from its owner’s hand. She chuckles at Yoona’s look of disbelief, “Hey, I hate losing, you know.”

"But—"

"Shush." Yuri raises a finger to stop Yoona's words. She quietly spins the bottle, counter-clockwise, and the bottle stops back with its end pointing at her, again.

“Dare,” Yuri decides. Yoona blinks at her phone, unsure of the quick changing of atmosphere among them, and seconds later the instruction is on.

“Blow in your opponent’s ear—what!” Yoona flinches away, mortified. “I’m ticklish, unnie, spare me, please choose truth—“

“Too bad,” Yuri grins, scooting closer. Yoona backs away further, until her back is against my arm. Yuri looms over her, laughing quietly at the extreme terror in Yoona’s eyes. She tsks when Yoona does her absolute best to be far away from her range,

“A dare is a dare, Yoona.”

And she leans in slowly, Yoona closing her eyes tightly to prepare herself for the tickles.

It never comes.

Yuri stops short near the ear she has always found cute. There's a slight hesitation, a flicker she lets go when Yoona visibly gulps.

She smiles to herself, and leans in further—to press her lips against Yoona’s earlobe chastely, pulling back immediately after.

She grins at the frozen girl, waiting for any reaction to start.

Yoona blinks, her cheeks flushed. There’s a jolt Yuri’s kiss sends to her brain, and it sets her mind overdrive. She sits there, unmoving, only the rise and fall of her chest and the slow blinks of her eyes signaling that she hasn't turned into a statue.

“Okaaay,” Yuri mumbles, poking Yoona’s cheek. “Did I break you?”

Yoona blinks again. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone turn the current shade of red that currently paints Yoona’s cheeks. Is that healthy? Yuri must’ve thought the same, because she tilts her head in deep thought and muses, “Maybe I should really do the dare after all.” She leans in again, preparing to blow the younger’s ear, but this time Yoona breaks out from her daze.

And when Im Yoona breaks out from her daze, it means she's ready to take a gigantic leap.

She turns slightly, leaving a peck on Yuri’s cheek.

And it's now Yuri's turn to pause, eyes widening in surprise. Tablo is screaming incoherent noises, and I’m gaping at the scene. IT'S HAPPENING. I have to restrain myself from accidentally catapulting them both to Hawaii out of sheer excitement mixed with heart attack. OHMYGOD IT'S REALLY HAPPENING!

“Unnie,” Yoona whispers, their positions haven’t changed with Yuri above her, faces only centimeters apart. “I’m sorry.”

Yuri smiles down at her. “Whatever for?”

“For hurting you.” Yoona wills one of her hand to come up, brushing a strand of hair that lays disarray on Yuri’s forehead. “For being clueless. For not saying this sooner.” She swallows her fear, her nightmares, pouring hopes and her utmost wish to her next words instead,

“Please stay with me.”

The plea is softly spoken, replied with nothing but a warm gaze Yuri has against Yoona’s desperate one. Their forehead touch first, for once not followed with an awkward fumble or a flinch away.

Yuri lets her eyes fall to Yoona’s lips, and the younger knows, in the middle of her erratic heartbeats, of what is coming. Yuri closes her eyes, leaning in, and Yoona does the same, meeting Yuri halfway.

I close my virtually-no-where eyes, forbidding myself from witnessing their intimate moment. I feel like intruding, an uninvited audience to their precious time together. Tablo is muttering something, obviously keeping his eyes shut too.

The dudes are here, you know, Tablo fusses. They were ranting about how hard it was to make the librarian busy scolding them so she wouldn’t come over to complain about the girls’ yells earlier.

I grin at the tale. Of course, having shippers can give you such perks. Tablo isn’t done yet, however.

They stopped dead behind the bookshelves on my left. They have glimpsed the kiss. I think Minho’s malfunctioning now. Oh, Key is yanking him down.

Thank God for Key, that dude knows what to do. I open my metaphorical eyes and glance at the girls on me, smiling at the sight I see.

They’re exchanging looks, wordlessly to the world but hold volumes to themselves. Secrets they keep from the buzzing life, secrets they share through the gentle brushes of their hands and the bright smiles that follow.

They straighten up from their position, easily falling into a more proper sitting arrangement—especially when you’re in a library—with their fingers still clasped together.

Yuri tilts her head to give Yoona a look. From months I’ve spent with them, I know that it translates to three words.

I love you.

Yoona looks back at her, a smile that’s so serene and peaceful gracing her soft features, as if Yuri has just said that she’s going to give Yoona the world.

Her look, it translates to two simple words.

I know.

I sniff happily at the sight of my girls cuddling up on me, pointedly ignoring Tablo’s mumble of see, this is why you shouldn’t catapult Yuri during those times you wanted to.

There are words they can’t say out loud, not yet. But they understand each other’s eyes, and maybe, just maybe, they don’t mind having their feelings stay as their little secret for a while.

After all, sharing secrets that only two know,

it can make you feel like you could conquer the world.

(But for now, they drift off from the rest of the universe, content in having each other in their little bubble of quiet space.)

 

 

 

9.

As an old wooden table that’s fated to stay deep-rooted on my spot for years, I have no chance to be in love. But I have all the time in the world to observe the dynamics happening around me, and sometimes, I get the chance to observe love.

Love is a funny thing. A crazy little thing, as a visitor once muttered, watching a Thailand movie from the laptop she sets up on me. It makes whatever organs inside your chest tingle occasionally. Sometimes with a wave of warmth, sometimes anxiety, and other times fear. It drives you crazy to the point you want to cry, but it also makes you be able to easily smile.

Love is a complex concept, and that’s exactly why I want to understand what being in love with someone is like.

But no one stays around long enough for me to be able to observe deeply. No couple hangs around often enough for me to take notes of the subtle things.

Until they come.

Watching over them is like watching a movie you never want to end. It started slowly like a seed gathering strength to hold onto the foreign soils with its weak roots. And then I watched its first leaf delicately greeted my view, shy but there. Then came the storm, blowing over the land harshly, trying to destroy everything it passed by.

But the plant preserved, until it saw the sun again.

Love is still complex to me, but I like to think that finding the simplicity of it in little things is enough sign that it’s there.

Like now.

I see love, sitting on an old couch in the library.

It’s in the way a girl’s head rested snugly on the other girl’s shoulder as she slept, a book halfway open laid forgotten on her lap. It’s in the way the other girl who’s reading an old blocknote has her head leaning gently against the sleeping girl’s crown.

It’s in the way they hold hands, not the same way friends would.

It’s in the way their chest rise and fall at the same time, the way they’re still connected, despite doing two separate things from each other.

The reading girl has a smile on her face, one that widens into a silent chuckle as she reads a line from the blocknote. The sleeping girl stirs, humming, her eyes fluttering open to peek on the chuckling girl.

“What is it?”

“Mm?” The reading girl’s thumb the hand in hers slowly, “Nothing, I’m on the page where you said that you wanted to brick your head for thinking that my fart doesn’t smell bad for a fart.”

The sleepy girl draws up a lazy smile, snuggling closer and leaving a peck to the reading girl’s jaw.

“I felt crazy for being drawn to your fart, unnie. You have no right to laugh at me.”

“Of course,” the reading girl replies, shifting to press a kiss on the crown of the sleepy girl’s head. “Go back to sleep, Yoona.”

“Mm,” Yoona hums, her fingers moving to play with Yuri’s tanned ones. “Not so sleepy anymore.”

“Want to listen to songs with me?” Yuri whispers, pulling out a phone and a magically-not-bundled pair of earphones.

Yoona raises her head obediently, letting Yuri to slip an earphone to her ear. She rests her head back to Yuri’s shoulder again, peeking as the latter scrolls through the list of songs in her phone.

A string of piano tunes flows through their earpieces, and Yoona’s lips break into a smile.

You don’t know,
but after I met you
to be honest to my heart
words I’ve been dying to say, they
can’t be said easily

Yuri takes a glance at the girl next to her, noticing the glowing smile Yoona has even as her eyes are softly closed.

But if
I keep holding back again
I’m afraid you’ll slip away
so I put everything in letters
and a gift you would like

Carefully, she puts the phone between their thighs, and picks up the old blocknote filled with Yoona’s handwritings again.

That it hurts more,
the longer I look into your eyes
At these thoughts I hesitate,
but everything’s too late

There’s a soft snore coming from the mentioned girl, and Yuri smiles, resting her temple against Yoona’s head before resuming to read.

‘Cause you who I pray for,
you who I quietly treasure
in this world
there’s no one I wanted more

It’s in the way they look content, happy,

at peace, like there’s nowhere else they’d rather be.

I smile to myself as I watch them drifting off again, to a world where there’s no one other than the two of them. I wish I could ask them to bring me over, to the beautiful space they’ve built together.

Someone sighs, followed with a thump of head against my wooden top.

“I know, Minho, I know,” Key’s voice mumbles, envious, but happy. “I wish I’d find love like them, too.”

I nod, agreeing.

Because it’s love that I’ve seen when Yuri held up a tiny box, inside it was a pair of beautiful yet simple rings.

Because it’s love that I’ve witnessed when Yoona stopped reading and rested her head on her palm instead, watching Yuri did her works. Yuri would stop several seconds after, asking why the younger’s looking at her like that, and Yoona would tell her how beautiful she was when she was focused on something, evoking a blush to spread across the older girl’s cheeks.

Because it's love that I heard singing when Yoona muttered that what they have is never going to be easy, and Yuri held her in her arms, telling her in a soft voice that offered nothing but reassurance, that no matter what happens, having her worth whatever the misery ahead and so much more than that.

I sniff quietly, getting sentimental all by myself. It’s probably because the old couch is singing Ra.D’s ‘I’m in Love’, the song the girls are listening together through their shared earphones. It’s a horrendous rendition of the beautiful song, but I can’t tell old couch to stop.

They’re lucky to find each other, that much, I know.

(And I’m lucky, too, to have witnessed such a beautiful story unravels before my metaphorical eyes.)

 

 

 

{THE END.}