Hongbin went straight to the practice studio, resolving to practice until he couldn’t do anything or think about anything anymore. Jaemi was so confusing. She had always been. From the moment he met her, he could never tell exactly what she was thinking or how she was feeling. He remembered the days when he struggled to determine whether she liked him or not; even after she kissed him for the first time, clearly signaling that she liked him, she ran away, clearly signaling that she didn’t like him.

                He sank down to the floor, totally exhausted from practicing the dance for almost 40 minutes non-stop. He couldn’t stop himself from wondering if she still danced. He lied on the floor and listened to their new songs on repeat. It was so annoying that everything constantly reminded him of her.

                Worst of all, he knew that he was suffering alone. He knew, without a doubt, that the next day, she’d walk onto the set and act as if nothing out of the ordinary happened. She hated confronting her problems. Whenever she had to tell a teacher about a wrong mark on her assignments or anything, she’d force him to come along with her and sometimes she’d even make him talk to the teacher for her, which he never minded doing because it was for her.

                Hyuk shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He was barely a third done with his final, and time was almost half up. He was exceptionally unprepared for this, considering that he was taking it earlier than it was originally scheduled to be administered. In fact, he was taking all of his finals early so he could surprise Jaemi. And by surprise, he meant that he was going to scare the crap out of her just because he could.

                It was raining when Hongbin arrived at Jaemi’s apartment building. He stood outside in the rain for a few moments, trying to decide if he really wanted to do this. Soon, he found himself retracing his steps from just a few hours ago in a dream-like state. He raised his fist, which suddenly felt like a lump of lead, and knocked loudly on her door three times.

                He counted the seconds that passed as he waited for her to open the door. 18…19…20… He started to doubt himself. Should he just leave while he still could? 33…34…35… Was Jaemi asleep? Would she even open the door for him even if she was awake? 46…47…48… How long should he wait for her to open the door? What was he going to say to her if she opened the door? 58…59…60... He let out a drawn out sigh. He thought that maybe it was for the better that he didn’t see her right now. Just as he took a reluctant step away from the door, he heard the turn of the lock. His breath hitched and his heart started beating wildly. He didn’t even have time to gather his thoughts about what he wanted to tell her. The sight of her beautiful, bare face, her pajamas, and her tired eyes were enough to make him forget everything he was going to tell her off for. He couldn’t stop himself from grabbing her face in his hands and pressing his lips onto hers.

                “Hongbin? What are you—“ she started. She was suddenly cut off by the feeling of his lips on hers. Her first instinct was to push him away, but he started to do that thing with his thumbs where he would gently brush them against her cheeks to calm her down and she forgot about who and where they were. All she wanted to think about was how nice and soft his lips were. As soon as he felt her kiss him back, he internally let out a sigh of relief. He smiled into the kiss, feeling full of bliss, and pulled her closer.  She placed her hands on his waist out of habit, and the feeling of his wet hoodie surprised her. She broke away from the kiss and asked confusedly,

                “Hongbin, what are you doing here? And why are you all wet?”

                He smiled at her, showing his dimples, and replied, “I just wanted to see you and it was raining.”

                Her expression softened for a moment. She smiled to herself, remembering how it rained the first time they kissed and how it rained after he walked her home on New Year’s Eve.

                Hongbin beamed at her and gently kissed her forehead and hugged her tightly. She remembered the conversations they had, the stolen glances they exchanged in class, the dates they went on, the arguments they had, the times she went to Hyuk when she fought with Hongbin.

                She buried her face into his damp hoodie. She loved how he smelled like the rain and how steady his heartbeat was. She had to admit that she missed this, but she missed Hyuk a million times more.

                “I’m sorry, Hongbin. I-I can’t do this. We went too far. This was too much,” she muttered into his broad chest. Hongbin chuckled, not understanding what she said, but still thinking that she was adorable.

                “Hm? You need to speak clearly Jaemi. How do you expect me to hear you when you just mumble to yourself like that?” he joked.

                The vibrations from his chest tickled her ear. The sound of his heart beating was so calming. She wanted to blame the warm feeling growing inside of her on the alcohol she consumed only hours ago.

                “Only tonight,” she muttered.

                “What are you talking about now? Are you still drunk?” he teased.

                “Maybe, I don’t know. But I know that I’m only going to let myself be like this for tonight. Only tonight,” she repeated. He chuckled in response again, not taking her words seriously.

                “Alright Jaemi. Whatever you say,” he replied happily, “I wish we could stay like this forever, but sadly, I think it’s almost sunrise. I should get back to the dorm before the manager finds out that I left.”

                “Are you really going to go now?” she asked, almost pleading for him to stay longer. He smiled even more brightly at her. She used to always say that to him whenever he told her that he had to go study or something. He couldn’t resist her.

                “Ok, maybe I’ll stay a little longer,” he replied. He kissed her hairline and rested his chin on her head. He bit his lip in a futile attempt to contain his smile. He couldn’t believe that she was there with him in his arms again. The last time that he felt this good was when he found out that he was going to debut with his closest friends.

                “I love you, Jaemi,” he said quietly to her. Jaemi pretended to not hear him. She teared up from the guilt building up in her, but she quickly blinked the tears away. She had gotten better at hiding her tears over the years. Hongbin was disappointed that she didn’t say it back to him, but he told himself not to get greedy.

                Jaemi was trying to ignore her thoughts of Hyuk, but it was useless. She felt disgusted with herself, yet she couldn’t find the will to push Hongbin away again. She missed his kindness and gentleness. He was always so good to her, which made her feel even worse about what she was doing.

                “I think I really have to go now, Jaemi,” Hongbin said, breaking the silence between them.

                All she replied was, “Ok.” She knew it was for the best to not drag out the night.

                Hongbin kissed her forehead again and headed towards the door. Jaemi gnawed on her lower lip to stop herself from asking him to stay with her even longer. Just as his he placed his hand on the door knob, she couldn’t help but call out, “Wait, Hongbin. Can I give you something?”

                He let out a sigh of contentment and turned around. “Of course,” he answered.

                Jaemi went into her bedroom and immediately reached for the box she hid underneath her bed. It wasn’t the most original hiding spot, but it wasn’t like Hyuk would even think that she was hiding anything in the first place. It was like her box of shame, and considering the circumstances tonight, it seemed appropriate to bring it out again. She quickly sifted through the contents, which consisted of one of her brother’s favorite toys that she broke when she was younger, a stupid diary she kept while she was in middle school when she was bullied the most, Sehun’s sweatshirt, and the photobook Hongbin gave to her for Valentine’s Day.  

                While she was going through her most regretful memories, Hongbin was overwhelmed with joy. Jaemi loved him, she missed him, and she didn’t want him to go. He had to pinch himself to make sure that this wasn’t a dream. He greeted her with a dazzling smile when she came out of her room. She looked so cute with her messy hair and oversized sweatshirt. It didn’t even register in his mind that it was a Harvard sweatshirt that more than likely belonged to Hyuk, all he could think about was her shy smile as she handed him a book. He looked down and saw that it was the photobook he made for her when they were dating in high school. He quickly flipped through the book, laughing and smiling at the pictures of her at them together.

                “You’re giving this to me? Are you sure you want to?” he asked, lingering on the picture of them kissing each other on one of their dates.

                “Yeah, I never wanted to throw it out after we broke up in case somebody else found it, but now I think it’ll be better if you kept it. I won’t need it anymore,” she responded seriously, staring at the floor.

                Hongbin smiled at her. “We can make new memories now. I got better at taking pictures too. I can make you a really nice book now.”

                Jaemi shook her head and blinked back her tears. “No, Hongbin. I told you, this was only for tonight.”

                “Ok, Jaemi,” he brushed off. “I think you should get some sleep now. You’re going to be really hung over if you don’t sleep now.” He tucked a loose strand of her hair behind her ear and leaned forward to kiss her again.

                “I love you,” he said with his lips still hovering over hers.

                “Only tonight, Hongbin,” she repeated.

                “Thank you for letting me be with you tonight. I’ll see you on Monday, right?” he confirmed. She nodded her head. He kissed her one last time and left.