How does a person supposed to cope with a break up?

The question remained in my head for over weeks now after she walked out of my life. To be honest, I broke things off with her. The reason? She lost that glimmer in her eyes that she once had for me. It was hard enough loving on my own while still being her boyfriend, but she just had to broke her promise, that she would call me back when she arrived in Japan. 

I know she's busy and tired, I'm an idol as well but with the MH370 incident who am I to blame if I went to crazy mode when she didn't call. I drove bat crazy to Narita Airport just to find out her flight had landed two hours ago. The point is she didn't consider me relevant enough to be informed that she had arrived. And I just knew our time has to end that fateful night. 

It didnt help that she's one of my labelmates because I see her every aisle I walked down in SM entertainment. Her beautiful face outshines even the visual herself, Im Yoona.

Anger. Every breakup that did not end in a pretty bowtie usually results in anger I suppose. But ending things in a pretty bowtie just wasn't the option for me. The only problem with ending things in anger is once it disappears you became clueless. 

If Sooyoung hurt me a lot then how come the anger could disappear so quickly?

"Oppa your eyebrows will become more furrowed than it already is if you don't stop thinking too much" Yoona tapped my back. We're both actually acting in the same drama although we're both not leading characters. 

"If this is love I don't want it" I whispered

Flashback

I could hear someone running in the hallway. Their footstep slowly becomes closer and closer. Soon it becomes apparent that whoever those footsteps belong to is approaching my room.

"Oppa! Are you okay? I'm really worrrrried" a familiar voice broke the silence of the room

"I'm okay now that you're here Sooyoungieee~" I said sweetly

"You fainted while rehearsing for your comeback. This is not the time to be cheesy, you're physically hurt here" Sooyoung asserted her eyebrows furrowed.

I gave her a quick peck on her cheeks, "Thank you"

"For what?" She scoffed

"Simply being here" I replied

"Don't thank me yet, I havent told you the best part" Sooyoung giggled

"Which is?" I asked

"I made you a homemade ramyeon! Jjan!!" She announced as she hold up a tupperware that I did not realize she had before, "Choi Siwon, I love you. So don't make me worried like that again"

Her ramyeon did not even taste very delicious. It simply taste like every other ramyeon I have eaten. But that day, her ramyeon won the MVP for best food ever. If only we never happened. Things would have been easier.

"Was I too harsh when I chewed her out fornot loving me anymore? What if it was all a baseless accussation? I must have hurt her a lot by my anger." Siwon mumbled

"Huh, I thought she did confess that she lost her feelings for you fa while there when you guys had your last fight?" Yoona babbled

I just responded by closing my eyes. People think they know what being in love meant. Romanticizing sacrifices that someone would make for their significant other, not knowing just how heavy the weight of letting your heart be trampled in order for someone else's to blossom is like.

You want to be angry but you cant because you love them. You want to cry but you cant because it's your own decision. You will then be happy although you are jaded. You would eventually wish they would sacrifice for you too but it will be too late, you already love them more than they love you. More than you love yourself.

"I want to apologize to her" I whispered. 

I highly doubted Yoona could hear though as crew members busily scurried here and there to move the props and to make sure the lead actors don't freeze to death. Meanwhile us, second leads could only wait.

Hey, not that I'm complaining. After all I' am a veteran idol not a veteran actor.

"The ever noble idiot you are. Why are you walking around bearing the guilt that should have been shared together alone? Stop walking around feeling like a sinner oppa" Yoona sighed

"I just don't feel angry anymore. All there's left is regret that I said those harsh words when we ended" I replied

"You know it yourself that if you ended things nicely with her you'd come begging on our front door to be accepted back so let's just say this is the best way to keep you apart." Yoona commented 

Well maybe I didnt want to be apart from her.

If breaking up hurts and confuse somene this much, why do people take the risk of falling in love?

After all, the scar from the hurt itself could last longer than the relationship did.