December 2014,

                “Is there anything specific you want to eat for Christmas?” I asked Sunmi.

                She rested her head against the wall behind her and after some careful thought, she replied, “Well, I’ve always wanted to have a whole turkey leg to myself.”

                “You’ve never had a turkey leg before?” I asked in shock. I was expecting her to name the most expensive and elaborate dish she could think of. I can’t believe how much she suffered in that house.

                She shook her head in response. “We don’t always have enough to get a whole turkey, so usually we can only get half and my dad always gets the leg. But if he’s in a good mood he’ll share some with my brother.” Tears welled up in her eyes and she wiped them away with the back of her hand. I looked at her sadly, not knowing what to say to make her feel better. I wished that I was better at this.

                “I miss them, Leo oppa,” she whispered, holding back her tears. “I know you told me to forget them, and I’m trying, but it’s hard. I can’t stop feeling bad that I get to eat three good meals every day while they might not. The only thing I can hope for is that they get to eat bigger portions because they have one less mouth to feed, but I don’t even know where their meals would be coming from,” she confessed. I stared at her in awe. She really was an angel; only Sunmi would be kind enough to still care about the people who didn’t care enough about her. I vowed to myself that I wouldn’t let a day go by that Sunmi didn’t feel loved and cared for because it was the least she deserved.

                “Tell me about your family, oppa,” she requested suddenly, smiling at me. I automatically blushed and my heart pounded in my chest. Her smile was so beautiful and I couldn’t believe how lucky I was that she was here with me. I sighed in contentment and hid my smile by ducking my head down.

                “Tell me about yours,” I replied quietly, still feeling shy around her. I told myself that she couldn’t reject me because I was the only person she had now, but I still felt self-conscious.

                “Shouldn’t you already know about them?” she asked. “You were the one…watching over me.”

                “I cared about only you,” I replied. She looked away shyly, hiding her blush from me too. It was so nice to know that we were alike in a lot of ways. It was so clear that we were meant to be.

                She cleared throat and her lips. “Do you really want me to tell you about my family?” she asked. I nodded my head. I loved hearing her talk about anything because her voice was so pretty and nice. It was soft and angelic and I really liked hearing it.

                She patted the empty space next to her, motioning for me to sit next to her. I took a deep breath, slowly crawled onto her bed, and sat next to her. I could barely hear myself think over the sound of blood rushing in my ears. I breathed slowly in an attempt to mask my nervousness. She never asked me to sit with her before. I always made sure to sit at least a couple feet away from her in case she felt uncomfortable, but now I was only a few centimeters away from her. All I had to do was scoot a bit to my right, and our arms would be touching. I felt the blood rush to my face at that thought and I mentally cursed myself for thinking like that. I never liked to think of Sunmi like that, but I couldn’t help it sometimes.

                “What do you already know about my family?” she asked with her silvery voice.

                “Um, your real mom died and your dad yells a lot,” I started. She nodded silently, so I continued, “your mom now doesn’t do a lot, and you have a lot of brothers and sisters.”

                “Is that it?” She smiled a bit, staring at the space in front of her with a blank expression. I nodded my head, but I wasn’t sure if she saw me or not. She took a deep breath and began, “My mom didn’t kill herself because she was trying to get away from my dad; she killed herself because she didn’t want to have me, but her parents wouldn’t let her get rid of me. I was born nine weeks premature and I was something short of a miracle baby. My dad raised me by himself for a while. He wasn’t a terrible father, but he wasn’t the world’s greatest dad either. I was happy for the most part: well-fed, clothed, clean, but I wish that he would’ve remembered my birthday at least one year.”

                Tears welled up in her eyes again, but she made no attempt to hide them or wipe them away. I balled my fists, trying to suppress my anger. I hated that she had to grow up in that house like that.

                “Then when I was eight, Dad brought Jinae home. He said she would be my new mom and I would have a baby brother soon, so I was really excited to be like the other girls in my class. I thought she would take me shopping and braid my hair, but Jinae hated me. Once, when my dad was really drunk, he said he missed my birth mom and Jinae got so mad that she locked me in the closet for the night.” I looked at her in shock at how easily that came out. She had an indifferent expression, and my heart ached. I could only be thankful that she didn’t have to endure any more of that ever again.

                “After my baby brother was born, Jinae decided it was time to kick me out even though I was only nine because we didn’t have enough to support both of us, so she sent me to live with one of her sisters. I lived with them like a dog for four years. I ran away from them and went back home to find out that I had one-year old twin sisters. I felt so abandoned. I wondered how they could kick me out, saying they didn’t have enough money to take care of two kids, and then go have two more kids. I hated my brother and sisters a lot while I was in middle school, but I learned to love them. Jinae had my littlest sister when I was in my first year of high school, and she had my littlest brother last year, when I was in my last year of high school. You know, I think the only reason she has so many babies is because it’s all she can offer to my dad. She doesn’t know how to cook or clean or do anything so she has babies and she makes me take care of everything. My dad yells at her for doing that, but it doesn’t stop her.”

                By the time she was finished, her jeans were stained with her resentful tears. It hurt me to see her so distraught. I didn’t know what came over me, but I reached for her hand and took it in mine. She looked up at me with a faint smile. She turned her hand over so that our palms touched and she laced her fingers through mine. I felt time slow-down in that moment and I felt accepted for the first time in my life. I couldn’t do anything to hide my smile. Kim Sunmi was my miracle.