⊱ • SYSTOLE • ⊰

By some of luck, they have been classmates since second grade. By another, his seat has been behind hers every year without fail. He wonders if what he considers luck is regarded as misfortune in her eyes. Jungkook’s crush on Yein, after all, had remained one-sided for 10 years now. She probably does not even realize this, he thinks whimsically.

Yein had friend-zoned him before either of them what the concept of friend-zoning even was. Teasing tugs on her pigtails in elementary school and a playful arm wrapped around her shoulder in middle school had warranted good-natured, but never flirty, actions in return. It wasn’t until their first year of high school that Jungkook realized that Yein saw him as no more than a friend, if not a brother at that. All those years of sitting behind her and staring at her back, he had failed to grasp the fact that at the same time, Yein had been looking far beyond him.

Now, in their last year of high school, Jungkook knows that if he can’t get his message across by the time they graduate, then he doesn’t deserve any more chances.

. . . . . . . . . .

When he confesses his feelings to her, two days after the start of the term, Yein only blinks and says “I know.” Jungkook blinks in return. He had anticipated all different types of responses, ranging from “Not interested, sorry” to “I like you too!” (although the latter was something of his dreams), but this was not one of them.

As easily as she has just muddled his thoughts with two simple words, she begins to straighten her stack of papers and steps out of her seat.

“I need to go get these to our teacher.”

She leaves him with nothing but the light scent of her shampoo and the vague notion that he has just been rejected to keep him company.

. . . . . . . . . .

He doesn’t give up. Jungkook has given himself until the very last moment of high school, so he doesn’t let himself get discouraged. Instead, he tries to think of what it is about himself that she is drawing away from. Is it the fact that he steals from her stash of coffee ice cream every time he visits her house? Or is it because he adamantly finds her goldfish to be ugly even though she insists it is the cutest thing to ever exist?

He wonders if she has the wrong preconceptions of him, even after they have known each other for so long. Vaguely, he remembers of a time they were watching a movie together. The leading male, a grade-A, certified bad-boy, had managed to woo the otherwise impassive leading female. It had been a horrible movie and Yein made it clear that she would never date a bad boy; now, Jungkook just has to make it clear that he isn’t one. With the street fashion style that he favors and the underground rap that he is fond of listening to, Jungkook can see how she might not see him in the best light. At the same time, he knows that she is better than the type of person to just make superficial judgments.

Still, Jungkook makes sure that she has a clear view of him volunteering at the animal shelter, as he has been doing every Saturday for the past few years. He tells himself that it was just by coincidence that he started there at the same time she began volunteering at the library directly across the street.

(Alright, so he isn’t that good of a person.)

. . . . . . . . . .

She is their class president, so she prioritizes her duties above all other things, himself included. He gets that. He gets that because of this, she has to stay after school for extended periods of time. He gets that, so Jungkook joins the school’s dance team even though he has always hated dancing with others despite his love for the art form itself. This way, he has an excuse to be at school after hours and she won’t be able to question why he is always around to walk her home from school. If Yein notices anything amiss, especially on days where dance practice is cancelled but he is still there anyways, she doesn’t ask him about it.

When they walk home, she unravels the burdens of her day to him. Stories of misbehaving students and uncooperative teachers are revealed and Jungkook has to taper his happiness at being trusted. When it is just the two of them, she is comfortable enough to slouch, to blow her hair away from her face instead of demurely tucking it behind her ear, and to be Jung Yein instead of the model student that everybody else has come to see her as.

Jungkook takes solace in this, because at least she has not pushed him completely away yet.

. . . . . . . . . .

He cannot hold back his surprise when she turns up at his dance competition. This is not the first time Yein has come to support him, but it is the first time that he has not told her about competing. Jungkook knows that she is busy preparing for university (even though he has faith in her to be accepted by the best of the best even without all the extra work), so he doesn’t want her to feel obligated to attend.

But she shows up anyways, looking out of place in her white dress and flats. He notices her a moment too late because he is busy running through his routine in his mind. Jungkook only senses the change in atmosphere when the guys next to him move away, with every bit of a predatory instinct exuding from them. He spots her in the crowd less than a second later and boys have already surrounded her. The dance community is already lacking in females and high-strung with testosterone, so she is a blessing to their eyes.

She is primly rejecting invitations as he approaches her, not knowing that politeness does nothing to discourage the boys. Yein catches his eye and her hand reaches out to catch the sleeve of his shirt. It is a vulnerable move and he can tell that, despite her confident bravado, she is scared of the wolf-like suitors. So Jungkook takes her by the hand and leads her to his group of friends, who he can trust to make sure she is safe. He hears cat calls from Taehyung and his cheeks flush in response. Jungkook releases Yein’s hand after giving it a light squeeze, to assure her that everything is okay now, and leaves to get ready to perform. He wonders if it is only his imagination that grants him the feeling that she had squeezed back.

After all is said and done, Jungkook places second. The biting feeling of disappointment wraps around him, because he has lost this battle. But when he walks out of the building with Yein at his side and with admiration in her eyes, jealously seeping out from every male they pass, Jungkook feels as if he has won the war.

. . . . . . . . . .

Apparently, placing second in a dance competition is somewhat of a warranting factor for fangirls. (He does not want to know what placing first is like.)

The first two confessions happen in her presence, as the girls all but run up to him and shove their handwritten letters into his hand. Yein reads the flowery words of I love you and Your smile brings butterflies to my stomach over his shoulder as he stands frozen with the perfume-scented paper gripped between his fingers. He asks her what he should do about them but the only words of advice she imparts are “Isn’t it up to you?”

With the business of her class president duties whisking her away from his side, girls find it easier to approach him. Gifts are left in his locker and baked goods are placed on his desk. They flock to his side and grip his arms. It is uncomfortable and he does not like being in such close contact with these strangers. But, he is even more uncomfortable at the thought of having crushing hopes so he tolerates their affection with the hope that is a phase that will soon pass.

He is entirely wrong.

Jungkook is dumbstruck. He has received five confessions this week and, totaling to thirty-some since the beginning. He cannot fathom this sudden popularity (because he knows he is handsome, so why has not been popular before?) and he fears that it is driving Yein away from him.

She treats him the same as ever, but the faint look of “Are you really this frivolous?” is present in her eyes. They still walk home together, but it is more often than not that a tag-along group of girls is trailing and tittering behind them. Jungkook can tell that this upsets Yein because she grips the straps of her backpack with more strength than necessary and her words cut short at the slightest sound of a giggle.

It is mean of him to feel this way, but Jungkook likes to think of her reactions as a sign of jealousy.

. . . . . . . . . .

He regrets using her jealousy to feed his hope. Karma is a and now he is feeling its wrath ten-fold. While he has been fending off overzealous girls, Yein has been throwing herself into her studies. There is nothing unusual about that, save for the fact that a certain class vice president is readily taking Jungkook’s spot.

Managing to shake his fangirls off his trail one day after school, Jungkook walks a familiar path to the school library. He knows that, if not in the classroom, this is the only other place that Yein will be. The sound of laughter resounds as he enters and his heart nearly stops, because it is her laughter mixed in with a decidedly more masculine one. Jungkook turns the corner and sees her sitting with the vice president of their class (what was his name again? Sehun?), smiles wide on both of their faces. Her smile doesn’t falter as she turns to look at him, but this in itself is already wrong, because since when has she been so open to anyone other than him?

Yein invites him to join them, so he does, partly because he cannot say no to her but mostly because he had planned on doing so even without the invitation. Bile rises in his throat as the two quickly become engulfed in their own world again. Words and concepts too difficult for him to comprehend are tossed back and forth with ease between them and Jungkook is falling, falling, falling to the depths of inferiority. He has always known that he was no match for her level, but it is now astoundingly clear exactly how far apart they are.

Jungkook excuses himself after ten minutes of subjecting himself to this torture. His anger would be much more rational if Sehun had given him a smug look. But, no, the boy is perfectly polite in wishing Jungkook good luck with his own studies. He can see that, even though those words are directed at him, the boy’s eyes never leave Yein’s face. Jungkook knows that Sehun is smitten with Yein because he can see the same look of adoration in those eyes that he knows is mirrored in his own.

. . . . . . . . . .

His self-imposed deadline is growing closer and closer as his hope falls further and further. There are two months until they graduate and no progress is made. If anything, progress is continually being lost. Jungkook half-contemplates accepting to date whoever the next person it was that confessed to him, but the thought is a byproduct of weeks of sulking and he knows it. It is an ultimatum, but he thinks that his situation with Yein is all-or-nothing. It is quickly moving towards nothing and his heart squeezes in his chest as he takes this in.

Jungkook pours himself into dance practice that day, not caring that his moves are sloppy and overly expressive. He is panting and sweating in droves after running through four different routines in succession but he still feels as if this just isn’t enough. Not bothering to talk with anyone else, he leaves to take a shower before practice is officially over. He hangs his head and lets the water run over him, wondering if it’s possible to wash away his insecurities. Jungkook has never been one to have low self-esteem, with his friends always joking that he is nearly confident to the point of being arrogant. He wryly wonders why he has chosen to fall in love with a girl that reduces him to nearly nothing.

When he reaches his locker to get his things before going to look for Yein to see if she’s ready to go home, he is startled to see her waiting there for him. He is confused, because she cannot possibly be less busy than he is.

“Uh, hi?”

It is not the most eloquent of greetings but it is all he can muster. Yein mumbles a Hey in return and waits for him to gather his stuff. They set off and their first few minutes of walking are spent in comfortable silence. She is the one to break the silence.

“Sehun confessed to me just now.”

His breath catches and he wonders if she notices. He hopes not.

“And then what?”

She stops walking at his question, tilting her head in contemplation. Jungkook would like to think that she looks adorable at this moment, with her dark hair falling in front of her shoulders in waves and her lips pursed, but there isn’t much that is adorable about the love of his life taking her time to think about another boy’s confession.

“I don’t know. I told him I would think about and just left. What do you think I should do?”

A heartbeat passes.

“Isn’t it up to you?”

It is petty of him to throw her words back at her, but he can’t help but want her to feel even an inkling of the sting he has kept close to his heart for a decade. Jungkook walks forward and this time it is Yein that is left to stare at his back.

. . . . . . . . . .

The steady ding dong of the doorbell interrupts a particularly vivid dream he is having of himself throwing a punch at Sehun, whose nose and dignity both make a satisfying snap. Bleary-eyed, Jungkook opens his eyes and looks at the digital clock at his bedside.

8:00AM.

He flops onto his back and lets his heavy eyelids fall to a close. It is Saturday and he can’t be assed to get up, even though his parents have gone out by now and he is the only one at home. Jungkook is already feeling the wisps of a new dream beckoning him, but the doorbell of his house cuts through them in startling clarity. Cursing, he looks at the clock once again and 8:01AM is dauntingly shining in his face.

Jungkook doesn’t bother to throw on a shirt, so if whoever is at the door is bothered by him in just his pajama pants, they can blame themselves for annoying him so early in the morning.

When he opens the door, he sees the apology in her eyes before he hears it from . He lets her in and as soon as the door is closed, Yein stumbles over her words and looks to be on the verge of tears. Jungkook knows that she is remorseful for coming to him for advice about Sehun, especially after knowing his own feelings for her. He had known that, even before leaving her behind yesterday, but he had not expected her to broach the subject so directly. Jungkook feels his heart swell as he realizes she is trying her best to take his perspective into account, even if she is having a hard time expressing it.

All he wants to do right now is to take her into his arms and never let her go, because no matter how capable she is, Yein is still naïve and clumsy when it comes to matters of the heart. His impulses are stronger than his rationality this morning (which he later blames on the lack of sleep) and before he knows it, she is gathered in his arms, soft, warm, and comforting.

It doesn’t take long for both of them to remember that he is still shirtless though, and even though they have hugged as friends before, this is a much more intimate situation. Jungkook is pretty sure that she can hear the furious beating of his heart. From where her cheek is pressed against his chest, he can feel the rapidly rising heat of her face in return.

Embarrassed and unwilling to show her his equally flushed face, his arms tighten around Yein, effectively anchoring her to him. He gets lost in the thought that this is how he wants to spend every day and fails to realize that she does not protest in the slightest.

. . . . . . . . . .

They are slightly awkward with each other after the day she came to apologize. As much as he loves her, Jungkook does not want to lose her friendship during this process of courtship. So he likes to think of his injury as a heaven-sent to help them return to normal standing. Three days of skirting around each other and feeble greetings later, Jungkook tears a ligament during dance practice. He does not know how word spread so quickly, but within two minutes of sustaining the injury, Yein is at his side with an ice compress and worry etched in her face.

He is in too much pain and too busy trying to keep a straight face to revel in their closeness as she drapes his arm around her shoulder and helps him make his way to the nurse’s office. Yein punches him in the arm and chastises him for not being more careful, but she still flutters about the room looking for a bandage to support his knee.

The following days, she mothers him and Jungkook is torn between delight at being the center of attention and being indignant at how she is obviously treating him as a little boy. Yein stays at his house after school every day, until his parents come home from work at night, “in case something happens”. Even though he (begrudgingly) voices his complaints, Jungkook appreciates her concern (as well as how his room is starting to take on her scent).

Even after his knee is more or less healed, Yein does not go home directly from school. They continue with their routine as if it is normal, commonplace, and something they have been doing for years. She works on homework at the desk in his room as he lounges on his bed, splitting his attention between doing his own work and taking sidelong glances at her.

It is completely out of the blue when she says what she does. The conversation between them is normally light, about plans to hang out or Hey, can you help me with the problem?, never anything serious. So when the words leave , Jungkook shows no reaction.

“I like you.”

He thinks he is dreaming, because these are the words and the voice that have wormed their way into his thoughts so frequently. Jungkook stays lying in his bed for a good minute before he notices that the scratching of Yein’s pencil is not present. He lifts his head and her eyes are staring into his own. He sits up so quickly that he nearly gives himself whiplash, because the look in her eyes is clearly telling him that yes she did just say that, and no, it is not another figment of his imagination.

Yein does not move a muscle as he gets out of bed and takes the few steps that bring him directly in front of her. For once, her eyes are shielded and do not betray her emotions, but the firm grip she is keeping on her pencil and the edge of the chair is tell-tale enough.

“I like you too.”

It isn’t clear why he has the need to say this, because she must know by now, but Jungkook thinks saying what he feels is the most appropriate response in this situation. 

“I know.”

This time, she says it with a smile and does not leave him. Jungkook’s hands are shaking as he reaches out to cup her face, but the feeling in his heart is steady. He thinks that this is slightly anticlimactic, after ten years of chasing after her, but he has never been one to like extraordinary things. Thoughts of tranquil afternoons spent together and shared smiles pass through his mind as he leans down and lets his lips meet the warmth of hers.

. . . . . . . . . .

Things have changed, are changing, between them.

She is the one that seeks him out during breaks and initiates conversations. Her actions are subtle (because no matter how much she changes, Jungkook knows that it is her smallest movements that are most telling), but he picks up on how she walks with less distance between them, so that the backs of their hands are brushing, and how she is constantly rearranging her schedule so that they have more time to spend together.

They are small steps, but they are still steps, and Jungkook is okay with letting Yein take as long as she needs. Romance is a new concept to her, so he cannot reasonably expect her to dive into a world of interlaced fingers and warm kisses. He satisfies himself by keeping the memory of their first kiss close to his heart until she is comfortable enough to grant him more. (Because when she does, he will take her breath away and make her regret not opening up to him sooner.)

It is the day before graduation and they are lying in the grass of the park by his house. There are things to be done, speeches to write and graduation outfits to prepare, but tomorrow will be a whirlwind of parents’ tears and photographs, so they choose to spend this last sliver of their high school life together.

Yein reminisces about how she had once found him attractive during middle school, but after consulting an advice column, she was told that it was simply because he was the only boy she had normal exposure to, so of course he would become appealing over time. Jungkook laughs wholeheartedly, because that is such a Yein thing to do, but she is solemn in the sharing of her story. He asks her whether or not she finds Sehun attractive (what happened to that boy, anyways?) and she tells him that while she did find her vice president initially charming, that impression was lost after seeing Sehun hitting on a number of girls. She shyly continues on to say that she likes how he has always been there for her.

He turns onto his side to see that Yein has done the same, and now that he is looking at her, he revels in how beautiful she is and how she is his, as much as he is hers. Jungkook pulls her into a hug and places a kiss on her forehead, not caring if the neighbors will see them lying together (because they will both be out of this town come college time, anyways), and Yein’s arms clumsily wrap around his torso.

Jungkook feels her heart beating against his and thinks that ten years of chasing is nothing compared to a lifetime of euphoria.

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ fin. ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

… So this was supposed to be a short, fluffy, veering-on-comedic story, but … well it obviously wasn’t that. OTL I’ll do my best to write something sweeter next time, haha. Thanks for reading!