Jongkook took a deep, steadying breath, clenching and unclenching his fists.

Never had he ever been this nervous. Granted, he had also never stood outside a door to someone he clearly was very much in love with and who was equally clearly not very happy with him at the moment.

He closed his eyes for a moment, leaning his forehead against the cool metal of the door.

One and a half week had passed since his and Gwangsoo’s argument. The younger had stayed firm in his anger and decision to alienate himself from Jongkook and it seemed there was nothing he could do about it.

Well, it was his fault to begin with so he couldn’t really blame the other.

He had caught Jaesuk looking at him suspiciously a few times, but other than that first time the older had talked to him and asked him to ‘man up and face his problems’ he hadn’t mentioned the weird atmosphere that now was very much noticeable between him and Gwangsoo. Of course, he and Jaesuk also hadn’t talked much because Jongkook was irrationally jealous whenever he saw him and Gwangsoo together – rendering him quite annoyed as soon as he saw the older. He wanted to be that close with Gwangsoo – he wanted to be the only one that close with Gwangsoo.

Haha, on the other hand, had been strangely supportive. He didn’t know the problem (no one did), but he kept encouraging him to do it his own way since he believed Jongkook knew what was best for him and to stop caring about the slightly judgmental glances Jaesuk, Jihyo and Sukjin were throwing him whenever he tried to inconspicuously avoid Gwangsoo. Jongkook had been very grateful for that, but also felt very guilty. He wasn’t sure he deserved so much trust and support. However, he just smiled and thanked his friend, promising him he would solve the situation if he could.

Which was why he was now hesitating outside Gwangsoo's apartment door.

He growled at himself in annoyance, snapping his eyes open and straightening his back. Before he could think about it or second-guess his actions, he raised his hand and pressed the doorbell, holding his breath.

It was quiet for so long he wondered if Gwangsoo had seen him through the peephole and decided to pretend he wasn’t home. Or maybe he really wasn’t home. Jongkook frowned and was about to press the button again when he heard the locks turn and the door swung open, almost hitting him in the face.

“Kim Jongkook-sshi,” Gwangsoo glared at him. “It is eleven in the evening and I do not recall inviting you to my apartment.”

Jongkook blinked at him, not used to the formal and distant speech.

“Uh…” he started uncertainly. “I just-”

“Jongkook-Hyung!”

He jumped slightly and looked over Gwangsoo’s shoulder to see Joongki’s head pop out around the corner to the living room.

“It’s been a while!”

“Joongki,” Gwangsoo groaned as Jongkook greeted the other with a small smile. “Do you not listen to anything I tell you?”

“Gwangsoo-yah,” Joongki said with a chuckle. “You should know that by now I always tune out whenever you talk about Jongkookie-Hyung!”

Jongkook raised a questioning eyebrow at this and Gwangsoo looked at him challengingly, daring him to ask. All it did, however, was making Jongkook want to kiss him right then and there, screw the consequences. The younger looked strangely alluring with his defiant expression – his soft, warm eyes had a sharp glint to them and his usually full lips thinned as they were pressed together. Although, he kind of missed his big, goofy smiles and breathy laugh, he thought somberly.

“Well, if you’re busy I’ll come back later,” Jongkook sighed, feeling defeated. He had gathered up so much courage to finally do this only to be thrown off course by the younger’s best friend.

It looked like Gwangsoo was about to tell him to not even bother – which broke Jongkook’s heart a little – when Joongki interrupted.

“No, no, I’m on my way home!” he said cheerily, making his way over to them. “Really!” he assured when Jongkook gave him a skeptical look.

Gwangsoo turned to look at him pleadingly, his eyes begging him not to leave, but the other just waved it off.

“Joongki I swear, if you set foot outside this-”

“Gwangsoo,” his friend interrupted sternly. “You have been whining nonstop for days about how Jongkook-Hyung has been unreasonably cold and distant and frankly, I’m sick of hearing it. So since he’s here, you should just settle it with him instead,” he explained reasonably while putting on his shoes. Then he hugged Jongkook on his way out, waved once and disappeared down the hallway, leaving the other two in awkward silence.

“Gwangsoo-yah,” Jongkook started but stopped when the other glared at him furiously. This was the first time the younger was this unrelentingly angry and it was actually scaring him slightly. Maybe he had crossed a line he couldn’t un-cross.

“Give me one good reason not to slam this door in your face,” Gwangsoo growled. “You have three seconds.”

Jongkook just blinked at him stupidly while he started counting (very fast, he might add). He just about opened his mouth when Gwangsoo smiled triumphantly and started to close the door.

“To bad for you, time’s up!”

Jongkook knew that – technically – he didn’t have the right to get angry. However, the unrelenting attitude of the younger was starting to tick him off. He acted fast without even thinking, grabbing the door and forcing it open again. Luckily, he was (and always would be) stronger than most of his friends and it went smoothly enough, the door swinging open again – until Gwangsoo stumbled clumsily, almost falling on his face. Jongkook instinctively grabbed his upper arms to steady him, not prepared for the jolt it would cause in his stomach and the skip in his heartbeat as they ended up closer than they had been for weeks.

He let go as if he had been burned, taking a quick step back, and could see Gwangsoo give him a slightly puzzled look at the reaction. Thankfully, he didn’t mention it. Instead his sour expression returned and Jongkook realized he had managed to get inside the apartment. He took a deep breath, holding up his hands in a sign of peace.

“Gwangsoo,” he started again and the younger narrowed his eyes. “Can we talk?”

Gwangsoo looked incredulous for a moment, before giving him a murderous glare. “I don’t know, Seonbeanim. Can we?”

Jongkook sighed. “Please stop it with the ‘Seonbeanim’, Gwangsoo. It’s not funny.”

If looks could kill, Jongkook would be nothing but dust in the wind at the moment.

“I want you out of my apartment,” the younger said in a dangerously low tone. “Now.”

“Okay, look,” Jongkook said, sounding more irritated than he intended. He saw the dangerous flash in Gwangsoo’s eyes and hurried to continue in case the other finally decided he would murder him. “I know I’ve been a jerk and I came to apologize! I can’t do that if you kick me out!”

“Should have thought of that when you decided to be a prick,” the younger muttered viciously.

“Gwangsoo,” he groaned in exasperation.

The other appraised him distrustfully for a moment, obviously weighing the pros and cons to the situation, before letting out a heavy sigh and stepping aside, allowing Jongkook to come further into the apartment.

“Thank you,” he mumbled and closed the door behind him as Gwangsoo his heel to return to the living room.

As Jongkook toed off his shoes he heard a soft ‘thump’ from the living room, indicating the younger had thrown himself onto the couch. He hesitantly made his way down to the room, stopping in the doorway until Gwangsoo looked up at him. He was sprawled out on the couch, his pale, flat stomach showing underneath the t-shirt he was wearing as it had bunched up by his waist, taking Jongkook back to the morning he had realized just what the younger man meant to him.

He cleared his throat awkwardly and diverted his gaze, his eyes falling upon the two teacups on the coffee table in front of the couch. He smiled slightly, remembering the times when Gwangsoo would put on tea and set the cups on the table to then be forgotten as they talked non-stop until they realized the beverage had gone cold and then they would laugh about it, challenging the other to chug it down the quickest. It seemed like eons ago and Jongkook wondered if he would ever be able to spend his time with the younger in such ease again.

“Are you gonna stand there until dawn or what?” Gwangsoo asked tiredly and Jongkook looked back at him in slight surprise.

The younger had lost his irritated expression and was looking like he had given up on staying mad. Jongkook silently thanked his lucky stars that the other was calming down before shaking his head.

“No,” he answered quietly and made his way over to the couch.

Gwangsoo moved his legs so he could sit down beside him – although as far away as he could – and they proceeded to stare at the muted TV screen for a while – one trying to find the right words, the other just waiting for it to be over with.

“I’m sorry,” Jongkook said sincerely in a soft voice after a while. He could see how Gwangsoo turned to look at him in his peripheral vision but kept his eyes trained on the screen. “I didn’t mean to make you angry, but there were… some complications.”

“Complications,” the younger scoffed and he finally mustered up the courage to look at him, noting with relief the other only had a slightly annoyed expression on his face instead of a murderous one. “The only complication I noticed was that you’re more of a coward than I thought you were.”

“Gwangsoo...” Jongkook sighed and rubbed his forehead tiredly. The younger had a point, but that didn’t mean he liked hearing it. “Will you please just let me talk?”

The other waved a hand as a signal for him to go on.

“Okay,” Jongkook took a deep breath. “Okay, so the truth is… t-the truth is… well, I realized…  what I’m trying to say is… you know?”

Gwangsoo raised his eyebrows at him disbelievingly. “No, I don’t.”

Jongkook swallowed. Right. How the hell was he supposed to just outright tell him he wanted nothing more than to hold him close, wake up with him in his arms every morning, kiss him good night every evening, love him until it hurt and know the other loved him back just the same?

He didn’t know.

But he could try.

“Okay, so… I woke up one morning and there was sunlight and I was feeling nice but then I realized I shouldn’t but I couldn’t stop it and it became weird and I didn’t want it to and I was trying to determine if it was true but then I made you mad too and-”

“Hyung,” Gwangsoo interrupted him softly, starting to look worried. Jongkook absentmindedly felt a content warmth in his chest as the younger wasn’t using formalities anymore. “You’re blabbering,” he continued, sounding like it was some crime or something. “You never blabber. You always know what to say. Like Jaesuk-Hyung!”

“Oh…”

Truthfully, Jongkook hadn’t noticed he was blabbering. It was hard explaining just what he had felt and what he was still feeling. He frowned, trying to get his unusually sloppy act together.

Gwangsoo sighed. “Just where are you going with this?”

“I fell in love,” he blurted before he could think. Way to get his act together.

The other blinked at him confusedly, obviously not seeing the problem. “So?”

“No, you don’t understand,” Jongkook groaned and threw his head back to rest on the couch’s back, staring up at the ceiling as if it could help him.

“Hyung, you’re a grown man. Just spit it out.”

He was a grown man. So why was this so hard? What’s the worst that could happen? That Gwangsoo thought he was disgusting and never wanted to even breathe the same air as him again?

Yeah, probably.

“Well then,” he gritted out, sincerely hoping the younger wouldn’t hate him. “It’s you.”