The loud screeching rang throughout the silent night as I applied a large and sudden force on the brakes, bringing my expensive vehicle to a halt on the familiar helipad. Stepping out of my lime-green Lamborghini, I slammed the door shut, without a care at all for any damage done to the metal; no amount of harm could hurt more than the aching of my heart paired with the numbing throb in my head.

“I’m sorry sir, but you predicted this right, you knew you were going to ask me to dig up information about the gaps in your life and you made me swear to never divulge them to you.”

Leeteuk and his self-righteousness, what was the whole deal about keeping his promise to me because I had insisted that it was better this way. Why in the world would I induce such unnecessary pain and depression on myself?

Yanking on the ends of my brown strands, I attempted to alleviate the dull pain in my head but to no avail. Squeezing my eyes shut, I felt the first drop of tear slide down my cheek uncontrollably.

Standing on the roof of Seoul’s highest corporate building, one which I had full ownership of, I was Korea’s definition of a perfect man; I was rich, intelligent and good-looking, I simply had everything one could wish for. But why don’t I feel so? Why do I feel like there is something missing in my life? Something I couldn’t place my finger on. Something I couldn’t remember.

“I’m really sorry Donghae, please, try to understand. I am at my wit’s end here. I tried to stop you Donghae, I did. I tried to convince you that it wasn’t the right thing to do but you insisted; you even pulled the ‘dad card’ on me! You know fully the consequences of doing that but you did! And now…you are asking me to go back on my word because of the pain you’re feeling…It’s just unfair Donghae, it hurts me to see you in pain but…”

Leeteuk had been in tears by then and I felt utter guilt for putting my trusty personal assistant and friend through such torture but I was dying to find out the truth.

“I know I shouldn’t be doing this but I guess there is one thing I should tell you; there was someone.”

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Returning back to my luxurious bedroom after the intense session, I dropped my heavy bottom on the soft mattress before burrowing my face in my palms. I wanted to just lie down and rest the pain away but the bed was always a bad choice of place for easing my mind. Every night, without fail, I would be hit by a tidal wave of loneliness; I guess the bed was too large for just one person.

There was someone huh?

I think there could be.

I always seem to find myself dreaming about a pair of light brown orbs; glistening.

But that was all there was to her face that I could remember; nothing else.

Running my hands across the soft material of the thick white blanket over the empty space beside me, I could imagine someone sitting there with me. Maybe I’d drape an arm across her and pull her close to me as we joked about the y secretary I had in my office. Or maybe we’d just spend the time talking about ourselves, sharing sweet secrets.

I could have had that happiness, why did I throw it away? What happened?

I let my eyes travel over the shelf decked with expensive decorations and once again, I found the same old glass sculpture catching my eye. It was about six inches tall and comprised of two animals bonded together by some high level of artistic skills; a monkey and a fish. Why would a monkey and a fish even be put together? I guess it must have been a form of symbolism which I can’t remember. But the odd pairing wasn’t the only thing sending my mind into an overdrive; it was the imperfection of the art piece. It wasn’t obvious from a distance but upon closer inspection, one was able to pick out the crack lines; this work of art had been broken once before, and glued back together.

I knew I was clumsy so it wouldn’t surprise me if I had accidentally knocked into the shelf and dropped it on my floor, except, my bedroom was carpeted. That priceless ornament must have been flung against something hard, my wall perhaps? Was it targeted at someone?

Maybe the time spent with that person wasn’t a happy one, maybe we would fight on a frequent basis; yell at each other, throw things at each other.

I started rubbing my nape profusely as an attempt to soothe the frustration coursing through my veins. Who was this someone that had such an impact on my life? What were the events that took place in this room? And most importantly; why can’t I remember anything?

The throbbing in my head was intensifying and I had to start taking deeper breaths until it dissipated into a constant straight line ringing pain in my head and it was then that something clicked.

I could clearly remember flinging a body onto that same bed.

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I winced at the hard impact of my head against the cheap wooden bed with a thin mattress lying on top. Oh well, at least that pain momentarily took my mind off the even larger one in my heart. I missed him so much.

His bed was so much more comfortable than this.

I remember the time we had the heated argument about whether that ty secretary of yours was trying to seduce you into her bed. I was so angry I had picked up the nearest object to me and threw it in your direction, only to realize when it smashed against the wall that I had broken something you held close to your heart; a handmade present from me.

In your anger, you grabbed me by my shoulders and flung me onto your soft bed before climbing above me, pinning my limbs down using your body strength as I struggled unsuccessfully. But soon, those tight grips on my wrists turned to gentle down the lengths of my arms as the glint in your eyes turned from anger to lust.

The images from that night are still vivid in my mind; the way we lost ourselves in the passionate kisses, the way our bodies had connected perfectly and how beautiful you had looked when we reached our simultaneously.

The salty tears collecting within my eyes were starting to sting and I quickly pulled myself up into a sitting position and blinked furiously, hoping to get rid of the moisture but failing instead.

I saw what you were doing that night you know? I had woken up to an empty space beside me and when I turned towards the soft light peering from your table, there you were; diligently bent over as you attempted to fix the broken sculptor using super glue.

Too bad my broken heart can’t be fixed the same way.

“I just hope that you won’t hurt in the future.”

Yeah right, that plan obviously failed. After all that happened, you really think I was going to come out unscathed?

Taking a good look around my pathetic studio apartment, I found myself hating everything I laid my eyes on; this disgusting home never used to bother me bu