Strong smithy smell, like raw iron and earth overwhelm all of his senses. He sits beside the bathtub. The crimson red liquid drips from the rim of the white tub drenching his white shirt. The smell stinks. The trace of tears on his cheeks has dried. His stares were empty. How does he get here? What happen?

Leo, his name is Leo. He is a designer and was preparing for his next show case. He was working on a dress which would be his last piece for the collection. It is his passion. It is what he likes the most. Designing is his sweetest escape.

Leo is not the one who expresses his feeling openly. It takes time for him to warm up to others. He has a very thick strong shell he builds around him. Reason? Insecurity would be one of the answers, but he refuse to admit that. To admit that would be the lowest he could place himself. It would make him look fragile. He doesn’t want to look fragile. At least that is what he thinks.

He always has hard time to open up with others because every time he started to like someone they left. It is always him who was left alone and hurt. He hates to be in that situation because it will take all of him to overcome the pain and he was not that strong. No he was not that strong.

Leo, like everyone else, was once in love. The girl was his first love. She was so bright as bright as the sun could shines on a summer evening. She is warm as the summer breeze. The love that she gave, overwhelm Leo. He could not ask for more.

Maybe Leo’s idea of being affectionate and her Idea of being affectionate were different or maybe Leo’s way of showing his love for the girl is different, way different indeed, she left. Leaving Leo alone, hurt, sad, angry, frustrated. All of the emotion mixed up. All of those emotions are like big guys beating him up.  Torturing poor little Leo inside him. After all it is only what he feels inside. People can’t see the scars. How much he was hurt by the one he loves the most the one he trust the most. Nobody knows. It was only him.

That night Leo was lying on the floor still in grief over the break up. His hand wonders around playing with the scissors. A small dark whisper something he not quite understand what it is but he sort off get the idea. He drives the sharp blade across his left cuff. It stings. Very bad. Blood starts to find his way out his vein. It hurts a lot but the heartache hurts a lot more. He does it again. The pain was very satisfying. There he found the pleasure of self-harm.

It was years later. Leo was back on his feet. He was over his break up long ago. Still he continues wounding himself but instead of to get over the feels he just does it for no reason. He just feels it very good by doing so.

Second girl, have succeed to break Leo’s wall. She was like his first but never be the same. Instead of shone ever so brightly, she just light up Leo’s path just enough. She was everything he could ask for. She understands Leo without speaking. She always knows the right words and the right things to do.

But Leo. The insecurity is eating him. He wants to keep her for himself. He was afraid of losing her. No matter how may time she said she won’t leave him, he never believed her.

Leo was fighting with himself. Half of him doesn’t want to love her but the other half says he needs her more than everything. He once tries to break up with her. He told her he does not love her any more. But who is he to fool her. She knows him better. She knows he lied. Instead of leaving she stays. Leo was grateful for that.

The piece he was recently working on was for her. It was almost done when they had the biggest fight. She went out crying. Again, it is Leo. He loves her too much. He lets his shadow block her light. The light that lead him all this while.

Devastated, he smashed everything in his studio. But not the dress. It is hers. Deep inside Leo knows she would be back in no time. And she did.

As usual she’s back. Because Leo knows she has no one except him. Yet he still feels insecure. Yet he still doesn’t trust her. He have her in his arm yet he still feel like losing her.

Suddenly everything becomes blurry. He doesn’t know what exactly he is doing. He doesn’t quite understand the situation. Someone else has taken over himself. He is not him. It’s the demon. He hears her pleads but can’t really see her. It’s so blurry. His head is heated with anger. Not his anger but the demon’s. The demon who live inside him. The demon who makes him feel insecure. The demon who is him.

Than everything become clear again. First thing he sees was her covered in thick red liquid that stinks. She was lying on the floor breathing her last breath away. The scissors, that Leo unaware of, drop on the floor from his left hand. His hand also covered with the same red stinky blood. Leo hates the smell. He has no ideas what to do. He just feels numb.

The smell stinks a lot. Suddenly he has the urge to wash up. No! It’s her. She was covered in more blood than him. She has to wash up first. He then lifts her cold body into the bathtub and turning the faucets.

As the Luke-warm water slowly fills up the tub, the reality slowly hit him. Silent tears fall drenching his cheek. He sat there beside the tub looking at his lifeless loved one. The crimson red liquid drips from the rim of the white tub drenching his white shirt. The smell stinks. The trace of tears on his cheeks has dried. His stares were empty. How does he get here? What happen?

END

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