Shownu could not think straight ... he was with his friends, celebrating the reunion with the old No mercy members, his Starship mentors,  open bar  in that fancy lounge specially booked just for them, free drinks, good music , good company, famous guests ... but why did he felt so empty ? So incomplete ?
He felt Gun patting his back :

'' Yah ! Hyunwoo ! Be a man and drink ! Why are you so silent ? '' He screamed in his ears.
'' Don't tell me that you are already drunk ? '' He answered laughing.
'' Nahhh ... I am just happy to see all of you ! ''
'' Happy to see too ! ''
'' So happy to be with all of you guys , amazing ! '' Jooheon screamed before drinking from the vodka bottle.

Woonho suddenly stood up and a cup in his hand:
'' I would like to propose a toast to the originals 12 trainnees, my brothers forever ! Love you guys ! Cheers ! ''
'' Cheers ! '' They all screamed.
'' By the way, how come he's not there ? the outsider ? '' Yonhoo asked.
'' I.M. ? ... dunno ... but maybe he knew that it wasn't his place to be there, I mean, he could have come but ... he said he had things to do ! '' Woonho answered.
'' I heard that on the first meeting with the mentors, he cursed when they asked him to rap  , is that true? '' Yonhoo asked.
The others joined the conversation, all sitting in circle on the sofas.
''  The brat has some gutts ... but he's good ! '' Jooheon admitted.
'' I still can't get close to him ... I mean , I kept forcing him to smile in front of the fans, he is too gloomy , wassup ? with that ? Like he already debutted so why the long face ? I don't get him ! ''
Shownu  knew that Woonho wasn't trying to be rude but ...
He stood up and grabbed his jacket:

'' I don't feel well ... I guess I need to sleep early. Goodnight guys ! ''
'' Wow ! Dude, common ... free drinks ! '' 
'' Gun, I will call you . Guys it was nice to see you again ... ''
After saying bye to everybody, he took a cab to go home.

When he arrived at the dorm, he found I.M. awake in the living room , writing lyrics.
He removed his jacket and sat on he sofa next to the maknae.

'' Hey ! ''
'' Hey ... how come you're home so early ? ''
'' Dunno ... I just ... felt a bit strange ... ''
'' Strange ? '' The young rapper repeat , looking at the older in the eyes.
'' Yeah but ... I am okay. But tell me , why didn't you want to come ? ''
'' Well ... I don't think it would have been appropriate ... ''
'' Changkyun, you are one of us now ! I know that we started the wrong foot and I am sorry about that but ... it's all behind now. ''
I.M.  only looked away and nodded at his words.

They both kept silence for a while before Shownu said as he stood up :

'' Sorry for disturbing you I ... ''
I.M. grabbed his hand :
'' Please, stay ! ''

Surprised,  he looked at the rapper hand, it was shaking ... why ? '' Okay ... I'll stay ...  ''
He sat back.  I.M. let go his hand, he kept avoiding looking at him:
'' Changkyun ... you always ... stay in the background, you don't smile ... is there anything that we are doing wrong ? I know the boys aren't always easy to deal with but they are trying and they like you.  Trust me ... talk to me ''   But even after his words, the rapper kept silent.
'' You are a good rapper and I couldn't imagine Monsta X without you. So please, feel confortable with me. ''
'' Thank you hyung ! '' 
This brought a small smile to Shownu lips.

'' Hey , let's do something funny, let's praise each other okay ? I start: I think you are really mature for your age. ''
I.M. gave him a small smile and replied:
'' I like you dance ''
'' Thanks ! I think ... that you have such a deep voice ... ''
'' A deep voice ? ''
'' Yes , a very y deep voice ... I mean, a voice that ... like ... '' Shownu couldn't say why but he could feel himself blushing and stuterring.
'' So you like my voice ? Interresting ... '' I.M said with a cocky smile on his lips.
'' Never mind ... this game was a bad idea ... let's stop ...''
'' No, no it's my turn. I like the fact that you care a lot about everybody ... that you are able to learn from your past mistake and that ... you are very handsome ... '' I.M. looked away when he spoke the last words.
'' Me ... no .... ''
'' Shownu Hyung, the first time I saw you ... I ... thought that, you were very beautiful ...''
'' Thank you ... but really, we have a good make up artist ... my eyes are so small and I look like a girl sometimes, I wish  had a manly face like your. ''
'' But I like the way you look more. ''
'' Okay ... thank you. ''

After few minutes of silence, Shownu asked:

'' You haven't done it in a while, right ? ''
The maknae only shook his head.
'' I was worry for you ... tonight when you did not come, I was scared you tried to cut yourself again ... ''
'' Please Hyung, don't worry about me, I'm fine now. ''
'' Sorry, I just can't help it. ''
'' I promised you that I would stop and I did ... my relationship with the others hyungs , is getting better. And my old friends from my past label, they support me now so ... things are okay. "
'' Good ... ''
'' And my Ex ... we had a talk. He called me and we had a talk. He saw a fancam from our latest fans meeting and ... he asked me if I was in love with you. ''
'' What ? ... why would he say that ? ''
'' I dunno ... maybe he is just bitter ... but after he asked me that, I kept thinking about it. ''
'' Your ex is indeed bitter, why would a cool guy like you fall for a looser like me ? Ridiculous ! '' he said laughing .
'' You're not a looser and my ex ... he knows me pretty well ! We were in the same band, we spend years trainning together ... he knows me better than I know myself and ... before I said anything, I want to ask you something: what do you think of me ? '' I.M asked very serious , looking at him straight in the eyes.
'' What ? What kind of question is that ... ? '' He said laughing to cover the fact that he felt embarrassed. I.M. was now looking at him with a very sad expression.
'' Changkyun ... don't get me wrong, I like you ... a lot but ... ''
'' But ? ''
'' I don't know ... this is just so sudden ... I never thought about it ... ''

I.M. took that chance to move closer and shut him down with a kiss. Shownu jumped off at first, but as soon as he felt the maknae lips moving on his, begging for entrance, he felt himself melting in it ... the feeling was not strange at all , it was sweet , soft and warm ... 
his first kiss.