It was too early for sleep yet they tipped over and landed heavy amongst the mismatched blankets. It was a mere Wednesday afternoon but nothing would ever be the same again. The universe had shifted; making parallel ones meet in a sweet escape of lust and need. Teenage hearts were flooded with heat which spread throughout the veins like venom. 

Chanyeol let his wide hand travel along Jongin’s back; tracing the t-shirts folds with the pads of his fingertips. The younger let out a shaky exhale; letting the warm air brushing against the taller’s pale neck. The boys blinked slow; unsure of how to function without imploding.

They laid completely still in the fading daylight; afraid the spell of it all would break if they spoke. They weren’t supposed to be like this; mercilessly pulling at each other’s clothes with hands traveling new routes, forbidden ones. They knew that by the time Jongin walked out the door everything initially would have to go back to normal; the only evidence their neediness could leave were the mere creases in the sheets.

When Chanyeol boldly pressed his lips against Jongin’s it was as if all the worries of the world disappeared in a delicious sweep of pink pulpiness. The kiss was sweet; slow and shallow. With four eyes closed the grasping of fabric got increasingly harder. A blooming sense of powerlessness and utter humbleness for love knocked them both. How awfully beautifully terrifyingly right it all felt to be so wrong. Gasping for air they got more and more bold and needy.

Jongin sighed in despair when Chanyeol’s lips left a wet and warm trail along the vein of his throat; the hot blood traveling at a quickening pace below. They spun around and with Jongin straddled above Chanyeol was seeing the distant stars he had up until now barely dared dreaming of. 

The older’s strangled moan was barely audible yet it still managed to tip Jongin over the edge and push his thigh between Chanyeol’s while slowly adding more and more pressure. The wet sound of their forbidden kisses mingled with the low buzzing of the fridge. The bed creaked and at the base Jongin’s throat a moan broke lose. He couldn’t help it; any of it.

His knuckles whitened as he clutched the older’s messy t-shirt; yanking him closer to press his swollen lips harder against Chanyeol’s. Why was the sweetness of forbiddance so alluring? Why couldn’t he refuse the pull of this vicious magnetism? 

Chanyeol shot up; his hands roaming fully across Jongin’s lush skin before pulling the younger’s tasseled t-shirt above his head. He needed skin; he needed more. 

And so they kept going until neither dared to push further in the now thickening darkness of Chanyeol’s messy apartment. Hesitant rubbing and wet kisses eased out into deep breathing in each other’s bare arms. After a haze drifting Jongin got up; slow and soundless. He found his shirt and without throwing a glance back at the older he left.

Nothing had seemingly changed about their relationship. They went to classes, parties and friend’s houses just like before. It all remained the same except the bittersweetness of the Wednesday afternoons tucked away in the safe nest of Chanyeol’s apartment; slow kissing until one of them couldn’t keep their hands from fumbling with the zipper of the other’s pants. 

No words were ever uttered; only gazes and low hums. Both were terrified and neither wanted to acknowledge what life had become. It wasn’t supposed to be this way; kissing the random girls in the clubs should feel better than the rim of the latter’s pulp upper lip. Life wasn’t supposed to be lived in a hushed against too thigh jeans in a weak attempt to kill the fire growing there. Life wasn’t supposed to be about loving another man.

*

It was a Tuesday when Chanyeol made his mistake; or rather Jongin did. Caught in his oblivion his hand traveled too far up Chanyeol’s thigh for their friends to not take notice. Teasing began; but not only from roughness of their shared friends but also from Chanyeol himself. The words rolled off his tongue with ease and despite the younger’s hurt gaze Chanyeol got increasingly foul; terrified of blowing their cover. It was a lousy scene and with burning eyes Jongin left. Everyone brushed it off mere minutes later; thinking the youngest of their group had a bad day whereas Chanyeol’s anxiety bloomed like wildfire. The mined ground underneath their feet had begun annihilating.

Jongin didn’t come around that Wednesday and not the following ones either. Chanyeol’s eyes were searching but Jongin refused acknowledge him. He desperately tried to find ways to reach out but he as well as Jongin knew the bridges were burned.

Their love was a tiny whisper in this loud world; no one would and could never know. The premisses had within silence been established long before Jongin’s lips had touched his. There was no door to knock on. No love-letters to re-read.

*

Despite knowing Jongin was not his to need Chanyeol missed him recklessly; laying grasping the soft fabric of the bed they had shared many hours in. He cried silently in the black of night with his nose tucked in the wetted creases. He was a fool fooling himself; while thinking he was saving them he himself was the one to fire the killing bullet.

Jongin perhaps missed Chanyeol even more but the seed of terror had been planted and harvested. He had been thrown overboard; ridiculed for his love by his lover. There was no confidence left in him; no guarantee he wouldn’t be exposed fully and if such thing ever happened he would have to vaporize into the abyss. It was an impossibility. He damned Chanyeol for the thousandth time for ruining what they had had; it had cleansed the air in his lungs and calmed his swollen heart. But being granted the right to love and then having it robbed by the very same person was painful enough to be able to bare the crushing longing. How long would he last? He wasn’t sure. He wasn’t sure of anything any longer.

Being left alone in the messy living room of a distant friend brought them to a breaking point. The other boys had went out for a smoke; giving them a few moments to spare. Jongin wouldn’t look at Chanyeol; couldn’t. He was hurting by the mere thought of the older being less than a heartbeat away. 

The taller bit his lip until the familiar metallic taste of blood mingled with the loathsome taste of guilt still left in his mouth. His fingers were itching to reach out and touch him; him sitting there in his youthful glory not knowing that there was kimchi stains on his chin and that the tag of his shirt was sticking up. Him sitting there trying his very hardest to keep his posture from sinking into the couch. Him, his Jongin.

The others came back and nothing happened. Nothing could happen; it was over by now. They were not each other’s to love and the harshness of that reality was slowly reaching them both. They stopped hanging out ever so slow; unable to properly function with the other watching. 

Seasons changed into winter and classes had become more and more hectic. White bits of crystal filled the air and Jongin had flinched when Chanyeol’s broad hand obliviously had reached up to brush away the snowflakes from his fringe. He was hypersensitive; over alert within the orbiting of Chanyeol. The older had backed away, looked away and later walked away. The air had suddenly become even colder.

Against all odds they became partners in a project making up for almost 40% of the grade. Total chaos arose in both of them; self hatred towards the hopeful spark that enlightened and hopelessness towards the heart stabbing soaring. The teacher explained that no time would be given during lessons, meaning they would have to find other locations.

Suddenly Jongin was standing there again in his doorframe like a ghost from a daydream. Chanyeol made ramyun and they ate in silence while turning the pages of books and clicking links on screens. The older was wearing his glasses; something Jongin had always adored. He couldn’t help but to wonder if he did it on purpose; sitting there with legs splayed out underneath the messy table with the glasses too low to be comfortable. Jongin ached to push them back up but instead he turned to the next page. It was all memories by now. 

He came by every Wednesday just like before. For each time the air got an ounce less stuffy; the smiles grew wider and sentences dared to be longer. Chanyeol played guitar and Jongin laughed; throwing his head back in gleam while Chanyeol strummed chord after chord. They were friends again; as if nothing ever had happened between them. Jongin called him names and ate his stack of snacks. Chanyeol yanked him with his foot and made him do the dishes. 

It was close to perfect if it wasn’t for the shaking from below. Something was thundering in the distance; a storm preparing to break out. The electricity made shiver roams across their bodies. The longing grew as the tides sank back into the ocean. A storm was nearing; they both could feel it.

It was as if walking on the thinnest of lines; balancing between two too strong forces. When Jongin caught the older examining him for the third time in a row he couldn’t help but to feel a pull within him. It was all so clear that neither of them had fully closed that particular door. Jongin had tried; over and over again but forever failing to keep it from creaking open. 

The older was wearing thick socks and with glossy eyes watching him while quietly sipping on the americano he brought. Park Chanyeol looking like everything he had ever wanted in the history of everdom. He sighed but refrained from commenting the obvious. He knew why the older’s eyes searched for his; he had seen that gaze before.

Limbs and heart grew weaker and weaker. There were moments of absolute silence; absolute longing. Neither of them would utter a word; plant a hint of why the heart was twisting and turning viscously within. Jongin blinked slow and Chanyeol bit his lip. One day the older was close to apologizing; the words were lingering at the tip of his tongue but when meeting Jongin’s eyes he did not dare to bring it all up once more. Risking losing him was not even an option. At least Jongin was there now; beside him again.

Jongin waited patiently for as he would not ever take the first step. He was somewhat healed; patched up by the certainty that Chanyeol truly was the sole one he longed for so unfairly. He was not ready to accept it but neither could deny the swirling in his abdomen when the older would ever do as much as look at him. Yes, Jongin knew but did not yet dare to claim what was meant to be his. 

The project was executed well and in the bliss of having the heavy academical stone lifted from their shoulder’s the boys decided to celebrate. Drowned in the music and blinking lights of clubs the boys got wasted and wild. Girls swarmed around them; one prettier than the other. Shoving his tongue between lipstick lips Jongin caught Chanyeol’s eyes from the WIP booth. The taller had a girl on each side and despite the fact that the two model-like females tried their absolute hardest on catching his attention Chanyeol could not be budged. Intoxicated to the brim the younger sloppily tried to get rid of some built up tension with little success. When meeting the older’s gaze he knew why.

In the taxi home less than an hour later the younger cried. He curled up helplessly against Chanyeol who silently held him. Seoul flashed by outside the dirty window and despite his own sorrows the older began humming for Jongin; his still damp hair while letting his baritone voice sooth a child’s hymn. The younger soon fell asleep in pure physical and mental exhaustion; his aching heart soon to be overtaken by the storm.

Jongin kept coming by Wednesday afternoons; always stomping inside without greeting or warning. Kicking off his shoes he padded inside the small space barefooted. He yawned and crashed on the older’s messy bed while collecting his phone from a too tight jean pocket. And there he would lie until Chanyeol would finish whatever he was doing; homework, food, music composing, showering or gaming. Their hangouts were simple and uncomplicated; passing with ease.

But as feared the storm were mere days away; Chanyeol’s eyes drifting longer and longer for each time they shared moments alone. Both of them longed for Wednesdays; both of them longed for the bubble to burst but neither felt like they had the right to. Chanyeol would lean against the younger who would try to strangle a sigh. The scent, the sounds and the mere existence of the tall lanky teen was well enough to make Jongin wobble. How, when, please?

Yet again it had reached Wednesday afternoon and the storm had arrived at last. The news cast metrologies advised people to not go outside due to heavy winds along with rainfall. It was sweeping over the grey buildings and crowded roads of the city and Chanyeol could be found on his bed with a deep frown. Sending message after message to Jongin pleading him to not come but with no reply left him troubled. The weather was getting worse for each minute; forcing Chanyeol to get up and pace in a weak attempt to silence his worries. 

His rushed musings interrupted by the front door opening to show the soaked and utterly defeated boy named Kim Jongin. His clothes were dripping wet and while trembling from the cold he slowly made it into the compact apartment. Chanyeol wasted no time scolding him for coming; explaining how worried he had been before reciting the metrologies with a hint of hyperbole. 

When Jongin remained quiet Chanyeol too silenced. He examined the drenched figure in front of him before sighing deeply. Grabbing the boy’s wrist he led him into the bedroom where he urged Jongin to change into dry clothes. He was about to leave when he heard Jongin’s weakened voice pleading him to stay; to help him. 

Not knowing what, why or how he would be able to do such thing Chanyeol’s body moved on it’s own; soundlessly he stood before Jongin who's trembles had increased despite escaping into the warmth. Chanyeol spared him the questions and hesitantly began undressing the youth with his wide hands. Jacket, hoodie and then the t-shirt. Jongin was looking into his eyes.

Chanyeol’s breathing was heavy; his exhales mingling with the sound of the storm outside and within. The flood of the imaginary sinners had come to sweep them away; the winds had chased them into a corner with no escape. Jongin was trembling still.

When Chanyeol had pulled wet fabric over Jongin’s head the storm was all over; filling all spaces within the universe with it’s chaos. Chanyeol closed his eyes in despair and tried to not let any sounds escape his knotted throat; his heart was imploding like a supernova. 

Swallowed by the rain; unable to breathe or find any strength to fight against the overpowering magnetism Jongin leaned in and placed his cold lips on Chanyeol’s. The sensation was both the most beautiful and painful thing they had ever experienced. How perfect the world could be when you finally were able to let it go; let every stifled restrain get washed away leaving nothing but clean ease.

Chanyeol kissed him back; hard and desperate. Letting his hands roam across Jongin’s bare skin he indulged in the trust finally granted by his love. They kissed and kissed and kissed and Jongin wanted to cry at how soothing Chanyeol’s lips were when brushing against his. How awfully long he had waited for this; how awfully long he had longed for this body to be pressed up against his. His shaky exhale sounded wounded and while yanking Chanyeol closer he tried to not lose his mind.

Chanyeol continued to messily undress him and when nothing was left he pushed him down into the bed; tucking him in under the soft duvet before tipping down as well. Pressing kisses on Jongin’s face he begged for forgiveness over and over again until there wasn’t a spot that were left untouched by his lips. Chanyeol wanted to cry; everything washed over him and the guilt was heavy and thick. 

Jongin hushed him with a pained smile and pulled him in under; desperate to eliminate everything that laid between them. He pressed slow kisses across Chanyeol's skin as he graduatelly undressed the older who watched him through tearstained eyelashes. Completely bare lips found lips and again; Jongin was still cold but soon grew hotter and hotter for each touch. He had missed this; needed this for too long. Tangled under the mismatched sheets the lover’s had finally reunited in their messy teenage aching. Finger’s clutched and yanked hair locks and throat’s vibrated in hums and moans. The storm washed over them at last.

Jongin had barely closed the door before pressing his pulp lips against Chanyeol’s. It was Tuesday afternoon; weeks after the rain and painstaken reunion. Chanyeol chuckled into the kiss before breaking loose to tell Jongin how much he loved him; over and over again. Jongin had snorted before kissing the older deeper and longer. It wasn’t even Wednesday afternoon any longer; it wasn’t a hushed whisper in shame. It was everyday; loud and clear.

Their love wasn't tied to nothingness no longer; at least not within their very own orbiting. And this time as well the premisses had been established long before Jongin’s lips had touched Chanyeol’s. They would love the way they wished they had all along. 

They would love; just love.