Trigger Warning

I haven't seen Taeyeon since our last conversation when she walked out of our apartment. She turned off her phone, no contact and no trace.Would she really go to such lengths to avoid me?

"Tiffany." I heard a familiar voice call out from behind me.

I turned around and there she was, as if a dream came by to wash away all the nightmares my life has been these past few weeks.

"Taeyeon!" I yelled as I ran to hug her. But the next word that came out of might as well have been ripping out my heart and shattering it on the ground because she said, "Stop".

After all I've been through because of this girl, she has the nerve to tell me not hug her? Hold her tighter than I ever have so she wouldn't go again? I admit, it was on my part that she left in the first place. I should have never told her those hideous words in the first place. I can't tell you I love you. Because after she disappeared, I realized that I did.

The tone of her voice was a warning. Did she hate me that bad?

"Taeyeon..."

"Don't come any closer." I heard her take a shaky breath.

"Taeye-"

"DON'T!"

My footsteps stopped. I observed her. Her clothing style changed, probably all the stress and depression of our last conversation. Puffy jacket, heavy pants, combat boots. And a cap pulled low over her eyebrows. All dressed in black

"Okay. I won't come any closer. But let me tell you one thing, Taeyeon."

She stayed silent, eyes trained on the ground.

"I regret what I said last time. I honestly, truly, do not believe what I said at all."

I heard her mumble something incoherent.

"What was that? I couldn't hear you."

Her chin lifted half a centimeter. I would have missed it if I wasn't scrutinizing her so closely.

"I said..." Her voice cut through the icy winter air. "Then tell me what you do believe."

I knew exactly what she wanted me to say. However, I couldn't bring myself to say it. God dammit. I wanted to tell her when we were in a better setting.

I let out a breath. "I'm sorry."

"Unbelievable." She scoffed a bit, disbelieving me. "I hate you."

Tears immediately welled up in my eyes, burning as I forced them down. I'm not going to cry anymore. Not anymore. I mean, it was always my suspicion after she disappeared. But hearing it in speech was just unbearable.

I slowly backed away from Taeyeon, shaking my head. "I don't hate you." I said. "See you at home if you choose to come back."

I turned and ran.

And running away turned out to be the biggest mistake of my life. That was the last time I saw her.

I thought I saw everything, drank in all her features in that short meeting. Unfortunately, I didn't.

If I only just looked a little closer, I would have seen the wires snaking around under her jacket.

If I only just looked a little closer, I would have been able to notice that wires connected something under that jacket.

That something weighed down her knees. Caused her to have cold sweat. Caused her to shout at me to not to come any closer.

That something would explode.

She hadn't ran away from me. She wanted to come back to me all this time... I wish those bastards who took her would take me too.

Why didn't I understand her? She said that hurtful phrase so I would be able to escape, knowing I was too stubborn to run if she told me to.

But maybe I didn't love her enough to understand.