; 

With trembling hands and uneven breathes, she opens the envelope and the sound of it tearing echoes around the room. The logo of the University, which had been stamped in the middle, is now in half and Sooyoung proceeds to get the real deal - the letter - out. 

She flips it open, but not all the way through, the upper part shoes the Univeristy, the Institute, the department it's under, the address and her name

Dear Ms. Park Sooyoung,

She shuts her eyes and counts backwards from ten to one. She had never really been this nervous in a long time, as she remembers, the last time she had felt such anxiety was when she first ran away from her first foster parent's home to come back to the orphanage because she'd rather stay here than be in that hell of a household.

Sooyoung had always wanted to be in the orphanage, one time, she even told herself she'd like to be here forever. Just helping out the nuns and taking care of the other kids. But she realizes she doesn't want that at all from the moment Sister Park showed her the envelope. None of them knew if it was an acceptance or a rejection letter, and Sooyoung wanted to find out before any of the others could.

So now, opening her eyes and calming down, Sooyoung sits on Yeri's bed in the large room full of ten other beds, alone and nervous as she flips the remaining part of the paper and musters up the courage to finally read it. 

It is with great regret that we write to inform you that we are unable to offer you admission to the freshmen class of -

For the first time in a long time, Sooyoung breaks down just as her whole future shatters. 

The soft pitter-patter of the rain outside indicated a small drizzle in the night, but that didn't stop Sooyoung from sneaking out. As the nun's were fast asleep and tucked in their beds, along with the other kids, she slips into her shoes and like a cat, vanishes off into the night through the backdoor of the orphanage. 

She can climb over the six feet fence they built, she has too much anger in her that it had converted into adrenaline in no time. Sooyoung is running by the time her feet lands on the grass in their backyard. 

She obviously hears footsteps running after her from behind, but that doesn't stop the storm that's brewing inside of her ever since this morning. 

"Sooyoung, stop." She harshly brushes off Yunhyeong's hand from her shoulder. She knows it's Yunhyeong, because nobody knows her better. He'd know her habits, and he had been kind enough to zip his mouth in front of the nuns when it came to Sooyoung, but now she thought he just had to let her be for once. 

"I said, stop!"

His arms are around her body and they stumble back and fall onto the grass. Yunhyeong doesn't even groan or flinch, but Sooyoung feels as though the wind has been knocked out of her. Yunhyeong pushes her off and scrambles to get up, not having time to brush the mud and grass from his pajamas, he holds both of her wrist and drops of water splatter her face because of his hair. 

"Damn it," she says, struggling to get up from the soaked ground. "Let me -"

"I'm going to let you go only if you go back inside," he says, tightening his grip on her hands. There's something behind his voice that makes a small part of her squirm in submission to his request. "Sooyoung, you can't keep blowing smoke to blow your troubles away. It's not good for you,"

"You've been letting me do it for the past two years," she spat. "Why -"

"Well now it's time to stop." his voice is firm, strong and it lets her know that he's not going to give up any sooner or later. "I threw your pack away when I found them, and that better be the last time you'll touch a cigarette stick, Park Sooyoung."

"You're not the ing boss of -"

"Sooyoung?"

She's back on her feet, and her clothes are soaked and so is her hair. Her wrists are still being held by Yunhyeong. She looks back and the back door opens, streaming in the light coming from inside. Two shadows, one a lot taller than the other, stood by the door but Sooyoung already knows who they were. 

Nobody in the orphanage sleeps with a teddy bear except Lami, and nobody goes to sleep wearing braided pigtails except for Yeri. 

Seeing them made her think how much of their conversation had they heard. 

She turns to Yunhyeong.

He sighs. "Just go back in and cry."

Sooyoung feels the emotion building up inside of her, slowly and then all at once until she could feel the pain resting on her chest. 

"Crying helps sometimes. It lets out everything you've been hiding inside."

She goes out a lot more these days, because everyone keeps telling her to go out and distract herself. So that's what she does, she goes out and skate and stays at the park until it's late and nobody complains, not even the nuns, and that was the best part about this summer because she was the only one exempted from being scolded.

"Are you going out again?" Sooyoung is decked in her usual skater get up, jeans, shirt and sneakers and Sister Park notices this as she enters through the front door while Sooyoung is preparing to exit. 

"Yes." she nods, smiling a little. "Don't worry, I'll be back before dinner this time."

"Oh, good. But Sooyoung, before you go. I wondered if I could schedule another interview with another University if you -"

Sooyoung furrows her eyebrows, but she doesn't have to think hard now to know what she wants. 

"That... that'd be nice. Do it, please." 

The park is packed and every once in a while, there's always someone trying to do tricks on the ramp or jumping off the railings. It's an exciting afternoon and Sooyoung is just sitting down at the top of the half-pipe, alone, her board being borrowed by Jimin as she looks at him chatting or perhaps  flirting with some girls.

Hanbin sits beside her, and like that, she isn't so alone anymore. 

He doesn't say anything right away. Their conversations have never been so hesitant until now, ever since Sooyoung told him straight on that she got rejected. He hadn't expected that, he had told her, because to him, she had always been the smartest girl he knew. 

Sooyoung looks down at her scuffed shoes before lifting her head up and just casually scanning the area, making it seem she's busy looking for someone, a familiar face, anyone. 

"He went into the mini forest."

She turns to look at Hanbin, who's eyes are trained forward and expression unreadable. 

She pats him on the back before standing up.

"Thanks." 

Something didn't smell right for Sooyoung when she walked towards the tree he had introduced her too (it's a sycamore, Junhong told her), the pine needles and leaves crunch under her feet as she walks, sniffing the air. 

It was a weird, all-too-familiar scent.

When she started climbing, she looked up and saw his feet dangling from a different branch they once sat on. 

She tries to go up extra quietly, and now she realizes what it was.

"Junhong,"

He nearly falls of the branch in surprise if it hadn't been for his reflexes to grab onto the bark of the tree. In the process, the white and green stick he held between his fingers falls from his grasps but the scent still lingers, it still hangs on the air even as he scoots to the side to make some space for her. 

"You should've told me you were..." he doesn't finish the sentence, and he isn't even looking at her. He has his head turned the other way, avoiding. 

Sooyoung shakes her head and moves closer. "I didn't know you -"

"I only do it when things don't go my way. It just helps me -"

"You must not do it so often then," she cuts off, her tone light and cheery. Junhong finally looks at her, and he's just as she remembered him. They haven't seen each other in a few weeks, partly because he's never around when she is and mainly because she avoids him. He'd ask her, about the letter, and she didn't want to see his dejected face. 

"Sooyoung, I -"

She shakes her head. "You don't have to explain. I already understand, because I should know. No, actually, I do know."

"You..." they both have their heads down, and Sooyoung is biting onto her lip, nervous. "Oh. I - oh."

She tries to ignore the tone of his voice, and only prays he won't change the way he looks at her. She had like the way he looked at her, like she was someone he thought was cool. 

"Did you get rejected by Unchon? Hanbin told me about it." 

"I - he did? I'm sorry I didn't tell you that myself."

"It's okay. I didn't tell you about Gyeongin."

"I got accepted. Hanbin and I, actually. You?"

She shows him a tight smile and shakes her head. 

In between the talks of colleges and school and of him consoling her and telling her to keep looking forward, he wraps an arm around her shoulders and brings her in for a sidehug. His scent engulfs her nose, and she finds herself leaning in and settling on him, and it's like she's his missing puzzle piece because she fits right in.

"You know I don't do this to a lot of boys. Hugs," she allows herself to rest her head against his shoulder, and automatically, his arm around her shoulder grips on tighter. 

"I must be special then,"

She bursts out laughing, and he chuckles along. She lifts her head up, looking up at him but her eyes settle on his lips and there are these thoughts in her head that she hasn't thought of before, and a feeling inside her stomach that she had never felt. 

She looks into his eyes, and it's like she can drown in them.

"No, Sooyoung. I just smoked."

"You don't smell like it anymore. Mine isn't any cleaner, anyway." 

He raises an eyebrow. "Will it be your first?"

Her silence is his answer, and he tells her "No, you deserve a better kiss."

She buries her face in his chest, mumbling something about being embarrassed. 

The cold night air didn't sting, if ever, it even felt good even when she was wearing shorts and skating around the city hand in hand with Junhong, who dyed his hair black when she told him too. 

Sooyoung turns to look at him, smiling as she pushes herself forward. "Race you?"

"After last time?" he lets out a laugh. "I'll pass."

She shakes her head, calling him a sore loser and he squeezes her hand tighter than he should've had. 

When he finally did kiss her, Sooyoung had never felt so high and loved all at the same time.

The sun was beginning to set in the horizon, and they've seen this scene a lot these days but it was still breathtaking every single time. It hides behind the buildings, signaling the end of the day. Tomorrow would be the first day of college, and Junhong promised to pick her up around eleven after her class so they could have lunch.

"Unchon University ~"

"Kwangmyeon University ~" he teased back, poking her on the side.

Sooyoung smiles, swinging her legs back and forth in mid air. 

"Tomorrow's going to be a good day, don't worry."

"Oh, I'm not worried. I'm excited."

Junhong smiles back, ruffling her hair.

She tells him to stop, but he only laughs.

"That's my Sooyoung, always looking forward."

x. 

fin.