The air in the practice room was stifling.

               Minki could feel his hair sticking to the back of his neck, and he pulled it back with a damp hand. He had gathered it into a haphazard ponytail before practice, but the elastic had fallen out and he was too tired to look for it.

               “Someone find me a pair of scissors!” He shouted.

               Minhyun was sprawled out on the floor with a water bottle in one hand and a paper fan in the other. He turned his head to the side to shoot Minki an exhausted glare. “What do you need them for?”              

               “So I can chop off all my hair! It’s too hot in here for this.”

               Aron poked his head around the doorframe. “But you won’t look like Lady Gaga anymore if you cut off all your hair.”

               Minki huffed. “No one asked for your opinion, Aron!”

               The air conditioner beeped as Jonghyun dropped it down to eighteen. “Guys, quit. Practice is almost over, anyway. Only another hour or so. Our debut’s going to crash and burn if you keep acting like this.”

               Minhyun groaned and rolled over.

               Minki rolled his eyes and watched as Dongho kicked the music on for what felt like the hundredth time. He raked his fingers through tangled hair and took his place.

               After the song came to a close, Minki was quick to snatch up his duffel bag and head for the door. He tugged on his shoes with an impatient hand.

               “Choi Minki, where do you think you’re going?”

               Minki slouched against the doorframe. “I’m going home, Jonghyun. Where else would I be going?”

               “We’re moving into our dorm today.” Minyhun raised an eyebrow. “Did you forget?”

               Jonghyun nodded toward the door. “The van’s already waiting.”

               “Damn it.” Minki sighed as visions of his warm, inviting bed tumbled into darkness like water down a drain. “I did forget.”

               Aron poked him harshly in the side. “Watch your language, maknae.”

               Minki frowned but opted to keep his mouth shut.

               “Are you not excited?” Dongho slung his duffel bag over one shoulder and Minki could feel his gaze on him, heavy like oil on water. “I mean, we’re debuting soon and we’re all gonna live together. That’s pretty cool, isn’t it?”

               “I am excited. I am. I’m just…tired. That’s all.”

               “I think we all are, but come on. Cheer up a little!” Dongho reached out to ruffle Minki’s hair. “The last thing we need is our Renny being mopey!”

               Minki scowled and brushed his tangled hair back from his eyes. “I am not being mopey! And don’t call me Renny!”

               “Our Renny seems a little angry today,” Minhyun mumbled.

               “Is our Renny throwing a tantrum?” Aron raised his eyebrows.

               “Does Renny need a hug?” Jonghyun grinned and spread his arms wide.

               Dongho laughed and took a step toward Minki with his arms outstretched. Jonghyun did the same, followed by Aron. Minhyun seemed satisfied with an eye roll and a heavy sigh.

               Minki took a step backward. “I do not need a hug!”

               “Renny needs a hug!” Aron sang.

               Minki shot them each a scowl before turning and running out the door.

               Their dorm was bigger than Minki had been expecting. The carpet was beige and soft under his feet as he slipped off his shoes at the front door. The flat screen TV stuck to the wall opposite the couch seemed a bit unnecessary – they would rarely have the time to use it – but he could appreciate its existence nonetheless.

               “How many rooms are there?” Aron shouted, throwing his bag to the ground and making a beeline for the hallway. His voice carried back to the door a mere second later. “Damn, there’s only two!” He shuffled back and sighed.

               “Were you expecting there to be more?” Jonghyun’s tone was quizzical.

               “Well I was hoping for at least three, so I could have a room to myself.”

               “I see how it is,” Minhyun muttered. 

               Aron stuck out his tongue. “Not my fault you guys are all too scary to share a room with.”

               Minki scowled. “Yah, I’ll show you scary, Kwak Aron, if you don’t shut your mouth.”

               He held up his hands in mock surrender. “Dongho, hug him again before he kills me.”

               Minki ducked out of Dongho’s reach and dragged his suitcase to the nearest room. He had tried to pack as much as he possibly could, but he knew he would have to go back tomorrow for the rest of it. The thought of having to say goodbye again made his throat close up. He had done it a handful of times before, but it only ever seemed to get more difficult.

               Minki glanced up as a light knock pulled his thoughts back into place. His hair fell into his eyes.

               Jonghyun’s lips turned upward in a half-smile. “You doing okay?”

               Minki didn’t trust his voice to stay steady, so he nodded in response.

               “The manager said I should room with you.” Jonghyun fell backward onto one of the beds, stretching his arms and legs out until they dangled over the edge. “You’re okay with that, right?”

               “Yeah, sure.” Minki had honestly never put much thought into who he would want to share a room with. The other members each had their own strengths and weaknesses, and he figured he would be able to work well with any of them. Jonghyun was supportive, and that was really all he could ask for.

               To say that the first week of dorm life was a bit rough would be a grave understatement.

               Minhyun was quick to claim the kitchen as his, but Jonghyun and Aron had a bad habit of leaving their dirty chopsticks on the counter.

               Dongho slung wet towels over the shower curtain rod instead of tossing them into a laundry basket like everyone else.

               Minki tried to keep his shoes lined up by the front door, but Aron kicked them out of the way whenever he was in a hurry.

               Minhyun nagged like an overstressed housewife and couldn’t leave a single surface untouched.

               It was a cold day in March, and Minhyun stood with hands on hips next to the coffee table. Two weeks hadn’t changed much, but they were becoming more accustomed to one another, and that was better than nothing.

               “Don’t make me pick that up, Kwak Aron.” Minhyun raised an eyebrow and cocked his head toward the empty ramen bowl perched on the coffee table.

               Minki watched as Aron folded his arms behind his head and leaned further into the couch. “What’re you gonna do if I just leave it there, Hwang Minhyun?” The question held a playful edge, and Minki saw Minhyun’s lips curve upward in the smallest of smiles. They had been like this for days, throwing mock arguments back and forth like a tennis ball between rackets, and it was an outcome that Minki hadn’t been expecting. They had always seemed rather distant during practices, and no one could have guessed that they would end up getting along so easily.

               “They’re like a married couple.”

               Minki jumped at Dongho’s hushed voice mere inches from his ear. He placed his palms against the kitchen table and shot him a glare. “Don’t sneak up on me like that.”

               Dongho laughed and fell into the chair beside him. “Why are you watching them? Are you really that bored?”

               Minki dropped his gaze to his bowl. “No, their relationship is just really interesting to me. I mean, during practice Minhyun is always kinda distant, and he and Aron never really seemed to talk much before this. I think it’s odd that they suddenly get along so well.”

               “Some people just click, I guess.” Dongho shrugged.

               Minki hummed vaguely and poked at his food. He would never admit it to anyone, but there had always been a small voice in the back of his mind telling him again and again that he didn’t belong in this group. He got along with everyone, and they worked well as a team, but he felt as if he would never be completely understood. As if he would never be able to “click” with any of the members on a deeper, more emotional level. Jonghyun always said that the key to forming a strong group was to understand each other inside and out, but Minki didn’t see how that was possible.

               “Something wrong?” Dongho’s voice was soft.

               Minki shook his head. “No, I’m just thinking.”

               “About what?”

               A moment of hesitation. “Nothing.”

               Dongho frowned. “No one sits and thinks about nothing.”

               Minki kept silent and stared at his nearly empty bowl.

               “Come on a walk with me.” Dongho’s tone made it sound more like a command than a suggestion, and Minki felt his head snap upward in surprise.

               “What?”

               “A walk. Just you and me. It’ll be nice to get out of the dorm for a bit, don’t you think?”

               “I… I guess?” Minki’s thoughts stalled and he didn’t know what sort of response to give.

               Dongho only smiled and pushed his chair back from the table.

               Twenty minutes later they were bundled up in coats and scarves, walking aimlessly along the sidewalk in front of their building. It was late, and the streetlights cast harsh white patches across the ground.

               “You sure you’re okay?” Dongho asked.

               Minki buried his face deeper into the fabric of his scarf. “I’m not sure how to answer that.”

               “Honestly. You’re supposed to answer it honestly.”

               “Later. Maybe I’ll answer it later.”

               It continued for a week, and Minki wasn’t sure how he was supposed to feel about it. Every night after dinner, Dongho would grab his coat and invite him out for a walk. And every night he would ask Minki how he was doing, how he was feeling, what he was thinking. And every night Minki couldn’t bring himself to answer. He felt stupid and childish, constantly worrying about finding someone who could “understand” him and “click” with his personality. It was ridiculous and he knew it. The group got along fine, and he shouldn’t have been hoping for anything more.

               At the end of the week, Minki couldn’t decide if he felt better or worse. He had gone to bed nearly two hours before, but his eyes refused to close and he couldn’t find anything interesting in the patch of ceiling above his bed no matter how long he stared at it. Jonghyun was long gone – and snoring – and Minki was getting more frustrated by the second. With a sigh he rolled out of bed and shuffled into the living room.

               He made himself a cup of tea and placed it on the coffee table before perching on the edge of a couch cushion. He felt exhausted – physically and mentally – so why couldn’t he just sleep?

               His attention was drawn to the hallway by the sound of a door closing. He raised an eyebrow as Dongho padded into the living room with sleep-tousled hair and tired eyes.

               Dongho yawned and squinted in Minki’s direction. “What time is it?”

               Minki shrugged. “I don’t know, like, two or something?”

               “What are you doing out here?”

               “I could ask you the same thing.”

               Dongho ran a hand across his eyes. “I just came to get a glass of water.”

               Minki nodded and turned his attention back to his tea, but was distracted again when Dongho sat next to him and propped his feet up on the table.

               Minki frowned. “Go back to bed.”

               “You can’t tell me what to do, maknae.”

               Minki shot him a withering glare.

               “Seriously, though, what are you doing out here? Is rooming with Jonghyun really that bad?”

               “No, rooming with him is fine. It’s amusing, to say the least.” Minki shook his head. “Did you know that he cries over anime? He cries, Dongho. Over anime.”

               Dongho snorted. “Sounds better than rooming with Minhyun and Aron.”

               “They seem like they get along just fine.”

               “They do.” Dongho frowned at the opposite wall. “That’s the problem. They get along too well. They’re practically glued to each other. Every night they get all cuddly and snuggly before they go to sleep. I swear, if I didn’t know any better I’d think they were dating.”

               “What do you mean ‘if you didn’t know any better’?”

               Dongho raised an eyebrow. “Aron’s about as straight as the lines on a Trig student’s homework.”

               Minki scoffed. “Maybe if the student forgot his glasses and didn’t have a ruler.”

               Dongho laughed at that, and the sound rang through the silent dorm. Minki thought about shushing him, but decided against it when he realized that he hadn’t had such an open conversation in a while. It felt nice to joke around and laugh, and the other members slept like rocks, anyway.

               “You really think so?” Dongho tried to drop his voice to a more acceptable volume.

               “That Aron could swing that way? Totally.”

               “I guess I just never put a lot of thought into it. Into any of the members’ ualities, really. What if he and Minhyun really did become a thing?”

               Minki shrugged. He had never thought about it much, either, but he figured it wasn’t his place to judge. He was a bit envious that Minhyun and Aron were able to connect so easily, but he couldn’t hate them for it. “It’s their choice. As long as they’re happy, I’ll be happy.”

               Dongho nodded. “Fair enough. But now that we’re on the topic, I’m really curious since this is something I never really thought about. Do you think Jonghyun could swing that way, too?”

               Minki laughed. “Does it matter?”

               “Well, no, not really. I just wanna know your opinion.”

               “I think he could. I’m not totally sure, of course, but I get the vibe sometimes.”

               Dongho hummed and Minki could feel his gaze on him. “What about you, then?”

               Minki glanced up. “Me?”

               “Yeah, you.”

               Minki felt his face heat up and he immediately cursed every blood vessel in his body. He didn’t mind discussing other people, but he generally preferred to keep his preferences to himself. Then again, Dongho was his closest friend at the moment, and their conversation was already flowing more comfortably than it ever had.

               “I could go both ways,” Minki said quietly.

               He could tell that Dongho tried to hide his surprised expression. “Really?”

               “Yeah, really. How about you?”

               He watched as Dongho’s brows furrowed in thought. He seemed to be taking the question into serious consideration.

               “You know, I’m not really sure anymore. I mean, I always thought I was one-hundred percent straight, but… I don’t know. I question it sometimes.”

               It was Minki’s turn to be surprised. He hadn’t been expecting an answer like that. He took a sip of his tea to buy him a few seconds while he thought of how to respond.

               Dongho’s laugh was quiet. “You know, I’ve never actually told anyone that before.”

               “Same here, actually.”

               “This makes us close friends, right?” Dongho threw an arm around Minki’s shoulders.

               Minki couldn’t stop the small smile that tugged at the corners of his lips. “I don’t know, does it?”

               The conversation twisted and turned for hours, and Minki didn’t feel as exhausted as he had before. They talked about everything and nothing, mixing important topics with trivial details and ridiculous anecdotes that had them both laughing out loud. The clock struck four, and then the clock struck six, but time didn’t seem to affect the conversation at all. Minki never knew that talking with someone could be so easy.

               At precisely 7:03, Dongho was asleep with his head resting awkwardly on Minki’s shoulder. It wasn’t uncomfortable in the least, and it surprised him. He spent most of his time shying away from the other members’ affections, so why did this seem so different? He tried to think about it, but his eyelids were growing heavier by the second, and he decided it didn’t really matter.

               Minki had never realized it before, but Aron made a very effective alarm clock.

               “Awwwww, look! Our Baekho and our Renny all snuggled up together on the couch! So sweet! My heart, it hurts!” Aron’s voice was high pitched and entirely too loud.

               Minki blinked and shook his head. There was no clock in the living room, and the curtains were drawn over the sliding glass door, so it was impossible for him to gauge the time. He reached for his phone and groaned in annoyance when he noticed that it had fallen in between the couch cushions.

               “It’s eight A.M., if you’re wondering.” Minhyun said. “And I’m about to make breakfast, so get up. What are you doing sleeping out here, anyway?”

               “I couldn’t sleep…,” Minki mumbled. He reached over to shake Dongho awake, but he was already up, rubbing his eyes and squinting at everyone in the living room.

               Jonghyun’s voice was the next to fill the room. “Yah, Choi Minki!” He stood in front of the coffee table with his hands on his hips. “Is sharing a room with me really that awful? Why are you sleeping out here? Is it my snoring? It’s my snoring, isn’t it? There’s nothing I can do about it! I can’t help it!”

               Minki huffed. “Jonghyun shut up.”

               “You’re pushing your luck, maknae!” Aron called from the kitchen. “Don’t talk to your hyung like that!”

               “You can’t tell me what to do! I’ve lived in Korea longer than you have!”

               “Doesn’t mean you know the honorific system better than I do!”

               Minki rolled his eyes. “Actually, that’s exactly what it means!”

               He waited for a response, but all he heard was a slapping sound and a small yelp, which probably meant that Minhyun had hit Aron with the spatula and told him to stop arguing.

               “Chill, guys, chill.” Dongho yawned. “It’s way too early for this.”

               After everyone had showered, changed, and complained about how long breakfast was taking or – in Minhyun’s case – how no one ever seemed to put dishes in the correct cupboards, they were gathered around the table in silence.

               Minki was more exhausted than hungry, and he found himself eating mechanically without really tasting any of it. Normally, he would regret losing as much sleep as he had, but instead he just wanted to talk with Dongho again. He wanted to know more of his thoughts and opinions. He wanted to hear more stupid jokes and laugh until he forgot how tired he was.

               “No practice or anything today,” Jonghyun announced as he pushed his chair back from the table. It was almost comical how everyone’s gaze snapped upward at the exact same instant.

               “Seriously?” Dongho’s tone was laced with incredulity. “Then why the hell was everyone up so early? I could have slept until noon!”

               Minhyun pointed his chopsticks at Dongho. “That’s bad for your health.”

               Minki rolled his eyes again and went to put his dishes in the sink.

               Preparing for a debut was intense work, so days off were few and far between, which meant that each person was determined to not waste a single second.

               Jonghyun was quick to connect his laptop to the TV so he could watch the newest episode of an anime series whose last episode “ended on such a huge cliffhanger so I have to watch the new episode now because I am dying to know what happens”.

               Aron was in his room with some American music playing a bit too loud, singing along at an even higher volume and occasionally shouting about how the song was such a “dope track”.

               Minhyun was cleaning.

               Dongho was asleep.

               Minki sighed and settled deeper into the couch. He tried to follow the action on the TV screen, but it was episode twelve of an anime that he had never seen before. He wasn’t about to ask Jonghyun for an explanation of the plotline, so he let his eyes slip closed instead.

               He awoke to repeated taps on the forehead and a chorus of “Renny… Renny… Yah, Choi Minki, wake up! Renny… Come on, Renny…”

               He immediately grumbled and rolled over.

               Dongho huffed. “Come on, I’m so bored! Let’s go on a walk.”

               “Why do you always want to go on walks?” Minki had his face buried in the arm of the couch, so he wasn’t sure if Dongho even caught what he said.

               “They help clear my head a little. Do you not want to go?”

               Minki had, in fact, been wanting to talk with Dongho all day, but he didn’t have the heart to wake the other up on a day off. Apparently, Dongho had no such qualms.

               “I’ll go, I’ll go. Give me a second to wake up first.” He exhaled and ran a hand through his hair.

               After pulling on his coat and wrapping his scarf tightly around his neck, he slipped on his shoes and followed Dongho out the door. He vaguely heard Aron shout, “Have fun on your date, kids, but don’t be out too late!” before he shut the door behind him.

               Minki shoved his hands deep into his pockets and watched as his feet left tracks in the thin layer of snow on the sidewalk. “So where are we going today?”

               “I wanted to go to the Han River… if you’re okay with that.”

               Minki shot him a quizzical glance. “It’s fine with me.”

               They made their way into the nearest subway station and waited until the music overhead indicated the oncoming train. Minki wished he had checked the time before leaving the dorm – it was rush hour, and the train was packed wall to wall with commuters. He and Dongho fought their way through the mass of people laden with coats and handbags until they found a tiny pocket of space under the display screen. It was a tight fit, and they ended up standing face to face with a mere inch separating them. Minki felt his face heat up at the close contact, and he kept his gaze glued to the floor. When the train hit uneven ground, the entire crowd stumbled forward a step to keep their balance, and Minki found himself pressed against Dongho’s chest with no room to move. Dongho had a tight hold on his arm to keep him steady, and, just like before when Dongho had slept on his shoulder, Minki decided that it wasn’t as uncomfortable as he would have expected.

               They pushed their way off the train at the stop closest to the river and followed the crowd at a snail’s pace up the stairs. Frigid air s down the stairway and bit at his cheeks and hands. The wind only picked up as they reached the top and made their way down the street.

               There weren’t many people at the river’s edge, so meandering along the path near the water was easy. Minki curled his frozen fingers into a fist to try to keep them warm.

               “It’s pretty, isn’t it?” Dongho nodded toward the river, where the city lights were reflected back in long lines of orange and yellow.

               Minki kept close to Dongho’s side and hummed in agreement. The air cut straight through his coat and chilled him to the bone, but he did his best to ignore it.

               “Did you forget your gloves?”

               Minki glanced over to see Dongho staring at him with a concerned frown. He pushed his hands deeper into his pockets. “Yeah, I did. I think they’re in my room somewhere.”

               When Dongho held out a hand, Minki could only blink in surprise and raise an eyebrow.

               Dongho sighed and tugged at Minki’s wrist until he slipped his hand from his pocket. He laced their fingers together without meeting Minki’s gaze.

               “What are you doing?”

               “Your hand will be warmer this way.” Dongho simply nodded and kept walking forward.

               Minki’s brows furrowed at his logic. “I’m pretty sure it would be warmer in my pocket, where the wind can’t get to it. Doesn’t that make more sense?”

               Dongho only shrugged.

               They continued in that way, walking down the river with their fingers intertwined and small talk rolling back and forth between them like the small waves on the water’s surface. Dongho’s hand was warm and the entire situation was the comfort that Minki had been looking for. After an hour, Minki couldn’t feel the cold anymore, and he found himself never wanting to leave.

               “Do you want to go back?” Dongho asked after glancing at his phone. “It isn’t that late, but if you’re too cold or anything-”

               Minki shook his head. “I don’t want to go back yet.”

               Dongho grinned. “I was thinking we could go to Yeouido Park, then, if you want to. It’s really nice at night.”

               “That sounds good.” Minki nodded and buried his face into his scarf to try to hide his smile.

               He expected to spend the short walk to the park in comfortable silence, but Dongho talked the entire way, easily pulling Minki into a conversation about their likes and dislikes. He had known Dongho for a long time, but talking like this seemed to open up a completely new person. And he wanted to know more and more, gathering up the information like a librarian collected books.

               “Actually, there’s something I wanted to ask you,” Dongho said softly as they reached the park entrance. He glanced at the map and pulled Minki toward the path that led to the pond.

               “What is it?” Lamps kept the pathway brightly lit, so it was easy for Minki to see Dongho’s conflicted expression.

               “Earlier… you said that you could… you know, go either way. Was there… a specific person who made you realize that? Or a specific moment or something?” He kept his gaze trained forward.

               Minki frowned. Why was he curious about that, of all things? He was suddenly hyper aware of their intertwined fingers and close proximity.

               “Well, it’s… it’s kind of hard to say. I mean, I’ve never actually… been with anyone before, so I couldn’t be totally sure. I guess I just… feel like I could. You know? As long as I like them, it doesn’t really matter. If that makes any sense.”

               Dongho nodded but said nothing. They had reached the edge of the pond, and Minki watched the plants that bobbed gently on the surface, following a haphazard path crisscrossed with reflected lamplight.

               “What about you?” He kept his voice quiet and glanced at Dongho from the corner of his eye. “You said that sometimes you… question. Is there someone who made you think like that?”

               Dongho’s gaze met his, and it teetered on the edge of awkward. Minki didn’t want to look away, but the air between them was too thick and too silent and he didn’t know what to do.

               He simply watched as Dongho leaned forward, and he didn’t even realize he was holding his breath until he started to feel dizzy. He knew what Dongho was about to do, but he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to react to it. He only had a few seconds now – should he turn away? Pull back? Lean forward? What was Dongho even thinking –?

               Dongho’s lips were on his before he had a chance to move. It was comfortable in a way he hadn’t been expecting, and he felt his eyes slip closed. His mind felt frozen but his body moved forward and Dongho’s arms were wrapped around his waist. It was warm and Minki felt like it was the only place where he could forget about everything. All of his thoughts slid to a standstill and he felt oddly safe.

               Dongho pulled back but kept their faces close. “Did that answer your question?”

               Minki raised an eyebrow. “Am I the one who made you question it?” His breathing was a little shallow and he tried to ignore the erratic way his heart was beating.

               “Did I not make it obvious enough?”

               Minki shook his head. “No, no, you did. I’m just… I don’t know. Surprised?”

               Dongho laughed, low and soft, and Minki could feel his breath against his lips. “In a bad way?”

               “Not exactly.”

               “So I could do it again?”

               Minki laughed. “What makes you think you can just-”

               Their lips met again and this time Dongho’s fingers were in his hair and he couldn’t breathe. Kissing Dongho was a lot like talking with him: comfortable and warm and easy. And Minki wanted more moments like this. He wanted to talk with him for hours, fall asleep on his shoulder, and kiss him until all he knew was safe comfort and nothing else.

               He was the one to pull back this time, his head spinning and his face hot.

               Dongho grinned. “Are you ready to go home now?”

               “Can’t we stay here for a while longer?” Minki felt breathless but he tried to hide it when he spoke. His voice came out quiet and small.

               Dongho pulled him toward one of the benches that dotted the water’s edge. Minki pulled his knees up to his chest and let his head fall onto Dongho’s shoulder. Silence wasn’t something that lasted long between them, and the conversation flowed as easily as ever, touching on more emotional topics that had Minki’s heart fluttering like a hummingbird. It was all unfamiliar but definitely welcome, and Minki’s mind felt at ease for the first time in weeks.

               The wind played across the surface of the pond as they talked, and Minki felt sure that – for at least this fleeting instant – everything was perfect.  

      sorry if this was terrible OTL 

SO MUCH FLUFF AND CHEESE