there was always admiration.

-

whenever myungsoo saw sunggyu, there was always admiration in his eyes. sunggyu was simply amazing.

sunggyu was always suffering. myungsoo knew things about him that the others didn't, he hand always found the leader in his worst situations, sunggyu pleading not to tell the others and that he'll be okay tomorrow.

myungsoo admired sunggyu. his passion, his determination, his strength. from the day myungsoo met him, he knew that his hyung was the type to hide behind a smile.

he didn't know how sunggyu did it — laughing along when he was teased for hours on end, smiling when harsh things were spat in his face by anti-fans, taking care of the 6 of them without breaking down in front of them or yelling at them. 

sunggyu had anxiety. myungsoo learned that when he followed sunggyu outside of the dorm after leaving dinner without a word. sunggyu was crying and gasping for air, fists clenched, fingernails digging into the palms of his hands.

every night myungsoo would check on sunggyu to make sure he was okay, that he wasn't feeling anxious. he wanted to take care of his hyung.

“soo...” sunggyu said, before myungsoo left his room to go to his dorm with sungjong and woohyun.

“yeah, hyung?”

“do you only do this because you pity me? you were never like this until you saw me have a panic attack.”

myungsoo shook his head. “i'd never pity you. being pitied . i'd know that.”

“soo, you know i didn't mean it that way.”

myungsoo nodded. “i know. i just... i know how hard it is to be pitied and that's why i don't pity people. i especially don't pity you, hyung. it's quite the opposite for me.”

“sit.” sunggyu patted the empty space next to him on his bed. “what defines opposite?”

myungsoo sat, but proceeded to lay his head in sunggyu's lap, sighing loudly. “i admire you a lot... you're really something hyung.”

“what's really something, hm?” he ran his fingers through the younger's hair, humming a tune in anticipation for an answer.

myungsoo shrugged. “i don't know. just everything you do is amazing. from being the strongest person i know to the most light hearted person i know.”

there was a comfortable silence as the elder continued to pet his hair.

“i'm not that admirable.” sunggyu pursed his lips.

myungsoo sat up immediately. “of course you are. you deal with 6 kids everyday, you're our voice, our leader, you hide your pain behind a smile, you deal with anxiety and yet you're still.. here. sane. alive.”

“go back now, soo. sungjong and woohyun are probably waiting up for you. sleep right away.”

“goodnight. sleep well.” myungsoo replied with hesitation, walking out and shutting the door behind him.

-

myungsoo sat back and quietly watched as the mcs of weekly idol continued to tease sunggyu along with the other members. no one would notice if he wasn't teasing. he was always the quiet one anyway.

he felt a jab in his heart as he saw sunggyu brush his hair from his eyes and force a laugh and a smile on his lips.

after they finished filming, myungsoo pouted and wrapped his arms around the leader's waist, chin propped on his shoulder. sunggyu let out a light laugh. “trying to make up for teasing me earlier?”

“i didn't even tease you!” myungsoo's bottom lip jutted and his nose crinkled. “i just want to make sure you're okay.”

“i'm perfectly fine, you know i can take a joke.”

“that's another thing i admire about you, hyung.”

“what?”

“you try to be positive in the worst of situations. you still smile and you still laugh. you don't want anyone to worry about you because it's your job to worry about them.”

“let's go home.” sunggyu said, gently peeling myungsoo's hands from his waist and walking outside of the studio where the members and managers were waiting.

-

sunggyu was always weak for his favorite dongsaeng. and myungsoo was always weak for his favorite hyung. they'd always melt in each other's arms and the members never really minded at how sunggyu practically played favorites right in front of their faces.

sunggyu admired myungsoo too. he was a hard worker, he got a lot of pity and a lot of hate for not being quite as talented as the other members but he still worked hard. he had a heart of gold and a soul worth more than the world itself. sunggyu knew he was a warm-hearted kid who suffered a lot. that's why he always took care of him.

he needed someone to look after him — being the elder in his family, the one who brought in their money. sunggyu never stopped watching myungsoo grow, he admired how much the once shy, timid, kid has changed.

-

all their subtle gestures were acts of admiration. sometimes sunggyu would brush myungsoo's hair out of his face, or trace patterns on his skin. and myungsoo would always pull the elder into a tight embrace, and smile his dimpled smile while he played with the hem on sunggyu's clothing.

it was just plain admiration. it was just so normal for them that no one really bothered when sunggyu and myungsoo were touchy.

sunggyu was never lowkey about his admiration for the younger. he always tweeted myungsoo, always tweeted about myungsoo, and watched over him like a hawk.

myungsoo's admiration didn't seem much like admiration to sunggyu, it was rather pity for having anxiety. but myungsoo treated him well, the members did as well but they didn't know the things that myungsoo did.

sunggyu sometimes “bullied” myungsoo, but that was just another stupid admiration thing of his. he wasn't always great at expressing himself so he used jokingly bullying the members as a way to show that he did care. (although unsure as to how that works out)

-

a lot of the time sunggyu wondered why a simple act of the visual admiring him made his heart beat so fast.

and a lot of the myungsoo couldn't control the flush of his cheeks or the smile on his face when sunggyu touched his skin.

-

there was always admiration.

but there was always something more.

HELLO ITS ME I SINCERELY APOLOGIZE FOR DISAPPEARING FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR!!!!!! I'm sincerely sorry I've been busy with school and I haven't been as inspired as I used to. I took a creative writing class hoping I'd be able to improve myself as a writer before coming back here and I hope you notice even a very slight difference in my writing ;; I hope you enjoyed this and I hope I will be back with something new not too long from now :4