"Hi Sulli."

.

"It's been a long time."

.

"I love you."

.

"I still do."

 

#

 

They see each other and Taemin doesn't even know.

 

#

 

"I heard she's pregnant."

The woman laughs. It's a laugh Sulli hates. The one which is y and trying-hard. "Yeah. Only a fresh face and yet impregnated by an older man." She looks at Sulli from head to toe with a stink eye. "What a pig."

Sulli is too tired eavesdropping so she gets away before she could punch the lady.

She repeats her mantra: it's not true...not true...not true...

 

#

 

"Are you okay?" He sees her wrist. 

She is fumbling, head down. "Yes."

He can't take his eyes off of her skin. It's pale. She's overall pale. Her cracked lips cannot be overlooked. He heavily gazes at her entirety.

"You're keeping me up."

"You're keeping me up."

She's obviously angered, teeth gritted. "Speak your mind."

"There's none."

"I have to go."

"Okay."

 

#

 

The people at the broadcast station greets Sulli with smiles and handshakes. The moment their initial greetings end, Sulli hears them behind her back.

"I wish I could've ed her."

The man laughs. "Yeah. s are the perfect ones."

Sulli runs away, scared and helpless.

She repeats the same words: it's not true...not true...not true...

 

#

 

They see each other again and Sulli looks more lethargic than before. Her eyebags have gotten worse. So did her skin. So did her wrist.

Albeit the unpleasant view Taemin still says nothing, scared he might further lose his grasp on her.

 

#

 

"Are you okay?"

Sulli still blurts out the repetitive nod and the used-to-be familiar eyes are resting far away from him.

"I'm here." He holds her hand and he feels it cold and somewhat helpless. "I'll listen."

When everyone turned against her, he's always there. She thinks it's unfair. He's so unfair.

"Get over it." It hurts to say. Every syllable was a thorn prickling her pharynx. "Get ing over it. It's done. We're over."

"I'll make up for it."

Louder. "Get over it!" 

Taemin can only look at her retreating back. Sulli is nowhere to be found. Sulli is not Sulli anymore.

 

#

 

Even her members don't know what to do with her anymore.

"Krystal." Sulli looks at the backseat and sees her, reading a book. "Can we go somewhere before we head to the station?"

Krystal gives her a raise of an eyebrow. "Where?"

"A patbingsoo place."

"It's winter, Sulli." She gets back on the book. "You'll catch a cold."

Sulli rests her case. 

"It's better than hearing those fake es talking about me though."

 

#

 

His blinding smile makes her legs feel wobbly. Everytime he speaks, a melody she hears. He's gravity. He's pulling her down. Down...down...down to the depths.

She likes the feeling of being pulled down.

Taemin sees her from a distance, looking at him. The moment their eyes meet, Sulli drifts away.

She's still feeling, and yet she's not acting on it.

 

The glance they recently shared is the first time in years.

 

#

 

Victoria goes home to the dorms one evening. She wanted to surprise Sulli. Turns out she's the one surprised.

"Sulli! Stop!" Victoria gingerly approaches Sulli. "Don't do this!"

She gets no reply. 

"Sulli." Victoria's voice is nowhere calm. It is panicking and stuttering. "Drop the knife down."

She drops the knife down and down it went with a tinkle against the cold floor. Sulli faces her with tears in her eyes. Her hair a mess and lipstick gone off to the very corners of her plump lips.

"Help me, unni." 

 

#

 

The last glance ended with her eyes closed and his full of water, dripping on the ground every millisecond. It's making a little puddle of water and Taemin covers it.

 

He guesses she's happy now.

 

He cried.

 

And cried.

 

Because he just realized.

 

#

 

"Hi Sulli."

.

"It's been a long time."

.

"I love you."

He puts a bouquet above the concrete ground.

.

"I still do."