whoever requested it: CLAIM IT. i hope you like it?? i can finally post it ;; so happy...i'm pretty proud of this, so I've been burning to share it!!

light warnings for language! no !
 

“Hurt leads to bitterness, bitterness to anger, travel too far that road and the way is lost.“ - Terry Brooks

 

Sunggyu doesn’t know when things started to go wrong. Maybe it was when their parents forced them to move in together or maybe it had started much earlier already, like when he got jealous of Woohyun’s grade and for being a nerd, or maybe it was during primary school days when Woohyun stole his favorite stuffed animal that Sunggyu got from his deceased mother. There are a thousand things he can think of now. The man isn’t sure when the teasing and the jokes started to hurt, when the games became a battle and when hate started to control their lives.

He stares at the hospital bed in front of him and a lonely tear rolls down his cheek. His own pain seems so small right now and all of their arguments seem stupid and senseless. Sunggyu wonders how they ended up like this. He wonders why neither of them noticed it earlier – how things kept escalating, how they started to go down the wrong road.

They had liked each other in the past and that like never truly disappeared. He knew that now. It just got covered up by their hurtful words and aching hearts, slowly growing into love somewhere in the shadows of their minds, protected from the poison that had made them like this.

The male reaches out for the pale hand that’s lying on the blanket and takes it between his palms. It feels so small suddenly, so cold and lifeless. Sunggyu wonders when the hand became so small. He remembers the times this very hand hit him right in the face. He remembers the feeling of the handprint on his cheek and it’s much bigger in his memory. The hand used to be hard, not soft like this. He used to flinch whenever it came near him but now Sunggyu wishes it would move, just a little twitch, and he would even let Woohyun hurt him again. He just wants him to move so much.

Nothing hurts more than waiting for the one you love.

Sunggyu lifts the hand against his forehead and closes his eyes, forcing himself to remember where things had gone wrong, who was at fault and how they ended up like this.



Age 5


“Sunggyu-yah, come here. Our guests are arriving.”

The little boy looks up from the paper he’s drawing on. He drops the red crayon in his hand and immediately stands up, following his father’s call like a good son. Sunggyu always listens to what his father tells him, because his daddy told him his mother would be very proud in heaven if he does that. Sunggyu doesn’t know where that heaven place is, but he wants his mother to be proud of him. Maybe she will return if he is a good boy.

He toddles out of the living room and towards his father. The man is waiting in the corridor by their front door. The little boy stretches out his arms and moves closer with fast, but wobbly, steps. “Appa!”

His father smiles and picks him up with his hands under Sunggyu’s armpits. He laughs as he gets lifted in the air. The feeling never ceases to amaze the little boy. He wraps his arms around his dad’s neck and the man holds on to him tightly. A kiss is pressed to his cheek. “Good boy. What are you going to say to our guests when they enter?”

His bangs are swiped to the side by his father’s big hand and Sunggyu thinks about his question. “Hello.”

“And?”

He frowns and purses his lips. Sunggyu can’t think of anything else to say. “Thank you?”

His father laughs. “No, my little angel. You say: Nice to meet you, uncle Nam and Woohyunnie. And then you give them a respectful bow. You understand?”

Sunggyu nods, although he doesn't completely understand why he needs to do those things. He has no idea who uncle Nam even is - or that Woohyunnie. “Uncle Nam is a good friend of mine that just moved here with his family, so be nice to him and his son, okay? I’m sure you will become great friends since he’s a year younger than you.”

So Woohyunnie is a boy and a year younger than him. That thought makes him more excited about meeting the guests. Sunggyu really likes making new friends. He nods again and his dad smiles. “Give me a bbobbo.”

Sunggyu gives him a quick peck on the lips and his father his hair proudly. The doorbell suddenly rings and he opens the door. Sunggyu looks at the guests curiously. A man is standing in front of them, who Sunggyu thinks must be uncle Nam. His father gives him a half-hug (since Sunggyu is on one of his arms) and they exchange a few words, but Sunggyu isn’t particularly interested in their conversation. He looks down and sees a boy looking up at him, his tiny hand curled around the long fingers of uncle Nam.

“Sunggyu-yah.” His head snaps back to his father and he notices the two adults staring at him.

“Hello.” He greets uncle Nam. His daddy gives him a waiting look and Sunggyu remembers to add: “Nice to meet you.”

The other man laughs and ruffles Sunggyu’s hair. “He’s a cute one, Jisung.”

“Your son is cute too. Hello Woohyunnie!” His dad crouches down and Sunggyu gets to look at the boy from up close.

The dark-haired boy seems kind of intimidated, though, and hides behind the legs of his dad quickly. “Aigoo, he’s scared of us. What should we do, Sunggyu-yah?”

He purses his lips shortly. “Hello Woohyunnie…nice to meet you.”

Woohyun doesn’t move from his spot and uncle Nam laughs. “Woohyun-ah. He’s your hyung. Greet him properly.”

The smaller boy shakes his head stubbornly and Sunggyu pouts. Uncle Nam looks down at him. “Just give him some time, Sunggyu-yah. He’ll warm up to you.”

His father lets go of him and stands up again. “Should we go inside? Sunggyu, why don’t you show Woohyunnie your toys?”

He glances at the boy shortly, doubting that he wants to go with him. “I’ll get them!”

Sunggyu runs off into the direction of his room, while his father brings the guests to the living room. He spends almost ten minutes standing in his room unable to decide which toy to take with him. The little boy settles for his favorite picture book, a police car and a small ball. Sunggyu toddles out of his room again and heads towards the living room. The two adult men are sitting on the sofa opposite of each other and Woohyunnie is sitting next to uncle Nam.

He puts the toys down near the sofas and runs out of the room again, ignoring his father calling after him not to run inside the house. Sunggyu slips into the kitchen. He climbs on the little stool by the fridge and opens it before climbing down again. He peeks inside. His dad put his favorite juice in the lowest part of the fridge, so that Sunggyu can get it himself. The boy smiles and takes out two packages. He closes the fridge again and hurries back to the living room.

His daddy smiles at him proudly when he shows off the little juice packs. “Did you get one for Woohyunnie too? That’s nice of you, Sunggyu.”

The boy nods and holds out one for the younger boy to take. Sunggyu’s daddy looks at the dark-haired boy when Woohyun just stares at the little pack. “Woohyunnie, this is Sunggyu’s favorite juice. He doesn’t even share it with me.”

Which is true. Sunggyu loves his juice a lot but he thinks that maybe this can get him closer to Woohyun. He doesn’t want the boy to be afraid of him. Woohyun reaches out and takes it into his tiny hands. Sunggyu smiles happily and wanders off to sit with his toys on the floor. He opens his juice pack on his own, while Woohyun asks uncle Nam to open it.

“Why don’t you ask Sunggyu to open it for you, Woohyun-ah?” The boy seems hesitant for a moment but then he jumps off the sofa and comes over to where Sunggyu is sitting.

The older boy welcomes him with a smile and pats the space next to him. Woohyunnie sits down and silently puts the juice into Sunggyu’s lap. Sunggyu doesn’t mind the silence, though. He opens the pack for the other boy and gives it back to him. “You’re welcome.”

“Oh, your son is so polite.” Uncle Nam says in the background. “Woohyun-ah, say thank you.”

The boy doesn’t say it and instead just drinks his juice eagerly. Sunggyu wipes his mouth like a good hyung when some juice spills over his chin. He doesn't mind that Woohyunnie is so quiet. He feels like he can understand the boy without words. He knows that the younger is thankful for his help but too shy to speak out loud.

Woohyun doesn’t say anything for the rest of the evening, but he plays with Sunggyu while their parents are talking about boring stuff. Sunggyu finds out that the smaller boy likes police cars more than books. In fact, he likes it so much that uncle Nam has to tear it from his tiny hands when they have to leave. Woohyunnie starts crying then and Sunggyu stares at him in fascination.

Uncle Nam picks the dark-haired boy up and pats his back in a comforting way. “Woohyun-ah, don’t cry. It’s not your toy, okay? You can’t take it home with you. It belongs to your hyung.”

The boy keeps crying and Sunggyu looks at the police car. He doesn’t understand why Woohyunnie loves it so much. Uncle Nam carries the crying boy out of the room. “I’m sorry, Jisung.”

“It’s okay. I understand. After all I have a child of my own.” Sunggyu’s daddy follows him to the front door.

Sunggyu stands up from his spot and picks up the toy. He runs after the two adults. “Appa!”

He slips in the corridor and trips over his own little feet. He falls down with a yelp. His daddy turns around with wide eyes and hurries to his side. “Sunggyu! I told you not to run!”

The boy fights back tears. He’s a big boy and big boys don’t cry. He doesn’t want his mother to be disappointed in him. His knees hurt but Sunggyu stands up. He holds out the toy to his father. “For Woohyunnie!”

“What? You want to give it to him?”

Sunggyu nods twice. His father puts a hand on his head. “Are you sure? You don’t have to give it to him if you don’t want.”

“Woohyunnie, no sad.” He says and his daddy understands.

“My little angel, come here.” Sunggyu’s father picks him up with his hands and carries him over to where the guests are standing, fully clothed again already. Woohyun has his head hidden against uncle Nam’s neck and Sunggyu can hear him weep. He holds the toy out to them.

Uncle Nam’s eyes widen. “Woohyun-ah, look. Your hyung has a present for you.”

The boy continues crying and Sunggyu puffs his cheeks shortly. “Woohyunnie! Police!”

Woohyun turns his head and spots the toy in Sunggyu’s stretched out hand. He eyes the car with trembling lips. Uncle Nam wipes his wet cheeks. “Sunggyu-hyung wants to give it to you. Isn’t that generous of him? What do you say, Woohyun-ah?”

“Thank you.” The young boy mumbles quietly.

Sunggyu beams. He’s happy to finally hear Woohyun’s voice. Uncle Nam takes the toy from him and looks at his son. “Do you want to give your hyung a bbobbo?”

Woohyunnie’s cheeks turn red but he nods. Uncle Nam steps closer and Woohyun leans forward, dropping a quick peck on Sunggyu’s lips. The boys blush and shyly turn their heads away afterwards. Their dads laugh. “I’m glad they get along.”

“Me too. Thank you for inviting me over, Jisung.”

“Anytime, Yunho. I’m sure Sunggyu would like it if Woohyun came over more often. Right, sweetheart?” Sunggyu nods shortly.

“I’ll bring him more often then. Are you okay with- oh my, he fell asleep. But I’m sure Woohyun will love to play more with you, Sunggyu-yah. Goodbye, Jisung.”

“Goodbye. See you again soon.” Sunggyu’s father said and then their guests left the house again.

Sunggyu yawns shortly and his daddy pats his back. “Are you tired? You were a good hyung today. I’m really proud of you, Sunggyu-yah.”

Happiness blooms inside his chest. Sunggyu smiles and his father carries him over to the kitchen. “Let’s get your knees treated, hm? Afterwards daddy will cook for you and then you can go to bed.”





Now that Sunggyu thinks about it, it was the first time he got hurt because of Woohyun.



Age 8


The two children quickly become friends through their fathers. Although Sunggyu is a year older, he takes care of Woohyun in kindergarten and later in primary school. When the other children want to bully Woohyunnie for being weak, Sunggyu is there to chase them away. They are scared of him because he’s older and taller, and has small, fierce-looking eyes. He doesn’t really care if his appearance scares other children, as long as Woohyun knows how he truly is. The younger boy likes to cling to him a lot and Sunggyu is the only person after uncle Nam that Woohyun talks to.

They have their first real fight when Woohyun sleeps over at their house for the first time. Uncle Nam is going out with auntie Nam, Woohyun’s mother, and they ask Sunggyu and his daddy to look after their boy. The day is fun but the night turns out differently.

Sunggyu climbs under his blanket and wraps his arms around the big, stuffed lion. He always sleeps with it. It was a present from his mother before she left for heaven. The little boy still remembers how she his hair, because he got scared by the lion and started to cry. His mommy said: “Lions are big and dangerous, right? That’s why you are scared, but this lion is special. Mommy tamed it, you know. It’s a nice lion and it promised mommy to protect her little angel forever, because mommy saved its life. If anyone tries to hurt you, this lion will chase them away.”

Ever since, Sunggyu slept together with the big stuffed animal every night. It’s still a bit bigger than he is but it’s warm and feels safe. It will protect him until his mother returns.

“Hyung.” He lifts his head and looks over the lion. Woohyun is standing in front of his bed, staring at him with glossy eyes. “Can I sleep with you?”

“Why?”

Woohyunnie plays with his fingers. “I’m scared…”

Sunggyu frowns. “There’s no space in my bed. I’m right here, so just lie down again.”

Woohyun’s mattress is right next to his bed on the floor, so he doesn’t understand why the younger wants to sleep in his bed.

The younger boy sniffles. “Please, hyung! Can’t I switch places with the lion?”

“No!” He replies instantly and hugs the stuffed animal tighter.

Tiny hands grab the lion and tug on it, trying to pull it away. Sunggyu starts to scream. “Stop it! Don’t touch it!”

“Hyung! Why are you so mean?” Woohyun starts to cry. “Do you like me the most or that lion?”

“The lion! Now let go!” He sits up and pushes Woohyun away. The boy stumbles back and trips over something.

Woohyun hits his head when he falls down. The boy cries harder and thrashes around. Sunggyu falls back onto the bed and buries his face in the neck of his lion. He feels sorry for Woohyunnie but this is his stuffed animal – the one his mother gave him – and no one is allowed to touch it. Sunggyu needs it to sleep peacefully at night.

The door to his room opens and his father comes inside. “Woohyun, why are you lying on the ground and crying?”

He picks the boy up and tries to calm him down, but Woohyun stays stubborn. “Sunggyu-yah, what happened here?”

“Hyung pushed me away!” Woohyun bawls. “I just wanted to sleep with him!”

Sunggyu puffs his cheeks behind the lion. “He pulled on my lion! I told him to let go!”

“Kim Sunggyu!”

He knows this tone. His daddy is angry at him. He flinches. “I know the lion is important to you, but you can’t just push Woohyun like that. Apologize to him!”

“I’m sorry…” Sunggyu mutters into the soft fur of the lion.

“Get down from there and say it to his face or I’m putting the lion away in the closet.”

The boy sits up with a shocked expression and presses the lion to his chest. “No! You can’t take it from me! Mommy gave it to me!”

“And your mom wouldn’t have wanted you to be so mean to Woohyun! He’s younger than you, Sunggyu, and obviously scared of sleeping alone.”

Sunggyu hesitantly lets go of his stuffed animal and climbs down from the bed. His father lets go of Woohyun and Sunggyu takes him into his arms instead. “I’m sorry, Woohyunnie.”

The boy doesn’t stop crying. “I hate you, hyung!”

He bites on his lower lip. “I’m sorry…”

“C-Can I sleep in your bed then?”

“No! I told you there’s no space.” Sunggyu insists stubbornly.

His father looks impatient and tired. “Boys, why don’t I bring another mattress and you sleep on the floor together? There will be enough space for you two and the lion.”

Woohyun only looks half-happy about the suggestion. Sunggyu gives his daddy one more glance and then agrees. His father seems super exhausted and he doesn’t want him to get mad again. “Fine…”

His father ruffles Sunggyu’s hair. “Okay, let me get it real quick. Don’t fight while I’m gone.”

They need half an hour before the boys are ready to sleep again. His daddy tucks them under the blankets and puts the big lion next to Sunggyu. He drops a kiss on his son’s forehead. “Sleep well, angel. You too, Woohyunnie.”

He turns the light off, before walking out of the room. Woohyun wraps his small arms around Sunggyu and chuckles happily. “You’re so warm, hyung!”

Sunggyu grunts shortly and turns around in his grip, facing the big lion. He embraces the stuffed animal and closes his eyes. Woohyun slides closer to him and strengthens his hold. “Hyung, do you really like it more than me?”

“Hmh. My mommy gave it to me. It protects me.”

“Will you like me more if I protect you better?” The younger boy asks quietly.

Sunggyu blinks in the dark. “You can’t protect me, Woohyunnie. You’re too weak and a scaredy-cat.”

“Am not!”

“Yes!”

“Hyung is the girl!”

“What did you say!”

Woohyun giggles behind him and Sunggyu puffs his cheeks. “I like you, Sunggyu-hyung! Depend on me, please.”

He huffs. “Maybe if you get stronger. If you get strong enough to win against a lion, I’ll think about it.”




And the next morning his stuffed animal is gone. Woohyun is still hugging him tightly and the boy wriggles out of his grip while panicking. “L-Lion…”

The younger boy wakes up. “Hyung?”

“My lion is gone!” Sunggyu’s eyes fill with tears as he scrambles through the room. He looks into every corner and crack.

Woohyun comes up behind him and hugs him with a chuckle. “I defeated the lion, Sunggyu-hyung! Now I can be your protector!”

He pushes the other boy away. Fear grabs his tiny heart. “W-What did you do?”

“Don’t worry, hyung! You got me now!”

Sunggyu runs out of the room with tears streaming down his cheeks. He checks every room for a sign of his stuffed animal. His father notices the commotion and grabs him by the collar of his pajama. “What’s going on? Why are you crying, Sunggyu?”

He starts sobbing harder and clings to his daddy’s shirt. “W-Woohyunnie…my lion…it’s gone. Mommy!”

Woohyun catches up with them. “Hyung, you need to wait for me!”

Sunggyu’s father glances at the boy. “Woohyun, what happened to your hyung’s lion?”

“I defeated it!” The boy declares with a proud smile.

“Mommy…” Sunggyu bawls and his father pulls him into his big arms.

“Where did you defeat it, Woohyunnie?” He asks calmly.

Woohyun points at the door that leads to the garden behind the house. Sunggyu gets lifted by his daddy and is put on the sofa in the living room. “Both of you will wait here.”

“D-Daddy…”

“I’ll get your lion, angel. Wait here, okay?” Sunggyu nods and his father ruffles his hair shortly before leaving for the garden.

He pulls his knees to his chest and wraps his arms around them. Sunggyu continues to cry as he waits for his father to return, quietly calling for his mommy. The sofa dips next to him when Woohyun sits down. “Hyung, only girls cry that much.”

A tiny hand touches his arm but Sunggyu pushes it away. “Don’t touch me! I hate you!”

“No, you don’t.”

“I do! I’ll never forgive you!”

“It’s just a stupid stuffed animal!” Woohyun shouts in anger.

Sunggyu looks up and pushes him off the sofa. “You’re the stupid one!”

“You are mean and stupid! That’s why your mother left!” The younger boy retorts and Sunggyu’s eyes widen.

Woohyun storms out of the room and leaves the older boy behind in a shocked state. Tears roll down his cheeks and he curls into a ball. “Mommy…”

Did she really leave him because he’s a bad boy? Did the Lion also disappear because he was mean to Woohyun? Maybe this is the punishment he deserves.

His dad finds him like that, curled into a ball with swollen, red eyes and snot running down his face. Sunggyu’s father holds him for hours, his back and telling him that mommy loves Sunggyu a lot, but the boy keeps on crying. He doesn’t ask where his lion is, too afraid to hear that he also went to heaven because of Sunggyu.



Years later, Sunggyu finds out that Woohyun had dragged the stuffed lion to the garden in the middle of the night and dumped it into the big pond. They never pull it out.


Age 13


Their relationship continues to be rocky after that day. Sunggyu gets over the loss of his lion eventually, but he never really forgives Woohyun. They become friends again, though, despite the things that had been done and said. At least they are friends for a few years until Woohyun enters his middle school. The younger boy has changed a lot since the day Sunggyu’s lion drowned. Sunggyu can barely recognize him as the same weak and quiet boy from before anymore. The Woohyun now is athletic, outspoken and intelligent (he even got to skip a grade and joined Sunggyu’s class), popular with everyone and disrespectful to his hyung.

It’s in their first year in middle school, Sunggyu thinks, when they start to hurt each other intentionally.




Sunggyu scores a 27 in English and Woohyun laughs at him in front of his friends. “You’re so dumb! 27!”

His cheeks grow red but Sunggyu doesn’t cry, he hits the younger boy in the face, though.

They don’t talk for a week.




He takes his revenge during the next math test. Sunggyu writes some math scribbles on a piece of paper and crumbles it up. He then throws it next to Woohyun’s desk when the teacher isn’t looking.

When their teacher turns around spots the paper next to Woohyun’s desk, he picks it up of course. “Nam Woohyun, what is this? Were you cheating?”

The younger boy looks at him with wide eyes and shakes his head immediately. “N-No! I’d never-“

It’s Woohyun’s luck that this teacher hates him for being a genius and skipping a class. Everyone knows that and Sunggyu knows this one teacher will gladly take the chance to frame Woohyun for cheating. “Stand up and go out. Wait in front of the classroom until everyone is finished with your arms raised. I’ll inform your parents about this.”

Woohyun bites his lower lip and tears the paper from the teacher’s hands. He stares at it for a moment and then looks directly at Sunggyu. The smile falls from the older boy’s face and Woohyun’s expression becomes hard. Of course he recognizes his hyung’s handwriting. “Nam Woohyun! OUT!”




They continue like that – a never-ending cycle of petty revenges. The boys don’t stop at anything: gum in the hair, pulling the chair away, tripping the other in the cafeteria, lying to their parents to get the other into trouble and shouting hateful words at each other when no one is looking.

They never fight in front of their parents. That's the only rule to their little game. It’s a game to see who can hurt the other the most and neither of them is ready to admit defeat.


With the years passing, their pranks and words become