Hakyeon sighed as he finally lay down to sleep after a long day of promotions. He knew deep down that the weariness he felt wasn't only because of the two hours sleep he'd been getting for the last month. No, but he couldn't bring himself to dare think about the real reason behind his slump recently. He knew that time will continue trudging on and eventually the feeling will pass, as it always does. Until then he would just have to keep himself in check. The last thing he would ever want is for someone to notice.

Truth is, Hakyeon feels like this a lot more than he used to recently. He tells himself its because of the weather. Cold weather always makes him feel down. Though he knows the summer makes him long even more. Deep down, maybe he knows it started getting worse after their stint as VIXX girls, but he'd never admit to that. Cha Hakyeon was happy. Or at least that's what he told himself. It worked sometimes.

In the end, life still continued and when he woke up in the morning he washed up, got dressed and left for work with the rest of the group. He laughed, he smiled, he joked.

They were in the van for a long time that day as they were driving to another city to do some radio appearances. After the first hour pretty much everyone took that time to sleep. There was the odd pocket of time when maybe Taekwoon would find something to munch on or the younger ones would exchange brief conversations before falling back to sleep. Hakyeon however, was wide awake and far too lost in his own thoughts.

Of course his thoughts were filled with the usual things like schedules and practices and things everyone needed to work on. He also was wondering if he should take everyone out for a treat. Maybe take them for steak. They had been working hard these past few months.

Slowly, no matter how hard Hakyeon tried to push them out, those thoughts kept creeping in.

He didn't have time to try and convince himself otherwise before the van finally came to a stop and they were being ushered out into a small warehouse looking building that no doubt held their first radio schedule.

He silently thanked the universe for its timing. He couldn't afford to be dwelling on such things.

The rest of the week past by with little incident. In fact after his little moment in the car Hakyeon had felt fine. Great, even. He has been so cheerful in fact even the members have noticed and commented on his unusually good mood. Hakyeon thinks that maybe, this time he is finally over all of this nonsense and he can finally get on with his life.

Its another three weeks before he feels it again. He doesn't understand why at first. He'd had such a good day. A really great day. They'd gone out in the evening just like he'd been planning.

They went out for steak and just about every other kind of food the restaurant offered. They ate and laughed and drank. It was the most relaxed and free they'd all been in what felt like forever. The relief of some time off to unwind was blissful.

However, when they got back the smile slowly slipped from his face and all the strength in his body vanished. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was just because he was so tired of fighting it, Hakyeon found himself in the bathroom staring at his own reflection. He looked at his dark skin, black bags, cracked lips and skinny frame. He watched himself stare back and hated everything he saw. He felt sick.

But this time it really was the alcohol, and he quickly made for the toilet.

After rinsing out his mouth with mouthwash Hakyeon finally unlocked the bathroom and went to bed. He brushed off the questioning looks from the others, and buried himself in his blankets hoping tomorrow would be better.

If it was better, it wasn't by much and Hakyeon didn't suppose it would make a difference anyway.

All of a sudden he found himself in a rut. A downward spiral. The only thing keeping him going was routine. Wake up, get dressed, work, come home, sleep, repeat. He never thought he'd be thankful for just how little time to himself he got.

One day as they were getting changed for some TV show or other, Hakyeon turned to Wonshik and asked;

"Do you think I'm pretty?"

Wonshik stared back for a moment looking blankly before he burst out laughing.

"Hey!" He yelled shoving at Hakyeon's shoulder gently. "Don't ask such weird questions, you had me for a second there."

Hakyeon laughed with him, continuing to joke around, asking him in cute voices if he was pretty.

He didn't want to think about how it hadn't been a joke.

He just wanted to be pretty.

One night when everyone else was either out or watching some movie on TV, Hakyeon sat in the corner of their room looking at old pictures of himself. He was so distracted he didn't hear the door click open, or the quiet footsteps to his side.

"Hakyeon, why are you crying?" Taekwoon's soft voice lilts.

Startled Hakyeon looks up, feeling his own cheeks, surprised to find that he was in fact crying.

He was going to reply but he didn't know what to say so he chose to stay silent, hoping the other would get fed up and leave.

Instead Taekwoon sat himself down next to him and rested his head on Hakyeon's shoulder. An unusual act that caught them both off guard.

"You know you can tell me. We're friend's for life remember." Taekwoon says while giving Hakyeon a gentle nudge.

"It's nothing Taek, I'm fine." Hakyeon says, trying to smile. He didn't want to worry the other.

Taekwoon sits there for a while, head still resting on the other, as he thinks to himself. He's had a hunch about what's wrong with his friend, but doesn't know how to breach the topic. The last thing he wants is to upset his friend.

"What were you looking at on your phone?" He finally asks, soft voice cutting through the silence.

"Oh," Hakyeon starts, "Just some old pictures."

"Can I see?" Taekwoon asks gently, like you would a child or scared animal.

Hesitantly Hakyeon hands his phone over in an act of momentary bravery.

Taekwoon takes the phone in silence and looks through some of the pictures. It becomes clear to him very quickly his suspicions were correct. He isn't sure how to feel about that. So instead he decides to not face the topic head on.

"You look pretty." Is all he says instead.

He feels Hakyeon tense and for a moment he thinks he said the wrong thing, but then Hakyeon is clutching to his side whispering a very quiet thank you.