Final

January 2, 2015

Diary entry 3: 1000 days

Locked in by a contract, puppetry hanging from shackles. How can a human live a life like this? Getting at most four hours of sleep a night, forcing yourself to perform no matter what condition. Forced to have an image and never to let that fall.

It will end, it will be over soon..

A human like me, stuck under this puppetry wouldn't mind a life like this—no not at all because I'm living the dream.

I wouldn't care if I collapse from exhaustion—no, I wouldn't care at all. Bringing happiness in the world that doesn't need to live this inhumane life is all that's needed. I mean, I have my eleven other brothers by my side.

Yes not nine, but eleven. Luhan and Kris will be supporting us, a part of the band or not.

I smile to myself today though. I smile to the fans, genuinely because of those who are still by our side. They try to understand even though they don't know the truth. The truth that we all are signed under an unescapable contract. And as a human—the dominant species on earth, we are actually the slaves.

Sweat covered bodies lay on the glossed hard wood floor, exhausted and breathless from today's practice.

I'm so tired I want to sleep for the rest of my lifetime but I can't. Our schedules have been packed non stop ever since the beginning of May last year. The nonstop promotions, our concerts and commercial CFs are tiring. Flying country to country everyday, where it's so bad that sometimes we have breakfast in China and dinner in Korea.

Those who lack being humble with the huge amount of fame they have, don't deserve it—not at all. You know why? So many trainees and idols like me, has risked everything to keep their dream alive. To not let it be crushed by the influences of our parents, teachers, and friends. We even lied to ourselves that we wouldn't make it either, that we should just give up.

With the knowledge that only one in ten-thousand actually become an idol successfully and the knowledge that the work conditions are no better than an immigrant working in a sweatshop. We did it anyways.

Tell me the reason why I chose to still become famous even though there are so many bad things in this industry? Was it because of my dreams?

No, I think there is a lot more to that. Everyone tells you to follow your dreams, then when you do so they doubt you. Why is that?

I finally have the answer to those questions and it's plainly simple. I am blind. My dream blinded me so far into the point that I was simply like an innocent child that wanted to try something out of brief curiosity. But now reality has strike and to this day I'm still blinded by the dream.

That is because I've fallen for the contract. Now put into a cage with the transparent shackles that has tightened around my body.

I stand on stage and greet the fans proudly. "We are one," I smile. "Hello, we are EXO!" I bow proudly with the others.

I am Park Chanyeol.

The man that has debuted on April 8, 2012 and which my dreams came true.
May 15, 2014: the day we lost our first member
October 10, 2014: the day we had lost two members.

And finally, January 2, 2015: 1000 days with EXO.
The reason why I'm so proud to live this dream, and bring no regrets.

As long as my dreams stand, my shackles will continue to tighten and I'll still be blindly dreaming as a slave.

I laughed to myself rereading this. Five years later and I'm still this reckless human being. Overall, nothing has really changed in this industry.

I leaned against the ledge on the balcony and took out a pack of cigarettes. The dorm is still the same, but less people populate it.

The winter breeze whipped my face, as the burning ashes of the lit cigarette collided with the cement ten stories below. A lifestyle so strict, yet so luxurious is what maintains order. I used to miss the old members but now it doesn't bother me anymore. I'm still making money with the left over whom survived this hell hole.

"Hey Chan," I recognized the voice it belonged to.
"Yeah, Sehun?" I reacted, taking another big huff as the burning ashes continued to drop.

"Pass me a cigarette will you?" He said, coming by my side.

Sehun had always been in the industry since a young age, i'd say about twelve years. He knows more than me of course but he also struggled the most when our ex-members left the company. Who wouldn't? But i guess for Sehun watching the conflict between the company and the members was similar to a child in between a fight with two parents.

"What are you doing out here, anyways?" I asked, handing him the lighter.

"Same as you, wanting a break." I nodded and flicked my cigarette out into the distance, watching the burning light fall into darkness below.

"Where are the others?" I scanned the look on his face for a brief second; the sight of a lost soul in his dazed eyes.

"They're recording the album tonight." He sighed. The smoke sliding out his lips, similar to a whisper.

"Wanna have a drink?" I questioned immediately, in hopes of trying to continue our conversation.

"Why not?" He chuckled lowly and flicked his cigarette into the dark pits below.

I headed towards my room and pulled out a pint of hennessy from my stash. Then quietly entered his room, pushing the door with a faint "creek."

"I got some hen." I smiled brightly and placed the shot glasses.

Our glasses clanked together as we cheered for our new comeback. "And cheers to a bitter sweet night," I whispered softly before downing the shot. The strong taste of sadness burning down my throat as the liquor trickled down my esophagus.

*********************

That morning I woke up finding Sehun by my side. The strong scent of alcohol lingering on us. How drunk could we have been? I scanned the room, finding the empty bottle of liquor we drank last night.

Groaning, I stood up, and walked into the living room finding the other six eating breakfast. "Morning Channie!" I heard the nuisance of the group call happily.

"What is it Baekhyun?" I almost rudely said.

Just a little longer...

Lately I've been having weird thoughts but that's kind of pointless to keep thinking about it. It doesn't really matter anyways, i'm just fine.

Suho rested his arm on my shoulder. The look of 'you reek of alcohol' and 'please calm down,' was showcased in one expression.

I missed this worry we had for one another...

I heard another uncontrollable thought linger in my mind. Why does this keep happening? Maybe, it's just the hangover. I chuckled, heading towards the kitchen. "Just a hangover." The words sounding muffed out loud.

After I took some pain meds I fell asleep again.

I'm tired...

Is this a dream?

We need to rest. I know that we are stressed, we have given up so much and we have lost so much... We don't need to wait any longer. We just need to sleep...

I heard a faint scream coming from Baekhyun but I was already to sleepy too wake up.

The pain will be gone..

Everything went black.

Goodnight...

Author's Note: HEYYY GUYS!!! I hoped you liked this angsty one shot of Chanyeol ^^ and tbh this was based and written off a writing prompt my teacher had given me because I asked her for some advice on my writing and now she gives me monthly writing prompts aside from my weekly ones in class. January's prompt was to write about a hardship in the perspective of your character, and I thought why not k-idols? Right? Anyways,

Comment your reactions and how you interpreted this story because I purposely left it open ended-ish.

i hope you enjoyed this story and if you want I can upload my monthly/ or weekly writing prompts if you want to read :)

Forever and always

-UnknownSpecies

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