Just so you know.

Part I.

When Kim Jongdae first realizes his feelings, he denies it. He doesn’t like Byun Baekhyun that way because he is a man and he likes girls. Yes, girls. He definitely likes girls and there’s no question there or at least, that’s what he makes himself believe. He tries focusing on girls. For a man like him, getting any girl he chooses is not a problem.

He isn’t a star but he is popular at school because he is part of the rugby team. Not just that but Jongdae is also talented with his hands and in a way people don’t think is the reason when he first introduces himself as such. Jongdae is an artist.

He doesn’t come from an exceptionally rich family and his parents doesn’t exactly spoil him but it’s safe to say they want their son to pursue something that makes him the happiest and that’s art for Jongdae. There’s certain expression and freedom he feels when he draws or paints and it’s nothing from what he gets when he’s studying body parts and chemical symbols.

(He tried studying medicine first because he knows his parents wants him to be a doctor like them but he quits after two days. The field of medicine is also where he first met Baekhyun and they clicked immediately that even if Jongdae quit two days after, he and Baekhyun remained friends through freshman until their senior year. Their own group of friends even know each other.)

His drawings are not that great if they’re going to be compared to the works of more hardworking students but they have certain edge on them that only Jongdae’s hands are able to give. Professors will often commend him for his talent, not handwork, and he’ll just put a hand on his nape and smile sheepishly.

“I draw because I want to draw,” he once tells Baekhyun when all others won’t hang out with them before finals because Baekhyun is too intelligent to study (He says he’s been studying all semester! He needs the night to free his mind and calm his nerves to remember everything during the day.) and Jongdae is just too comfortable, having earned enough credits through the entire semester because of his outstanding plates and projects to worry about exams half his grade purely based on theories (He only needs half to pass the course and he’s pretty confident with his 100% plates.).

“I draw for myself,” he adds and Baekhyun nods his head, as if to understand.

“Can you draw me?” Baekhyun then asks, eyes full of glint and sheer amusement. “Like or something.” Then he cracks up until his stomach hurts so much.

Jongdae throws him his pillow and laughs along with him. They are spending the night watching replays of their favorite basketball team and feasting on unlimited spicy rice cakes care of Baekhyun at Jongdae’s room.

Those are good times, Jongdae remembers. Those are good times because Baekhyun can throw something naughty like that and neither of them has to worry about anything, because they’re just friends and no one likes the other in a way more than platonic.

Although he can get any girl he wishes because of his status on school, Jongdae’s choices aren’t that many because even if many likes him, most of them are aggressive and he doesn’t want to worry if someone will jump at him every time he feels sleepy. He’s been consistent with his ideal girl before things get a little crazier. He wants her to be simple and nice. Not shy but submissive enough for him to take charge.

Being in a relationship isn’t a priority for Jongdae but after realizing that he may be feeling what he is feeling, he feels like he should probably get a girlfriend immediately. Maybe it can save him or something?

He chooses Soojung.

She is two years younger than Jongdae, beautiful and chic, and she helps take Jongdae’s mind off his feelings whenever they share hot kisses in between classes or behind library shelves. She’s pretty enough to make his friends envy him and she likes him enough to tolerate Jongdae’s moods.

“Jung Soojung, huh?” Baekhyun looks passed Jongdae to Soojung, who just kissed her boyfriend see you later to go to her class, when he first sees his friend with his girlfriend, the first he knows in their almost four years of friendship.

“Yeah,” Jongdae grins smugly, like he’s proud of it.

“Are you trying to build a family or what? Why a girlfriend now of all time?” Baekhyun inquires sincerely.

Jongdae’s brow raises and suddenly, he’s feeling irritated. “Why, are you jealous I have a girlfriend and you don’t?”

Baekhyun looks more than surprised. He looks taken aback and he definitely doesn’t see that coming. He looks funnily at Jongdae and answers truthfully, “No, Jongdae. I’m not jealous. It’s just…”

He doesn’t let him finish because as much as he wants his feelings to vanish, he doesn’t want Baekhyun to be gone. That’s the first time Jongdae deals with his feelings (because that isn’t the first time he encounters it; he does a hundred times a day although from the beginning, he’s been trying to deny it) and now, he knows there’s no denying it.

He doesn’t hear what else Baekhyun has to say as he walks faster towards their friends.

It’s just you don’t seem to really like her. You like someone else, don’t you?

It’s scary for Jongdae when he finally comes to term with that he is feeling. He likes someone who isn’t a girl. He likes someone who is a man as he is a man. He likes someone who is his friend. He likes Baekhyun.

He knows Soojung has nothing to do with all of this. She is simply someone who gets caught in the middle of the hurricane because of his cowardice and she has no fault in here. In all honesty, she’s the one Jongdae regrets the most because she loves him truthfully and if there is something he can do to not hurt her, it’s to let her go and not hurt her any further as he knows, even if she doesn’t know yet, just not loving her back is already painful.

“Let’s break up.”

It is not out of the blue and he knows Soojung is the smarter one between the two of them but even so, she loves him more than she loves herself that she turns a blind eye towards his indifference. She wants to believe things will change and one day, maybe, he will feel for her what she feels for him.

She loves him, yes, but she isn’t stupid. She’s too beautiful to be, too perfect to be.

There’s just one thing Soojung wants to confirm. “You’re in love with someone else, aren’t you?”

When he doesn’t answer, she looks at him in the eyes and although there are no tears, the pain in her eyes are more evident that any tears Jongdae has ever seen in his lifetime. “You’re an , Kim Jongdae.”

He doesn’t say anything because he knows she is right and she’s out of Jongdae’s life.  He knows it’s not that he misses someone caring for him as much as Soojung did when they were together or he misses having someone looking out of him when he feels like he can walk straight to the road without thinking if the light is green but he is sad because she is a good person and he hurt her.

Hurting someone good never feels good. It doesn’t make knowing the person you like will never like you back feel any better.

Suddenly, Jongdae finds himself in a whirlpool called Byun Baekhyun.

Part II.

When he finally comes to term with his feelings for his friend, he wants to be around Baekhyun all the time. He wants to hang out all the time. He wants to talk over the phone, or chat on Skype, or even exchange random text messages all the time. When he finally comes to term with his feelings, Jongdae doesn’t find it weird anymore that there are nights (or most of the nights, when he is fully conscious of his erratic heartbeat and idiotic grin on his face because he and Baekhyun did something together) when he will just stare at the stars out of the window or lie on his back on his bed and wonder why Baekhyun can’t be beside him all the time.

He thinks of all the possibilities Baekhyun and him can hang together, can eat dinner together and watch movies after classes. He thinks of all the times Baekhyun and him can look for medical and art books together or wander around the city for new museums to check out. He spends his days and nights thinking of Baekhyun and Baekhyun and Baekhyun.

Or at least, that’s what he does when he’s not drawing Baekhyun or when he’s not painting Baekhyun or when he’s not sketching Baekhyun. He doesn’t say it but there’s a stash of papers and canvases on a large box at the bottom of his closet where he hides every Baekhyun he did for when his friends would come to his place to hang.

“Wow, you’re really good with your hands, Jongdae,” Baekhyun muses, picking a paper after paper from Jongdae’s desk.

People who will hear will probably have the wrong idea (because Jongdae turns tomato when he hears Baekhyun’s comments, too) but Jongdae knows Baekhyun only means with art so he shouldn’t get all excited and high (?) because of it.

“You’re good with your hands, too, Baek,” Jongdae comments seriously.

“I am?”

“Yes, with dissecting frogs and cats,” he laughs and Baekhyun throws him a crumpled paper.

“What’s this?” Baekhyun suddenly asks, one particular sketch catching his attention among every ‘reject’ sketch or drawing on Jongdae’s desk.

Jongdae freezes on his place and stares at the paper Baekhyun is holding.

It’s him. It’s him. It’s him. Oh . What do I do?

He shouldn’t be panicking so much, honestly, because if Baekhyun realizes he is holding a paper with a sketch of his hand, he would not be asking what that is. He doesn’t even know why, of all his clatter, in his desk Baekhyun have to notice a random, late night sketch of his own hand.

He tries acting as if it’s nothing and answers in nonchalance. “It’s my hand.”

Baekhyun looks at him funnily as he drops the paper (to Jongdae’s relief) and turns to look at some of the other sketches on his friend’s desk. “Really? Why would you draw your own hand, Dae?”

He doesn’t remember anymore how he answered that question and how he was able to survive the night but he remembers keeping everything on his box at the bottom of his closet safely and checking thrice before opening the door to let Baekhyun in. He always, always checks his works so he doesn’t know why he have to miss Baekhyun’s hand of everything!

“Why do you draw?” Baekhyun asks out of the blue. He grabs a handful of popcorn from the bucket which still has Jongdae’s hand on it but he doesn’t really mind because he’s not the one here who’s got a massive crush on the other.

“Two reasons,” Jongdae answers without hesitation, to his surprise. “First is I like drawing. A lot. If someone’s going to ask me what I want to do all my life, I’m going to choose drawing. It’s the one thing I can’t let go and I can’t live without doing.”

Baekhyun looks at him with a smile on his face, a smile of admiration. “And the other reason?”

“The other reason,” he starts, looking away because this is getting stronger than he anticipates and this is getting more uncontrollable as he is there, so close to him and Jongdae wants to extend his hands and pull him even closer.

But he can’t risk that, can he?

“The other reason is.” It’s getting harder to breathe for him. It’s as if there’s a lump in his throat he can’t get out, a blockage on his lungs that doesn’t exist, a feeling he can’t just stop.

“I won’t tell you,” Jongdae finally says, concentrating back on the movie and willing every emotion on him to stop and just stare at the wide-screen, colored television as if it’s art moving on its own.

“No fair!” Baekhyun yells and that’s when Jongdae realizes he just can’t stop this and it’s hard. So ing hard.

He spends the second phase of his ‘realization age’ in complete opposite form his first where everything is rainbows and unicorns and marshmallows and cotton candies. He stares at his phone, wanting it to ring with a text message or call from Baekhyun but then wanting to turn it off because he doesn’t want to hear from anybody, much more from Baekhyun. He spends restless and sleepless nights, turning and tossing on his too empty bed, getting up to grab a piece of paper and a pencil, sketching anything that’s not Baekhyun, and crumpling tens of blank canvases when he realizes his hand won’t move unless it’s him.

His professors notice the difference, from lively and energetic plates to dull and melancholic ones. It’s the type of vibes someone going through a break up would draw. But Jongdae doesn’t care because he draws for himself and himself only.

Of course, he is lying because he knows the other reason why he draws and it’s just making things more difficult.

The other reason is you.

He cries to himself when he thinks of his full smile when he does something helpful to him, his smug smile when he says something he shouldn’t have, his sheepish smile when he does something embarrassing, his beautiful smile whenever he smile. He cries to himself when he thinks of his voice and the way he talks to him too animatedly he think he’ll never run out of topics when he talks to him. He cries to himself when he thinks of the times he’s got him so near because he knows, no matter how much he feels for him or how much he wants him, it’s never going to happen.

He cries to himself when he wants to look away and run from him every time he sees him on the other end of the hallway but he stays because he can’t move. He stands there as he walks closer and closer until he reaches him and hangs an arm on his shoulder. How he wants to touch him more and how he wants to hold him more but he can’t because no matter how much he likes him, he knows and that’s what makes it ing more painful, he’s never going to look at Jongdae the way Jongdae looks at him.

He can commend himself, really, because being able to smile at him when he feels like breaking down in front of Baekhyun and begging him to look at him the way he looks at him every time he sees him smile at him is the best he can do, for Baekhyun, for himself and for the both of them.

There are nights, insane nights, when he stays up all night to draw him, to paint him. There are ones with Baekhyun laughing or Baekhyun’s eyes but what he works on the most is Baekhyun’s hand, just because he knows that no matter how much he wants to hold them, he is never going to be able to.

“Hey, are you okay?” Baekhyun finally asks him when he sees Jongdae with bandaged hands (He painted about a hundred canvases of Baekhyun’s hands last night.). “Did you hurt yourself while drawing or something?”

“I did,” he answers honestly, although he’s not sure Baekhyun understands it the way he means it.

“What, are you okay?” Baekhyun is worried and Jongdae has to smile.

“Yeah, I’m fine. No need to worry,” he tries to assure him even if it’s not half as assuring as he intends it to be. He doesn’t even know how to assure himself that he’s fine anymore nowadays. How long has it been anyway? Five months? Eight months? He wonders when it all ends.

“Okay, if you say so,” Baekhyun says, “But I’ll give you something to make it heal faster, okay? I think I have it here somewhere…” He begins searching his bag. He’s a medicine student, after all.

“Hey, Baek, can you be my model?”

He doesn’t know if he’s finally gone mad or what the hell is he thinking asking the last person he should ask to be his model. Maybe he’s hoping Baekhyun will only laugh at him or maybe he’s hoping Baekhyun will turn him down.

“Are you serious, Jongdae?” Baekhyun looks more bewildered than he expects.

“It’s just for a project, Baek,” he tries reasoning. “And you did offered once. I thought you really want to.”

“That was a joke, Dae,” Baekhyun answers after a sigh.

“If you don’t want to, it’s okay,” he says immediately because after thinking about it, this is a bad idea.

This is probably the worst idea for his lifetime and he doesn’t want to screw whatever is between him and Baekhyun any further. He already screwed it bad enough for harboring unwanted and unrequited feelings for his friend. What else can he do to worsen the fracture more? Right, ask him to be his model.

“It’s just that I’m running out of people and well, it’s going to be uncomfortable if it’s someone I don’t know and…”

“You promise you won’t post anything on Facebook and even if yours will be chosen for your department’s exhibit, you’ll decline?”

“What…”

“If you promise, then it’s fine with me, I guess,” Baekhyun says with a smirk. “I’ve always been wondering how it’s like to be a model anyway.”

He knows he shouldn’t feel so nervous about it but the morning before their first ‘session’, he doesn’t even wink a sleep as he lies on his bed and stares at the ceiling with his arm on his head until his alarm clock buzzes and tells him it’s about two hours before the time he and Baekhyun agreed to meet on one of art rooms at school. He only wants to curl up on bed and sleep the entire day, tell Baekhyun that he suddenly feels sick and today might not be the best idea to start the project that will determine whether he’ll graduate or not, and maybe get the hell out of Korea.

He is considering running away. But not really because he can’t not tell his mom about it. He knows how she’ll worry if he suddenly disappears and as much as a ruined friendship and a broken heart, he doesn’t want his mother crying because of him. He is contemplating sending his parents a message that he’ll go someplace for some time and they should not worry about him. He is thinking he should check out Japan or go father, like Africa or something.

He doesn’t know what to do anymore. If he hasn’t broken up with Soojung, then maybe he’ll not be as wrecked as he is right now. But if he hadn’t broken up with Soojung, then maybe he is still being an and hurting her right now and Jongdae can’t have more of that. He can’t hurt people anymore but Jongdae wonders, is choosing not to hurt others means I have to be the one to get hurt?

In the end, he takes his usual bath and chooses neat clothes from his wardrobe, decides to eat breakfast at the nearby café before finally walking to school all the while readying his mind and his heart with everything that may occur the day.

He arrives an hour earlier, sets things up and readies his charcoal. They are allowed to use any medium for their canvas but he chooses the simplest but probably one of the hardest to handle: charcoal. He wants it to be as raw as it should be so it would seem as real as he wants it to be.

After all, for the past nine months, he’s been sketching, drawing and painting Baekhyun from his mind. He doesn’t know yet how it’s like to draw Baekhyun from Baekhyun and there’s a war inside him because he doesn’t want to discover but at the same time, he wants to. Very much.

Baekhyun arrives five minutes before their agreed time, looking as gorgeous as he is from Jongdae’s perspective. They exchange their usual, casual, friendly greeting but there’s not much to talk about when you’re about to draw your friend with charcoal, right? So he tries keeping it together, calmly instructing Baekhyun and praying he’ll not go madder than he already is in the process of today’s events.

He sits not exactly in anticipation as Baekhyun readies himself, both physically and mentally.

“Hey,” Baekhyun appears inside the room again. His light gray jeans and dark blue turtleneck on his arms as he holds the tie of the robe Jongdae gave him.

“Hey,” he answers, standing up from his seat and walking towards the canvas, touching the charcoal he’ll be using.

There’s a rising emotion in Jongdae’s he can’t recognize what. Suddenly, he wants to tell Baekhyun to change back, that this is a mistake. His friend shouldn’t be his model. It’s fine if he’s going to fail because of this. There’s no time to look for another willing model and moreover, there’s no time to finish the canvas if he’s just going to start looking for a model now. He might as well draw himself .

He doesn’t want to see Baekhyun . He doesn’t want to see Baekhyun’s body. He doesn’t want to see Baekhyun like that, so raw and so real. He doesn’t want to see Baekhyun like that because if he sees him like that, he’ll only want to touch him. He’ll only want to have Baekhyun in a way Baekhyun will find horrific. He’ll only want to be someone Baekhyun, in another hand, will see a monster.

He doesn’t want that. He might have come in terms with his feelings for his friend, might have realized that maybe, this is stronger than he first thought it is, realized that his friend will never look back at him the ways he wants him to but even if he realizes all that, he’ll still choose to be Baekhyun’s friend over and over again than lose him because of his own feelings.

He doesn’t want to hurt Baekhyun.

“Hey, Jongdae? What do I do now?” Baekhyun suddenly asks, looking curiously at Jongdae.

“I – Baek,” he starts but Baekhyun moves on his own and suddenly, he loses his will again and is succumbed into the other persona of liking someone you can’t have.

“Am I supposed to lie or is it okay if I just sit?” Baekhyun gestures towards the couch in the middle of the room and on the high chair settled at Jongdae’s side.

“It’ll be better if you lie, like Michaelangelo’s painting at St. Peter’s Cathedral,” he answers, watching Baekhyun moves closer to the couch.

“Okay,” Baekhyun nods and sits on the couch. “What happens now?”

“You can start by being first, Baekhyun,” he says with amusement. “This is, after all, supposed to be a project, remember?”

“Oh, right,” Baekhyun chuckles, standing up again to untie the only piece of material covering his body and letting it drop to the floor. He lies back down on the couch and playfully mutters to his friend. “Remind me again why I’m doing this, Dae?”

His face is hidden behind the canvas, pretending to be arranging the charcoal he’ll be using he already arranged perfectly an hour ago. It’s probably a good idea because he’s already staring too much when he decides that not looking for an artist who’ll draw his model is already suspicious. His mouth might have dropped if he didn’t prepare himself for four sleepless nights.

“Because I’m your friend,” he answers with a conceited smile he knows the usual Jongdae will give Baekhyun who is now a model for him, trying to adjust to this sight of Baekhyun and taking in everything because if he panics now, he doesn’t know what he will not be able to do to his helpful friend.

“Remind me again why I’m friends with you?”

“Because you love me,” he answers all too quickly that he regrets it as soon as it leaves his lips.

He waits for Baekhyun to retort but all he hears is Baekhyun’s chuckles and mutters, “Right. Right.”

It has nothing to do with seeing Baekhyun and not being able to touch him the way he wants to. It has nothing to do with every time he thinks of Baekhyun’s body in the nearest comfort room or secluded, dark place. He tries thinking of other things and does things that will take his mind off Baekhyun and his perfect hands or his lips or his beautiful eyes but in the end, there’s nothing.

It’s like a surge he can’t control. That no matter how many lifejackets he has or how many boats there are around him, he’s getting surrounded and engulfed by the surge. He’s getting thrown in the middle and twirled over and over again, just to make him realize that he can’t just turn this feeling off and he’s drowning more and more in it every waking second.

It’s like an endless limbo. He’ll sleep in all peacefulness and be woken up into a nightmare called his feelings for Baekhyun only to realize that he’s dreaming again of the same nightmare. Over and over and over again. He wants to wake up but there’s no one saving him because there’s nobody who can save him but himself.

He thinks he can pull it off, like everything is still normal as how they are nine months ago. It’s only a month left until his graduation and if he can salvage this friendship he treasures more than his own sanity until then, then Jongdae will not have any regrets. He thinks he can pretend that nothing is wrong and he’s not getting madder and madder whenever he sees Baekhyun and realizes every time that he can’t have him.

He thinks he is strong (and maybe he is, for being that strong for holding a feeling he can never let himself act on that long) but things come crashing down when Baekhyun introduces him to Taeyeon.

“She’s a graduate student,” Baekhyun says and he can’t help noticing how his friend’s eyes twinkle as he explains every detail of Taeyeon to one of his best friends while holding her hand tightly. “Business major, right? (Taeyeon nods with a smile) I met her two months ago, on the library. I thought she’s younger than me but she turns out to be older. I was really embarrassed! But I guess she liked me from the very start because she was really sweet to me about it. (Taeyeon lightly hit him on the arm) I see her often in the library after that and we would talk. I finally got the nerve to ask her for coffee two weeks ago. We’re dating now, right? (Taeyeon teasingly shakes her head).”

“Hey, Jongdae, are you okay? Are you doing plates all night again?” Baekhyun suddenly asks when he doesn’t answer, just staring at the two of them in daze.

“I’m fine,” he answers with a small smile. “Hi, my name is Kim Jongdae.” He extends his hand.

She smiles at him and shakes his hand. “Kim Taeyeon,” she answers in the sweetest voice he will never have. “Nice to meet you.”

“Yeah, you, too,” he smiles back at her so much his face hurts. “Actually, I remember there are still some plates due tomorrow I haven’t done last night. I’ll go ahead, you two!”

He scrambles as fast as he can to get away and ignores Baekhyun’s call for their last session. “Dae! What time are we tomorrow?”

He comes back to his room and realizes that its usual clatter isn’t its usual clatter now. There are more papers thrown all over and pencils and dirty paint brushes are also on all places, on the desk, on the floor and even on his bed. He hastily opens his closet and grabs the box. He makes a move to tear one drawing but somehow, he stops and lets it fall on his lap.

He cries.

He cries.

He cries.

He realizes that knowing your feelings will never be returned is worse than breaking up. When people break up, at least they know that once, their feelings were returned. But how do people move on if there’s nothing to move on in the first place? How do they move on when in the beginning, there’s nothing?

He glances at the charcoal canvas of Baekhyun, almost finished, and wonders if love is still love if it’s not returned.

Part III.

When Jongdae accepts his feelings for his good friend, Baekhyun, he doesn’t realize that his feelings will grow stronger and stronger every day. He is contented being his friend, being beside him all the time and never having to worry if one day, he’ll lose Baekhyun. Because good friends don’t usually lose each other, right? Even though distance. Even through time. So he is contented being his friend.

There are only two weeks before graduation when he sends Baekhyun a text message so early in the morning, asking him to stand up and open up because he’s going to tell him something. On his right hand is a rolled canvas and on his left hand is a white, crisp letter envelope.

After Baekhyun introduce him and Taeyeon, he hasn’t seen Jongdae anymore. He’s sure they still have one more session for Jongdae’s final project but his friend didn’t contact him anymore about that. He figures Jongdae might be busy as he is because the school year is finally ending and decides that maybe, he is able to finish the project without Baekhyun, to save time or something. He isn’t worried because he is sure they’ll hang out together after the year is finally over.

Baekhyun is able to read his message past twelve (it’s a Sunday, after all) and he immediately scrambles to get up, not bothering to check what time the message was sent to him.

He doesn’t see Jongdae outside anymore. As the cold wind rustles in his face, he looks down in front of his door, in his placemat is the rolled canvas and the white, crisp letter envelope.

Dear Baekhyun,

It’s been four years, hasn’t it? Who knows time will passed by so fast then I’d have asked you to eat with me more spicy rice cakes, we should have watched more replays of basketball games together at my room. You should have convinced me more that frogs are not disgusting and I should have told you more that if there’s no art in the world, the world is already dead.

I know you must be thinking this is crazy because you’re still going to see me, right?

I want to ask what if you won’t anymore. Are you going to be sad? Are you going to miss me?

I don’t even know why the hell I’m writing. I might be a fine arts student but I’m not a writer. So I’m going to finish this and move on, okay? I’m going to end this today, with this letter and move forward with my life, okay? Because nothing’s ever going to change and nothing’s ever going to happen so I might as well it up and move forward.

The thing is I like you.

A lot.

I may even love you in a way more than platonic.

There. I said it, or wrote, whatever. You probably think it’s disgusting but don’t worry. You’re never going to see me again anyway. You don’t have to worry about this. You’re one of my best friends in life and I thought I’m contented to be just your friend. I didn’t want to lose you, you know. But I guess being a friend has its limitation and that hadn’t been enough for me.

I’m sorry, really, if I’m confusing you.

I just thought you should know.

I love you in more ways than one. Just so you know.

The rolled canvas is Jongdae’s final project.

PS.

This is the only copy ever, besides the ones I have in my mind. It’s already graded, so don’t worry about me not graduating. This is the best project, my professors said and they would want this to be part of the exhibit. But as promised, I declined. Thank you for being a good friend, Baekhyun.

Goodbye,

Jongdae

Epilogue

There’s an exhibit on one of the busiest alleys in New York for art enthusiasts. Canvases in different mediums but all depicting a similar subject, that which of hands.

“Why hands?” someone asks the artist.

“I just want to find hands as beautiful as the one I had – but never really had – when I was in Seoul.”

“Whose hands?”

“Excuse me,” the artist excuses himself with a polite smile as he walks towards someone who just entered his exhibit.

The stranger smiles at the artist.

“You have the most beautiful hands.”

End

A/N:

(Welcome to the Philippines, Pope Francis! <3 <3 <3)

The ending is creepy (?) but I want to add it anyway. This is the longest I’ve written in a while and it’s because of Jesse McCartney’s “Just So You Know”. I’ve always loved that song and I’ve been wanting to write a story inspired from it.

Also, this is kind of ‘letter’ story again, although only on the ending. I didn’t know how Jongdae will tell Baekhyun all that up front and I can't imagine Baekhyun's reaction as well. I want to make this as Jongdae-centric as I can, because this is, after all, about his feelings.

Soojung is Krystal from f(x), if you’re wondering. I just like it when she and Jongdae sang together.

And of course, Taeyeon is Taeyeon from Girls’ Generation and we all know why she’s here. Haha. XD

But this is BaekChen. ><

How was it? ^^