March 2012

I couldn’t remember when the last time I fell in love was. Was it during high school or was that really called love? I just couldn’t seem to guess it right but for sure, I’m in love with this particular guy right now.

He isn’t the most handsome guy, compared to other guys that I know. But for me, he has a very warm heart, just like when he ardently curls his lips into a smile.

It started in the early March, I recalled. I fled from my home in Toronto alone with just a baggage of personal stuff and a soulful of ambitious dreams that I’ve been keeping since long ago. I started to practice after a week I came to Seoul.

Like I thought, I could meet up some of my favorite idols but I wasn’t that lucky because I’m hooked with my tight schedule as a trainee while the idols were too busy with their works. But still, I practiced hard for my dream to stand on the same stage with them.

It was my third day there and I still couldn’t recognize my way in the building. It’s not really my fault when the building was too spacious for its own good.

There were too many rooms and I just couldn’t remember which one. As I was rushing to find my way, I accidentally bumped into someone.

This someone was taller than me when I clumsily fell on the floor due to the figure’s weight. A hand then shoved in front of my face and I immediately looked up. It belonged to a guy. A very good-looking guy, precisely.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t see where I was going.”

His voice was a little bit hoarse, maybe because of intense vocal training but still, his voice was calming. I gradually grabbed his hand as he helped me stood up. He didn’t look familiar at all to me but at the same time, I'm sure that I saw him before or maybe he's just a trainee like me too.

“No, I’m the one who supposed to be sorry. I’m kinda urgent and well, particularly lost.”

His lips curled into a warm smile and somehow, it made my heart leaped for a moment. His eyes were tranquil with his high cheekbones which made his eyes shaped like crescent moons every time he smiled. Not to mention, his eyelashes were long and that made his appearance looked more than decent to me. I just couldn’t really describe him perfectly.

“You must be new here. Let me help you.”

For a moment in my life, I've never felt so blissful like this before. My heart suddenly skipped in an absurd beat. Wow, that's something new and I'm pretty sure that's because of him. He insisted helping me to find my way and for me, it was something very nice even for a little help like that.

Maybe, that’s because I could sense his sincerity through his warm smile, and it ultimately made my heart raced in such a strange way but maybe, it sounded absolutely weird if I could say that I’m having a crush on him. Oh, he even introduced himself, Kim Jongdae.

Kim Jongdae, will I ever see you again?

-

February 2013

I panted breathlessly with my hands on the knees, taking each breath fanatically. Beads of sweats were soaking my hair and forehead, even my whole body. The choreographer dismissed our practice and everyone in the practice room heaves of relief and exhaustion.

It certainly wasn’t easy for us. Being an idol really needed intense strength, physically and mentally. I almost collapsed my body to the floor but I needed to stay strong and focus.

It had been almost 10 months since my debut as EXO’s member. I know how my one-year training wasn’t enough at all. I've always aware that I'm still lacking in almost everything that I do but well, I’ll always look forward showing the best to everyone.

After a few cool-downs, I strode out of the room as I told my members that I was going to the vending machine and even asked them if they wanted some. The boys were too exhausted to answer and could only mutter thanks to me.

My shirt was still drenched of sweats, but my sweats didn’t really smell awful as I walked to the vending machine. The hallway was empty and I hummed an unrecognizable song that simply went through my mind.

I stood in front of the vending machine and suddenly, I slapped my forehead, hard. How could I foolishly forget to bring my money here? I could only mutter some “stupid me” all over the time to myself.

“Uh, Chen-sunbaenim. What’s wrong?”

A sweet voice rang inside my ears and I darted to my left to see a familiar petite girl with pale skin and an awkward smile. My lips automatically tugged into a smile, a very sweet one but I just realized that she called me with my stage name which to me, we sounded more like colleagues. I didn’t really like the idea of being too formal, especially with her.

“You see, I forgot to bring my cash and that’s stupid, isn’t it?”

She shyly chuckled at my words and I liked the way she put her hand on her lips when she laughed at my joke. I remembered her, of course. I couldn’t sleep when I met her for the first time. It's weird but I kinda like that.

“Well, if you don’t mind, can I pay for this one, sunbaenim?”

I didn’t want to burden her when she gladly offered me a drink. It didn’t take long when she already bought me a warm cup of lemon honey which by coincidence, it’s my favorite. She told me that it’s important to maintain my voice in good condition with drinking lemon honey.

She’s such a thoughtful person, I just knew by the time I saw her face. She even told me to take a good care of myself. I like the way how she’s being so concerned to me when we sat for a while on a bench in the hallway, talking about each other’s condition. It was awkward but at least, we seemed to get along.

I wasn’t really hearing to her words because I just simply couldn’t, my heart was somehow beating a bit faster than when I was having dance practices. The sight of her eyes gleamed whenever she nervously laughed and smiled; I can’t help but do the same. They’re simply contagious.

“Goodbye, Chen sunbaenim. Practice well and take care.”

Her words were still playing inside my mind even when I walked back to the practice room. My lips were still enduring a smile and my members thought I was crazy with a stupid grin but I didn't care while my mind faintly chanting her