I Know I’m Not the Only One

 

"Jjong, your breakfast is ready..." said Kibum to his husband while walking into their shared bedroom.

 

He couldn't help but to smile seeing his husband annoyed face, when his necktie refused to knot tightly. Slowly the younger approached his husband and his hands automatically went straight to the source of the elder's problem. Jonghyun let his hands returned to his side, letting the younger deals with the annoying necktie. It's not like he didn't know how to tie it, but he loved how beautiful the younger looked whenever he tried to fix his necktie. After 4 years letting the younger do the job, it’s totally slips out of his mind how to tie it properly.

 

After his necktie is properly fixed, Jonghyun grabs his suitcase muttering something like "I’m late". When in the fact, he actually, was telling the younger that he didn’t want eat the breakfast, indirectly, but Jonghyun didn't know that Kibum perfectly understand the hidden meaning of the 'I’m late' words.

 

Jjong, you're making it too obvious...

 

Kibum swallowed the lump in his throat before letting a gentle yet forced smile curving on his lips. Too bad Jonghyun didn't catch the slight tears pooling the younger's feline eyes. Jonghyun walk past through his husband without looking at him straight in the eye.

 

Did you hate me that much?

 

"Baby, I’m going"

 

 Hearing the usual nickname that his husband used to call him, Kibum smiled, but sadness filled his eyes. Everyone could tell that the younger is obviously sad. Yes, everyone, except his husband.

 

"Alright, give me a kiss" was all Kibum replied, before Jonghyun pecked his bow-shaped lips.

 

Kibum watch his husband turning back until the elder couldn’t be seen anymore, before he steps back into the house. The pain that he kept until now, slowly became so clearly visible. If someone catches him in that state, surely they would think that someone has died.

 

Yes, he is in pain, but not in physical pain, it was more like a heartache caused by none other than his husband.

 

Flashback (1 Month Ago)

 

Kibum was preparing the dinner when his phone decided to went off. Without looking at the caller id he picked up the call, only to hear nothing but silence. He crooked his eyebrows together before he takes a look at the caller id.

 

My hubby <3

 

He could feel his lips twitching upwards, seeing the caller id. Sure, they were married for 4 years, but getting a phone call from his husband still makes his stomach filled with thousand butterflies.

 

“Hello? Jjong?” said Kibum, waiting for his husband to answer.

Instead of hearing his husband voice, a moan was heard on the other line, then comes another moan that sound very familiar to his ears. Maybe he heard wrong. There’s no way in hell Jonghyun wo-

”Ahh…Minnie, you’re so ing tight”

“Hyung, harder…Ahh!”

Jonghyun?

He knew that voice, he knew that moan. It was totally Jonghyun and a man, another man. It hurts, but Kibum couldn’t bring himself to hang up. It hurts him so bad; it was like someone is stabbing his heart repeatedly on the same cut. He ends up hearing the whole making, with tears streaming down on his cheeks, wetting his porcelain-like-face. His legs are weak, it took him the whole thirty minutes of the -making to realize that he was sitting on the cold floor. He didn’t even realize that his legs gave up from the moment he heard his husband the unfamiliar name.

“J-Jjong…p-please hurry home. Don’t be l-late, it’s getting colder” Kibum managed to stutter out. Even though he knew the elder won’t even bother to take a look at his phone.

End Flashback.

Jjong, why?

He knew the elder off to meet his boyfriend, he accidently read the message that the latter sent to his husband, yesterday. Jonghyun lied to him, saying there was an urgent meeting.

Jjong, why?!

He shouted with all his might, he didn’t care if the neighbors heard the scream. All he wants right now is to be free from this pain. He clutched his shirt tightly before hitting his own chest as hard as he could, hoping the pain would be replaced to physical pain, where he could tend it with medicine.

He wished it was that easy to make the pain disappear. Jonghyun was his everything. When his parents died, Kibum is nothing but a walking dead and it was Jonghyun who gave make him feel wanted, feel loved.

What the hell are you thinking Kibum? You’re unworthy to live in the first place.

He wondered how Jonghyun could handle lying straight to his face like that? How Jonghyun still could make love to him, when he knew that the elder has already ed his boyfriend before the elder ed him?

Jonghyun didn’t know after their -making, Kibum spent almost 3 hours cleaning himself, while crying his eyes out. How would he know? He went out once again, after fulfilling his needs. Kibum tried his best to accept that Jonghyun has another man besides him, but thinking how the elder ed his boyfriend using the same d*ck to him. He couldn’t help but to roughly shove his hand in his to take out the remaining of the elder. He was too caught up in his emotion to notice that he was bleeding down there.

He was disgusted with himself, what was his difference with a ?

No difference, at all.

Kibum is sprawled on the cold floor with a thousand of photo of him and Jonghyun. They were so happy back then. Jonghyun is always a sweet and caring husband. It hurt him to know that his Jonghyun weren’t his anymore. Sooner or later, Jonghyun will chase him out from this house, and he will not be surprised if the elder do that, since he had been warned.

Yes, warned, by no other than Jonghyun’s boyfriend, himself.

Taemin. Lee Taemin.

He is totally a beauty, even more beautiful than Kibum. He had a sweet and addicting voice. Taemin was nothing but a sweet angel, except for his behavior. He was totally a jerk.

Kibum had asked the younger to leave Jonghyun instead he would do everything the latter asked him. He was told to kneel, he did. He was told to bow, he did. He would do anything that he could to get his Jonghyun back. The last wish that Taemin wants was Jonghyun.

What a .

“If I were you, I would be packing my bag right now and leave the house voluntarily. But it seems that you’re preparing yourself to be chased out” was the last words Taemin said before he walked away.

It’s not like he didn’t want to leave. He wanted more than everything to leave Jonghyun and the heartache that the elder gave him, but it’s not that easy. Kibum is still madly in love with Jonghyun, he knew he’ll never be able to forget the elder and he’ll never be able to overcome the world where Jonghyun isn’t there. He rather bears all the pain that Jonghyun caused, than losing the older.

---

That night he welcomed Jonghyun with a big smile on his face, but the elder just walked past him, after giving him a cold look. He knew what was coming. He already prepared for it. Yes, he has prepared himself, but it doesn’t mean to hurt any less.

Ignoring the elder cold behavior, he smiled and said “Jjong, let’s eat I made your favorite stew”

“I’m seeing someone else” the words were thrown to him just like a bomb. Jonghyun voice as cold as ice. 

I know, Jjong.

“And I want to marry him” Kibum closed his eyes, hiding the tears that starting to pool in his eyes.

“This…” Jonghyun throws something like an envelope to Kibum, before he continued again “I want you to sign it”

DIVORCE SETTLEMENT.

Kibum didn’t even get to see the whole thing that written in that paper, because the tears blurred his eyes.

One drop…

Two drop…

His beautiful face that used to smile a lot before and now was replaced by tears. It’s funny, how one person could change in the blink of eye. Just like that.

“Jjong, do you love him?” he wasn’t trying to hurt himself, he just wanted to confirm it. He knew after he signed the paper, his life isn’t going to be the same as now. He’ll never find his own happiness, but he needed to make sure his husband could be happy, so that he could go in peace.

“Yes, with all my heart” an answer that definitely cuts him deeply.

Well, he asked for it.

“Then, I’ll sign it.” Without hesitation, he took a pen and signed the damned paper.

After he signed it, he steps into their used-to-be-bedroom and start packing his things. He let out a bitter chuckle, when the elder didn’t even make a move to stop him. It means one thing, the elder really wanted him to go.

After spent 30 minutes of packing, Kibum once again steps out from the room with his hands full with luggage. He smiled at Jonghyun who resting his back against the sofa.

“Jjong, I wanted to thank you. For all of the things you’ve done to me. I was happy and it was your doing. I’ve already written where I placed your things. Don’t skip meals, it’s not good for your health. And lastly, please be happy” he let it all out in one breath, without letting his tears fall.

“Let me take you to your parent house.” Jonghyun was shocked on how the younger’s react over this, it make him felt like a . He would feel better if Kibum curse or punch him.

Well, at least he knew he deserve a punch from Kibum, but it is not enough to make up the silver-haired man’s wrongdoing. He didn’t deserve to live at all, from the moment he hurt his husband of 4 years.

“No need, Jjong…I’ll go by myself” Kibum said, turning his back to Jonghyun, slowly he step out from his used-to-be-house, but before he completely vanished, he turns his head once again and said the most hurtful words “Goodbye Jjong, I Love You.” He was too far from the range of Jonghyun’s hearing as he said that. He didn’t say it for the elder to hear. Why would he utter those three precious words to someone who doesn’t even want to look at him? Let alone wanted to hear his voice.

He smiled as he reminded the old times, where Jonghyun used to say his voice are the most beautiful thing the elder has heard, but now he was sure Jonghyun find his voice is nothing but an annoying sound to his ear.

He was broken and he was sure that no one would be able to piece them back together. He has lost his world and there was nothing he could do to make his world to become his again. He even suppresses the hurt, the anger, and the hatred he felt when he knew his husband has another man, but it wasn’t good enough to make Jonghyun stay with him. 

He walks along the unfamiliar road aimlessly in the rain. It was like the world could understand how he felt at this moment. People starred at him as if he was an alien. Of course they would think of that, what kind of normal person would walk slowly in the cold rain without an umbrella?  But he couldn’t care less of those people, he had wished the rain would wash out the hurtful memories he had when he was with Jonghyun.

Jjong, what is my fault?

He wanted to ask, he wanted to scream at Jonghyun earlier, but he was too hurt, too weak to argue and ask what his fault was?

Besides, what’s the use, Since Jonghyun didn’t even look at him when he was crying earlier. The Jonghyun he knew wouldn’t let a single tears fall from his eyes, but the earlier Jonghyun didn’t even care.

---

3 Years Later

After Kibum left the house, no one had ever heard about him ever again, and Jonghyun was married happily with Taemin at that time to even notice the disappearance of his ex-husband, but their marriage ended after one year due to Taemin’s playboy nature and Jonghyun habit in mentioning Kibum’s name in everything his new husband do.

Then, one day came a strange letter with no sender name, in front of Jonghyun’s house. It seems like somebody has left it intentionally. Curiously, he opened the envelope and stared at the fonts. He knew that handwriting.

It was Kibum’s!

Slowly he began to read the latter…

Jjong…

When this latter is in your hands, means that, I’m no longer exist in this world. Yes, two month before you confessed to me about Taemin, I’ve found out that I have a third stage of brain cancer. I was thankful to Taemin actually for able to get hold of your heart. I was afraid you’ll be the same as me when my parents died. With Taemin with you, I’m sure you’ll be happy.

Jjong, about your relationship with Taemin, I’ve known it before you confessed. Truthfully, Jjong it hurts me so bad knowing that, but I wasn’t angry. Just sad. Taemin is beautiful and kind. I hope he could make you the happiest man alive, even happier than when you were with me.

Lastly, I just wanted to say…

I Love You, forever and always.

 Your Truthfully,

KiBum

20/01/2013

Jonghyun felt weak on his knee before he sprawled on the cold floor with tears falling shamelessly on his cheeks. When he was living happily with Taemin, he let Kibum suffered alone. He was too blinded by Taemin to notice Kibum’s suffering.

“I’m so sorry…baby, I’m sorry”

He clutched the latter next to his chest while crying his eyes out. Of course he didn’t miss the note after that, but it’s not from Kibum. It wasn’t Kibum’s handwriting. It was someone else.

O : Kibum said he forgave you before he died in my arms. It’s no use to cry over spilt milk. He died 2 years ago and he left this letter for you and he was pregnant with your child, but he couldn’t make it since Kibum was too weak.

“Baby, I’m sorry…I’m so sorry”

The only words that Jonghyun could utter were only ‘sorry’. He keep crying and repeating the same words again and again.

Not far from his house, someone had been watching the breakdown of the most cruel man, named Kim Jonghyun. He smiled before walking away from the house. He was satisfied seeing the guy that caused his loved one an unimaginable hurt.

And because of that guy, Kibum couldn’t accept his feeling.

Flashback (3 Years Ago)

Jinki and Kibum met in the most unfortunate time, where Jinki almost hit the younger with his car. He wasn’t at fault, since Kibum was the one who cross the road without looking. For days Kibum stayed at hospital due to high fever and Jinki, without fail, would visit the younger. Sure, he didn’t run into Kibum, but he couldn’t help but to notice the sorrowful looks that the younger had before he fainted.

It wasn’t easy to make Kibum talk to him and became his friend, but in the end the younger gave into his stubbornness and it took him 5 month to know everything about Kibum including his sickness and the baby.

He was beyond furious at that time and Kibum spent 3 hours of begging, to stop Jinki from bursting into Jonghyun’s house.

“He is happy with his new husband, and I’m happy to know that he’s happy. Besides, I’m going to die soon, I can’t give him forever.”

There, he said it.

And with that, Jinki stopped his rampage immediately.

It’s hurt to see the younger is struggling so hard to keep him and his baby alive. Jinki was thankful to the baby for being there, if he wasn’t, God know what will Kibum do to end his life, but at the same time, the baby is killing Kibum indirectly, by keeping him from undergoing the chemotherapy, which could prevent the cancer from spreading out all over the younger’s body.

Jinki had confessed to Kibum, as he entered his 6^th month, but he was rejected. The younger was still so in love with Jonghyun and he couldn’t forget the older no matter how hard he tried. Forgetting someone wasn’t that easy. It wasn’t easy at all.

Almost every night Kibum cried to his sleep and Jinki hated himself for that. For not be able to do anything to calm the younger, because what Kibum need wasn’t him. He hates that fact so damn much.

When Kibum entered his 7^th month, his baby wasn’t strong enough to keep being in his womb or maybe the baby didn’t want to be left alone, that’s why he decided to go first, but  losing his baby weren’t helping Kibum’s condition at all, physically and mentally. After losing his baby, Kibum stopped talking, stopped smiling. His remaining days were filled only with tears, before he followed his baby a month after.

Jinki was devastated, but he was happy for Kibum. He didn’t have to suffer anymore. He loves Kibum. Even though, the younger told him not to. Jinki wished that he would meet and be with the younger in the next life. Jonghyun is a lucky bastard, to get hold of Kibum’s pure heart.

You’re a fool, Kim Jonghyun by letting someone like Kibum left…

Jinki tears rolled down again for the umpteenth time, as the younger last words keep replaying in his mind.

“Onew hyung, thanks for always be there for me. I’m sorry, I couldn’t love you the same way. Till this very moment, I still love him.”

The End

 

A/N : Kindly take a look at my Chaptered fic...

No Other, Besides You

which are still in progress..

Thank you^^