Monday, 30th June 2014

Seoul, South Korea

Hello, SeoRi

 

I’m really torn...  broken. You promised that you would stay with me until the day in which death would separate us. Now I just can cry because you’re gone.

I keep on screaming for you to come back, I scream to the walls, I scream to the mirror. I scream as loud as I can because I’m freaking out. But you don’t hear me. I don’t even know where you are. I don’t even know where to send this stupid letter full of my teardrops. Did I do something wrong?

Please just come back. Can you please stay one day? I want to know what was my mistake. I would do anything girl, if only we can be together. You’re standing in the center of my life. I want just one day, if I can be with you. I want just one day, if I can hold your hands again. I need to show you my feelings one more time. I want to make you fall in love again. If I have just one day, it’s possible. You’re my honey, Seori. I need you back.

 

Little EunMi cries. She is crying right now. She has asked me if I have gone mad. And I answered I didn’t know. That’s the truth, I don’t actually know if you’ve finally driven me crazy, mad, insane or whatever you call it. He asked me today in the morning where mom is. What do you want me to tell her? That mom is gone I don’t know where and coming back I don’t know when? Didn’t you think of her even for a second before leaving? He’s not my child. He’s OUR child, and now I don’t know what to do to calm her down.

I’m suffering so much, Seori. I feel so alone. Yesterday night I sang EunMi the lullaby you used to sing him for sleeping every night and in the end she fell asleep. But when I headed to our bed… I couldn’t sleep. I felt alone. I feel alone. I want to be intoxicated in your sweet scent as I fall asleep. I want to inmerse myself in your warm eyes.  I used to be an explorer venturing throught your deep forest of mistery, but suddenly I’m just a lost soul.

I already told you a thousand times I want to know you more. You didn’t do anything for it. You kept me secrets. You lied. You even had relations with other men and I forgave you. Why? I’m young, okay, but I’m not stupid. You’ve been for three or four weeks meeting your boss after work. I’ve noticed. That idiot and rich Namjoon. What does he have that I do not?

I’m exactly what you expected your husband to be: young, brave, hard working, talkative, honest, patient… When I asked you to marry me, why did you say yes? Why didn’t you just say no? Isn’t just your Jungkook enough for you? Do you need Namjoon for feeling complete? I’m sorry, maybe I’m too rational, but I can’t help it but think you’re with him. You are. I’m sure of that. I know it because I heard  you talking to him two days ago. You told him that you want to feel like you belong with someone and somewhere and that that’s all you ever wanted. All you ever wanted? That’s all I ever wanted! To make you happy and comfortable at home, at our home, with our child, with our dog, with our stuff. I swear I tried my best for you to be happy, but I’m not enough I see…

I remember those cold nights when you said that you needed to work overtime. Such a lie. Even though I was afraid and I found it suspicious, I chose to shut up and believe you. I waited until you arrived home at three or four AM and went straight to the shower. And you think that I had been sleeping all those nights and I hadn’t heard your conversations, but I actually heard them. I heard you telling him that you loved him. I also heard you asking him for time. Telling him that you didn’t know how to tell EunMi that you would be gone. And what about me? Didn’t you think of me? I spent all those nights hugging the pillow and crying because you didn’t even come to kiss me. You didn’t even came to me to see my fake smile. You didn’t even dare to tell me the truth –you prefer him.

Can’t you please come back? Please, come back home… I beg you. Can you please stay with me? I don’t know what to promise you. I don’t have strength anymore. I just hope I can be with you for just one day if it can’t be forever.

-

 

Wednesday 31st December 2025

Seoul, South Korea

 

Hello, mom. It’s EunMi. It’s been so long since you’re gone. Dad told me that he had found you. You’re living with that Namjoon, isn’t it? Mom. Why?

I don’t know if you even remember my birthday. I’m already seventeen years old, the same age with which you knew daddy. I’m sad for seeing him like that, mom. He’s drinking all the time. He’s hopeless.

Maybe I should tell you a bit about my life. I don’t even know if you’re interested in me, but anyway I will do.

When I was six years old, just a year after the day you left, I entered school. I was expected to be one of the best students, but I failed everything. Nevertheless, dad went to the school and talked to the teachers and they let me go on with my schoolyears. I kept that line until I was twelve. Dad decided to take me to the doctor, because I was being weird, he said.

I went to the psychologist and was identified and diagnosed bipolar disorder. I had to take then a lot of pills, but it all just went worse and worse. I lost my friends (the few I had) and my self confidence. I was sent to a strange place where every single room was white and I had to wear a strange shirt that avoided my movements. I couldn’t move and also couldn’t speak to dad. I was really confused and got to understand everything when I was more or less fifteen years old. After that I escaped and lived in the streets, hiding from everyone. I started buying and selling drugs for earning money, but I never felt like it was enough. I never felt happy. I decided to come back home and dad had changed a lot in those years. His look is dull… he was really thin… he hadn’t slept or eaten in days and home was a mess. Our dog had died. It was horrible, mom.

He couldn’t almost talk, his voice was broken. I cooked for him for some days and helped him showering. I sang him the lullabies he used to sing me every night to fall asleep. I started cleaning the house, the floor, the windows and everything that seemed unclean, and suddenly I found three huge boxes that said “for SeoRi”. I opened them and found a ton of letters he never sent you. And they all said the same with different words. Mom, he needs you back urgently. I need you back too. I don’t know why did you leave us, but I don’t think dad is a bad person. In the neighbourhood they’ve started calling him “the lost Jungkook”, because it looks like he has lost his soul.

Please mom, come back. We need you.

-

Tuesday 13th November 2029

Seoul, South Korea

 

Hello, Park SeoRi.

I’m Jeon EunMi. Your daughter.

I write you to tell you that yesterday Jeon Jungkook suicided. He was found on his bed dead. I don’t even want to see him now. The police told me that he cut. Do you think that it’s normal? It’s all your fault.

Who’s that Namjoon? Are you going to introduce him to me now? I want to see his bloody face. I want to know who is the one who caused the death of my father.

I hate you, Park SeoRi. And I hate that Namjoon. I hate you both so much. I told dad to be patient, to wait for you, I told him all that because I didn’t know how to help him.

You’ve destroyed our lives. I hate you Park SeoRi. I hope you die soon. I’m left alone now, but I don’t care. I’ll fight to make of your life a living hell.  I hate you so much and I hate Namjoon. You’ve stolen me the only thing I have, my father. Jungkook did nothing but love you. He was stupid. I also was for encouraging him to still love you. I hate you.

What are you doing right now, lovely mommy? Are you happy? Are you laughing? Are you raising new kids? Are you on holidays with that piece of trash called Namjoon? I hope you both die. If only I could kill you, oh my gosh. This situation is driving me crazy. I’m definetely mad but who the hell cares? No one’s here for me. No one. Even Jeon Jungkook has left me alone in life. What will I do now? What do you want me to do? What happened? This is like a horrible movie.

Memories come back to me of us playing when I was four or five years old. They are short memories, but they’re still there. They hurt so much. I missed daddy’s smile for all these years. And now I miss him.  Empty chairs at empty tables, just like in the song. I’m alone. I can’t forgive you.

Please disappear from my mind. Or please wake me up from this living nightmare. I don’t know what to do. I’ve lost my way. I’m a lost puppy in the street. I don’t know what to do.

Please, Park Seori, die.

 

-

 

I don’t even want to write the date.

I’m so frustrated. So disappointed. I’m so depressed.

You didn’t even dare to come to the funeral. Am I really daughter of such a cruel woman? Did dad really fall in love with such a bad person?

He deserved more than you and I’m sure of that. I hate you Seori, haven’t I told you?

You should be the one who dies, but I’m tired of all this stuff. I can’t even get up without crying. I can’t eat. I just can cry because dad is gone, and it’s all your fault. I haven’t even seen your face. Maybe I’ve seen you in the street and I didn’t recognize you , but that’s good news for you. If I ever get to know you’re around , run away. That’s my only advice for you. I’ll punch you, beat you and do whatever I can to hurt you.  You’re the worst person I’ve ever known about.

From your lovely daughter, who hates you with all her life.

Jeon EunMi. 

 

 

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Hello! I somehow found this oneshot, which was written by me several months ago. I didn't even remember that it was there, hahaha. To be honest, I know it probably has many mistakes, but I did my best. If you see any, please comment about it! <3

Hope you enjoyed it and thanks for reading. Comments and upvotes are welcome! :)