Part 1/2

“Hey Captain, over here, can I have a word?”

Normally Leo wouldn’t have looked up from a game; when he plays, he plays with full concentration. But for some reason, that voice calling him has a special effect on him.

Like an inbuilt reflex, he raises his head and looks towards the sidelines in the direction from which the voice is coming. Next thing he knows, he’s lost the ball he was dribbling so diligently to Woohyun, who took opportunity of his momentary distraction. No one steals a ball from Leo, no matter how good they are at soccer. He curses inwardly, an affronted look shadowing his features.

There’s a resounding groan from Kikwang, his team mate, as he just stands at his place instead of trying to catch up to Woohyun, who is streaking down the field towards the goal post with the stolen ball.

Biting the inside of his cheek, Leo turns to the sidelines once more - the reason he has lost all ability to move is standing right beside the bench, waving at him energetically.

What’s he doing here?

As he stares at the beautiful, innocent face, something within him stirs. A sudden burning sensation sears across his body and all he can think of is running away from it all, especially from those clear eyes. So he streaks across the field, catching up to his team mates, trying to get his head in the game. Biting his lips, he hopes the lanky figure in the sidelines would disappear, turn to dust and clear away so that he doesn’t have to see him again. But the grunts from the players and the sound of the ball rolling over the grass and the feet’s impact with the leather is not enough to block the voice that calls out his name again and again; he chooses to ignore it. The voice grows frustrated but still persists.

“Captain, please, I don’t bite!”

He’s about to steal his ball back from Woohyun just in time when he hears some commotion on the field right behind him and before he can process what’s going on, he’s face to face with what he’s been trying to avoid.

Before he can say anything or react in any way, Kikwang lashes out at the newcomer.

“Get out Sungjong, you have no business here,” he shouts, pointing towards the sideline dismissively and panting.

Sungjong doesn’t even bat an eyelash – the tall, slender frame turns on Kikwang fiercely; his hands on his hips.

“I’m here to talk to the captain, not you, Kikwang, so out!”

Everyone has stopped playing by now and has formed a circle around Sungjong and Kikwang. A round of collective ‘oohs’ is heard as Kikwang’s face flushes.

“Hey cap, is your girlfriend going through PMS?” Woohyun asks loudly, causing the other guys to howl in laughter. Sungjong doesn’t miss a blink.

“Yah, want to have another wrestling match?” he directly challenges Woohyun, who frowns.

“That wasn’t fair. You pinched me and grabbed my hair, that’s not how you wrestle, missy.”

“That’s how you win, punk. Should I show you what else I can do?” Sungjong stretches his arms out in front of him provokingly. As expected, Woohyun breaks through the circle and approaches the young man menacingly, his fist raised.

“That’s enough!” Leo decides to intervene here, knowing that Sungjong is outnumbered and there is no way he’d be able to take down all these soccer players by himself, no matter how much he pinches, scratches, or grabs hair. “What do you want, Sungjong?”

“I told you, I want to talk to you.” This time his voice is politer, but assertive. As he shifts his gaze towards Leo, the hard look in his eyes melts.

His breathing catches in his throat for a minute. He hasn’t spoken to him in a couple of months - hearing his voice up close feels like a dream. But he wants to wake up from the dream. At the same time, he can’t just refuse a direct request from Sungjong, not when…

“Wait till the game’s finished.”

“Now,” Sungjong emphasizes, looking straight at him. His lower lip hangs a little, giving him a petulant expression, one that he is familiar with.

He wishes Sungjong wouldn’t do that, look him in the eye casually, like there’s nothing unusual between them, like the air doesn’t always turn solid when it’s just the two of them.

How does he do it – I can barely look at him.

His team mates start protesting but he tells them to go back to the match (a loud protest is about to break out but he quells it with a look, wondering why he didn’t just use the same look on Sungjong, but knowing at the same time that it wouldn’t have worked) while he follows the junior through the field and towards the bench. He can feel Hakyeon’s eyes boring holes at his back; he can’t imagine Kikwang and Woohyun would be happy about this either.  They are the closest things he has to friends, so they can’t approve of this.

Why am I doing this anyway?

“What is it?” he asks, positioning his eyes to a point above Sungjong’s shoulder.

Unlike the younger, he can’t pretend that the relationship between them is just that of a senior-junior, not after what happened. His stomach is already crumpling up. It’s been quite some time since he’s actually seen the younger up close. He’s had glimpses of him now and then, during break or after school, but that’s it. There’s no reason for him to go and find him anymore, or walk him home after school, or eat lunch together, even though Sungjong said they could be friends.

Truth is, he doesn’t know how to be friends with Lee Sungjong (he did at one time, but now he doubts if his feelings for him has ever been platonic), he only knows how to love him. He can’t fool himself into thinking that he cares about the younger so deeply is because that’s what friends feel for each other. His heart is bounding, his stomach is clenched, he wants to hold Sungjong’s hand and kiss him on the lips – if that’s not love then love can go to hell.

And take me with it.

But that’s not what Sungjong wanted – friendship is his limit, so they have to be strangers.

What does this stranger want from me now?

Despite having a strong grip on his imagination, it starts to run a bit wild and he almost hears that airy voice uttering, “I want to give us a chance…”

Focus, he scolds himself.

Taking a deep breath, Sungjong says, “I want to join the team.”

He’s genuinely confused by the answer. “What team?”

Sungjong rolls his eyes.

“The soccer team of course, why else would I come to you?”

So you only came because you need a favor?

Even though he told himself several times that this dream of his will never come true, he can’t help but hope Sungjong would change his mind one day. He’ll realize his feelings for Leo and come and confess to him. It’s silly and it’s pathetic, but he still hopes for a relationship with his first love. But following this road has only brought him disappointment.

I should really stop.

“You can’t play,” he states the obvious.

“I know,” Sungjong huffs cutely, a little furrow of dissatisfaction appearing between his eyebrows - it takes his all to stop himself from reaching out and petting him.

There was a time he could do that without hesitation. It was a time when Sungjong would follow him around, calling him ‘sunbae’ or ‘hyung’ all the time, eat lunch with him, ask him for advice and then vent about his frustrating days. Leo’s actions were obvious (he surprised himself how he could show affection so naturally, when all his life he’s kept everything to himself), and he thought that Sungjong liked him back. So when he rejected his confession (and it hasn’t easy confessing, not for him, the awkward potato, or admitting to his friends that he’s actually fallen for someone when they always insisted that he has no heart), he’d been shocked. Apparently, the younger had taken all his signs as affection for a younger brother.

Leo was hurt, and he didn’t know how to hang around Sungjong anymore, pretending it was all okay. So he naturally drifted away, until they became almost strangers. It was hard for him, but he’s done it successfully; Sungjong’s taken the hint as well.

It’s fine now.

But despite that…

“That’s why I came to you. No one else will take me in a sport team. But I need to do something related to sport to get into a good university,” the younger rambles, looking frustrated. For a moment, Leo sees the Sungjong he used to know. “Sunbae, please, you’re my last chance.”

He does the fatal mistake of looking into Sungjong’s eyes, his wide, bright eyes and he falls for them all over again. It’s not fair, it’s not fair that Sungjong possesses those doe eyes and he has such a weak heart. Yes, the tall, strong, well-built football captain is powerless in front of slender, frail-framed Sungjong – he’s his kryptonite.

Swallowing the bitter feeling in his throat, he says, “You can’t play with these guys, they’ll push you around. And you can’t bite or scratch your way through this.”

He knows Sungjong can be tough when he needs to, but he honestly doesn’t want to put him through it. He knows his team, they have a habit of ganging up on the new guy. Besides, no one likes Sungjong much – they are very loyal to their captain and after seeing how heartbroken Leo was after being rejected, they had automatically developed negative feelings for the younger. Woohyun already had a wrestling match with Sungjong to try and avenge his friend. Letting him join the team will be inviting more of these confrontations.

“I can be the water boy or something? Or a manager? As long as I get a certificate and my name’s in the club, it’s fine.” He smiles at him, his eyes crinkling around the corners. Leo’s heart flutters and he can feel himself losing control of this conversation. Did Sungjong know he would leave with what he wanted today? “Besides, I can take on those airheaded jocks, don’t worry.”

He’s always found his confidence and optimism impressive. That was something that initially attracted him, since he himself has never believed in rainbows and butterflies. Sungjong seems to be the complete opposite of him, everything he is not.

“Fine,” he mutters, already having the bad feeling that it won’t go well. But he also knows he can’t resist the younger, who is persistent enough to do whatever it takes to get his way.

“Thank you so much, I knew you wouldn’t let me down!” Sungjong jumps up and surprises him with a hug. It feels strange hugging him after such a long time. His hands hang loosely by his side and his strawberry scent engulfs him once again.

I don’t want him around but at the same time I want him around.

Suddenly, he realizes that it’s too quiet. Turning around, he finds all his team mates gathered at the edge of the court, staring at them intently. None of them look happy, especially not Hakyeon. His eyes are narrowed in displeasure, his lips closed tightly. Woohyun is picking his nails, a sign that he’s agitated and Kikwang has an arm swung around Hakyeon, almost supportively.

It’s not going to be easy to convince them of Sungjong’s inclusion in the team, but luckily, he’s the leader and he can exercise his power, if need be.

“Guys, Lee Sungjong here is going to join the team from today.”

The team exchanges dubious looks, as if deciding if they are being tricked, until Hakyeon breaks into derisive laughter, clutching his stomach and pulling on Kikwang’s collar to stop himself from falling over. Soon, the rest of the team joins in - the sound of their combined laughter is so loud that a window on the second floor of the school building next to the court opens and a girl screams at them to be quiet.

“That was a joke, right?” Woohyun asks, forcing himself to stop laughing. “Your best one till now, Captain.” He gives him a thumbs up.

“That’s enough. He’s going to practice with us from tomorrow.” Leo rounds on Sungjong and explains to him what he would need for practice – proper shoes, a change of clothes, shorts.

“Wait, you’re not kidding?” Hakyeon hollers loudly. The last few sniggers die down and there’s silence.

“Do I look like I’m kidding?”

“You never look like you’re kidding.”

Ignoring Hakyeon, he addresses Sungjong, “What’s your size? Sungyeol will get you a jersey tomorrow.”

“Why me?” Sungyeol protests like he’s been tasked with the most horrible job ever.

“Because you get all our jerseys.”

“Yeah, but I’m not going to get one for him.” He points a long finger at Sungjong, his lips turned in a disgusted expression.

“You will do exactly as I say,” Leo declares coldly. He’s had enough; he wants to go back to playing. Standing beside Sungjong is taking more effort than he could have guessed. The heat emanating from the younger is enough to make him weak. It shouldn’t be like this – even though he’s standing right next to him, he’s far, far away, in another star.

And I’ll never reach him in a million light years.

“As will the rest of you. Now move. Be here tomorrow, at 3 pm,” he adds to Sungjong, who nods obediently, although he can see the look in his eyes has gotten sharper. He’s probably stopping himself from responding to the criticism from the team. “You can go now.”

The younger sprints off. He stares at his back until it vanishes from his view, then runs off to join his team on the field. A hand grabbing his wrist warns him that Hakyeon is not going to let his decision go so easily.

“What happened to ‘I’m trying to forget him’?” he asks accusingly.

“I’m doing him a favor for his college apps, it’s nothing.”

“You let him walk all over you and now you’re going to help him?” The disbelief in Hakyeon’s voice is high-pitched.

Leo has had enough. Jerking his wrist out of his friend’s hand, he says angrily, “He didn’t use me, I had useless expectations. It’s not his fault. And we’re no closer to dating than 4 months ago, so thank you for your concern, but no thank you.”

Hakyeon’s lips part and he looks hurt. Backing away a little, he says, “I care about you, I don’t want you to hurt.”

“Then leave me alone,” he coldly replies, turning his attention to the field. No one is really playing; instead they are giving each other meaningful looks. They are probably bursting to discuss what just happened.

Maybe I need to clear my head.

“Guys, let’s change back. We’ll practice tomorrow.”

“Yes,” they reply together, picking up the ball and heading towards the changing room. Hakyeon walks beside him, like he always does. It seems like he wants to say more but Leo really doesn’t want to hear anymore. He’s made his decision.

“The guys are not going to leave him alone, I’m just saying,” Hakyeon says quickly, before hurrying towards his locker.

He’s right.

His team’s antagonistic feeling towards Sungjong is not new and giving them a chance to spend time together might just result in farther disputes.

His misgivings were not baseless. The team did everything they can to thwart his inclusion to the team. They would run into him on purpose or tackle him even when he didn’t have the ball on him (and frankly, the younger was utter rubbish at the game). Finally, Leo put him on the bench, tasking him with being the manager of the team, but team started to vehemently protest Sungjong’s role as their ‘manager’. He had to remind them who the captain was in order to stop the protests.

Even then, they wouldn’t leave Sungjong alone and the problem with the younger is that he doesn’t know when to back down. He answers every little taunt with an equally disrespectful tone (it’s like he’s never been taught to respect elders, although the elders aren’t doing a great job at commanding respect) and the result is the start of physical brawl; he has to step in and put an end to it and it’s not always easy because he doesn’t want to take sides (but it’s pretty obvious who he sides with).

His team is bad enough, but Sungjong actually provokes them occasionally, and it doesn’t help that the younger never seems to listen to him. 

One day, after a particularly heated argument, which was actually started by Sungjong, he has to take the younger to one side and warn him that if he doesn’t listen to him, he’ll be kicked out.

Sungjong throws his arms in the air, ready to defend himself, when he grabs his wrists and jerks him strongly.

“Stop picking fights, what if I’m not around one day, who’s going to save you, huh?”

The younger wrenches his hands out of his grasp angrily with amazing strength.

“I didn’t ask you to save me.”

That’s true but…

“I chose to save you!” he blurts out before he can control his tongue. “You might have forgotten but I love you!” He’s not supposed to say it, but he does anyway. Sungjong just makes him lose control to the point he surprises himself and wonders if he is the same person he used to be anymore.

This is not me, this is not supposed to be me.

Realizing his mistake, he storms out of the changing room, feeling a throbbing pulse on his temple. He’s tried his best to keep his calm around Sungjong and ignore him as much as possible. However, he always finds himself looking at him, glancing his way when he thinks no one is looking. Even now, Sungjong can get his heart racing in no time, give him a heart attack. And he doesn’t know how to deal with it.

He meets Hakyeon on the way out, who’s come to look for him.

“That brat is-”

“It’s not going to happen anymore, I talked to him,” Leo explains.

His eyes flash with anger.

“He’s broken tons of rules, why aren’t you kicking him out?” he asks viciously. “Is he that attractive?”

“Hakyeon, stop,” he orders, frowning. He doesn’t want to fight against his friend.

Staring at him intensely, he whispers, “You’re not the Jung Taekwoon I grew up with. Why does one boy change everything? Who is he that you have to put him first no matter what?”

Of course he looks away, because he can’t meet his friend’s gaze honestly and insist that it’s not like that, that he’s got it all wrong.

But I don’t know the honest answer to his questions either.

“I didn’t choose to be this way,” he answers quietly. Sidestepping his friend, he starts to walk towards the exit.

“I love you. Does that change anything?”

He stops in his tracks. He wants to turn around to make sure Hakyeon was really the one who said it. When he looks at him, he expects to see a sly smile or a mocking smirk, but instead, he looks completely serious. There is no indication that he’s joking and he knows his friend isn’t as good with poker faces as he is.

“I love you. Does it change anything?” His voice is more desperate this time and his gaze is searching.

It’s not what Leo expected and as he adjusts to the information, he understands why Hakyeon has always been extra hostile towards Sungjong.

But…

He looks him in the eyes and says the first thing that came to his mind when he first heard the question.

“No, it doesn’t change anything.”

A/N: Okay so maybe you're wondering, why Leo of all people. I was watching Running Man and he came out in one of the episodes to play soccer. I thought he looked really cool in the jersey. And then I thought about how bad Sungjong is in sports and this just happened.