Zhou Mi hears the lyrics. “All by myself, don’t wanna be all by MYSELF”, sung loudly by a drunk Ryeowook to the rest of his hyungs, who have abandoned him to sleep. Perhaps he should go and drag Ryeowook into his room and stop his tuneless singing, because his English pronunciation’s awful and he doesn’t want to hear it anymore.

Or perhaps, he should go and sing it with Ryeowook, and wonder if Kyuhyun will notice him if he sings it right in his ear. He won’t, of course. To Kyuhyun, this is a little arrangement is a pleasant passing of time, and Zhou Mi should not ask for more than he is given. He can kiss him, he can sleep with him, he can feed him, but please, Mimi, don’t ask for more than that.

But he wanted, wants more. Touches and caresses are all well and good, but sometimes Zhou Mi wants something more in the middle of the night, when Kui Xian is asleep beside him after a long day and he can’t sleep. But Kyuhyun doesn’t care. Kyuhyun has boundaries Zhou Mi has crossed too many times. Zhou Mi is a y means to an end, and after they return to Korea, he will leave Zhou Mi to his own devices. He always does.

Zhou Mi knows that he shouldn’t look forward to those long stays in Taiwan and China, that Kyuhyun is just using him, but it’s getting harder to care about that when Kyuhyun kisses him hard, bruising, after another TV show he didn’t want to do. He loves it when they go out to explore Taiwan, hand in hand, and Kyuhyun demands he feeds him in a small restaurant, tucked out of sight. If he’s happy, they’ll be more kisses and slow in the hotel room. If he’s not so happy, it’ll be harsh, rough that he will apologise huskily for later, when Ryeowook gives him accusing glares and feeds Zhou Mi breakfast first.

But he loves Kyuhyun. And there isn’t anything he can do about it, because he’s stuck waiting for Kyuhyun to say it back and mean it, even if Sungmin told him to stop hoping. Zhou Mi has always been an optimist, however, and deep inside, even if he knows it’s a ridiculous thought, he believes his Kui Xian will say it one day, out of the blue.

It hurts how sad Ryeowook’s expression gets when he voices that hope, so he’s stopped talking about it. Instead, he holds close to Kyuhyun whenever they go out, keeping an eye on him in concerts and TV shows. His heart beats wildly whenever Kyuhyun hugs him unexpectedly, or laughs with him, and he convinces himself that he means more than just a good . But then Kyuhyun ignores him when they leave for Korea, and suddenly, he’s not so sure.

He goes along with it, and keeps up to date with how Kyuhyun is through everyone else. He does things by himself. He goes to watch Wookie’s musical. He composes. He lives.

He misses Kyuhyun.

In the middle of Mr. Simple promotions, he gets a call. The caller is none other than a tearful Kyuhyun, upset about Heechul-hyung leaving for the army. Zhou Mi is sad too, and he gently urges Kyuhyun to feel better, telling him they time will fly by, and at least he, Kyu, doesn’t have to go into the army himself. Kyuhyun mumbles something. Zhou Mi asks him to repeat it.

“I miss you. Come over.” Zhou Mi doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t know if he means it, or if he’s just upset and wants the comfort of Zhou Mi’s arms tonight. But that doesn’t matter, because he’s a lovesick fool and he will go over to Kyuhyun and abandon the small shopping trip he’d planned with his paycheque.

Kyuhyun won’t appreciate it because Kyuhyun takes him for granted, but that’s okay, because when he kisses Kyuhyun’s cheek and tugs his clothes off softly in the muted light of Kyuhyun’s shared room, he is happy. It’s alright, because they’re alone, and Kyuhyun’s snuffles are replaced by noise of a more ual nature.

Zhou Mi doesn’t know if he’s being used or not. The lines have blurred, and there is no Ryeowook or Sungmin to tell him to stop because he is giving more than Kyuhyun ever does. All he knows is that Kyuhyun is holding him and that he is kissing him sloppily, their noses getting in the way and Kyuhyun kneading his . His jeans are discarded somewhere on the desk and his blazer is on the floor; leaving would require too much effort, even if it is the better idea.

So he doesn’t leave, and he decides that the words Kyuhyun is murmuring into his chest are because he loves him and not because they just had . Because he is Zhou Mi; an idiot in love who is good at lying to himself and just doesn’t give a damn anymore.

He half-expects Kyuhyun to kick him out of the bed in the morning, but is surprised to find him next to him, eyes trained on the ceiling, and one arm still wrapped around Zhou Mi’s shoulder. He doesn’t say anything. There is nothing to say, other than ‘I love you’. And Kyuhyun doesn’t want to hear that.

Instead, he smiles and is rewarded with a clumsy kiss, because it’s morning and neither of them are wearing glasses or contacts and are just blurs to one another. Breakfast is quiet without Heechul, and although Zhou Mi misses him too, somehow, it is made better by Kyuhyun sitting on his lap and feeding him like a child.

He can tell everyone is looking at him. He knows that they’re going to warn him about it not being real. It doesn’t matter, because Kyuhyun called him and chose him for comfort, and to Zhou Mi, this is the only state of affairs he’ll accept.

Because love makes fools even of kings, after all.